Chapter Text
October 26th, Saturday
"Ponyboy!" Soda calls from the kitchen "Breakfast is ready." Ponyboy rolls out of bed and walks out of his room and to the kitchen.
"What color?" He yawns. He sits down next to Johnny at the table.
"Guess" Soda says facing towards the kitchen counter holding Ponyboy's plate of food.
"Green? Blue?"
"Wrong!" Soda sings and he spins around with a very colorful looking plate of food. "It's all the colors except blue because I somehow lost that one." Soda pouts. He walks off into the livingroom humming a tune.
Ponyboy's eyes flicker down to the plate placed in front of him. 2 pancakes, one green, and one orange. A few pieces of bacon that are not colored abnormally, however the maple syrup that Soda seemed to have drowned them in, is suspiciously more red than Ponyboy has remembered maple syrup ever looking. And of course, the purple scrambled eggs.
"So, how long have you been up?" Ponyboy directs the question to Johnny.
"Since Soda started cooking breakfast." Johnny takes another bite of food.
"And how long has Soda been up?"
"He finished cleaning the driveway." Johnny states. "Washed with soap and everything."
"Why?" Ponyboy frowns, Johnny shrugs.
"He seems worried."
That makes Ponyboy's frown deepen.
"What for?" Ponyboy glances at the doorway to the livingroom where Soda left too minutes ago and he lowers the fork from his mouth. Johnny refuses to look at Ponyboy's face.
"You" Johnny's voice is quiet. Ponyboy completely sets down the fork and tilts his head.
"Me? Why?"
"You seem off nowadays, Pony" Johnny finally looks at Ponyboy, his eyes filled with concern.
"I'm fine" Ponyboy deflects, he averted his eyes to the window. Johnny places his hand over Ponyboy's.
"Are you?" Johnny leans to be in front of Ponyboy and no longer at his side. "You're at the library most afternoons, I don't even see you during lunch at school. You take so many naps when you are home."
"I'm just studying, that's all." Ponyboy closes his eyes "Staying on top of my school work."
"Ponyboy, I found you on the roof." Johnny exclaims sounding somewhat frustrated. "Last Sunday you had a nightmare that really freaked you out."
"Nightmares are nothing new to me." Ponyboy looks at Johnny.
"What about the roof? Huh?" Johnny grows more annoyed with Ponyboy's stubbornness.
"I'm fine" Ponyboy frowns
"Why won't you just tell us what's going on?" Johnny sighs exasperated.
"Because there is nothing too tell." Ponyboy sighs as well. He stands up and takes his hand back from Johnny, either missing or choosing to ignore the wave of sadness that over takes his face. "I'm going to the library today, found something I was interested in and I want to look into it further."
"I'll come with you" Johnny stands as well.
"No" Ponyboy says quickly "No, I'd rather go alone." He walks to the sink and places his plate and fork down. Then walks to his room to get ready without looking at Johnny.
When he makes it to his room he closes the door and grabs clothes to go out in. He decides that since he'll be painting he should probably wear clothes that don't fit him all the way. He finds a shirt from a few years back and old torn up pants that fit tightly around the waist. Once dressed, he grabs a jacket and some cash to keep in his pocket.
He walks out of his room and to the bathroom where he brushes his teeth. He goes to grab the hair gel but looks at himself in the mirror and decides against it, he's going to see Oliver not going to the movies.
He finally makes his way to the livingroom and puts his shoes on.
"Where you goin' kid?" Darry asks
"Library" Ponyboy responses before walking out the door and leaving without furthering the conversation.
He's not mad.
He's not mad, he is anything but mad. Frustrated? Maybe just a little bit, but that's only because they worry too much. Annoyed? Yeah, with himself. He should have been better at hiding, whatever this is. It's not a problem, per-say, more of a challenge. He's good at overcoming challenges, which is why he doesn't need to tell them and why they should stop being so worried. And nothings changed with his studying in the afternoon, at least nothing that they know of. Oh my god, what if they know.
Ponyboy stops walking and his stomach drops. But he shakes his head and continues to walk down the sidewalk again.
They don't know, if they did they'd be much louder about it. And at lunch... well at lunch he's with the group, but they don't know he's with the group. He's not with Johnny, which has obviously gone noticed. But Johnny's mostly with Dally anyway. And Johnny doesn't know Ponyboy's with the group, no, that's ridiculous. To Johnny, he's in the school library or having some down time in-between classes, alone. Which isn't hard to believe, right?
Ponyboy turns down a street the he remembers from walking home from Olivers house. And suddenly a question pops into his head.
Why are you hiding?
