Chapter Text
Now that Christmas was over, everybody was slowly and reluctantly counting down on the days they had until they were forced to head back into school.
And as you can guess, Chuuya Nakahara was one of these people that weren’t exactly the most excited person about this.
Sure, he liked spending time with his friends and annoying dazai in his classes but other than that, he couldn’t imagine spending 7 hours a day, head buried in useless books he will probably forget about as soon as he graduates. Again.
Besides that, Chuuya’s holidays passed rather slowly actually….without the constant nagging of the mop-headed bastard.
Dazai and Chuuya had barely texted after….the thing that happened….
Chuuya had tried his best to try and rid any sort of memory of that day but…it just wouldn’t go away. If anything it just got worse the more he tried to distract himself from it. Chuuya doesn’t even want to admit what Dazai said. Maybe it was just a stupid dream. But why would he dream about something like that!? And especially with Dazai of all people!?
However, let’s get back on topic.
During the holidays, Chuuya tried his best to spend as much time with his younger cousin and his aunt as much as he could. Which also gave his brother and his boyfriend some time to catch up with each other….eugh….
Chuuya could shudder at just the thought of it.
After new Years however, all 3 of them sadly had to head back home..which left the two brothers alone with each other yet again. And everything went back to how it used to be. The awkward silence and small arguments between the both of them. It was something Chuuya really didn’t want to happen…and if Rimbaud had a chance to stay in Japan a lot longer, Chuuya would personally beg him to stay.
There was nothing truly interesting happening most of the day. What else could be said? It was a typical ‘first day of school back from winter break’ day.
Chuuya’s morning had already been slightly weird however…he didn’t like the fact he didn’t get to see Dazai on the bus to school or the fact his first few lessons weren’t even with Dazai.
And in general, Chuuya hadn’t seen Dazai that whole day. Which made Chuuya feel slightly disappointed.
“Chuuuuyaaa! You’re zoning out thereee!”
Chuuya jumped slightly at the unexpected words. He turns to his side, seeing his friend Yosano, looking over at him trying to make sure he wasn’t asleep with his eyes open or something like that.
Chuuya rolled his eyes before picking up the pen he had at some point dropped onto his notebook.
“I’m fine.”
For a few seconds it was quiet beside the teacher talking at the front of the class. Chuuya felt as Yosano leaned in closer to him, still staring up at the teacher.
“sooo you…Don’t want to talk about the sweet kiss I heard about?”
Chuuya’s head zipped around to Yosano who had a cheeky smile plastered across her face, meanwhile Chuuya’s had almost instantly started to burn up a bright red colour.
He had no idea what to even say.
who the hell told her about that? How did she know? What else does she know? Did she know before??
Chuuya went to open his mouth to say something. Literally anything about it! To protest? To pretend it never happened? To play it off as a joke? But nothing came out.
Yosano noticed and tried her best to hold back a laugh she was so very desperate to let out.
“Dazai told me about it. He said you looked very sweet afterwards! What did you think of it, huh?”
Chuuya had to think about that for a bit. How did he feel about it.
I mean. Dazai kissed him.
He kissed him.
He kissed him.
why would he do that. Why would he risk possibly ruining their precious friendship over something like that.
“um..”
Chuuya truly had no idea what to say..
”he was probably kidding with it.”
okay well that was stupid. Why would you say that?
Yosano raised an eyebrow but that smile still stayed on her face. She slowly turned back to look forward towards the teacher talking who was blabbering on about how to pronounce certain words in French.
Chuuya had completely lost focus though. He had so many questions for Dazai. Way too many.
And he needed answers.
If there is one thing you should know is that Chuuya Nakahara hates being left in the unknown.
Dazai himself knows this almost better than anyone.
Maybe better than Chuuya himself.
Chuuya looks down at his notebook, lifting some of his pages by the corner. He ripped out a small piece of paper and started scribbling onto it.
A few seconds later, he slid the paper on the desk over to Yosano with it reading:
‘Dazai has his Korean class now, right?’
Yosano’s eyes quickly scanned across the paper before looking back up at Chuuya, giving him a quick nod.
perfect. He was going to make sure to get answers from this scrawny bastard.
That class felt like an eternity to Chuuya.
you know what you look up at the clock once and again a bit later and only 5 minutes had past? That how Chuuya felt the entire lesson. He was watching the clock like a hawk. He just wanted to get out of that lesson. And now that he was. He could start focusing on trying to find that shitty mackerel.
The expression on Chuuya’s face was far from a smile. And it didn’t help that the few times he tried to open his locker he just kept getting the combination wrong…yes all of you can point and laugh.
Chuuya shoved his books for his French class into his locker, slamming it shut. But, in the corner of his eyes he spotted a familiar person.
The paper white hair with that signature black streak.
