Chapter Text
By the time they had gotten home, showered, and finally gotten into bed, it was nearing 4:30 am, and both Samira and Emery were hoping they could just sleep the morning away, Samira having been up for almost 24 hours at that point. Unfortunately for both of them, that was not the case.
First, Samira’s alarm started blaring at 5 am because the R4 had a habit of resetting her alarm every morning as soon as she turned it off on days she had work.
“Fuck,” Samira said, scrambling to turn it off as Emery started coughing, “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s ok,” Emery said between coughs.
Samira got the alarm off before turning her attention back to her girlfriend who was miserably coughing still. Samira rubbed her back while she reached over to the nightstand, grabbing the pulse ox off of it.
“I’m ok Sami,” Emery said, still very winded as Samira popped the device on her finger, the heart rate reading 104 which was not awful considering the massive coughing fit, and the oxygen reading 94%, “See, all of that is ok.”
Samira nodded, staring at the device for another minute before taking it off, setting it back on the nightstand.
“Do you need anything?” Samira asked as she brushed a piece of sweaty hair off Emery’s hot forehead.
“I’m ok,” Emery said, eyelids already drooping, “Sleep?”
Samira nodded, making sure her alarms were off before they both let themselves fall asleep again. Sleep for the next few hours was unfortunately broken and not restful as Emery struggled with her cough.
She was awake at least once an hour with a coughing fit that always woke Samira who was quick to sit up, rub her back, and always stuck the pulse ox on her finger. After the fourth coughing fit in as many hours, Emery moved to get out of bed.
“Where are you going?” Samira asked, scrambling to get up along side her, “Do you need something? Is your stomach bothering you again?”
“I’m going to go sleep in the guest room,” Emery said, voice raspy and sore, “You need to sleep.”
“No,” Samira said, shaking her head quickly, “No. Please stay here. It’s ok. I am ok. I don’t want you to go.”
“Sami, you need sleep,” Emery said, “Actual sleep. You have not gotten any decent rest in the past 28 hours and you are not that far from being sick yourself. You have to rest.”
“I can rest with you here,” Samira argued back, trying to keep her anxiety in check, “I promise.”
“Sami, you are not going to get sleep with me waking up hacking every hour or more,” Emery said, brushing a piece of hair off her girlfriend’s face, “I’ll be fine sleeping in the other room.”
“I won’t sleep if you are not here,” Samira said, shaking her head, “Please Emery? I just need to know you are ok while you are this sick. I just…”
“Hey, ok,” Emery said, “I’m ok. I will stay if you need me to though. I just don’t want to keep you up.”
“I would rather have you here and know you are ok than have you across the house and wonder,” Samira said, tears welling up in her deep brown eyes.
“Ok,” Emery said as they both got back in bed, “I’ll stay. It’s ok.”
“I’m sorry,” Samira said, wiping at her eyes.
“You don’t have to be sorry Sami,” Emery said, reaching over and taking Samira’s hand in her own, “I know how much this triggers you. I’m sorry for trying to leave the room without talking to you first.”
“I should be ok with it,” Samira said, tear rolling down her cheek against her will, “I hate that my stupid brain panics when you get sick.”
“Hey, be nice to my girlfriend,” Emery said, coughing a little bit, “She is amazing and I won’t listen to you talk badly about her.”
“Sorry,” Samira said, rubbing Emery’s back as another cough tore through her chest.
“This fucking sucks,” Emery said as she spit into a tissue before leaning back against her pillows.
“Do you want me to go get you some tea?” Samira asked, “Or your inhaler to try to open things up more?”
“I’m ok for now,” Emery said yawning, “I’m tired though. We should try to get more sleep.”
Samira nodded, holding Emery close.
Around noon, Samira decided they needed some food, ordering some pho from a place they both liked, hoping the warm broth would help with some of Emery’s coughing. The sick surgeon managed to get down about half her bowl before almost falling asleep while eating, Samira quickly taking the container from her before it spilled, Emery jerking awake a second later.
“Sorry,” she said, rubbing her eyes, “I just can’t stay awake.”
“It’s ok,” Samira said, “You need sleep. Noro and then pneumonia is a lot for your body to deal with. I am going to go put this stuff in the fridge, and then we can rest more.”