But Ponyboy isn't hiding, he thinks. Although, he isn't being very open either, his heart counters. It's not that he's afraid of what the gang will say, and he knows what the gang will say. He just, wants something to himself. That's not a crime, is it? He loves the gang, but they aren't too big on giving each other space. And don't get him wrong, he loves how close they all are (both figuratively and literally). But the group gives him space for his mind to explore. Different needs from different people. As for Oliver, he doesn't think they would understand the dynamic. They'd probably just tease him for "being an old man", Ponyboy not Oliver. So, having this friendship to himself is nice too. Because he isn't hiding, he doesn't feel the need to hide. He's strategically withholding details, and that's fine.
Ponyboy finds himself in front of Olivers house has his thought finishes. He opens the gate and walks down the path to the front door.
He knocks on the door and waits for a minute. Then he hears a tapping sound against the wooden floor behind the door and barking. The door opens and Romeo leaps out running around Ponyboy.
"Ponyboy" Oliver greets him, he moves aside to let Ponyboy in. "Come in, come in." He ushers Ponyboy inside.
"It's good to see you" Ponyboy smiles
"Like wise" Oliver pats Ponyboy on his back. "Is there anything you have in mind that you want to paint?"
"No, I don't have a preference." Ponyboy shakes his head. Oliver nods thoughtfully.
"I have an idea." Oliver hums "We'll set up in the livingroom, alright?"
"Alright," Ponyboys nods in agreement. "how do I help the best?"
Oliver directs him on how to help set up the easels and then shows him where the paints are. When all finish, Ponyboy steps back and looks at the scene they'll be painting. It's the piano in Olivers livingroom, covering in painted on flowers. There's a vase of flowers on top and a cushioned seat in front. Music sheets layed flat across the top and some on the music desk of the piano. Light from a nearby windows to it's side, is cast upon it.
"Is there a specific way to start a painting?" Ponyboy asks, looking from his canvas to Oliver next to him.
"Well, it depends on the type of art." Oliver starts to explain "And even then it depends on the artist. There could technically be a correct way to start, but I like to think that after you get the basic ideas down, you can go anywhere from there."
"Can I copy what you do?" Ponyboy inquires
"Of course you can." Oliver smiles kindly. He picks up his paint brush and watches Ponyboy do the same. He starts with the background color, a light blue. Ponyboy picks a similar color.
"My wife and I had fought over the wall colors when we first moved here." Oliver recounts from memory.
"Really?" Ponyboy doesn't look away from his canvas while painting the color all over it.
"Oh, yes" Oliver nods "I had wanted it to be grey. Lori was worried that it would make people doze off if they stayed in the room too long." He chuckled. Ponyboy laughed with him.
"What made you guys decide on blue?"
"Originally, Lori wanted purple. But when we got to the store, they were out of the purple she wanted. She looked through paint samples again, determined to get something." Oliver laughs fondly "No matter how many times I told her I was willing to come back. She found the sample for this blue and fell in love." He sighs happily "We bought it and when we got home she hated it, absolutely despised it."
"Then why paint the room this color?" Ponyboy asks confused.
"Well, I told her that we bought it so we might as well use it. She did not think so, she said she'd hate anything covered in the color." Oliver starts to make the general shape of the piano and Ponyboy follows along. "I asked her if I were covered in it, if she'd hate me. She said 'let's find out' and flicked the paint cover paint brush at me, getting paint all over my shirt." Oliver laughs loudly.
"She did that?" Ponyboy laughs as well
"We ended up getting into a war, covering each other in the paint." Oliver shakes his head amused. "In the end there wasn't much left and we were covered. She told me later that night she's changed her mind about the color again and wanted me to get more in the morning." Ponyboy hums in response.
"Is there any reason you haven't painted before?" Oliver inquires
"I just haven't had anything worth painting." Ponyboy shrugs
"What isn't worth painting?" Oliver glances over to Ponyboy.
"I don't know...stuff I see everyday?" Ponyboy guesses
"But other people haven't see it everyday. You've never seen it painted before." Over counters "I see my livingroom everyday, but I still paint it because of the memories I've had in here. I also create new memories when painting."
"I guess that's true" Ponyboy replies "I've drawn my kitchen many times. But I don't think that's the same thing."
"Do you enjoy doing it?"
"Yes"
"Then I think it is"
"I think all of my drawings are a timeline of the kitchen." Ponyboy pauses painting. "It looks different everytime and I always fine new details to add." He thinks again "Or maybe it's a timeline of me."
"That's a wonderful realization" Oliver comments. Ponyboy starts painting again and they fall into a comfortable silence.
"Oliver?"
"Yes, Ponyboy?"
"Thank you for making these memories with me."
"Of course"
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Ponyboy looks between his finsihed painting, the livingroom, Olivers painting, and then back at his.
"I think the colors are off" Ponyboy comments
"That's okay"
"And the proportions are messed up." Ponyboy adds
"It's from a different lense"
"And over all wonky" Ponyboy concludes
"The best I could have ever hoped for." Oliver takes a sip of tea.
