Chapter Text
I haven’t been able to properly rest ever since I fell down here. Especially when I don’t know what could be behind every corner, being told that everything wants to kill you can do that. That looming paranoia kept me sleeping with one eye open no matter how safe it obviously was. Toriel... Such a kind and caring soul, she really tried her best to give me a home, but is that what I want? What do I want anyways? To leave? To go back to the life that I lived before? Asgore put me in a position where I will have to think about this every day until I either croak or escape here. Am I content to live a life of never-ending research with the slight possibility of a way out? I don’t know, but the only thing I do understand is that this is my life and all I can do is try to find my place in it.
My rest was disturbed by light tapping. It wasn’t enough to arouse me from my slumber initially, but it was persistent enough for me to subconsciously pick up on and realize it wasn’t a sound from my mind. I rose from my bed, the dim light that illuminated my room no longer present, there was only darkness. The only reason I knew the location of anything was because the tapping was coming from my right, which is the direction where the door is.
I rose from my bed feeling a slight shudder as I stretched my arms and back, the tapping still persistent. Groggily dragging my heavy feet to the door I wondered what could possibly be causing that noise? The only way to find out was to open the door, I slightly creaked it open to attempt to peer into the hall but all I met with was a dark smile surrounded by white. I almost slammed the door to save myself from whatever that was had it not been for the sound that seeped out from the grin.
“Good morning.” Oh. It's just him. You think I wouldn’t forget a face like his, but it just keeps eluding me. He is leaning down to be eye to eye with me, which didn’t help my initial reaction.
‘What is with him and feeling the need to be down on my level? He doesn’t need to be this close to me...’
“Good morning...” the words creeped out through my yawn, “Um, do you know what time it is?” I felt the exhaustion settling in as I was reminded of my duties.
“It is currently 6:03am.” He isn’t showing any signs of being tired, this must be a common occurrence to him.
“That’s… That’s really early... Could you not have waited an extra hour or two?” my voice grew weary, I don’t know when I fell asleep, but it probably wasn’t terribly long ago
“I find that a relaxed mind is one that produces ill results, for they grow complacent in their comfort.” Normally I would be able to find some meaning in those words, if it wasn’t for the fact that it is quite literally my first day.
“Asgore also came by earlier and dropped off a few appliances and boxes. Normally I would have him send other monsters to install what he brings, but he insisted that he do it. There was one thing he didn’t install, and he told me to bring it to you.” I looked behind him to see a simple two door closet, wooden, the same color as my desk.
“I have other places to be, so I shall leave you to your devices. We shall begin work in ten minutes.” He raised his head and walked away, taking a right, opposite of where the break room should be. The closet was on a dolly, so bringing it into my room was very simple. I set it to the left of my bed and opened it. Inside were a few boxes, each labeled for each article of clothing I could possibly need. On top of these boxes was a small hamper with a note inside. It appeared to be the same as the one from my desk. I opened it and read its contents,
“Dear Y/N, I received your letter and fulfilled your request for a “simple kitchen and dining room." I filled the drawers and cabinets inside the break room with a variety of non-perishables. I also supplied you with the tools to cook, prepare, and plate meals. I installed a fridge and stove, but don’t hesitate to ask for more appliances in the coming days. Enjoy! Sincerely, Asg-” I set the letter down on my desk and looked inside the boxes. Each box was filled with seven of the exact same articles of clothing. Asgore must have taken a week's supply of clothes at face value, because usually there is variety! I can’t complain however, I’m just happy to get out of my current get-up.
After changing, and sliding on the lab coat I was given, I looked down at my outfit and lightly smiled. It’s been a bit since I have gotten to wear clean clothes, it’s a luxury I doubted until I fell down.
Arriving at the doors of the lab, there was a clipboard attached to it. It was a list of both qualitative and quantitative research on liquid determination, along with the specific stations I would need to work at. Taking it and entering, Gaster was to the left this time, mixing various liquids with Determination. He gazed at me and raised his grin, so I returned it as courtesy and walked to the first station.
As I went through each task, I picked up on the fact that there was apparently no noise being emitted in this room. Even the low tone hum from the lights was absent, Gaster probably intentionally leaves off most of the lights, so it doesn’t make as much noise.
I looked around the room, and I couldn’t find a clock, or any indicator of how much time had passed. Task after task, I lost track of time. It’s either been half an hour, or several days. I cannot tell. I just have to keep telling myself that after I finish these tasks, I will be able to stop.
Task upon task, writing down my findings as I go. Am I actually making scientific discoveries? Or am I just becoming a robot, carrying out tasks without a second or even first thought?
Each task takes a little bit more out of me, eyes blurry from strain.
My head is pounding. All this information being taken in is making my head spin.
Numbers. 12. 25. 1000. 50. 60. 73. 91. 230. 82. 66. 504. 702. 100. 10. 20. 30. 40. 50. 0. 12. 25. 66. 12. 25. 66.
Fingers aching from clutching a pen writing down copious amounts of research data.
You’ll be done soon.