“You don’t have to keep sleeping in here with me,” Emery said, yawning, “I’ll be ok on my own.”
“I’m still exhausted too,” Samira said as she picked up the bowls of pho, “Plus, it’s not often that we both have a day off together and I can convince you that cuddling in bed all day is a good idea so I’m taking advantage of this time.”
Emery rolled her eyes a little bit, but she knew it was true. Samira gave everything she had and then some to her job every single day and was constantly on the move when she was in the Pitt, but at home, she could melt into their bed for days if she was allowed to, only moving when absolutely necessary because that was her brain’s way of shutting off. Emery, on the other hand, craved movement and things like hiking, kick boxing, and biking on her days off because that helped her feel steady with her long hours of work. It took a lot to slow her down, which was also a huge indicator to Samira that her girl truly was not well because Emery hadn’t suggested anything physical for several days.
“Do you want anything else from the kitchen?” Samira asked as she headed out of the room.
Emery shook her head, leaning back against the pillows, clearly fighting sleep. Samira went into the kitchen, putting away the food and straightening up a little bit. While she was doing that, she heard Emery start coughing again, sighing as she went to look for the inhaler in hopes that it might give her a little relief.
However, just as she found it, she heard the coughing change and she ran into the bedroom just in time to see a red faced Emery with her hands over her mouth as she threw up all over herself and the bed.
“Oh Kan Maniye,” Samira said, going over to her girlfriend’s side immediately as Emery threw up again before bursting into tears.
“I’m so sorry,” the sick woman said, not even sure what to do because her hands were covered in vomit along with her shirt, the sheets, and unfortunately, some of her hair.
“Hey, no,” Samira said, grateful for her time in the ER that made her immune to situations like this, “It’s ok. Are you going to throw up again?”
“I...I don’t think so,” Emery said, tears still rolling down her flushed cheeks.
“Ok,” Samira said, carefully pulling the sheets and blankets off of Emery, “Let’s get you into the shower ok?”
Emery nodded, letting Samira guide her into the bathroom, the R4 flipping on the shower before helping her get her clothes off. Samira was careful not to get more vomit in Emery’s hair as she took her shirt off, grabbing a small trash bag to throw the dirty clothes in until she could get them in the washing machine. For now, her entire focus was on getting her girlfriend cleaned up and comfortable again. She opened the shower door, allowing Emery to step inside before quickly stripping her own clothes and joining her.
“Let’s get you clean ok, Kan Maniye?” Samira said they stepped into the spray.
“I’m so sorry,” Emery said again as Samira helped get her hair wet.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Samira said as she grabbed some shampoo to work into Emery’s hair, “You’re sick. It happens. We are lucky it didn’t happen earlier. Are you feeling nauseous again?”
“No,” Emery said, coughing a little, “It’s just my stupid gag reflex and this cough.”
Samira nodded as she scrubbed Emery’s hair. It had always been something Emery joked about, saying it was good she was so incredibly gay because with how sensitive her gag reflex could be there was no chance she would be able to give a blow job without puking for more reasons than one.
“I’m sorry the cough is so bad,” Samira said as she rinsed Emery’s hair, “I found your inhaler. Maybe that will help.”
Emery nodded tiredly as she coughed again. Samira worked quickly, getting Emery’s hair clean, batting her hand away when the sick woman reached for a wash cloth.
“Let me do it,” Samira said as she took the wash cloth herself, “I want to take care of you.”
“Thank you,” Emery said, voice low and raspy both from how sick she was and how emotional it made her that Samira was so incredibly caring.
Emery’s parents had always been too busy to take care of her when she was young, the task sometimes falling to her Bubbe when she was around, but it often was just Emery left to her own devices while also helping to look after her four younger siblings. Having someone care for her in such a soft and gentle way was something that was new in her relationship with Samira. Sometimes it felt wrong and made her uncomfortable, but she had learned to embrace it, and now it was one of her favorite things.
“You doing ok Em?” Samira asked as she gently yet firmly scrubbed Emery’s body.
Emery nodded, not trusting her voice at the moment. Samira finished washing her body and hair before grabbing a towel, wrapping it around Emery’s already shivering form.