"It should be tossed"
"It will be cherished." Oliver states "Come sit down, stop looking at it too much." Oliver pats the chair next to him. Ponyboy walks over but keeps his eyes on his painting.
"I could do better." Ponyboy groans
"So could I" Oliver nods
"No, yours looks good" Ponyboy looks confused
"Yes, it does, and yes, I could do better. Both can be true at the same time." Oliver smiles "I have something I'd like to give to you." He stands up and walks to another room. Ponyboy sits at the table with a confused look.
Oliver walks back into the room with a book and pen in hand. He sits down where he was and sets the book in front of Ponyboy.
"I'm curious to know how you see the world." Oliver sets the pen down. "Would you write your thoughts and cares in this journal and share with me when it's filled?" Ponyboy picks up the journal and thinks for a moment.
"I can try" He says barely above a whisper
"I look forward to reading it" Oliver smiles "Are you staying for lunch?"
"If that's okay?" Ponyboy asks
"Of course it is" Oliver pats him on the back and stands up "What do you want for lunch? I think I have some stuff for sandwiches or we could go get food."
"Sandwiches is good." Ponyboy answers. Oliver walks to the kitchen and Ponyboy follows.
"How do you like your sandwiches Ponyboy?" Oliver opens a cabinet and grabs a loaf of bread. "Would you like your bread toasted? I have some lunch meat in the fridge, chicken, cheese, some more stuff" Oliver walks over to the stove and waves his hand to the fridge "You can just pick out whatever you'd like."
Ponyboy hesitately walks over to the fridge and opens it.
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Oliver and Ponyboy sit outside on the porch and eat their sandwiches. Romeo runs around the yard, chasing the wind.
"What happened after that?" Oliver asks intrigued
"Well, Natalie started yelling at him in the cafeteria." Ponyboy shrugs, he doesn't know how they got onto this topic but Oliver seems to be enjoying it. "Archie seemed very uncomfortable. And his friend didn't look too happy either." Ponyboy takes a bite of his sandwich "I'm pretty sure I saw him with a black eye later in the day too." Oliver laughs
"When I was a young man," Oliver says "a little older than you are now, I knew a guy who cheated on a friend of mine. Of course, I would never encourage violence now, but I did not have the same mentality back then."
"You jumped him?" Ponyboy asks wided eyed
"Just hit him a bit, reminded him that he was an asshole." Oliver replied "Excuse my language."
"I don't care if you cuss or not." Ponyboy says "My gang cusses all the time. Technically I'm not supposed too, Darry said not too, but that was a lost cause long ago."
"How are your brothers?" Romeo runs up to the porch and tries to steal Olivers food.
"They're good" Ponyboy answers, he pauses before he talks again. "They're worried about me. I don't know how to stop that."
"They're your older brothers, They're going to be worried about you because they care." Oliver smiles softly at Ponyboy "If theres something going on, talk to them. If you need to tell them to back off or stop hovering around you, I'm sure they'll understand."
"I'll try, I'm not sure it'll help though..."
"Trying to communicate is all you can do." Oliver comforts.
"Thank you for inviting me today, but I should probably get going." Ponyboy looks up to the sky. "It looks like theres a storm coming this way." Oliver looks up to the sky as well.
"Indeed so" Oliver nods "Be safe on your way home. Thank you for coming to paint with me." Ponyboy picks up his jacket and puts it on. He then grabs the journal that was next to him. He looks at his plate that once had his sandwich on it. "Leave the plate, I'll take care of it."
"Thank you," Ponyboy smiles, he pets Romeo before walking to the gate. "Bye!" He waves to Oliver and walks out. Oliver waves back and Ponyboy leaves to go home.
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When Ponyboy arrives home and hides the journal in his jacket.
"Where were you?" Darry demands as soon as Ponyboy walks through the door.
"The library, I told you that when I left." Ponyboy walks past the livingroom, heading towards his room.
"Why were you gone so long?" Soda asks. Ponyboy looks at the clock.
"It's only been a few hours." Ponyboyt turns back around to look at his brothers and Johnny. Darry looks angry or disappointed? Soda looks concerned and Johnny, Johnny has a blank expression. "I'll be right back and then we can continue this conversation." Ponyboy starts to walk again.
"Ponyboy, you come back here now." Darry almost shouts.
"Darry, I'm just changing clothes." Ponyboy sighs but doesn't stop walking to his room.
When he gets in and closes the door he puts the journal into a drawer in his desk and covers it with some lose papers. And then changes out of jeans and shirt and into sweat pants and one of Sodas long sleeves shirts.
Taking a deep breath he turns around to the door and stares. Talk to them, he reminds himself. Trying to communicate is the best I can do. He recites what Oliver had told him not even an hour ago.