Colors. Red. Grey. Black. White. Red. Black. White. White. Black. Red. Black. White. Grey. Black. Black. White.
My back is killing me, I’m not hunching down as much as he does, but my posture still has much to be desired.
Just keep going
Words. Reaction. Light. Chemicals. Composition. Dark. Temperature. Hot. Cold. Magnetic. Bioluminescent. Dark. Light. Chemicals. Light. Temperature. Light. Light. Chemicals. Composition. Dark. Dark. Dark.
I don’t know if I can stop. I keep trying to match his pace so that I can impress him. It is my first day, and first impressions are everything. He sees vitality in me, so I want to reassure him that his trust isn’t misplaced.
Can’t ruin this.
Apparatuses. Microscope. Burner. Tubes. Racks. Flasks. Flasks. Tubes. Burner. Microscope. Tubes. Burner.
I can’t stop. I can’t ruin this. I can’t disappoint. Just keep doing these tasks.
More… More…
I have been focusing so much on these tasks. Putting all my mental effort into them. So much to the point that I begin to pick up on something. Its noise. There's more than just silence?
Its... Humming.
A constant low tone hum.
...
It's the lights.
I can hear the lights.
Thoughts clear. My left. A hand. My right. A hand. Up. A gazing face, peering through me as if looking into my soul.
“Enough…” His permanent grin is lowered as much as a smile can possibly be. He already looks on with so much ease, but his eyes are… Even softer?
“That's enough. You have done enough today.”
“Why...?” My heart sank knowing that he couldn’t count on me.
“You’ve been following my pace, haven’t you?” How does he know?
“Yes...”
“Don’t.” Usually, he speaks in pleasant long winded fancy words but… He isn’t doing that.
“Why?” I can’t find words. It's a miracle I can even find thought.
“It's your first day, I will not let you act as if you have been here as long as I have. I shall finish this task for you. Rest.” Well, that's the politest way you can kick someone out.
As I walked back to my room, the feeling of his physical contact on my shoulders still lingered.
'He seems to have good instincts for when I'm not feeling well. This is the second time now… I appreciate the thought but… Does he really have to be so… Physical? Now that I think about it, it's always his hands that snap me back to reality. Why? Why his hands in particular? They are unique that's for sure, but surely there's more to it than that.'
But I can’t really think about it anymore, my head is still pounding from working at the lab, focusing on anything is out of the question for me. Walking into my bedroom, I immediately jumped onto my bed and it felt as if I melted into goop. I have never decompressed on a level like this before. Getting out of bed was impossible, the exhaustion from today had begun to set in, dragging me into instant unconsciousness.
Being half awake while you're asleep is quite the unique out-of-body experience that hasn’t happened to me until coming here. It's as if I am dreaming of sleeping in my bed. Nothing moves, nothing changes, its torture. Going through hours of feeling every second pass by in anticipation of something that may not ever come. It’s made worse when I start to dream. On one hand, I have learned that we only dream when we are close to waking. On the other hand, I am at the mercy of my petrified mind. This dream was awful.
Hands. Hundreds of pairs. All emerging from the floor. Some I recognize from monsters I’ve run into; some are hands I haven’t seen.
They can’t reach me. Their arms are too short. I sleep safely even though I hear the hands pawing, palming, and slapping my bed frame in an attempt to get me.
But there's two hands that can. They don’t come from the floor. They rise from the mattress. The hands reach for me. I can’t see them. But I know who they belong to. It’s his.
All the others reach my throat, to feel my lifeforce fade in their clutch. But his hands… Close… Now closer… But just as they are at the perfect distance to do what the others couldn’t. It stopped.
Body. Tense. Waiting for the end. The hands… Right there. But why? All you have to do is squeeze. Why aren’t you doing it? I can’t defend myself. I’m all alone. Everyone else wants it. Why don’t you? Do you like seeing me squirm? Or is there something else..?
A deafening growl. Eyes open. Instantly rising from my bed in a cold sweat, looking all around me to assess the situation. The hands are gone. I take a deep sigh knowing I didn’t go in my sleep. I look around my dark room to try and find the source of the noise.
The growl comes back and I realize where the noise came from. It's my stomach. I had to think about the last time I had eaten something. I had some Starfait, then I encountered Asgore. Then he brought me here. Then I worked. So, two days? That's not good at all. Is the last time I ate seriously before I met Asgore? Asgore… Wait, I almost forgot about the letter. There's food for me now.
As I rose out of bed, still in my entire outfit from this morning, I stumbled my way through the darkness of my room to the door. As my hand gripped the handle, a scary thought popped into my head,
‘There's been other humans before me. They aren’t down here. I know what happened to them... So, I get to live while others die? Why? Because I was gifted in a way that mattered? If I could die so others can live, I would in an instant. If me and Gaster find a way out, I will have to live with the idea that if I came first, no one would have had to die. If I can’t find a way out, I will most likely end up like the rest of the humans. DEAD.’
Thinking that made me shiver, it's a horrible thought, but it's been something in my mind ever since that flower bed broke my fall…