Chapter Text
“It’s a bit chilly tonight.”
“Should we go back inside?”
“Let me finish this one quickly first.”
Teetee sits on the low wall, a bit further from his friends. They’re smokers, and he doesn’t like the smell.
It had rained earlier, so the concrete is wet under his jeans - because they’re so close to the river, the wind is uncomfortable rather than a gentle breeze tonight. It’s not usual for Bangkok to be this chilly, even at night.
Teetee supposes there’s always a first time for everything.
“What about you? What time are you going home?”
One of his friends takes a long drag from his cigarette. When he exhales, it looks like a dense spiral going up the dark sky.
Teetee blinks.
“Huh?” He shakes his head. “I’m not sure. Not too late, probably. I have to wake up early tomorrow.”
“So responsible.”
“I want to pass my classes, you see.”
He's not sure why he came out tonight, in the first place. There's a lot he needs to get done around his place before his ma comes visit this weekend.
He's been living in his one room apartment for three months now, and she worries.
He had looked out the window earlier and thought the day looked too precious to be done with it so soon. So he came here.
“Did anyone turn in the solo project for comms?”
“When was the deadline again?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Fuck.”
Teetee laughs against the palm of his hand. “You guys are so stupid.”
He hasn't known any of them for too long, but he thinks they're cool. They were nice to him since the very first day, and they're funny too.
He misses his friends in Chiang Mai, though, terribly so.
Sometimes they send him pictures of the roads he used to walk everyday and he feels like crying.
“I'm done, c'mon.”
Teetee hops off the wall.
He grimaces. There is nothing remotely nice nor comfortable about the damp patches on his jeans, and he thinks, next time he comes, he won't sit down before checking whether it's dry.
“You look like you pissed your pants.”
“You think you're so funny.” Teetee shakes his butt in the direction of his friend, bumping into him. “Come here, let me rub it off you too. We can match.”
“Hold up, what's that?”
Teetee turns, like everyone else, towards the source of confusion.
A lump rests against the wall. Rather than sitting on it, they are slumped on the floor, using the concrete like a backrest.
Thin legs that seem to go for miles, their neck crooked in a way that can't be comfortable. Their black hair lays awry, falling over their face.
“Is it a person?”
“Uhm.”
For a second, Teetee feels faint.
In his bucket list of things to do in Bangkok, coming face to face with a corpse didn't even make the very bottom of it. In fact, he would rather avoid it until the end of his days.
“Should we-?”
“Just to make sure they're not dead, right?”
Teetee wants to say no. Desperately so.
“Teetee, you go.”
“I'm gonna puke.”
Despite himself, he goes.
He makes his way towards what he hopes is a very much alive person. Step after step, like his shoes are suddenly all too heavy for his feet.
He sighs, relieved, when he notices the faint rise and fall of their shoulders.
Breathing, then.
Thank god.
“Hey, are you-” He crouches down, slowly. He doesn't know if he should touch them, whether to shake their shoulders or poke their cheek. His hands hover awkwardly in the air. “Khun?”
Behind all the hair, there's the face of a boy.
He's pale, even in the dark light. He has his eyes closed, and his eyelashes are as dark as his eyebrows. He's breathing deeply, like he's not sleeping in the back alley of some random bar in the outskirts of Bangkok.
His lips are red and a little pouty.
Teetee almost falls on his ass.
“Tee? All good?”
Teetee waves them off aggressively.
He feels his heartbeat reach all the way to his ears. All of a sudden he wonders if he drank too much earlier and magically forgot.
He really thinks he's gonna puke now.
“Uhm. Khun?” His hands shake a bit. He places a tentative hand atop the boy's shoulder. “Are you okay? Do you need help?”
The boy hums, snuggling strangely into the wall.
“Hmm.”
The sudden firm grip on Teetee's arm startles him. The boy tugs, and Teetee comes tumbling down to the floor.
His back hits the wall with a quiet thud. His arm, Teetee thinks wildly, stops belonging to him. He doesn't move an inch. He thinks he might not even be breathing.
He's not sure how, but one second he's crouching, and the next there's a tiny head resting between his shoulder and neck.
His friends look at him with wide eyes. He's as flabbergasted as they look.
“Oh.” He inhales. The boy only presses closer, hugging Teetee's arm to himself. “Okay. Guess I’ll just,”
“Guess I’ll just sit here, then?”
He doesn't dare look to the side.
He's never had to deal with a beautiful stranger falling asleep on him. He forgets the functions of every part of his body.
Teetee clenches his eyes shut.
“Tee?”
“...Yes?” The word comes in a weak, high-pitched trickle.
“I don't think that's-”
“Should we look for help?”
He takes a deep breath from his nose. As much as he can, careful not to jostle the boy resting on him, he shakes his head minutely.
“I'm exactly where I want to be.”
His friends give him a weird look.
“Okay?”
Teetee is not sure what comes over him, or why he suddenly feels like he shouldn't move. He doesn't have a good enough reason.
He’s never felt like this.
He just has the feeling that the boy resting on him probably needs the sleep.
“You guys go back in. I was meaning to go home soon anyway.” He's not sure when he started whispering. “He's probably too drunk, I'll let him sleep it off and then go.”
His friends come closer to get a better listen.
They must look stupid as hell. All huddled together in a circle around him and some passed-out guy they, quite literally, found on the street.
“Are you sure? You don't have to, you know.”
“I do.” Teetee nods, not entirely sure of himself. “What if they eat him.”
“Right, but I'm the stupid one.”
Teetee waves them off once again.
There’s no way to put into words the way that the boy feels warm, rather than dangerous or scary, without sounding mental. It’s why he doesn’t say anything after.
A cold nose presses delicately against his neck, and he freezes. A soft, content sigh travels to his red ears.
Teetee's heart squeezes.
“I’ll stay here. He looks so harmless.”
“You never know.” One of his friends shakes his head. He squeezes Teetee's shoulder before moving back. “Call us if he turns out to be a freak. Or scream really loudly. We'll hear.”
“Ohoo, you guys really care about me.” He covers his face with his free hand, grinning. "I’m shy.”
He gets a stuck-out tongue and some whistles in response.
They are good people. He is grateful for it, although he doesn't show it too seriously.