Chuuya wasted no time storming over, just to grab Atsushi by his arm, turning him around with a surprising amount of force. And as Dazai would say. ‘A surprising amount for someone so small’
Atsushi’s eyes widened in shock. But the second he noticed chuuya and his angry face…..he felt like he was going to die.
”you. You take Korean with Dazai don’t you. Where is the bastard.”
Atsushi took a few seconds to process what Chuuya was asking him but then he simply let out an awkward laugh.
“ohhh! Umm,, well- well he was in class! But uhh,, I didn’t see where he went….”
Chuuya’s eyes narrowed as he stared at Atsushi, trying to see if he was telling the truth. Even though Atsushi has never been a really good liar, it’s always better to assume he just magically got better at it one day.
After a few seconds, chuuya’s grip softened as his hand slid back down to his side. He shoved his hands into his pockets of his trousers.
”I guess I believe you. Shame Akutagawa isn’t in your class. I know he’d be the most honest with me—“
All of a sudden, Chuuya paused his words. His eyes quickly darted to the tall, brunette figure he could recognise from anywhere, standing just around the corner, watching him and Atsushi.
creep
Dazai and Chuuya locked eyes.
The moment didn’t last long however. Because Chuuya was the first one who started running.
he charged towards Dazai, hoping to grab him just in time before he also ran away but he was just a bit too slow.
“HEY? WHERE DO YOU THINK YOURE GOING BASTARD!?”
Chuuya raced after Dazai.
The exact same thing they used to do as kids.
During some of their week long sleepovers at Dazai’s house, the two boys were always so full of energy. So, to tire them out, Odasaku simply told them to play some tag. Either inside or outside of the house. Most of the time it was outside but when they were inside, their only rule was that they weren’t allowed to go in the kitchen.
And honestly, this felt no different.
Chuuya could hear Dazai laughing to himself in front of him.
He thinks this is funny?! I’ll fucking show him.
Chuuya and Dazai ran from hallway to hallway, trying their best not to run into anyone.
Dazai had managed to somehow avoid it. Chuuya on the other hand…he ran into around 3 other students every time they turned some sort of corner. And even once into a teacher who ended up yelling at them to stop running.
It felt like Dazai planned it…the man is smart. But he’s not that smart.
In Chuuya’s favour however, Dazai wasn’t exactly the most athletic person. He didn’t have as much stamina as Chuuya did so it was obvious that he was getting tired and slowing down.
A smirk on Chuuya’s face formed as he watched Dazai turn a corner into one of the locker rooms.
Did he seriously think I wouldn’t notice? What a fucking fish.
Chuuya quickly ran in behind him, slamming the door shut.
In front of Chuuya was an extremely out of breath Dazai with that oh so familiar grin on his face.
Both of the boys were panting and trying to catch their breaths. But seeing each other so out of breath for some reason…maybe Dazai start laughing…
Which in return, also made Chuuya laugh. He had no idea what they were laughing about. Maybe how ridiculous they looked all tired.
”watching you crash into so many people was worth all of this” Said Dazai, still trying to catch his breath.
Chuuya scowled. And then he remembered why he was even here in this situation in the first place.
“we need to talk.”
Dazai’s smile dies down. His face seemed…even more red than it was after they finished their ‘marathon’ around the school..
”look Chuuya…I…Um. Well—“
Dazai just kept stumbling on his words. It was obvious he was trying to come up either some sort of excuse or reasoning why he would do what he did on Christmas Day.
They both knew it happened.
They both wanted to talk about it.
They needed to. They really should.
But Chuuya thought to himself for a quick second.. what if this conversation now ruins everything.
Do they really have to acknowledge it happened?
Chuuya can’t do it.
He can’t risk so many years just for there to be a possibility for them to all be thrown away so easily by one conversation.
Chuuya suddenly interrupted Dazai.
“…I just need to know if you did your dumb math homework you mackerel? I know how forgetful you are.”
The question seemed to catch Dazai off guard.
That was definitely not what he was expecting.
Chuuya doesn’t like being left on the unknown. But right now..it felt way too scary. He wouldn’t be able to do it even if he really tried.
“hello? Earth to Dazai?” Chuuya tried again.
Dazai seemed to snap back at his words, giving a small smile, nodding.
“yep. I did do it. Anddd I brought it! Look at how much I’m improving chibi!”
Chuuya scowled, kicking Dazai in the shin, which made the other boys leg jolt back in pain.
“shut up. Come on. The bell is about to go you fucking lamp-post”
A few hours later, Chuuya finally got home. He slipped his shoes off and hung up his jacket before walking over to the table, throwing his bag down on the ground as he sat in the chair, eyes glued to his phone screen.
The Flags
You: I fucking HATEEE Dazai
Bird boy: oh here we go again💔
Personal Doctor: it’s daily with this boy….