“Let’s get you into some warm pajamas and into the guest room or on the couch,” Samira said, grabbing her own towel.
“I need to clean our bed,” Emery said as she dried herself off.
“Absolutely not,” Samira said shaking her head, “I will take care of that.”
“You don’t have to,” Emery said, shivering a little more, “I made the mess.”
“Emery, I want to,” Samira said as she went into their bedroom to grab Emery some warm pajamas.
“You want to clean up my puke?” Emery said, raising an eyebrow at her.
“Ok, I will admit that cleaning vomit isn’t ever my most favorite thing,” Samira said, helping Emery into some clean boxers, “But I would do anything to help you feel better. And you resting and not cleaning our bed is what is going to help you feel better.”
“You know, sometimes I really hate you,” Emery said as she stood there, teeth chattering as she looked up at the ceiling trying not to start crying.
“No you don’t,” Samira said, having heard this from Emery before, “I love you and you are deserving of that love and care.”
“Samira, if I start crying, I’m going to start coughing again, and we both saw how well coughing has worked out today so I’m going to need you to stop being so nice,” Emery said, wiping at her eyes.
Samira just pressed a kiss to Emery’s forehead which was way too hot for her liking before helping her into a pair of pajama pants. Once Emery had her sweatshirt on, Samira grabbed her curly hair brush, running it through her girlfriend’s locks.
On a normal day, Emery would put some products in her hair to help her curls hold, but both of them knew the only place Emery was going to spend time for the next few days was in this house. Samira quickly braided the hair into two braids to help keep the hair out of Emery’s face just in case she ended up throwing up again and also just because she was getting so sweaty with her fever.
“Do you want to go to the guest bed or the couch?” Samira asked as she tied off the second braid.
“Couch I think,” Emery said, “I’m tired of being in bed.”
“Ok,” Samira said, “Go get comfy, and I will be there once I get the sheets in the laundry.”
“I can do it,” Emery tried again weakly which only earned her a look from Samira that made her be quiet, or as quiet as she could be as she broke into another coughing fit.
“Let me get you your inhaler,” Samira said, rubbing her back, “And a trash can or emesis bag just in case.”
“I doubt I have anything let to throw up,” Emery said as Samira guided her to the couch, “This fucking sucks. That was good pho too.”
“We can get more once you are feeling better,” Samira said as she draped a blanket over Emery’s exhausted body before going to get the inhaler and spacer along with the bedroom garbage can.
“I don’t think I’m going to be able to eat that again for a long time,” Emery said, shaking her head before taking a puff of the inhaler, holding her breath for a minute before taking another puff and handing the device to Samira.
“I will be right back,” Samira said, going back into their bedroom to strip the bed.
She carried the laundry to their laundry room, getting a load started before going into the kitchen to boil some water for tea. She knew Emery wasn’t a huge fan of tea, but she also knew warm liquids would help.
She went back into the bedroom, debating putting sheets on the bed now, but ultimately deciding to just let it air out for a little bit. She went under their bathroom sink, grabbing a can of lysol and spraying the bed down to help get some of the lingering smell of sickness out of the matress.
She then grabbed the thermometer, pulse ox, and Tylenol before heading back into the kitchen where the tea kettle was boiling.
“Sami, are you coming back?” Emery asked in a very un-Emery like tone that broke Samira’s heart a little.
“Give me on more minute Kan Maniye,” Samira said, pouring two mugs of tea, adding tea bags to both.
She shoved the medical things into her pockets before heading over to the couch with both mugs of tea.
“Sorry I’m being so needy,” Emery said, face flushed though Samira couldn’t tell if it was from fever or embarrassment.
“You don’t need to be sorry,” Samira said, setting the mugs down, “I like being here for you. I want to be here for you because I love you.”
“I love you too. Always,” Emery said as Samira sat down on the couch, laying down before motioning for Emery to come closer, the surgeon all but crawling into her lap, resting her hot head on Samira’s chest.
“Can I please check you temp and oxygen?” Samira said, sliding her hand under Emery’s sweatshirt, rubbing her too warm back gently.