“Later, cutie. Don't get home too late, or I'll call your ma.”
Teetee blows air through his mouth.
“You don't even have her number.”
“I'll doxx you.”
Then they're gone, and Teetee remembers the weight of the situation when the beautiful boy shuffles closer to his chest.
Okay.
This is fine.
Who hasn't dreamed of having a boy that smells like baby-powder and looks soft like the moon sleep so peacefully between his arms, at least once?
This is truly the highlight of Teetee's past 18 years.
Everything is completely fine.
-
Teetee is sweating buckets.
The boy has not moved an inch for the past 20 minutes. He's been sleeping peacefully on Teetee, doing nothing except twitch and sigh softly once in a while.
Teetee is afraid to breathe too hard, so he's been taking shallow breaths. He's lost three rounds of Clash Royale on his phone.
He feels lightheaded.
The breeze stopped blowing some time ago. Now it's not chilly, nor pleasantly cool.
“Oh my god, Por!”
The sound of loud footsteps makes Teetee jump.
The boy beside him groans at the sudden movement. He turns and squirms, and Teetee almost turns around to hush him and apologize for the inconvenience.
“There you are.”
The voice comes from above. It sounds out of breath and entirely relieved.
When Teetee looks up, a young guy - maybe two or three years older than him - is already staring at him with a hand to his chest.
He is very handsome. There's a bit of sweat dripping down the tips of his hair, and his arms look huge in the tight black shirt he's wearing.
Teetee thinks he might be in hot guy heaven.
“I’m so sorry,” The guy, who Teetee can only assume is pretty stranger's friend, says to him.
He bows down at a degree that Teetee has only seen in official events.
Teetee guesses that the boy sleeping on him is named Por. It sounds pretty.
“I've been looking for him everywhere. Is he okay?”
Teetee looks down at the boy. He looks fine, still asleep, and he can’t see any scratch on his face or arms.
“I think so?”
Por’s friend breathes out a sigh of relief.
“Thank you for taking care of him.”
Teetee feels blood rush to his cheeks. The guy has big, intense eyes that do not leave Teetee's face as he speaks.
“Oh, no, it's okay.” Teetee stammers. “I mean- yes. It's alright. It was fun.”
He winces internally at every single word that comes out of his mouth. It feels like the worst one will be the one he says next.
He takes Por’s pliant arm wrapped around him and thrusts it towards the direction of his friend.
“Here.”
The boy's friend tentatively takes it. He has a confused look on his face that's making Teetee want to cry of embarrassment.
He's fumbling this whole thing so bad.
“It was… fun?”
“Yup. It was great.”
The guy still holds Por's hand awkwardly between him and Teetee. Teetee, almost hysterically, wants to laugh and tell him, if you don't know what to do with him, imagine how I feel.
“It was so fine.” He gives a thumbs up, because it's the only thing he can think of. “He’s very quiet. Clearly.”
“Very chill night.”
He has to bite his tongue to stop himself from blurting something crazy like, I'd do it again, or, Can I keep him?
The guy hums. He walks one step closer, folding Por's arm at the elbow. It looks like he's finally decided what to do with him.
Teetee is a bit bummed out.
“He tends to keep to himself. He's never fallen asleep outside, though.” Por’s friend tsks. The look on his face is that of someone who has years and years behind with the person they're looking at.
It grounds Teetee, strangely, and reminds him of his friends back home.
“This is a first. I’m so sorry again.” He bows towards Teetee one last time, hoisting Por up by the armpits. “And thank you, really.”
Just in a second, kind of like how he arrived, Por’s weight leaves his side.
“It's really fine.” Teetee wraps his arms around his knees. The space beside him feels cold again. “I'm happy nothing bad happened to him.”
Por, finally, seems to stir up from all the pulling. He blinks sleepily at his friend, then at Teetee, like he isn't sure where he is.
Teetee's heart jumps to his throat when he makes eye contact.
He gives a lame nod.
Before Por has the chance to react, his friend throws Por's arm around his shoulder.
The guy sends Teetee one last grateful smile before walking away with Por.
“Por, dude, you just disappeared, what the hell?”
Teetee watches the interaction from the floor.
He thinks Por moves cutely when he's sleepy. He's slow and dismissive, almost like he doesn't have the energy nor the motivation to care about what is being said to him.
Por shrugs. He shuffles his shoes across the floor as he walks. Despite his lack of cooperation, he lets his friend drag him back inside the party.
From the same spot on the floor, Teetee wonders if he'll ever get to see him again.
At the last second, Por turns to look at Teetee. He lifts one hand, clumsy and imprecise.
He gives Teetee a closed-mouth smile. His face is swollen around his eyes with sleep, and his cheeks are pink from his nap. Teetee isn't sure Por can even see anything right now.
He waves.
“Bye bye.”
Teetee almost dislocates his shoulder waving back.
Por laughs, then, a soft almost shy shake of his shoulders, before turning back towards his friend, and Teetee swears his heart stops beating for a second.
He needs to call his ma.
He needs to tell her he almost died tonight.
· · ─ ·☾· ─ · ·
His friends tell him he looks like a lovesick puppy. Pitiful and a little lost.
He pouts and tells them it’s not like that.
It’s not his fault his face looks like that. His friends in Chiang Mai would always joke that if they’d ever bring a Tangled remake to Thailand, he’d be cast as Rapunzel - because his eyes shine naturally, and he always looks like he’s longing for something.
Still, and despite all the mocking, he goes back to that bar.
The first time his hands are sweating and his knees shake just over the possibility of bumping into Por again. By the time the clock hits 2:30 AM his throat is dry from all the words he’s practiced the whole night.
He tries another two times, and by the third night his heart starts to feel heavy and his wallet is definitely lighter after all the virgin daiquiris.
He’s almost too embarrassed to show up a fourth night. He must be their weirdest customer - not even 19 yet, ordering non-alcoholic drinks and speaking to a wall without looking like he expects it to talk back.
He doesn’t know why he keeps coming. He’s never done any of this before. Although he likes making friends, he gets nervous around strangers, and he doesn’t know how to talk for too long without his face turning three different shades of red.
He does, though - show up, that is.
