Chapter Text
Jonathan led the charge further into the forest.
It wasn’t long until the trees changed and grew closer together. The brand new foliage above their heads blocked out the sun. They began to be able to feel the damp and sticky air settling on their skin.
It was at this moment that Jason started to regret rejecting the dress he was offered at the beginning because in his skin tight leathers he was becoming a walking oven.
Jervis was right on Crane’s heels and Jason stayed a few steps behind the two.
“How much father, do you think, until we reach Nygma?” Jason called out.
“I’m right here you dolt.”
Now a lot of things happened in the next few moments.
First, our party members all stop and pivot. Now Jason doesn’t have much trouble with this, but the other two? Crane stopped and turned just a split second before Jervis causing the shorter to stumble into the taller’s legs. This in turn triggered a chain reaction that resulted in a brown and silver pile of limbs.
Second, Jason and Edward’s eye met and as Jason was not busy falling over he had the time to take in Ed’s outfit. He started to feel (just a little) bad about moping over his oven because Edward is in a kiln. The maned hood of his onesie is a perfect match to the redhead’s natural locks. The rest of it is a light tan, with a lighter belly. There are built in mittens and although Jason can’t see the underside right now he is confident there are paw pads. Also connected directly to the costume are oversized paw slippers that are just as fluffy as everything else. The kicker? There doesn’t appear to be a zipper.
Third, and finally, Jason should’ve thought a bit more before speaking.
“You look hot.”
“I am.”
Shuttering gasps of laughter emit from the pile and Jason turns to finally see what occurred.
“What happened to them?”
Without missing a beat the miserable feline replies, “They tripped over themselves at the sight of my steamy brilliance.”
The pile snorted and one of its voices spoke, “Please stop the entendres double. Jonathan is having respiratory troubles.”
The man with the red head glares at the redhead for twisting his words.
“Don’t worry, I can feel your glare.” He reassures as he struts past the other to help his comrades untangle themselves and get back on their feet.
It’s at this point Jason notices the tail and green ribbon on The Riddler’s behind.
Realizing just how insufferable the other man is going to be throughout this journey Jason feels a headache coming on.
After helping the fallen men up Edward turns once again to look at Red Hood and squints at the man like he’s trying to piece something together. “Where’s your dog?”
In response Jason pulls his guns on him.
“Right here.” The crime boss gestures with one, “This one’s “Bark”,” then the other, “and this one’s “Bite”.”
“Last I heard they were “Pride” and “Prejudice”.” Jonathan drawled.
“Peculiar, what I was told last time was that one was “Reason” and the other “Rhyme”.” Jervis chimed in.
“I was informed that one was “Question” and the other was “Answer”.”
A pause.
“Hood, do you introduce your guns with different thematic names depending on the situation?” inquired Edward.
“Mayyyybeee??”
“Well if you do, may I suggest the lines,” Edward clears his throat in preparation, ““This is “Vengeance”, this is “The Night”,” a pause for great dramatic effect,
“and I’m not Batman.”
“You know, I’m genuinely upset I didn’t think of that one first.”
A moment of silence as Edward stews in his superior intelligence and Jason regrets ever opening his mouth.
Then the “cat” speaks once again. “Ok, but there’s still one more thing I don’t get. Why did Jon get Pride and Prejudice?"
“Because I have good taste in literature Edward.”
Jervis lets out a dejected sign, “Can we please not speak on literary merit? My poor heart can hardly bear it.”
Edward pats the poor sap’s shoulder in comfort and begins to guide him down the road, Jon taking the other side. “Come on, let’s go kill this son of a bitch.”
Jason bites his tongue and carries on behind them. He really doesn’t get why the three seem so murderous about their captor. Wait, never mind, now he does. Because he too has wished death upon his kidnappers. Which they all probably have been now that he thinks about it.
How does the quote go? “Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.” Indeed it does.