He walks out of the bedroom and to the livingroom where they waited. Standing awkwardly in the doorway that leads to the kitchen, Ponyboy waits for someone to start talking.
"Why did you tell Johnny he couldn't come." Darry asks.
"I wanted to go alone, I said that." Ponyboy replies calmly, he will not lose his temper he tells himself.
"It seems like all you want to do is be alone these days." Johnny mutters. Ponyboy clenches his jaw and takes a deep breath to calm himself.
"I just like some alone time, I still enjoy spending time with the gang." He states
"We're worried about you, Pony" Soda says
"I know, but I'm fine. I understand that you're worried and I know that you care, believe me I do." Ponyboy starts "But I'm doing okay, school is just a lot right now, so I'm studying so I don't fall behind."
"Do you need a break from school?" Darry sounds concerned
"No" Ponyboy sighs
"You're contradicting yourself." Soda groans
"No, I'm not." Ponyboy closes his eyes in frustration "Just because I'm trying to stay ahead of work doesn't mean I need a break. In fact, taking a break would do the opposite of what I need."
"I don't see why you need to go alone though." Darry sighs
"I just wanted to be alone, so I wouldn't feel pressured to be entertaining someone else while I'm trying to study." Ponyboy groans in frustration.
"Johnny could've studied with you." Sodas points out, ponyboy throws his hands up in exasperation.
"First off, Johnny doesn't study, ever. So before you say that, you're just wrong. Second even if he did need to study, he should be the one saying that. Not you guys." Ponyboy counters
"Johnnycake is quiet, he wouldn't even say anything." Darry says
"That's probably because everyone speaks for him!" Ponyboy shouts "He's right here and you guys are speaking for him." Ponyboy turns to look at Johnny completely, who is sitting on the floor by Darry's chair. He lowers in voice and as calmly as he can, he says, "If you need to study, then study. If you want to study with me, then ask. That's fine and I'd be happy to study with you if we set some time to do that." He turns back to face his brothers. "But that still doesn't change what I need, if I need alone time or to study alone, then I am going to do that. You guys don't get to dictate what I need or how I'm going to deal with things. I'm not a kid, no matter how much you disagree, I'm not. I haven't been a kid in a long time. Yes, I am a child. But I need to do things for myself." Ponyboy sighs "I'm not having this conversation right now. I'm going to me and Sodas room, to have some alone time. Alone, because I need to be alone right now."
Ponyboy turns around and doesn't wait for anyone to respond. So much for staying calm, he thinks to himself.
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October 28th, Monday
Sunday had been awkward to say the least. Normally after Ponyboy and Darry fight, the rest of the group is awkward. But this wasn't just Darry and Ponyboy fighting, Soda was apart of this too. And Ponyboy doesn't know how to feel about it. Of course him and Soda have fought before. But that's rare. Usually, Soda's the one trying to stop fights. And to be honest, he's not even sure what the fight was about. Was it because he was gone so long? Or because he was alone? Ponyboy isn't sure.
"Are you alright?" Leo bumps his shoulder against Ponyboy's as they walk to the cafeteria.
"Yeah, just thinking." Ponyboy sighs
"Need advice?" Leo asks "Or maybe a distraction?"
"Distraction?"
"Yessir" Leo smiles "So, you remember how Archie cheated on Natalie?" Ponyboy nods. "Welllll, it turns out Archie wasn't the only disloyal one."
"Natalie cheated on him to?" Ponyboy gasps.
"With his cousin" Leo laughs
"When?!"
"This last weekend."
"How did you find out?" Ponyboy raises an eyebrow
"I have sources." Leo shrugs
After getting food from the cafeteria they walk to the blenchers. But before they can get there all the way, someone calls for Leo.
"Leo!" They turn to see a boy with blonde hair running towards them and waving.
"Caleb" Leo smiles as Caleb now stands in front of them. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Ah, I was just wondering if you'd like to practice." Caleb says "With me." He adds quickly. "Sometime later?" He blushes
"Absolutely" Leo smiles brightly "Oh, how rude of me, this is my friend Ponyboy" Leo introduces him.
"Nice to meet you" Ponyboy nods his head.
"Likewise" Caleb smiles "So, I'll see you later?"
"Yes" Leo confirms. Caleb walks away and Leo and Ponyboy continue walking to the blenchers.
"That was Caleb? From theater?" Ponyboy inquires
"Yes" Leo replies
"The Caleb that wanted to work with you"
"That's the one"
"The Caleb that you are interested in getting closer together?" Ponyboy smirks, Leo blushes.
"Evidently so" Leo chooses not to acknowledge Ponyboys teasing look.
"You didn't set a time to see him again, you just said 'later' " Ponyboy points out.
"Oh, shut up." Leo walks faster to the blenchers. Ponyboy laughs and tries to keep up.
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"The King and his knight have arrived." Leo announces to the group. Ponyboy sits next to Dima and Finn.
"Where's Immy?" He asks
"She's in the bathroom." Yukie answers. Ponyboy nods.
"So, auditions this week, how you feelin' Finn?" Ponyboy looks over to Finn and hears Ernie groan at the question.
"Tis a extravagant worry of mine." Finn starts "I do indeed spend most nights with an unspoken burden."
"We get it drama king." Ernie rolls her eyes.
"Excuse you, did you ask? No, Ponyboy did, so respectfully, keep your mouth shut." Finn snaps back. "As I was saying, the time of waiting has taken a toll-"
"I think I've got it." Ponyboy chuckles
"No one appreciates the art of drama anymore." Finn mumbles to himself.
"Leo has himself a date with a guy named Caleb." Ponyboy states, hopefully to distract Finn from continuing on with his speech. Finn shoots up and immediately gets up with a shit eating grin. "How are you, Dima?" Ponyboy asks as he watches Finn walk over to Leo.
"I've been good, are you okay?" Dima tilts his head and looks over to Ponyboy.
"I'm fine, why do you ask?" Ponyboy smiles. But Dima sees through it.
"I just wanted to be sure, you look sad."
"Is it alright if I'm honest?" Ponyboy sighs
"Of course." Dima nods. Ponyboy shifts where he sits, unsure on how to form the sentences he needs.
"I got into a fight with my older brothers this weekend." Ponyboy says after a few minutes of silence. "We've been doing really good lately and I guess it's my fault. They're worried about me and I keep brushing them off. I know, I should try to be better and talk and let them know that I'm fine but, I don't know." He sighs again. He moves to sit criss crossed and rests his chin on his knuckles with his elbow on his knee. "I guess I just don't want to burden them. Darry and Soda already have work stressing them out so I assumed that if I kept myself in check that they wouldn't have to worry about me." Dima waits for him to finish talking before speaking.
"Is there anything that they are worried about specifically?" Dima asks "You don't have to answer if you aren't comfortable." He adds
"Well..." Ponyboy trails off "Since our... parents passed I've had these nightmares, I can never remember what happens but they really freak me out. And I used to wake up screaming which worried by brothers and they'd wake up and have to deal with me. However, lately I haven't been waking up screaming and so I haven't told them that I haven't stopped getting nightmares. I deal with them myself, I should do that anyway. I haven't been getting the best sleep and I guess it shows." Ponyboy laughs humorlessly at that. "I thought I was doing good by not tell them." He whispers
"I'm not going to say that I understand the situation completely," Dima begins "and I don't claim to know what's best for you. But I think that maybe sharing, even just a little part, of our thoughts and worries over this topic, could be beneficial."
"That's probably true." Ponyboy sighs "I need to get better at communication. It's like I have everything planned out what I want to say, and then the moment I go to speak I get scared and back out. Which usually leads to a fight, and then I get defensive. God, I suck." Ponyboy covers his face with his hands. He feels Dima place his hand on Ponyboy's back.
"You don't suck, it's understandable to feel that way." Dima comforts "Effort and time makes better, and I see that you are putting effort in."
"Thanks Dima" Ponyboy uncovers his face and gives a small smile.
"No problem" Dima smiles back "I'm always here to listen."
"I'm here to listen, if you need someone to talk to, as well." Ponyboy says shyly.
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"But the function isn't a god damn line." Ponyboy mutters. He's hunched over to the coffee table in the livingroom since Sodas taking a nap in their room.
"You good there, Ponyboy?" Dally doesn't look away from the TV.
"Do you like your tongue?" Ponyboy asks without looking uo from his notes and his math work sheet.
"What?"
"If you'd like to keep your tongue, I suggest you refrain from talking." Ponyboy grits his teeth "Before I cut it out of your mouth."
Finally it's quiet for Ponyboy to finish his homework.
"Heyyooo!" Two-Bit slams the front door open.
"Fuck!" Ponyboy yells and his pencil is thrown across the room.
"Ponyboy!" Darry exclaims from the kitchen.
"Not now Darrel." Ponyboy snaps "What in the fuck has possessed you for you to make so much noise?" Ponyboy glares at Two-Bit.
"So, I'm guessing homework is going great." Two-Bit jokes.
"I wouldn't do that," Dally warns "he just threated to cut my tongue out for talking."
"Wanna take a walk, Pony?" Johnny asks, walking into the livingroom from the kitchen.
"Yes" Ponyboy stands up and puts his shoes on. He then immediately walks out of the house without saying goodbye to anyone. Johnny is soon to join him and they walk away from the house in silence.
"Homework?" Johnny asks
"Stupid" Ponyboy replies.
They walk a few blocks without speaking again. The farther they walk the more Ponyboy regrets not grabbing his jacket. He shivers again feeling the breeze. Johnny glanced over to Ponyboy. He takes off his hoodie and holds it in front of Ponyboy.
"What?" Ponyboy looks at him confused
"You're cold." Johnny shrugs but doesn't look at Ponyboy as he tries to hide his blush.
"You'll be cold though." Ponyboy says with concern in his voice.
"I'm in long sleeves, you are not." Johnny shoves the hoodie into his hands. "Take it." He says, leaving no room for argument. Ponyboy puts the hoodie on and enjoys the lasting warmth from Johnny's body heat.
"Thanks–" Ponyboy starts to thank him when they hear a car approach them. They turn to look at the street and see a car full of Socs. Johnny immediately moves to be in front of Ponyboy. Though, Ponyboy can still see him shaking slightly.
"Nice hoodie you got there Curtis" One of the Socs taunts "Whose is it, your boyfriends?" He laughs
"Bet you killed Bob after fooling around with him" another chims in. But before both Ponyboy or Johnny could say anything the car drives away leaving a heavy silence.
"Ponyboy–" Johnny turns around to look at him.
"I want to go home." Ponyboy walks down the street to walk about to the house. Johnny follows him close by.
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"Hey, you guys are back!" Two-Bit exclaims, but his smile drops when he sees Ponyboy and Johnnys expressions. Ponyboy walks to his room silently, ignoring the worried looks of the gang.
They hear him shut the bedroom door and they all look to Johnny.
"What happened?" Sodas eyes lingered on the doorway to the kitchen where Ponyboy walked through.
"We, uhm" Johnny gulped "We were walking and a car full of Socs came up and they, uh, they..." Darry stiffness and Soda snaps his head back to look at Johnny. The atmosphere suddenly cold. "They said things to Ponyboy, uh, they said that they think Ponyboy killed Bob after uhm, after fooling around" Johnny takes a deep breath "with... him..."
"They what" Dally growled
"Then they drove away." Johnny finishes and sits down on the floor near the couch.
"Names" Steve says through his teeth
"I don't know" Johnny shrugs. "I wish I did, but I don't know."
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Ponyboy enters his bedroom and shuts the door softly. He kicks his shoes off and practically throws himself onto the bed. Curling into himself he shuts his eyes tightly trying to prevent himself from crying.
He lays there and trys not to think. But it's no use. He opens his eyes and stares blankly at the wall. Tears welling up in his eyes, begging to fall. He burrows further into the hoodie and smells Johnny's cologne. He sits up and quickly takes the hoodie and throws it away from him. The tears fall down to his cheeks and he sobs. For what they said, for being alone, for the lost of warmth from the hoodie.
He lays back down on the bed and buries his face into the pillows. Crying silently, slowly drifting to sleep.
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October 29th, Tuesday
Ponyboy successfully avoids all of the gang that morning, not wanting to talk about the prior evening events. He knows that he'll probably not be able to avoid talking about it forever, but he might as well try.
"Are you okay?" Immy moves closer to Ponyboy, concern writen on her face.
"I'm fine" He smiles at her, but it's not convincing. "Really, I'm okay."
"Okay" Immy nods slowly, not looking convinced. "Do you know what you're doing for your costume?" Thankful for the change of topic, Ponyboy sighs in relief.
"I actually have no idea what to do." He lets out a small laugh "I mean, it's a dog. What do I do?"
"I'm making myself a collar, I could make yours as well." Immy offers "And I could make you dog ears." Ponyboy's face changes to one of horror.
"I don't need dog ears" He exclaims, Finn laughs
"Don't think you're getting out of having dog ears." Finn smiles "Aura's not getting out of having dog ears, you need dog ears too."
"I understand the collar," Ponyboy starts "but are the dog ears really necessary?"
"Yup," Dima nods "and you'll need to color your nose to look like a dogs."
"I'll have the collar and the ears done by the party." Immy smiles "You can put them on when you get there."
"Speaking of which," Ozzy joins the conversation "will I need to pick you up Ponyboy? My house is on the opposite side of town."
"Uh, yeah, you could pick me up by the library" Ponyboy answers "And I'm not wearing the dog ears." He adds
"That's what you think" Leo sings, Dima and Immy laugh and Finn gives Ponyboy a teasing look.
"Don't steal my food!" Yukie shouts. Ponyboy looks over to see Ernie taking a bite of Yukies lunch.
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"Unicorn," Leo taps Ponyboy on the arm "you good?" Ponyboy snaps out of zoning out and looks over to Leo.
"Yeah, I'm good– uh, wait, Unicorn?" Ponyboy gives him a confused look.
"I'm trying a new nickname." Leo shrugs "But are you okay? We started packing up but you kept staring off into space."