When he gets a glimpse of the beautiful face he’s been chasing for three weeks he thinks he wouldn’t have minded trying another ten thousand times.
“Oh my god.” He mutters to himself. He looks away quickly as if Por had caught him staring in the first place.
He hadn’t. He’s nodding off against the wall instead.
For a second Teetee worries that he might fall right on his face. He almost sprints through the crowd of people to catch him. Then Por catches himself, and Teetee breathes out a sigh of relief.
Now that he’s here, Teetee doesn’t know what to do.
Por looks as beautiful as he’d remembered. At one point between failed visits he had worried that his mind had made it all up - that he’d magnified a meaningless interaction in his otherwise ordinary life.
Others must be thinking the same thing.
There’s a group of guys that have been very loud all night. They look older than Teetee, and they smell like they’ve drunk more tonight than Teetee has all month too. One of them whispers something to them before walking over to Por.
Teetee frowns.
Just as he’s about to grab Por’s waist from behind, Teetee cuts through the crowd of people.
He smiles politely at the guy. “Hi.”
The guy glares at Teetee.
He’s bigger than Teetee by miles, and Teetee prays he’s not a violent man because he really doesn’t know how to fight.
“Where the fuck did you come from?”
“Umm.”
It seems like the shouting over the music is enough to shake Por awake from his light slumber. Teetee watches as he turns, a confused frown on his face.
“Huh?” He blinks slowly, like he’s not sure what’s going on. Then his eyes land on Teetee, and his face fills with recognition. “Oh.”
“It’s you again.”
Teetee, for his life, doesn’t know how to respond to that.
The guy must lose interest as he’s completely ignored by the object of his affection, and Teetee watches him go back to his friends with slightly terrified eyes.
He looks back at Por, who’s already staring at him with a curious expression. His nose is dusted red and he has two sparkly crystals glued under his eye.
He’s beautiful.
“Sorry- I just. He looked like he was about to grab you.” He tries to explain. He has to do a very, very resilient work of self-restraint to not let his eyes stray off to where a chain necklace rests between Por’s unbuttoned shirt. “I didn’t know what to do. It didn’t look like you knew each other.”
He scratches the back of his head. He hopes his smile isn’t coming off wrong or unsteady.
“But then again, I don’t know you either. I’m probably coming off as really weird right now.”
Por looks at him for a second longer.
He stands in silence, then he says “No. It’s sweet.”
It catches Teetee off guard.
In his mind, he had imagined Por as kind and soft-spoken. He had also told himself that, if he was wrong, that would be okay too.
Now that he’s standing in front of Por he doesn’t know how to string more than two full sentences together. All those one-sided conversations with the wall are dust.
He clasps his hands together in an awkward way.
“That’s good, then.”
Por looks a bit like he’s humoring him when he smiles.
“It is good.”
Teetee returns the smile, tight-lipped and probably too big.
Realistically, there’s nothing else for them to talk about. He has probably overstayed his welcome by now.
He looks past Por, searching for any kind of exit he can take.
He should leave Por alone to whatever he was doing before Teetee came - hopefully avoiding another public nap, but Teetee thinks that might just be who Por is.
He doesn’t want to leave, but he doesn’t have any reason to stay, either.
“So, yeah. I’ll get going, then.”
Por cuts him off.
“It’s hot.”
Then he reaches for Teetee’s sleeve. He seems to think better of it, and his hand falls awkwardly between them.
“Can we go outside?”
“What- oh?” Teetee looks at Por’s hand. “Sure.”
Teetee follows in a daze. Not sure where to, how, and most importantly, why, but he does. Always two steps behind, to make sure he doesn’t cross a personal space he isn’t privy to.
Por’s hips sway when he walks. Not in an exaggerated manner - it’s subtle and elegant, like that of the models he sometimes sees on twitter for Paris’ Fashion Week. It looks delicate.
When they step outside, Teetee notices that the weather is warmer tonight.
It’ll be Halloween in a few days, so most of the shops are decorated in cobwebs and bright orange pumpkins. He doesn’t like it that much because he gets easily spooked.
They sit down - on a proper bench this time, a few meters away from the bar’s entrance. They can watch the river from here. Thousands of tiny yellow lights stretch out across it; lived-in apartments and far away streetlamps that stretch for longer than Teetee’s vision is able to reach.
He’s never been this close to someone so enchanting.
“This is cool.” He nods towards nothing. He isn’t brave enough to look over at Por yet. “It’s pretty.”
The silence that follows wrecks his confidence. It’s that wobbliness in the situation that makes him turn his head.
Por is sitting calmly next to him. He’s already looking at Teetee with tired, round eyes. His eyelashes flutter lazily.
“It is.”
He points to Teetee’s shoulder.
“Can I sleep here?”
Teetee, too, points to his own shoulder.
““Here? You mean, like…”
“Yeah.”
Teetee’s eyes are still wide when he nods. He swallows.
“Yes.” He nods again, for emphasis, fast and a little wild. He rubs his palms on the front of his jeans. “Yes. You can.”
Por smiles sweetly at him.
Teetee holds his breath the whole time Por seems to lower himself down against his shoulder. He doesn’t let it out until he feels soft hair tickling his neck, and then some more, because he doesn’t want to breathe wrong and jolt the small head resting on him.
He almost closes his eyes. He’s unprepared for the sight of Por choosing to use him as a pillow incidentally.
At the same time, he doesn’t want to miss a second of it.
“You’re nice.” Por says.
Teetee swallows again.
“Thank you.” He says. Although his heart is beating loud, he hopes his voice comes out soft. “You’re very nice too.”
-
Teetee doesn’t startle when Por’s friend eventually shows up.
He hears the footsteps before he sees him. When he looks up, Por’s friend has a deeply apologetic look on his face. What does surprise him is the cute, smaller boy next to him.
He has crinkly eyes, and he hugs Por’s friend by the arm.
He doesn’t know where Bangkok keeps manufacturing these men from.
“Sorry. For the second time.” Por’s friend apologizes. He sounds sheepish and a tad embarrassed.
Teetee looks at the lump curled against him. He’s gotten used to Por’s weight by now. It feels nice to be used like this, even more so when he remembers that it was entirely Por’s choice.
He gets sad when he realizes that his friend is here to take him away again.
