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Published:
2026-08-20
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2026-08-31
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5/?
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Cold Blue Funk

Chapter 5

Summary:

Not going to lie - rewriting this to make it sound less obnoxious is more of a nightmare than I thought.

Chapter Text

Six more trials have passed since then, each all ending in Evan’s favour.

This does not mean much to him, because the culprit that had put him out of sorts to begin with was not present in any of them. At first, it has put him at ease, in more ways than one, a fact that he has decided not to mull over, but he was beginning to get annoyed.

He is on a mission. A mission he can’t complete due to chance. And it was pretty strange because it’s not like the headcount for the Bastard Squad isn’t even remotely vast even with the two new faces that have been dumped with them. And because of the survivor/killer ratio, it was still pretty common for Evan to be pit against the same one or two survivors in multiple trails back-to-back.

Which…okay, yeah that did happen, but those survivors don’t matter right now, they’re not the ones he needs to deal with. But seven trials? Seven trials without seeing Dwight? He should be relieved…and in a way he is…but…

Not in the right way?

Shit.

 

.

..

…

He supposed he must be radiating some kind of despairing energy at this point because his fellow killers had been eyeing him curiously as he went about his wanderings about the realm.

He needs a distraction. Anything to give him some peace and take his mind off things.

So, when Frank approached him and asked if he wanted to help him find some carrion and make offerings with Philip he assented gladly.

They had spent a good two and a half hours in the eternal woods working away, and now Evan and Philip had begun settling down and starting work on gutting and deboning the rotten bird carcasses. Frank who had broken off away from them a while back had returned to them disgruntled.

“Wish tanagers weren’t a fuckin’ nightmare to find.” He mutters, dropping the bird onto the pile.

“Then just skip them.” Says Danny, who had invited himself to the excursion and was in the middle of helping the group by doing fuck all. “I thought you said you don’t need any more for a good while anyway.”

“Sure, yeah but that was before we gave our shit to Max, figured he needed them more than us.”

Evan and Philip had simultaneously looked up from their work at Frank, who quickly continued, not particularly down with this attention. And aside from Danny, as his opinion doesn’t account for much in any of the Legion’s minds in any case, the creeping notion that he’s being judged by people he kind of, sort of respects does not sit well with him in the slightest.

“Since, y’know, he’s not doing so great. Figured he needed all the help he can get. Make sure that fuckin’ thing –“ he gestures to the sky with a resentful middle finger. “- gets off his back for a change.”

It had been true of course. Nowadays he ether comes back by the skin of his teeth. Or he comes back a week later. Unrecognisable. For a time at least.

“Okay, you do know it’s his own fault, right?” Danny said, shuffling closer to examine Philip’s delicate handiwork.

“Oh like you’ve never had a slump before?” Frank bit back “Cuz that’s prolly what it is.”

“I dunno, but I’ve spoken to Doctor Thunder-Fuck.” he paused as both Evan and Philip snorted out a laugh at this before continuing “and he thinks it’s deliberate.”

“What do you mean?” Philip asked looking up at him.

“Not sure. I asked if he thought he was playing with his food so to speak. He doesn’t think so. He reckons he doesn’t have the heart for it any more.”

They all considered this. That Max would rather face the Entity’s ire rather than the alternative? Philip hums and turns to Evan, who had gone a little rigid at the thought.

“I mean….” Danny continued “I don’t think Doc knows either come to think of it, he seemed off, so I know he wasn’t his shit-stirring self when he told me.” He clicked his tongue and sighed. “He said he saw it happen.”

“Saw it?” Frank looked at him incredulously “What does that mean?”

“Just what he said. Dunno what he meant by that.” He rubbed the back of his neck “He did look as if he saw some shit though. Like…More so than usual”

 

 

 

“Anyway…”Philip chimed in “could you maybe do something useful for a change and help us with these please?”

Danny had assented in playful sullenness and he and Frank began helping with the deboning.

 

The conversation tapered off to various different subjects such as; The abomination that had just joined their ranks and how they all shared the same opinion on the subject. Which was: Jesus Christ, what the actual fuck is that? And if anyone knew the deal with the new survivors that came with it. Which was a definite no all-round.

A particular good-humoured argument was cut short when Evan had felt the pull of the Entity again and thus had to leave to prepare. He was met with disappointed groans from Frank and Danny when he announced this fact. Philip wished him the best of luck.

“Thanks, man.” Frank gave him a friendly slap on the arm just as he was leaving. He handed him the spotted owl wreath he had just finished weaving. “Fuck em up for me.”

Evan clasped his shoulder and set off.

All in all, it was a pretty good way to waste a few hours.

Still, this business with Max worried Evan. He should probably get around to talking to him.

 

.

..

…

 

 

Evan was thrown into the Meat Plant next. And he was about to have a terrible time of it.

From the moment he recognised where he was as the realm was shifting into focus, he already drew up a simple plan: Now it can be tricky to navigate, and even trickier to watch your footing when exploring the lower floor, what with it being so dark and cluttered down there. Thus, every trap he picks up must be set downstairs, under every pallet and any sly corners. Though this does mean Evan himself is under a heightened threat of also stepping into his traps no matter how careful he is. Still, it always worked out okay for him.

It's just a damn shame he never got a chance to put that plan into action.

Sure, things had started just fine when he had spotted that “Songbird” creeping up the set of stairs he was making a beeline for and thus had proceeded to ruin her day and hook her with little hassle.

His problems started as soon as he set foot onto the lower floor when someone ran full body into him, presumably on a mission to rescue their teammate. Evan, affected by this as one would be if they had fallen victim to a surprise attack from a pillow, immediately struck the offending creature as she tried to scramble away.

He didn’t get a good look at her but buy by the sound of that scream it might have been the new girl.

Oh, this won’t take long then, he thinks as he gave chase. Another hit and he’d have gotten her started on the road to yet another toothy end. Won’t take long at all.

But of course, he was dead wrong on that account.

The New Girl had proven to be quite slippery, hell-bent on making this as hard for Evan as possible. Diving out the way with ease and leading him through the plant with some reasonable familiarity. She’s been dumped here too many a time already.

 

The Songbird was back on her feet and one of the generators was up and running by the time he finally cornered her into a dead-end - into the disgusting bathroom downstairs.

And now realising how bad she had fucked up, the New Girl proceeded to try to fuse herself with the grimy wall. Evan closed in on her, ignoring the struggling generator as he did so.

Suddenly, just when he swung his machete down to take the seething little wuss out, something darted in front of him and took a blow into the shoulder and the familiar scream rang out and sliced through Evan in a cold shock.

Oh…oh shit!

Time came to a rigid halt as he recoiled in horrified surprise, giving New Girl and her protector the chance to bolt past him and escape.

Oh shit, no!

It was Dwight. Dwight was in the trial with him. Oh god, and he struck him. He must have been ducking near the generator or...or in the locker or…

Evan shambled out of the room after them, the old dread now beginning to froth up again with this awful sickening feeling of…guilt? Is it guilt?

No. No this is it. Whatever he is feeling, he’s got to quash it down. This is it! He has to take him out!

He picked up speed; he can’t lose him now! He can’t!  If he can take him out now, he can do it again!

 

Notes:

Thank you for reading, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated