Chapter Text
Neither Saint nor Shin seemed capable of looking away.
Saint was still sitting on the floor with his guitar resting beside him.
Shin sat only a short distance away.
Then, slowly…
Shin stood.
And walked towards Saint.
Saint’s heartbeat quickened.
Shin stopped directly in front of him.
Then, he crouched down to Saint’s eye level.
Shin drank in every detail of Saint’s face, as though trying to preserve the moment forever.
Then, gently, he lifted both his hands.
And cupped Saint’s face.
Saint gulped.
Shin leaned his face closer.
“I’m already this close…”
Saint’s eyes widened slightly.
Shin’s voice sank to a husky whisper.
“Won’t you do anything?”
For one second, Saint forgot how to breathe.
He swallowed quietly, unable to tear his eyes away.
He knew what Shin meant.
There was no mistaking it now.
Slowly… Saint’s hands rose.
He placed them over Shin’s hands that were holding Saint’s cheeks.
“Shin…”, Saint’s voice trembled.
Shin waited.
Saint closed his fingers more tightly around Shin’s hands.
“You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to do something”.
Saint gave a shaky laugh and shook his head.
“That’s the problem! I’ve wanted to do so many things… But every time I thought about it, I… I remembered what I did to you”.
Shin didn’t interrupt.
Saint’s thumbs moved unconsciously over the backs of Shin’s hands.
“I thought getting you back was supposed to be enough”.
His eyes began to water.
“Do you understand? That was all I wanted when we met again in high school. I wanted my best friend back”.
His voice grew quieter.
“I would’ve accepted anything from you. Even if you hated me. Even if you never forgave me. I kept telling myself that if you would just let me stay somewhere in your life, that would be enough”.
Shin’s fingers shifted beneath his.
Saint continued before he could lose his courage.
“And then… you let me back in”.
His voice grew increasingly unsteady.
“You actually let me back in, Shin!”
Tears were slowly slipping down his cheeks.
“I was so, so happy. I thought… this is it. Don’t ask for anything else. Don’t be selfish. Don’t be greedy. You already got the one thing you spent years wishing for…”
Saint laughed again, this time more helplessly.
“But then… you kept being you…”
His gaze lowered briefly to their joined hands.
“You kept giving me these little moments. And every single time, I told myself not to misunderstand them…”
Saint’s eyes returned to Shin’s, lingering there.
“Because I was scared, Shin. I was scared that I would want too much again”.
Shin’s smile disappeared.
The words settled heavily between them.
Saint swallowed.
“Once, I wanted to keep you with me so badly that I didn’t even realize what I was doing to you”.
Saint paused.
“And when I finally understood… I ran…”
His voice became quieter.
“I left you when you needed me…”
“Saint…”
Saint tightened his hold on their hands.
“I spent so long wishing I could go back and change that. And when I got another chance, I promised myself I would never take anything from you again”.
Saint drew in a deep breath.
“So when I started wanting more than friendship…”
He stopped.
The next words were harder.
“I hated myself for it”.
Shin’s brows drew together.
Saint smiled sadly.
“Because… How could I possibly ask you for more?”
His voice cracked.
“You already gave me everything!”
Shin shook his head slightly.
But Saint kept going.
“You gave me your friendship back. You trusted me again. You let me into your life again…”
A quiet sigh slipped from his lips.
“And I still wanted more”.
Saint looked at him as though there was nowhere else in the world he could possibly look.
His thumbs trembled against Shin’s hands.
“I wanted to be the person you looked for first”.
“I wanted to be the person you called when you were happy, not only when you needed help”.
“I wanted you to keep leaning on my shoulder. Not because you were tired. But because you wanted to be close to me”.
“I wanted you to come home to me”.
“I wanted to take care of you. Protect you. I wanted a future with you”.
“And that’s when I realized… I wasn’t just happy that you were my best friend again”.
Saint’s tears continued to fall as he confessed, his voice breaking with every word.
But when he reached the words he had been afraid to say, he stopped.
He swallowed hard, gathering what little courage he had left.
His eyes met Shin’s, and after a trembling breath, he finally whispered, “I realized that I am in love with you, Shin”.
Shin stopped breathing.
“I love you”, Saint repeated.
Shin’s eyes softened. His smile returned.
Saint gave a helpless laugh.
“I’ve been in love with you for so long that I don’t even know when friendship stopped being enough”.
That was the truth.
The one Saint had never dared to say.
“I loved you when we were kids. I didn’t understand it. But I knew that losing you hurt more than losing anyone else ever could”.
A paused.
“And when you were gone… I thought I deserved it”.
At this point, Shin’s eyes grew glassy as well.
“When I got you back… Suddenly I remembered how much I missed you… How much I needed you…”
Saint bit his lips.
“And then… I started noticing things I shouldn’t”.
A gentle smile broke through Saint’s tear-streaked face as he drew breath for his next words.
“Like how pretty you are”.
A broken little laugh escaped Shin between his tears.
Saint continued. This time, no hesitation.
“You asked why I wasn’t doing anything”.
Shin pouted, tears still glistening in his eyes, and gave a small nod.
Saint slowly moved Shin’s hands from his cheeks to Shin’s own face.
Shin’s palms came to rest against his cheeks, with Saint placing his hands over them, mirroring the way Shin had held him moments ago.
“I’ve wanted to… For years”.
“And because I’ve wanted this for so long, I was afraid that if I finally reached for it…”
“…I wouldn’t know how to let go”.
Saint held his gaze.
“Shin, I love you”.
“I love you so much that sometimes it scares me”.
“I love you enough that losing you once was already more than I could bear!”
“And now that I have you again…”
“I don’t want to lose you”.
Saint slowly released Shin’s hands.
He had said it. Everything.
Years of guilt.
Years of regret.
Years of friendship.
Years of love.
Years of yearning.
All of it.
Shin noticed Saint’s trembling hands.
The confession had taken everything out of Saint.
Before Saint could move away, Shin reached forward.
And captured one of his hands.
Saint looked up.
Shin moved closer.
Their faces were close again.
Close enough that Saint could see every flicker of emotion across Shin’s face.
For several seconds, they only stared.
Then… Shin said thoughtfully, “Usually, in a romantic drama…”
Saint blinked.
Shin’s lips twitched. “We would’ve already kissed at this point”.
Saint stared at him.
His heart immediately began racing again.
“Is that… OK?”
But then…
To Saint’s complete confusion…
Shin looked around the apartment.
Left.
Right.
Then, behind him.
“What are you looking around for?”, Saint asked, confused.
Shin looked back towards him innocently.
Saint burst out laughing against his will. “There’s just you and me in this apartment!”
Shin made an offended, whining sound.
“Then hurry up!”
Saint shook his head.
Eventually, the laughter faded.
And Saint suddenly became aware how quiet the room had become again.
Shin’s hand was still holding his.
His eyes were warm.
Expectant.
So Saint shifted closer.
He slowly lifted one hand…
And gently brushed aside a strand of Shin’s hair that had fallen across his eyes.
His fingertips lingered for only a moment.
Then… his hand moved to Shin’s cheek.
Shin immediately closed his eyes.
Saint’s heart nearly stopped.
He stared at the trust and the quiet expectation on Shin’s face.
Saint’s thumb moved gently against his cheek.
“Shin”.
“Hmm?”
Saint hesitated.
“I… I’m afraid…”
Shin opened his eyes.
Saint looked directly into them.
“I’m afraid I can’t take this slow. Because I’ve yearned for this for so long”.
Shin’s lips parted, a word already forming, but Saint stopped him before he could say it.
Saint’s voice shook. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop”.
For a second, Shin simply stared at him.
Then, he chuckled.
And before Saint could retreat into embarrassment, Shin snaked both arms around Saint’s neck.
Their foreheads nearly touched.
Shin smiled.
“Your yearning for me is rightful”.
Then, his smile became brighter.
“I consent”.
That was it.
The last thread of restraint snapped.
Saint closed the remaining distance.
Their kiss began cautiously.
As though, even now, Saint was giving Shin one last chance to pull away.
Shin didn’t.
Instead, his arms tightened around Saint’s neck.
And suddenly, there was nothing cautious about the way their hearts reacted.
Saint kissed him again.
This time, with years behind it.
Years of missing Shin.
Years of regretting.
Years of wanting Shin back.
Years of sitting beside him and pretending friendship was enough.
Shin met him with everything he had been holding back too.
All those years of anger.
All those years of secretly waiting for Saint to return.
All those months of testing him.
The kiss was breathtaking because neither of them had expected to finally be here.
They both giggled when their noses bumped together.
Somehow, that made the moment even more overwhelming.
Because this was them.
Saint and Shin.
After everything.
Still finding each other.
Still refusing to let go.
When they finally pulled apart, Saint rested his forehead against Shin’s.
The kiss left them both breathless.
“So…”
Shin whispered after a long silence.
Saint looked at him. “So?”
“We finally did something”, Shin said with a grin.
Saint laughed.
When his voice was steady again, he said seriously, “I won’t run from you again”.
Shin’s face lit up before tackling Saint with a hug.
Saint hugged him back, then leaned in and kissed Shin once more.
== == ==
After that, nothing about them had changed, yet somehow, they were no longer the same.
Before, Shin would come home after training, exhausted, and drop his head onto Saint’s shoulder.
Now, he still did.
Except Saint would immediately lift an arm around him.
Then, Shin would make a satisfied little sound and shift closer.
Somehow, without either of them needing to discuss it, leaning became cuddling.
On the motorcycle, Shin no longer pretended he needed Saint to tell him to hold on properly.
The moment he climbed on, his arms automatically went around Saint’s waist…
He rested his chin against Saint’s shoulder…
And Saint would be trying very hard to remember how to operate a motorcycle normally.
Their relationship wasn’t suddenly perfect.
They still argued.
But there was no longer any need to pretend.
No longer any need to wonder.
No longer any need to silently ask whether the other person felt the same.
== == ==
One evening, they sat together on the balcony.
Shin leaned against Saint’s side, their hands intertwined between them.
Below, the city continued moving.
Cars passed.
Lights flickered.
Somewhere in the distance, people laughed.
But up here, they were two lovers who were content to simply being together, even in silence.
Saint looked down at their joined hands.
A few months ago, he would have been too afraid to even imagine this.
Now, Shin’s fingers were comfortably tangled with his.
As if Saint had never spent years wondering whether he was allowed to want this.
Shin shifted closer. “Saint”, he softly called out.
Saint automatically leaned towards him. “Hmm?”
Shin looked up at him.
“Never stop yearning for me”.
Saint blinked.
He thought it was a strange request.
So he studied him.
Shin’s voice sounded teasing, though there was no playfulness in his eyes.
A quiet vulnerability that Shin rarely allowed anyone to see.
Suddenly, Saint understood.
The ‘yearning’ that Shin meant, wasn’t asking Saint to suffer.
He wasn’t asking Saint to spend his life longing from afar.
He was asking for something much simpler…
Don’t stop wanting me.
Don’t stop choosing me.
Don’t stop reaching for me.
Saint’s gaze softened with recognition.
Shin squeezed his hand.
Then… because Shin was Shin…
He lifted his chin slightly and said, “Praise me all night long”.
Saint’s eyebrows rose.
Shin continued with complete seriousness.
“Your luck will be great if you chant my name”.
For about 3 seconds, Saint simply stared at him.
Then, he let out a disbelieving laugh.
“You can’t be serious!”
Shin frowned. “I am your boyfriend now so you should be praising me!”
Shin made an offended sound and tried to pull his hand away.
Saint immediately tightened his grip.
Soon, his laughter faded.
He then raised their joined hands and pressed them gently against his chest.
Shin felt the steady beat of Saint’s heart beneath his palm.
Saint’s teasing expression disappeared, replaced by a tenderness he couldn’t quite hide.
“This moth is willing to burn just to even touch your breath…”
He smiled, a little helplessly.
But with no guilt anymore in his eyes.
“Hence…”
His voice became softer.
“My yearning for you is rightful”.
Shin gasped, his heart hammering wildly against his ribs.
His eyes widened slightly.
He’d already forgotten he was supposed to be sulking.
With his heart overflowing, Shin leaned in and pressed his lips to Saint’s.
Saint smiled against his lips before kissing him back.
When they finally pulled apart, Shin rested his head on Saint’s shoulder.
Just like he had done countless times before.
Saint looked down at him.
Before, Shin resting against him would have made Saint’s heart ache with all the things he couldn’t say.
Before, Saint would have sat perfectly still, afraid to move.
But now…
Saint wrapped both his arms around Shin.
Shin scooted closer, practically curling himself into Saint’s embrace.
“Comfortable?”, Saint asked.
“Very much~”
Saint suddenly hugged Shin tighter, overcome by the urge to squeeze him.
“Greedy”, he muttered fondly, burying his face against Shin’s hair.
Shin smiled against his shoulder.
They stayed that way for a while.
Eventually, Shin tilted his head upwards. “Saint”.
“Hmm?”
“It’s fine if you don’t want to praise me. But at least chant my name, please?”
Saint let out another amused laugh. “You really won’t let that go, huh?”
Shin puffed out his cheeks, rocking slightly as he urged, “Come on~”
Saint shook his head.
Keeping his arms wrapped around Shin, Saint gazed into his eyes.
His expression softening with affection.
“Shin”, he murmured fondly.
Shin smiled radiantly, his eyes sparkled with joy.
Saint said it again, keeping their gaze locked.
“Shin”.
And once more.
“Shin”.
Shin felt like he might cry.
Hearing Saint chant his name over and over again, as though he could never grow tired of saying it…
Made Shin felt precious.
Felt important.
Cherished in a way that made his heart ache.
Saint pressed a kiss against Shin’s hair and held the smaller man closer.
Beneath the quiet night sky, with Shin warm in his arms and his name still resting on Saint’s lips, he finally understood.
Yearning did not always mean distance.
Sometimes, when you were lucky…
Yearning could become choosing.
Again.
And again.
And again.
Because in Saint and Shin’s story…
After all those years of longing…
They had finally found the place they had been yearning to reach.
Each other.
And this time, neither of them was going anywhere.
=== THE END ===