“It’s really fine. I don’t mind.”
“I'm not a bad friend. He texted me earlier and told me where to find him. That’s why I didn’t come sooner.”
Teetee blinks, slightly taken-back by the sudden admission.
“I didn’t think you were.”
“I didn’t think he’d fall asleep talking to someone, though. I would’ve come earlier.”
Teetee waves him off.
Por’s friend sounds off, miles different from the first time, and Teetee barely knows what to do with his own sadness sometimes. Nevermind a complete stranger’s.
“Oh, no, no. I told you the first time, it’s fun.” He smiles at the man in what he hopes is a reassuring smile. “He asked if he could sleep for a bit. I was watching the stars in the meantime.”
“He sleeps so well though, it makes me feel like I’ve been sleeping wrong my whole life.”
Por’s friend smiles, and his eyes soften.
“He loves sleeping a lot.”
“But…” Teetee fiddles with his fingers. “Sorry, I’m not sure if this is my place. But he was dozing off inside, and someone tried to grab him earlier. I stopped him, though.”
“I’m just not sure how…”
Por’s friend goes quiet. He searches Teetee’s face for something Teetee isn’t sure of, but hopes he’s satisfied with anyway.
“You're lovely.”
“You don't have to, but you still look over him.” He seems to think for a second, and then he smiles, like he suddenly remembered something. “But I’m not too worried about that part. He probably would’ve sent that guy straight to the ER.”
“Him?”
Por’s friend nods. “He’s surprisingly fierce when you wake him up. Watch.”
Teetee has a really hard time believing it. He frowns, watching intently as Por's friend comes closer.
He nudges Por. It’s not harsh, but Por’s body still moves against Teetee. “Por, hey. Por.” He taps Por in the middle of his forehead. “Yo, Por, wake up.”
Por slaps his hand off.
“Auau kill yourself.”
Teetee squeaks.
“What the fuck.”
“Oh,” Por turns at the voice. His hair is disheveled and he has a crease on his cheek from Teetee's t-shirt. “Hello.”
Por’s eyes, that were narrowed and annoyed a second ago, lose all its flame.
Teetee fidgets with his fingers. “Hi.”
He smiles at Por with his hands clasped between his thighs.
“I'm gonna go now.”
Teetee knew that.
He still has to fight off a pout.
He nods.
“Yes.”
“It was nice spending the night with you.”
Teetee's face goes aflame.
“Yes.” He looks down, then, smiling softly to himself. “It was nice for me, too.”
He watches as Por gets up.
Por doesn't look back at Teetee, and disappears back inside the bar with his friend, who Teetee now knows is named Auau, and the boy who is still holding Auau's hand.
Teetee allows himself to think, shyly, that maybe there will be a next time.
· · ─ ·☾· ─ · ·
The rain is pouring down tonight. He's tried hanging his laundry for three days straight, but it's just not happening.
The ending tail of the monsoon is being especially mean this year.
The streetlights reflect white and blue off the wet pavement. Rather than their usual spot, they hang outside the front door of the bar. The roof has a slight slope at the front, enough to cover them as they enjoy their smoke break.
Still, a few stray drops bounce off Teetee's sneakers.
“That’s another day Teetee doesn't get to dry his clothes. How many more pairs of clean underwear?”
“Please don't.”
When Por shows up Teetee nearly damn falls from the window shelf he's resting on.
His white shirt is soaked at the collar, and his hair shines with golden highlights.
“Hi.”
Teetee's mouth falls open.
Por points to his hair. He grins.
“You like it?”
“Wow.”
Por sticks his tongue out.
He sits next to Teetee on the window shelf - they don't touch, but they're close enough that their pinkies would brush if Teetee were to stretch his fingers an extra inch.
“We meet again, though.” Por holds up three fingers. “That’s three times now.”
“I’m not stalking you. I promise.”
Por throws his head back against the glass window. When he laughs all his teeth show up, and he looks at Teetee from behind his eyelashes.
“Obviously.”
Teetee isn’t too sure if it’s that obvious, but he accepts the answer nonetheless.
Por sighs, letting his hands rest on his lap. He’s still staring at Teetee with a content look on his face. His neck looks relaxed, even when it’s all stretched out like that, and long.
He’s staring so intently that Teetee, for a moment, worries there’s something on his face.
Teetee squirms. He returns Por’s gaze, and feels his heart settle under his ribcage the longer he looks into his eyes. His hands, which were clutching the window shelf, relax.
Something about it makes his breaths even out, like he’s suddenly and without notice entered a different realm where there’s no room for franticness.
It’s a very different beat from their past two encounters. Teetee isn’t sure what’s changed - it must be the aloof energy of the rain.
“Your shirt is all soaked. You’ll catch a cold.” Teetee mumbles in the quiet space between them. “Did you bring any spare clothes?”
Por looks at him weirdly.
It’s the first time Teetee is the object of that stare. He thinks Por looks like a suspicious cat when he frowns like that.
“Do you usually bring spare clothes to bars and parties?” Por narrows his eyes, almost like he just had a thought he doesn't like. “What for?”
Teetee crosses his arms in an X. He shakes his head, and waves at the air.
“No, no. I don't.” He denies again. He purses his lips, tilting his head to the side with uncertainty. “But maybe other people do. I don't know. Do they?”
Por only has time to shake his head ‘no’ before Teetee hops off the shelf and undoes his black zip-up jacket.
Although it’s raining, it’s not too chilly. He likes how the slightly damp air touches his bare arms.
He also likes the thought that he can continue being useful to Por.
“Here.”
He offers the jacket to Por.
“Your jacket?”
He waves the jacket in front of Por. He nods encouragingly as Por stares at him, still hesitant, until Por finally reaches for it.
“Mhmm!” When Por takes it, Teetee walks a step backwards. He points towards the inside of the bar. “You can change in the restroom.”
He pauses, then pouts.
“I'm sorry I don't have any spare pants, though.”
“God, you’re cute.”
“What was that?”
Por clutches Teetee’s jacket to his chest. His face looks a shade more pink than before.
It must be the reflection of the red light across the street, Teetee tells himself.
“Nothing.” Por says quickly. He points to the main entrance. “I’ll go change.”