Emery nodded as Samira reached for the devices, popping the pulse ox on her finger and the thermometer under her tongue.
“Oxygen 94,” Samira said, “And temp 102.5. You are due for Tylenol if you think you can keep it down?”
“I just want to sleep,” Emery said, yawning a little bit as she rubbed her face on Samira’s chest, “I’ll take some when I wake up.”
Samira nodded, setting everything down as she kissed the top of Emery’s head, feeling the sick woman relax a little more into her as she fell asleep.
Samira just rubbed her back, allowing her girlfriend to rest, enjoying the fact that she could feel and hear every breath she took. She didn’t love that she could feel the slight wheezes in Emery’s chest, but her respiratory rate was normal, and she wasn’t retracting so she told herself it was fine.
It wasn’t often that Emery would lay on her like this, usually only if she had had a particularly rough shift or a bad mental health day or if she really wasn’t feeling well, and while Samira hated the things that got them into this position, she loved holding Emery like this. Emery loved holding Samira, often having her sit in her lap or be the big spoon in bed, but the surgeon rarely wanted the roles to be reversed. Samira didn’t mind, loving the feeling of being in Emery’s arms, but she did enjoy when she was able to reciprocate.
Emery coughed, Samira looking down, glad the sick woman was still sleeping. Samira kissed the top of her head, continuing to rub her back.
Samira looked at the time, seeing it was nearing 2 pm. She made a mental note to not forget Emery’s antibiotics with dinner.
It was then that she remembered the last time Emery was on antibiotics for strep that Samira had spread to her, her stomach, which was sensitive on a good day, had been a bit of a mess, even keeping her home from work one day. They had added in a probiotic which had helped some, Emery vowing that she was going to take them consistently the next time she was on antibiotics.
Samira grabbed her phone, seeing she had texts from several people including Parker Ellis who was apparently off tonight, offering to bring them dinner and asking if they needed anything. Samira decided to take the opportunity to ask if she could pick up a bottle of probiotics for Emery and some more Pedialyte or Gatorade, offering to pay her for them. Parker told her there was no need and that she would be there around 5 pm with dinner and the other requested goodies.
Samira set her phone back down, just letting herself relax a little bit, focusing on the feeling of Emery’s breaths and the weight of her body. Samira somehow managed to relax more, not quite asleep, but not fully awake either.
The rest of the afternoon was mostly spent resting on the couch, Samira coaxing fluids into Emery every chance she got and sticking the pulse ox on her no less than 10 times “just to be safe”, the surgeon very clingy the entire time.
At one point, Samira had tried to get up to put the sheets back on the bed and actual tears welled up in Emery’s beautiful brown eyes that forced her back down on the couch to hold her more.
“I’m sorry I’m so needy today,” Emery said as Samira traced patterns on her back, “I...I don’t even know.”
“It’s ok with me,” Samira said, kissing the top of her head, “I would hold you forever if that’s what you wanted.”
Emery just coughed again, chest aching as she did so. They were laying on the couch still when their doorbell rang, Emery giving Samira a confused look.
“Parker offered to bring us dinner,” Samira said, “And I had her pick up a few other things for you.”
Emery decided to get up with Samira this time, both of them going to answer the door.
“There’s the invalid,” Parker said as the door opened to let her in, “How you doing Walsh?”
“Shitty,” Emery said, coughing as Parker walked into the kitchen.
“Sorry my friend,” Parker said, setting the bags down on their counter, “You don’t look much better.”
“Fuck you,” Emery said, flipping Parker off before breaking off into another coughing fit, Samira rubbing her back through it, handing her a tissue as she finished.
“That sounds awful,” Parker said, cringing as Emery leaned on Samira a little.
“It feels awful,” Emery said, a little winded after the coughing fit.
“You look like you are ready to pass out,” Parker said, “I won’t keep you up. I hope you feel better Emery. Samira, let me know if you guys need anything else?”
“Thanks Parker,” Samira said, “I’ll venmo you?”
“No you won’t,” Parker said, shaking her head, “I’ll see you both later.”
They walked Parker out, Emery very much leaning on Samira at this point because she felt so awful. As soon as the door was closed, Samira lead Emery back to the couch.
“I’m going to grab you some food,” Samira said, “You going to be ok here until I come back?”
Emery nodded a little, leaning back against the pillows. Samira grabbed the pulse ox again, putting it on Emery’s finger.
Part of Emery wanted to snap at her girlfriend and tell her she was fine and didn’t need to be checked up on any more, but she bit her tongue, knowing this was just something Samira did because she was scared and had trauma from her dad. It was sweet to some extent because it showed just how much Samira truly cared about her, and it also wasn’t unwarranted today, especially after the scare they had last night.
There were times Emery would call Samira on her anxiety and help her work through it so it didn’t consume her, but this time didn’t feel like a time that that was needed. Samira was calm for the most part, and honestly, if the roles had been reversed, Emery was fairly sure she would have been checking on Samira just as often.
Her oxygen was still at an ok point so Samira set the device aside, kissing her forehead before going into the kitchen, coming back a few minutes later with some bowls and a prescription bottle.
“Ok,” Samira said, “Looks like Parker got you some mashed potatoes from The Eagle. She knows you well. Think you can manage those tonight? If not, I can make something else.”
“No, mashed potatoes sounds perfect,” Emery said, sitting up a little bit, “It’s not pho...or lasagna. I don’t think I will be able to eat either of those for a long time.”
“That reminds me, I need to throw out that lasagna,” Samira said, shaking her head, “I thought you had messed something up because it tasted bad when I ate it, but I think it was just my fucked up taste buds because of noro.”
“Yeah,” Emery said, taking a small bite of her food, “I can say it tasted bad the second time I tasted it that night. I hope it’s a long time before we get sick like this again.”
“Or never again,” Samira said, taking a bite of her grilled cheese.
“Babe, you work in the ED,” Emery said, “That is highly unlikely. And if we ever have kids like we talked about, they are germ factories.”
“Yeah, ok,” Samira said, rolling her eyes, “I’ll go with not for a long time. And preferably without the aspiration pneumonia.”
“Yeah,” Emery said, “That would be ideal. I am blowing all my PTO on being sick.”
“Well, you can’t working if you are coughing into an open body cavity,” Samira said, raising an eyebrow at her.
“Shut up,” Emery said before breaking off into another rough cough.
“Oh, here,” Samira said, “Antibiotics.”
“Yay,” Emery said dryly, “Can’t wait to be shitting my pants for a few days.”
“I had Parker get some probiotics for you so you can take those in two hours,” Samira said, “Hopefully we can avoid the upset stomach this time. And if not, I also had her pick up some things to help keep you hydrated.”
“Thank you,” Emery said, leaning her head on Samira’s shoulder for a second, “Thank you for always thinking ahead and taking care of me.”
“I love making sure you are taken care of,” Samira said, kissing the top of Emery’s head, “Now, take your meds and eat your food.”
Emery ate about half her mashed potatoes before curling back up on the couch, head in Samira’s lap.
“We should get you into bed,” Samira said as she finished her food, “I can stay home tomorrow if you need me to.”
“I’ll be ok Sami,” Emery said, sitting up, “You need to work. You are the senior resident. They need you. And you need to be there.”
“But if you need me more, I will be here,” Samira said, helping Emery up, “You are my number one priority.”
“I know,” Emery said, pulling Samira into a hug, “And I appreciate that, but I will be ok. I will probably just sleep most of the day, or find some World War II documentaries that I haven’t watched yet.”
“I’m not sure any of those exist,” Samira said, chuckling a little as she rubbed Emery’s back.
“I always manage to find more,” Emery said as they broke apart.
“I am going to go take this stuff into the kitchen and grab your probiotics,” Samira said, “Oh shit. I still need to make the bed. You can sit out here for a little longer while I go do that.”
“I can start making the bed while you clean up the kitchen,” Emery said, already moving in that direction, “I’m not dying.”
“You need rest,” Samira said, shaking her head.
“Sami, I need to move a little,” Emery said, “I don’t want to end up with a DVT from immobility.”
Samira rolled her eyes but decided not to stop her, instead gathering their dishes and heading into the kitchen. She put the rest of Emery’s potatoes in the fridge so she could eat them tomorrow, deciding to make some more tea for them.