Ponyboy had ended up zoning out most of the afternoon. Only focusing when Ernie needed help on some math problems.
"I'm fine" Ponyboy packs up as well. "I'm going to walk home today." He tells the group.
"Are you sure?" Ozzy asks him, concerned.
"Yeah, I just need to think." Ponyboy nods.
"Okay, be safe." Ozzy replies.
They all bid eachother goodbye and Ponyboy walks to the park he's found himself going to these days. And as if the universe knows exactly what he needs, he sees Oliver carrying groceries home.
"Mind if I lend a hand?" Ponyboy walks up to Oliver and smiles. Oliver looks to his side and finds Ponyboy.
"Ponyboy" Oliver greets "I would be greatful for the help." Oliver sets down one of the grocery bags and smiles at Ponyboy.
"Shouldn't I take the one with the heavier items?" Ponyboy asks glancing at the bag Oliver is holding.
"No, no" Oliver waves off the question "I've got it."
"If you're sure" Ponyboy picks up the bag and they start walking.
"Tell me, what's troubling you?" Oliver starts
"What?" Ponyboy laughs from shock "Nothings wrong." Oliver gives him a look of disapproval.
"Now, Ponyboy, we both know that's not true." Oliver shakes his head.
They walk in silence while Ponyboy thinks. Could he be honest? How would Oliver react? Should he even be burdening Oliver?
"Something happened yesterday," Ponyboy says hesitantly "while walking with a friend." He pauses "I'm not sure if I feel comfortable saying it out loud just yet, or if I'll ever be..."
"That's okay" Oliver assures. They reach Olivers street and stop in front of the gate.
"I think my friend thinks I'm upset with him, even though what happens isn't his fault and he did nothing wrong." Ponyboy looks to the ground.
"Then you should try to let them know that." Oliver places his hand on Ponyboy's shoulder. Ponyboy raises his head and Oliver smiles kindly at Ponyboy. "It's getting late, you should head home."
"Okay" Ponyboy nods. Oliver pats his shoulder and Ponyboy gives him the bag and says bye before walking home.
As he walked down the streets, Ponyboy couldn't help but think of the Socs from the day before. He glances around and speeds up his walking despite not seeing anyone. When he finally reaches his house and sighs in relief as he opens the door to his sanctuary.
"I told you to call when you were done at the library." Darry huffs. Oh great, Ponyboy thinks to himself.
"Huh?" He asks
"This morning, I told you to call for a ride when you were done at the library." Darry re-sates
"Sorry, I must've forgot." Ponyboy says lamely
"I sent Soda and Steve to go look for you at the library thirty minutes ago. You weren't there so they went to the school." Darry says, his frustration rising "And then they moved onto drive around looking done alleys making sure you haven't been jumped, or worse."
"I'm really sorry" Ponyboy looks down to the ground. But it's like Darry can't hear him.
"Do you even understand how dangerous it is, Ponyboy?" Darry starts to pace "Because you aren't acting like you do."
"I do know..." Ponyboy tries to add to the conversation but Darry doesn't even acknowledge him.
"Johnny's been worried sick, I had to send him and Dally to the store to distract him." Darry throws his hands up "Where were you?"
"I was at the library–" Ponyboy begins to explain
"No, you weren't Soda and Steve didn't see you there." Darry interrupts him.
"If you'd let me finish I was going to say 'and then I saw an old man struggling to carry groceries home so I thought that I should help him.' " Ponyboy glares at Darry. Darry's face seems to soften. "I'm sorry I forgot to call and I'm sorry I decided to be a gentleman."
"Just call next time." Darry sighs and walks into the kitchen. Ponyboy kicks his shoes off and heads to the hallway.
"You should probably go find Soda and Steve and tell them I'm home." Ponyboy says in passing to Darry.
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Ponyboy hears the front door open and Johnny and Dally enter the house. He listens as he hears Johnny say something to the gang, but it isn't clear enough for him to make out what. He then hears Johnny walk to the hallway, and watches as his shadow pauses for a second in front of the shut door to Ponyboy and Sodas room, before Johnny continues walking past the door and to his room.
Ponyboy sits up in bed and looks around the room, his eyes catch on Johnnys hoodie he had thrown away from him yesterday. Before thinking too much about it, he quickly grabs it and puts it on. Then he quietly moves out of the room and walks down to Johnny's room. He knocks softly on the shut door and hears a quiet "come in". He slowly opens the door and peeks his head in.
"Pony" Johnny looks at him in surprise. "Come in." Ponyboy walks in and closes the door behind him. Not looking Johnny in the eyes. "Ponyboy, what's wrong?" Ponyboy's eyes fill with tears.
"Johnnycake" Ponyboy whispers. He moves close to the bed and stops in front of Johnny, silently asking for permission to sit. Johnny stands up and wraps his arms around Ponyboy. Ponyboy leans into the embrace laying his head down onto Johnny's shoulder, and lets the tears fall. He sobs into the hug and wraps his arms around Johnny, clawing at his shirt.