“Okay! I’ll wait here.”
He smiles so hard his vision goes blurry.
He keeps smiling until Por disappears inside the bar, and then for a long time after that.
He waits obediently for Por to come back. He fiddles with his fingers, a little restless, hoping to see a glimpse of him soon.
By the time Por comes back, the loud pouring has turned into a gentle drizzle. His hair is more dry, and the waves of gold look lighter and more spread out. He’s wearing Teetee’s jacket, his own wet shirt tied around his waist.
Teetee comes to the realization that he’s not wearing anything underneath.
“It's so warm.” Por rubs the sleeves against his cheeks. “I didn't realize I was cold before.”
This time, when he sits, he does so pressing fully against Teetee.
Any resemblance of words Teetee was gonna say die in his tongue.
“I’m shy.” He whispers, at last.
It’s said between them, like he’s admitting a crime.
Por treats it as such. He doesn’t acknowledge it out loud - which Teetee is glad for. He thinks any word from him would set him off right now. Instead Por pushes their heads together.
Although Teetee still feels a glint of fluster, the point of contact makes him feel better. In the quiet of the night, with only the sound of raindrops and Por’s steady breathing, he can think clearer.
“Tell me a story.”
“Me?”
Por hums. When he nods, Teetee feels it against his own cheek.
“About what?”
“Anything.” Por says quietly. “I like your voice. I didn’t get to hear it much last time.”
“I fell asleep before I could.”
Por’s voice goes a different kind of quiet that Teetee hasn’t heard before. It’s a ridiculous thought - they’ve only seen each other twice, and talked once. Still, there’s a strange excitement in him that comes alive whenever he gets to learn something new about Por.
Like now: he learns that when Por is comfortable, his voice gets nasal and kind of whiny.
“Are you falling asleep again?”
“Maybe.” Por turns his head slightly. Like this, his cheek rests fully on Teetee’s bicep. “Do you mind?”
Teetee shakes his head. He thinks, if Por has no way of catching him, maybe he can look down this time.
Messy, unruly hair that smells sweet and like soap brushes his nose. He smiles helplessly at the sight. Then, against his better judgement, his index finger pushes on Por’s cheek.
Por, against his better judgement too, allows it.
“Do you know Rapunzel?”
“Yeah.”
Teetee takes off.
He tells the tale of a princess with long hair who’s locked inside a tall tower. He voices all the characters in different ways, and stumbles upon his words whenever he starts talking too fast.
Por laughs quietly throughout the whole story. He makes surprised ‘ohh’s and ‘aah’s with every character break, although Teetee is sure he knows the story as well as Teetee himself does. Still, Teetee treasures every sound.
He knows Por is starting to fall asleep when Por doesn’t react to one of Pascal’s scenes - Teetee noticed very early on that those were his favorite.
He falls silent.
“You really do get sleepy so easily.”
Por nods against his arm. It’s lazy, and filled with drowsiness.
“If you have somewhere to be later, though” Por mumbles against Teetee’s bare arm. “You can wake me up.”
“I have nowhere else to be.” Teetee reassures him softly. “And I have to make sure nobody steals you.”
He means every word he says. If someone were to ask him to stand up right now, he’d tell them no.
Por bunches his hands into fists. “I’d crush them with my hands.”
“No way.” Teetee whispers back. “Your hands are so tiny and cute.”
“We are almost the same height. How is your method of protection any different?”
“I plan to grow a lot, you know? I'll get all buffed.”
Por huffs.
“Whatever. Silly.”
He drifts into sleep just like that, almost mid-sentence.
Teetee, for his part, hopes Por has sweet dreams. He hopes his arm is a good resting place.
-
Por wakes up in phases.
Teetee hasn’t seen it before - he’s always been startled, or annoyed out of his dreams. This time, though, he gets to take his time.
“You're still here.” Por whispers after a while. He says it in part with wonder, in part out of courtesy.
Teetee wants to think Por never entertained the idea that he would actually leave.
“What time is it?” He lifts his head off Teetee’s arm.
His eyes look all puffy and still full of sleep. Teetee doesn’t doubt for a second that he’d pass out back again if he was offered the opportunity.
It’s a weird habit, but one Teetee is so endeared by.
“2:00 AM.”
Por curses under his breath. “That’s really late.”
Teetee knows what comes next. He’s played it by ear twice now - still, it doesn’t make it any less disappointing.
He dislikes this part the most. The part where he goes home, and Por goes god knows where, and the next morning there’s not much about Por for Teetee to hold onto except his own memories.
He’s scared to ask for anything else. He’s memorized a lot of social scripts. This one, though, a simple compilation of casual encounters with a stranger that keeps falling asleep, stands on fragile ground.
Teetee doesn’t know how to take it without breaking it.
It frustrates him all the same.
“Your friend, um. He didn’t come looking for you this time.” He blurts it out before Por has a chance to stand up. “He’s nice. I think if my friends found me passed out on a bench they would take a picture and leave.”
Por looks completely unaware of Teetee’s internal turmoil. He yawns into his hand, burying himself deeper into Teetee’s jacket.
He hums. “I told him I was with you.”
Teetee falters.
“Just like that?”
Por studies him.
Teetee stays still for the entire duration of the exam. He fights off the urge to twitch as Por looks, and examines for something Teetee has no clue about.
“Do you want to hurt me?”
Teetee hitches forward. “Of course not!”
Por’s smile returns to his lips.
“I can tell.” He closes his eyes peacefully. “The first night you were supporting my head so I wouldn’t hurt my neck. And you rub my arm sometimes.”
The way he says it so forward and unashamed makes Teetee blush all the way to his hairline.
He buries his face in the hollow of his elbow.
“Mhmm.”
It’s like Por waits for Teetee to ride out his moment of embarrassment.
When Teetee finally lets his arm drop to the side, Por stands up.
He should’ve kept his arm there until morning.
“I’ll leave now.” He points somewhere behind him “It’s a long way home.”
Teetee stands up as well.
“Do you- should I walk you home?”
Por raises an eyebrow. He looks just as surprised as Teetee.
“Bold.”
“No, I mean- I just.” Teetee scratches his head. He didn’t mean it like that. He wants Por to know he really didn’t. “What if something happens?”