While the tea was boiling, she went and grabbed the pulse ox, putting it with the bottle of probiotics. Once the water was done boiling, she poured it into two cups, adding tea bags, allowing them to steep while she got some water for them both also, bringing them into the bedroom where Emery was working on getting the sheet on the bed, coughing some as she went.
“Let me help,” Samira said, setting down the cups of water, helping Emery with the bed.
It didn’t take them long working together, Samira adding her own weighted blanket to her side of the bed, something she had found helped her sleep a little better.
Once the bed was made, Samira went back into the kitchen, grabbing the mugs of tea as well as Emery’s inhaler before going back into the bedroom where her girlfriend was in the middle of another coughing fit.
“Maybe you should sleep in the guest room tonight,” Emery tried again as her coughing died down, “You work in the morning and you need rest.”
“No,” Samira said firmly as she set down the mugs of tea, “I will sleep better here interrupted by your coughing than I will across the hall. Please Em?”
Emery knew better than to fight with Samira about this, but she always had to bring it up because she truly felt bad keeping her girlfriend awake.
The first time Emery had come down with just a cold while they were together, she had tried to convince Samira to not come over at all, but the then R3 had been insistent that she come help her, claiming she didn’t want her to be alone. Samira had even spent the night despite protest from Emery about not wanting to get her sick.
It had been during the course of this illness that Emery had learned about what had lead to Samira’s father’s death when she was just 13. It had started with what had appeared to be just a cold, her father not feeling well after work one day. However, by the following morning, he had been struggling to breathe, Samira and her mom rushing him to the hospital where he had been left to wait in the waiting room while he could barely breathe, Samira watching as other, mostly white, wealthy looking people, had been taken back with a smile. It had been Samira who had screamed for help when he went unconscious. She had then been kept out of the room where he was being worked on, overhearing snippets of conversations accusing her father of using drugs or smoking too much, all of which she knew was false. She had been kept out of the room the entire time, the staff not even giving her a moment to say goodbye to her dad after he had passed.
It has been traumatic for the young girl watching all of this happen. It turned out her father had had epiglottitis from Haemophilus influenza B. After hearing about this, Emery understood better why Samira was how she was when she got sick. A lot of things about Samira actually made more sense after that, and Emery was grateful she had told her everything.
Emery had helped encourage Samira to get into therapy since then, both to work through that trauma and her, at times crippling, anxiety.
Emery herself had been in therapy off and on since her brief but traumatic time in the Air Force that was not only rough from the one tour she did in which she had seen part of her squad hit by an IED in front of her when they were just driving on what they thought was friendly territory but also because of the “consequences” of being a woman in the military and having a superior who decided to take advantage of her.
Therapy had helped her a lot, and she was glad her girlfriend had had the same experience with it. There were still days both of them struggled, and both Emery and Samira were on medication daily with rescue meds for when things were really bad, but they were doing well.
They knew each others’ triggers, and what the other one needed for support. It had been very healing for both of them to be in a relationship where the other person truly cared about them.
And tonight, that meant that despite knowing that neither of them were going to sleep great, that Emery wouldn’t force Samira to sleep in the guest room or sneak in there herself. They climbed into bed together, both knowing they were going to have to get up to brush their teeth later but wanting to be comfortable for now. Emery moved closer to Samira almost immediately, the younger woman happy to hold her girlfriend close again.
“Are you really sure you will be ok on your own tomorrow?” Samira asked as she kissed the top of Emery’s head.
“I promise I will be,” Emery said, “I will even text you a photo of my pulse ox every other hour if that will help?”
“Really?” Samira said, biting her lip, not wanting to be ridiculous but also already feeling her anxiety about working tomorrow with Emery still sick.
“Really,” Emery said, twisting so she could see Samira’s face, “I’ll set alarms and everything if it will help.”
“Thank you,” Samira said, “It feels silly to ask you to do that, but…”
“But you are already anxious about work tomorrow and it hasn’t even happened yet?” Emery said, knowing exactly what her girlfriend was thinking, “It’s not silly if it helps you, Sami. Never.”
“I love you,” Samira said, leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss to Emery’s chapped lips.
“I love you too,” Emery said, “Always.”