"Lets lay down, mm?" Johnny quietly suggets. Upon hearing no objections from Ponyboy, Johnny moves both of them onto his bed. Ponyboy hugs him even tighter when they are situated onto the bed. "I'm not going anywhere." Johnny shushes him, running his hand through Ponyboy's hair, keeping his other one securely around Ponyboy.
"I'm sorry" Ponyboy hiccups and hides his face further in Johnny's shoulder.
"What for?" Johnny asks sounding confused and concerned.
"I made you worried." Ponyboy takes a shaky breath.
"Don't ever be sorry for that," Johnny hugs Ponyboy tighter. "please don't ever be sorry for that." He whispers.
They lay there way after Ponyboy stops crying. Way after Ponyboy stops sniffling. Way after Ponyboy falls asleep with the warmth of Johnny keeping in safe.
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October 30th, Wednesday
Ponyboy wakes up startled. He looks up and around the room. Remembering he fell asleep in Johnny's room and looks in front of him only to be met with Johnny's chest. He tries to scoot away but is held in place by Johnny.
"What's wrong, Pony?" Johnny mumbles half alseep. "Nightmare?" He yawns
"Uh, yeah, but it's fine." Ponyboy whispers. Johnny hums in response.
"Just go back to sleep, you're safe." Johnny kisses Ponyboy on the forehead and pulls him closer. He starts to hum a soft lullaby before quietly singing You Are My Sunshine to Ponyboy. Running his hand through Ponyboy's hair, he sings.
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Ponyboy walks through the crowded hall of the school, trying to get to the cafeteria. Auditions start today so Leo had to head straight to the theater room to sign up to audition after school. Which means Ponyboy is alone.
He weaves in and out of the crowd, trying not to walk into anyone. He's focused sully on getting to the cafeteria until he hears his name being called through the crowd. He turns around to see a boy walking up to him.
"Ponyboy Curtis." The boy says, he grabs Ponyboy's arm and drags him outside, away from everyone else. Once they're outside, Ponyboy recognizes the Soc as one of the teens in the car from Monday. Ponyboy rips his arm out of the Socs grasp and pulls away from him. He tries to walk away but the Soc grabs onto him again.
"Calm down," the boy chuckles "I just wanna ask you something." Ponyboy tries to pull away again, but fails.
"What?" Ponyboy asks cautiously.
"I was wondering if you'd go out with me" the boy shrugs
"What?" Ponyboy says disbelieving what he just heard.
"Get with me, pleasure me." The boy smirks "I see how close you are with that boy toy of yours, what's his name? Josh?" The boy pulls Ponyboy closer "Or is it only with people you are close with? Cause we can get close."
"What are you talking about, let go of me!" Ponyboy tries to pull away again. His heart picking up in pace. The boy lets his arm go.
"Geeze" The Soc scowls "No need to yell."
"Leave me alone" Ponyboy glares at him and walks away quickly, heading straight for the bleachers.
What was he talking about? Did he mean Johnny? What about him and Johnny? Him and Johnny aren't... queer. No, him and Johnny aren't like that. There isn't anything wrong with being queer, Immy and Aura ain't wrong and neither is Leo and Caleb. But he isn't queer. He can't be queer. What would Darry and Soda think?
What would their parents think?
Ponyboy feels tears start to well up in his eyes and he turns to go to the bathroom instead of the bleachers.
When he walks in he finds it thankfully empty and immediately grabs a few paper towels and wets them. The press it against his eyes and takes deep breathes to calm himself. He glances up at the mirror and sees that his eyes are a bit red but other than that he looks fine. He continues taking deep breathes and waits a few minutes before walking out of the bathroom and to the bleachers.
When he finally reaches the bleachers he silently walks up the stairs and sits down next to Immy and Dima.
"What's wrong?" Immy asks and Ponyboy just abouts starts to cry. He manages to shake his head without crying.
"Tell me about the treats you're going to make for Friday." He changes the subject. Immy looks at him concerned but lets it go. She places a brownie in his hands.
"I'm going to make some brownies to the theme The Great Pumkin Charlie Brown, and some cookies, obviously." Immy continues to speak on about what she's making. Ponyboy feels an arm wrap around his shoulders. He looks over to Dima smiling at him kindly but he can see the worry in his eyes. He leans into the contact and takes a bite of his brownie.
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When Ponyboh gets home from the library, he is once again met with Darry telling him that he should've called. But he pays no attention to it. He walks past the livingroom and stops in the hallway looking at Johnny's door before turning back to his own and shutting it closed.
He's not queer. He reminds himself as he curls up on the bed. Not sure if he means himself, or Johnny.