Chapter Text
The next time she wakes, Oona feels something pressed against her forehead. Her eyes flutter open, and she meets Sully’s even more concerned face as he dabs her head with a cloth.
“What happened?” She mumbles.
But the events rush back, flooding her brain. Ramona’s gone. You and your mommy issues. It isn’t our time.
“You fainted,” Sully explains. “I managed to catch you before you hit the ground, which is why you’re on the sofa now.”
Oona nods. She can’t trust her voice for fear of speaking about how much this feeling hurts, and why anyone would willingly choose to go through this. For the first time since she was fourteen, Oona feels her confidence wavering.
I can’t do this.
“Thanks, Sul.”
He raises an eyebrow, but smiles.
Oona swallows her discomfort and changes into her marina crew uniform to join Maple, Sully, and Ellis with the boats. When she steps outside of the houseboat, the sun’s harsh rays almost blind her. Then she remembers she spent most of the past twenty-four hours under the covers.
“Throw me a rag!” She shouts once she’s close enough for Ellis to hear. He turns at the sound of her voice, his eyebrow furrowed. “Come on, we haven’t got all day!”
Ellis obliges, clearly confused, and Oona sees Maple shrug. Oona catches the rag and heads to the front of the boat to wipe it clean. Her tongue sticks out of her mouth when she moves to use more elbow grease, but she’s content working in silence.
It’s not like the olden days, when they would hardly get the boat clean because they ended up throwing rags and water at each other. She remembers tackling Ramona on the docks after she surprisingly returned. Oona thinks back to that--only three months ago--and wonders.
Somewhere throughout their time cleaning boats, Annie arrives, being swept into Ellis’s arms for a kiss, and the group cheers. Well, almost everyone. Oona averts her gaze.
If Annie stayed, why couldn’t Ramona?
Oona can feel eyes on her as she fakes a smile and moves to sit at the back of the boat with a joint between her fingers. As she inhales, she can feel her world become lighter, and exhales with a contented sigh.
“I brought sandwiches from Little Gem,” Annie announces and passes out sandwiches wrapped in aluminum foil. “Your moms say hi, Sully.”
From where she’s sitting, Oona watches Annie interact with the others. Despite her New York nature, Annie fits right in. She banters with the others and seems to be more free now than she was when she first arrived.
The group clusters toward the front of the boat with their sandwiches. Oona leaves her untouched and wrapped on the seat beside her. The seat that was always Ramona’s. Her absence fills a large gap in Oona’s heart.
“Hey,” Annie’s voice lilts, and Oona senses her nervousness. Annie stands near the railing, keeping space for the empty seat. “You okay?”
Oona nods, taking another hit from the joint. “Yeah, I’m good.”
Don’t break down. Don’t break down.
“I’m sorry about you guys,” Annie sympathises, and Oona doesn’t have to think twice about who she’s talking about. “Did she come see you before she left?”
“No?” Oona questions. “Was she supposed to?”
Annie presses her lips together and suddenly looks away from Oona. Oona can feel Maple’s eyes on her, cautiously optimistic, but ignores the feeling. She has to be strong for Maple.
Silence stretches between Annie and Oona. It isn’t normally this awkward; they have often found themselves in teasing banter and always have something to say to each other.
“She wanted you to have this,” Annie says as she breaks the silence, holding out a yellow envelope with Ramona’s familiar scrawl on it.
Oona hesitates as she eyes the envelope with a frown.
So, she could write you a letter, but not talk to you in person?
“Thanks,” she musters. Oona grabs the envelope with her free hand, feeling the weight of whatever’s inside make her head spin.
Annie nods, letting silence fall upon them again. Oona doesn’t say anything else, and that’s when Annie walks toward Ellis with her arms crossed. Oona can’t quite make out what they’re saying, but she’s glad they’ve left her alone for now.
She flicks the end of the joint, now completely burnt through, and thumbs the envelope. Looking around, Oona can’t seem to find anything flat to slide the letter into. A book comes into view, and Oona meets Maple’s small smile.
Oona shakes her head, smiling as she takes the book from her sister. She gently places the letter on the inside of the book before handing it back to Maple. Oona knows it will be safe with her until she’s ready for it.
“You okay?”
Maple shrugs as she picks up the wrapped sandwich, putting it on her lap so she can sit by Oona. “I wish she said goodbye. I miss her.”
I miss her too.
Even with all her baggage, as she called it, Ramona was always there for Maple. It didn’t matter if it was a camp talent show or letting a twelve-year-old break almost all the mugs in the cottage, but Oona knew how much Maple looked up to Ramona.
It was because of Ramona that Maple found her love for reading, since Ramona had gifted her Charlotte’s Web for her eighth birthday. Ramona was the one who helped Maple learn how to park the houseboat by the docks when Oona couldn’t manage it herself.
She’s everywhere.
Whether she wanted to admit it or not, Oona figured that Ramona leaving also had as big an impact on Maple as it did on her. So, she threw her arm over Maple’s shoulder, pulling her in closer.
If it was just meant to be the two of them forever, she would be happy. And nothing could get in the way of how much she loves and cares about Maple. At least with Maple by her side, Oona has a purpose.
Show up. Be present. Be everything mum can’t.
Later that evening, when the small group of friends had parted ways for the night, Oona found herself sitting at the end of the docks. She was far enough from the houseboat to not disturb Maple’s sleep, and she was definitely far enough from the cottage where Annie was living and hanging out with Ellis.
It’s not just a cottage. It’s Ramona’s cottage. It’s home.
Oona looked down at her cross-legged lap, where her name looked at her with the daunting way that Ramona wrote her name, in the cursive she was so familiar with.
Reaching into her hoodie pocket—a grey hoodie she had found in the closet—she pulled out her pack of cigarettes and lighter, pulling out a joint to light. She breathed in, feeling the high hit her almost immediately.
Between her inhales and exhales, the only sound was the water hitting the dock and small waves, but it was still and calm.
Where did I go wrong? She hurt me too. Why does it hurt so much?
Before she knew it, Oona had finished her joint, the letter still untouched on her lap. She picked herself off the dock and quietly entered the houseboat again. The curtain to their bunk was open, and Oona watched the rise and fall of Maple’s chest.
She slipped the letter into an old cookbook their mum left behind, mostly because she knew Maple wouldn’t be opening it, and swiftly got ready for bed. Once she was snug under the covers, Oona let the tears fall silently.
Be strong for Maple. Don’t show her that you’re struggling.
It wasn’t long before she exhausted herself and let sleep take over.