“It’s really late.”
Por laughs at him then, although not unkindly. “I’m a grown adult, you know?”
Teetee puffs his cheeks.
“One that falls asleep way too easily for my own peace of mind.”
Por takes his phone from inside the back pocket of his jeans. “What about my number? I’ll text you when I get home. If I haven’t in,” Por follows. He looks at the time on his phone. “40 minutes, I give you full permission to call 191.”
Teetee still feels somewhat unconvinced. He knows, however, that there’s no better alternative.
“Yeah, okay.” He takes the phone that Por is offering, and punches his number in.
Por does the same.
He realizes as he stares at the blank ‘NAME’ above his own number that he’s never actually introduced himself to Por.
He is so lucky Por doesn’t think he’s a total weirdo, and that he’s willing to exchange phone numbers.
“And, huh,” He gives the phone back to Por. “My name is Teetee.”
Por beams
“Nice to meet you, Teetee.” Por shakes his hand. Teetee thinks that Por has fallen asleep on him multiple times, but this is the first time their hands touch. “I’m Por, but I think you knew that already.”
“Your friend Auau is very loud.”
He holds his own phone like it’s something precious when Por returns it. There must be tiny stars shooting out of his eyes as he looks at the perfect lines and curves that make up Por’s number.
He impulsively adds a tiny heart next to his name before quickly turning the screen off.
“The jacket?”
Por is pinching it between his fingers when Teetee looks up.
Teetee has been trying to not think too hard about the jacket.
At one point Por had zipped it low enough that the dip of his collarbone was showing. He has the sleeves bunched up into sweater paws.
He looks incredibly cute and deathly like something that Teetee really, really can’t take.
He’s lucky he doesn’t blurt something crazy out, like, Please wear it every day.
“You can give it back whenever. Or don't.” He quickly backtracks. “It's not my favorite one, anyway.”
That’s a lie. He bought it on a school trip to New York when he was 15. Back then it was huge on him, but he still thought he looked the coolest whenever he wore to school during casual dress days.
Still, it looks much prettier on Por.
Por looks down at himself. There’s something tender highlighted all over his face.
Teetee doesn’t know what Por sees, but he can’t help the shy smile that breaks across his face too.
“Okay.”
On the way home it dawns on Teetee that he has Por’s phone number. Like actually - it won’t expire, and it will still exist outside of its duty of letting Teetee know that Por got home safe.
He wiggles, rather than walks, all the way home.
-
Por💜: home safe and sound :)
2tee: !!!!!!!!!!!! good
-
He’s a damn loser. Once the text is sent, he doesn’t dare even take a quick glance at his chat with Por.
He lost this one battle. But it’s fine, he tells himself. He’ll win the war.
· · ─ ·☾· ─ · ·
Teetee isn't sure if it's a bad or a good night. He's been feeling slightly wrong since he walked out his front door. His clothes fit too big, and everything feels like it's been moved 1 inch to the right.
He's sitting on the floor with his back pressed to the wall. It's warm and makes his shirt sticky. He thinks, mournfully, that he's wasting his time tonight.
He wants company, but he wouldn't be anyone's good companion right now.
“Fancy seeing you here, stranger.”
The voice startles him.
He drops his phone to his lap, looking up. Por is smiling down at him with a cup in his hand. Before Teetee has a chance to say hi, he lowers himself down on the floor, next to Teetee.
“You were hiding really hard this time.”
Por's jeans are light blue, and Teetee feels sorry that he's probably getting them all dusty because of him.
“Was I?”
Por frowns.
“Is everything okay?”
Teetee doesn't know how to answer. He doesn't want to bring the mood down.
Stupidly, he feels like pouting like a spoiled child.
He talks to the collar of his jacket. Tonight, he hopes his words get carried away in the dark. “I didn't want you to see me like this.”
“Like what?”
Teetee's eyes sting all of a sudden
“Sad.” He presses the palms of his hands to his face. “I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed.”
“There's nothing embarrassing about it.”
Teetee whimpers at the words.
Such casual kindness makes the tears fall. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened to him, but as the hours had kept piling up he’d started feeling restless. Scrubbed wrong and raw around the edges.
He presses into his palms harder. His cheeks are damp, so he tries wiping them with the back of his hands.
“I’m not like this usually.”
The fact that Por has to witness it makes him cry harder.
“If you were, that’d be okay.”
Teetee shakes his head.
“Please don't look at me right now.” He sniffles. “I must look so ugly.”
To his right, Por clicks their knees together. Teetee hears rustling, and then Por's back is facing his way.
“I won't.” Por says from behind. “But you could never be ugly.”
The words get a hitched breath out of him.
He tries to calm himself down.
He takes his hands off his face. Por’s back actually faces him. His eyes follow the gentle rise and fall of Por’s shoulders with every breath he takes - recalling the last time they saw each other, Teetee tries matching it.
After some time, his tears finally stop.
“Liar.” He mumbles. He rubs his face red, getting rid of the last remains of tears. “I look like a bloodshot chicken.”
“Impossible.”
Teetee watches the back of Por's perfectly round head.
Holding himself upright with no support must be so tiresome, Teetee thinks. The pavement is hard and uncomfortable. Still, Por did it for him, simply because Teetee had asked.
Another surge of dampness almost slips from his eyes.
For a while neither of them speak. Por doesn't turn around, and he doesn't ask if he can either.
“You can… turn around now.” Teetee murmurs. He brings his knees up to his chest. “But! You can't make fun of me.”
Por, as if waiting for Teetee's words, turns around without missing a bit.
He doesn't laugh at Teetee, nor does he give him a pitiful look. Instead he smiles, closed-lipped. The corners of his mouth curve slightly upright.
“Better?”
Teetee breaks eye contact.
He looks ahead, his cheeks squished against his knees.
“Mhm. A bit.”
“I'm glad.”
Only once Teetee is absolutely sure he won’t burst into tears again does he turn his head towards Por again. Por looks funny sideways, and gentle.
It dawns on him that his cheeks are marked up with tear tracks and his face is all pink from all the rubbing.
He shakes his head, flustered.
Por tilts his head to the side, furrowing his eyebrows. He pouts his lips in a questioning way, almost playfully, like he's asking Teetee, what's up?
Teetee buries his face on his knees.
He points towards the pink cup still in Por's hand. “What’s that?”
“Water.” Por looks down at his drink. “I don't like drinking, it gives me a headache. Do you want some?”
“Can I?”
Por passes him the drink wordlessly.
Teetee takes it.
He clenches his eyes shut as he drinks from it, trying really hard to keep his mind away from the fact that Por's lips have, in some shape or form, pressed down on the very same rim he's drinking from right now.
The water is still cool from all the ice. It feels nice inside Teetee's mouth.
He returns the drink back to Por.
“Hey, but,”
Teetee hesitates.
He goes back and forth on the words sitting at the tip of his tongue. He doesn't really want to be the one to say it.
He'd much rather Por comes and goes, and leaves whenever he wants. He doesn't know how to ask for any of it, and he's scared to confront the possibility of hearing a rejection out loud.
“What is it?”
“You don't have to stay. I might not be the best company tonight.”
He braces for it.
Por doesn't have to stay. He really doesn’t.
“Do you want me to go?”
The simple answer catches Teetee by surprise.
“No.” He looks up at the sky for a moment. It's cloudy tonight - he's not sure if it's the pollution or actual clouds. Still, the moon doesn't shine. “I don't like being alone.”
“I'm staying, then.”
Teetee’s arms curl tighter around his shins.
“Thank you.”
The noises of the bar are muted from over here. Teetee can almost hear the constant trickle of the river.
“Anytime.” Por says. “Are you from Bangkok?”
Teetee shakes his head. He suddenly feels sleepy from all the crying.
“Chiang Mai.”
Por hums.
“I’ve never been. Is it pretty?”
Teetee, for the first time tonight, smiles at the question.
He thinks of green trees, and the valleys that go on for miles. He thinks of the street markets, and the pork belly his ma used to make for him every Friday after school.
Whenever spring came, the flowers would bloom pink and red.
“At least to me.”
Por lets his head fall against the wall and looks at Teetee. He crosses his legs, like he's getting comfortable.
“Would you tell me about it?”
They stay talking late into the night. Once Teetee starts, it's like he has enough words to never run out of them.
Por listens, intently. He reacts to every little detail and adds his own comments to Teetee's own anecdotes. For the most part, though, he stays quiet.
Teetee doesn't mind. He can fill in the silence for the both of them.
Teetee goes home with a sore butt that night. Still, he returns happier.
· · ─ ·☾· ─ · ·
Their meetings, to Teetee’s delight and awestruck wonder, become a frequent occurrence.
He no longer has to second-guess whether Por will show up.
At one point they had started sharing more of themselves. Although Por still fell asleep more often than not, he would take longer and longer to nod off every time.
It had become silent acknowledgment - how Teetee is busy on Mondays and Thursdays, and Por is generally busy throughout the weekdays.
Now every Saturday evening Teetee leaves his apartment, still nervous around the edges, but excited too. He’ll enter through the front door, and he knows, that without fail, Por will be already waiting for him.
· · ─ ·☾· ─ · ·
“Give.”
“No.”
“Teeteeee.”
Teetee grins. He raises the basket of fries higher above their heads.
“I'll bite your arm off.”
Por looks adorable when he gets grumpy. He crosses his arms and glares at Teetee from across the lounge sofa they're sitting on.
It's someone's birthday today. Teetee doesn't know who exactly, and he doesn’t really care enough to know either. He'd been invited because they are classmates, and Teetee knows that, to other people, he comes off as pretty and inciting.
He was really happy when he found out they were celebrating it at the VIP terrace outside their usual bar.
He had shown up in a nice button-up shirt, some peach blush and the invite on his hand, and then he had sneaked Por outside too when no one else was looking.
Teetee lowers the basket. “That's scary.” He purses his lips. “Would you, really?”
Por takes the opportunity to snatch it off Teetee's hands.
“I would've if you had kept playing.” He grumbles. He catches one long fry in his mouth. “Meanie.”
Teetee closes his eyes with a small smile on his face. He lets his head fall on the couch, right in the space between the two.
He has been learning a lot about Por. After every new tidbit and quirk rather than satisfaction, he feels himself starve for more.
He’s been collecting them like different types of bugs. For example: if you don’t want Por to fall asleep mid-sentence, you have to give him something to munch on.
Teetee feels so deeply enamoured.
“I’m sorry.” He says. He falls back on the table, resting his head on his crossed arms. “Forgive me?”
Por boops him on the nose with a salty fry.
Although it’s a party, it’s not particularly loud. Teetee is glad, because he’s noticed Por doesn’t like strong noises.
Por moves closer to Teetee on the booth. His hand reaches for something in the air before falling short.
Teetee isn’t sure what he wants, but nudges his head forward all the same.
“What is it?”
Por, hesitantly, closes the distance until his fingertips brush Teetee’s ear.
Teetee suppresses the shiver that runs down his spine. He stays perfectly still as Por traces his ear with delicate fingertips - familiarity has made the physicality between them feel less nerve-wrecking. Still, he always holds his breath a beat or two whenever Por gets close like this.
Rather than being self-conscious about his own ability to touch, he much prefers when Por does it first. He likes it when Por takes whatever he wants, and he’s worried he might startle him if his movements are too sudden.
“I like your piercings.” Por says, finally. His voice tints with wonder, and his fingers draw the circular shape of the hoop. “Did they hurt?”
Teetee shakes his head slowly.
“I can take you get a couple.” He says. He draws circles on the table with his index finger. “My piercer was very nice.”
Por shudders. “Scary.” He adds. He lowers himself on the table as well. Like this, they lie face to face. “I don’t like the pain.”
“They look pretty on you, though.”
The words make Teetee giddy.
He wants to cover his face, and maybe do 10 jumping jacks, but he doesn’t. Instead, he stays put. He bites his bottom lip between his teeth.
“Am I pretty?”
“Not telling.”
The moonlight encases Por’s eyelashes. It turns his skin pearly white, and, when his blush comes, it looks strawberry pink, too.
“Uiii.”
Por shakes his head. He sits back up, leaving Teetee’s line of vision for a moment.
In the background, he can hear people singing happy birthday.
“Secret.”
I think Por is pretty too, he doesn’t say.
For that, he would need to make merits in twelve different temples. Right now, he hopes his sheepish smile is enough.
“Fine.”
The phone on the table suddenly chimes. It makes Teetee jump with how close the noise is.
One, two, three and four times in a row. Por’s phone screen lights up with message after message. Teetee, too, sits up, confused as he watches Por retrieve his phone with a sigh.
A shallow crease forms in Por’s forehead as he scrolls through them. Teetee, in the meantime, plays with the empty cup on the table.
“Is everything alright?” Teetee asks when Por sighs a second time.
Although he’s not sure what’s happening, he can’t help mirroring the frown on Por’s face.
“Auau recently got a boyfriend, you see.”
Teetee nods.
He sits upright on the sofa. It confirms what he had already presumed - the smaller boy that came with Auau the second time must’ve been him.
He hopes they’re okay. Although he doesn’t know them, he thought they looked cute together that night.
An absentminded pout settles on his face when he thinks that they might not be.
“He’s worried I might think he’s abandoning me. He’s never dated this seriously before.”
“Oh.”
A thoughtful look settles on Por’s features. He shakes his head, like he’s remembering something. “But that’s silly. He comes over to my house every Tuesday and Friday, and some days he even spends the night.”
“Plus, I like his boyfriend.” He adds. His voice drops an octave, sadder and slightly petulant. “I was hoping we could become friends too.”
Teetee doesn’t have much experience with that.
His friends in Chiang Mai, some of them dated before. Whenever reaching them on the phone got a little too hard, he’d find ways to entertain himself until it passed.
He always hoped the silence never lasted too long, selfishly, and then he’d curse himself for thinking something so horrible.
“Have you met him before?”
“Here and there.” Por plays with the star-shaped charm on his phone. He looks at Teetee here and there, but for the most part his eyes stay fixed on the table. “They mostly meet up whenever Auau is absolutely sure I'm not available. I've told him that’s not a good way to maintain a relationship.”
“I worry. I know he likes Save a lot.” He rubs his face with his hand. When he puts it back down, his face is all scrubbed up.
“I love him so much, but he’s so damn stupid sometimes.”
At this point, Teetee doesn’t think Por is expecting a response out of him. Instead, he lets Por talk until he’s run out of words.
His face is a mix of sadness, worry and frustration that Teetee doesn’t like seeing in him.
“He doesn’t get angry when I tell him I’m hanging out with you. Why would I get mad at him for doing the same?”
“Hey…” Teetee finally croaks out.
The implications of that turn his body upside down.
Por doesn’t seem to realize what he just said. Either he didn’t, or he doesn’t care that he did. Nonetheless, it makes Teetee feel feverish.
Por just keeps going.
“He’s stubborn as a mule, that guy.” Por huffs.
He has a perfectly comfortable sofa underneath, but still, he chooses to lie himself sideways on Teetee’s chest. In fact, from what Teetee can see, this new position can’t be kind on any of Por’s bones and joints.
Still, he wouldn't dare call it out. Warmth blossoms from where Por rests, right next to his heart.
“I think…” Teetee chooses his words slowly. He lets his arm rest on Por’s back- just barely, and careful not to touch too low. “I think that you’re doing a good job at reassuring him already.”
“If he’s not listening to you yet, it must be because he’s not ready to hear himself out first.” Por hoists himself up, until his hair tickles Teetee’s chin. Teetee, for a moment, feels himself falter.
“Once he does, though, I’m sure it’ll be easier.”
“Are you a psych major?”
Teetee shakes his head above Por.
“Digital marketing. But I overthink like that a lot, too.”
Por hums, but doesn’t add anything else.
They stay like that, basking into the calmness. He can’t tell what Por is doing, but Teetee entertains himself watching the people around them.
It’s not as crowded as before. Once the birthday cake is served, the guests dissipate into smaller crowds of people who know each other.
Teetee thinks that recognition, and belonging, are something humans will always chase after.
Huh.
Maybe he should switch majors, after all.
“I’m annoyed now.” Por blurts out from below him. “Auau annoys me.”
Teetee laughs lightheartedly. His hand, that had been frozen on Por’s upper back, strokes up and down Por’s arm in what he hopes is a reassuring touch.
“We can just stay like this until you feel better.”
“Hmpf.”
The comfortable silence that follows is broken by a tiny yawn.
This time, Teetee really laughs.
“How come you keep turning up to this place if all you wanna do is sleep, hmm? Isn’t a bed a lot more comfy?”
Por shakes his head. His hand pushes down on Teetee’s stomach.
It’s like he’s asking Teetee to pay more attention. Teetee doesn’t tell him, but he can’t humanly pay more attention than he already does.
“‘S fun.”
“It’s fun?”
Por hums.
He pokes directly into Teetee’s stomach.
“You’re fun.”
Teetee bumps his head against the iron post behind their booth.
He wants to squeal, and take Por’s face between his hands and squish his cheeks. Instead, he makes a noise at the back of his throat.
“You’re so cute, Por.”
Por pinches his waist.
“Respect. I’m older than you.”
Teetee stops.
He looks down at the mess of hair under his chin, frowning.
“You don’t know that.”
“Do too. Stalked you on Instagram.”
The admission renders him speechless.
He closes and opens his mouth while Por, shamelessly, snickers from below.
“How…”
One of Por’s hands sneaks up to push on his shoulder. “Shhh. Sleep now.”
Teetee, completely helpless, can only nod.
“Yeah. Sleep.”
-
When Teetee wakes up the next morning, he’s not surprised to find that he’s the only one in his queen sized bed. It has been that way since he moved in, after all. Even when his ma stays over, she sleeps on the pullover couch in the living room.
He looks at his phone notifications, and falls off the bed.
[pporpor started following you]
He’s still rubbing his lower back when his phone pings with another notification.
Por💜: :p
His phone drops to the floor.
It’s the first text that comes through the chat since the night they exchanged numbers.
Teetee hadn’t dared text it again, and Por hadn’t texted him either. He had pinned the conversation right at the top of his messages, though. Hoping.
In an act of impulsive courage he hits the Follow back button on Instagram, and switches to Line.
They end up texting the entire day.