Dad#2: if I didn’t know any better I’d HONESTLY think there was something going on between you guys
You: WHAT?? EW NO. I LITERALLY JUST SAID I HATED HIM YOU DICKHEAD. OF COURSE I DONT LOVE HIM??
Bird boy: OKAY BUT. R WE SURE??
You: I’m gonna fucking punch you in the face you BASTARD
Dad: what did Dazai do Chuuya….
You: GOD WHAT DIDNT HE DO. HES SO ANNOYING IN LESSONS TOO. HES. INFURIATING. HE DRAWS IN MY NOTE BOOKS LIKE AN ACTUAL IDIOT. HE DRAWS THIS SAME LITTLE CAT ALL THE TIME I SWEAR HE LOVES IT SO MUCH AND I JUST WANNA PUNCH HIM IN HIS STUPID FACE AND IF ANY OF YOU SAY “oh can you even reach!!” YOURE FUCKING NEXT??
Dad#2: okay but like. Can you
Bird boy: LIPPMANN SHUT UPPPP YO.
Dad#2: IM JUST ASKING CANT A MAN BE CURIOUS??
Graveyard: no
Dad: oh and look who it is
You: the zombie has resurrected
Bird Boy: hey grandpa
Chuuya held back a laugh as the groupchat carried on, something his brother who had been making dinner for them both in the open kitchen in front of Chuuya, noticed.
Verlaine glanced back at his brother, raising an eyebrow.
”Who is making you so smiley?” He asked.
Chuuya looked up from his phone finally, eyes landing on his brother.
“…Just..some friends.”
”from school?”
”…let’s say so.”
It was quiet for a few seconds before Verlaine realised who Chuuya was talking about. His brother let out a disappointed sigh, shaking his head from side to side lightly.
“you know I don’t like the fact you talk to them.”
That comment made Chuuya upset and angry. Frustrated even.
The red haired boy slammed his phone face down on the table, his attention now on his brother.
“you don’t like anyone I fucking talk to!? You don’t like albatross, pianoman, and all of them!? You don’t like dazai!? Jeez Verlaine can I have any fucking friends!?”
Verlaine turned around to face his brother. The expression on his face was one of anger, obviously not liking the way Chuuya was talking to him.
“all of your friends are horrible people. Your older friends drink with you around and probably let you have some!? I know that Albatross boy let you ride on his motorcycle multiple times. Who knows what could have happened!? And you know exactly why I don’t like Dazai.”
Chuuya clenched his fists, trying to keep himself as calm as he could.
Chuuya hated getting angry. Not in the way he got angry with Dazai to his friends. But in the way it made his face hot and made his nails dig into his palms.
“oh shut the fuck up!? If it were up to you I wouldn’t have any fucking friends!? Stop bringing up what happened to Dazai as an excuse to control who I talk to!? Fuck you!?”
”Dont fucking talk to me like that.”
”I’m 17 Verlaine. In a few months I’m gonna be an adult and you better start fucking treating me like it.”
“You don't act like an adult. You’re being immature and stupid. I don’t want you ruining your life over them. They’re going to influence their horrible ideas and mind sets on you and I don’t want that.”
And then Chuuya would say something he was instantly regret….he mumbled under his breathe:
”god maybe dad should of beat some more common sense into you—“
Chuuya’s face immediately dropped when he realised what he said. His eyes were wide, almost shocked by his own words. And Verlaine was the same.
They both stared at each other.
Neither of them say a word as Chuuya pushes his chair back. He quickly snatched his phone off the table and ran upstairs.
Why did I say that?
Am I fucking stupid!?
WHAT THE FUCK?? WHY DID I SAY THAT?
HES AN ASSHOLE BUT HES MY BROTHER WHY DID I—
Chuuya’s thoughts were cut off as he slammed his door shut. He stood against it, just staring at nothing.
He knew how it felt.
Maybe not to the extent Verlaine had, but he knew how it felt.
He hated Verlaine. But then again. That was his brother.
Verlaine looked after him.
Verlaine left his life in France to come look after him.
And this was how Chuuya treated him.
Chuuya didn’t move from that spot for a while. He felt tears swell in his eyes but he didn’t dare let them fall. Why would he? He was the one who said it. He had no reason to be crying…
Chuuya’s eyes then fell to the space underneath his bed. He sniffled and walked over, putting his phone onto his bed as he reached under, trying to feel around for something..
but then he found it.
Chuuya sat up, pulling a medium sized box from under the bed.
It was a simple red cardboard box with a lid that slipped off by pulling it up. Which is what Chuuya did to open it.
Chuuya flipped the lid upside down before resting the box in between his legs and his stomach. Before anything though..Chuuya took a few seconds to himself. He sat there, taking a few deep breaths as he sniffled and wiped his eyes.
Inside of the box were….pictures…
Lots of them.
Chuuya picked up a small stack of these pictures, taking them out of the box. He set it aside as he flicked through them, one by one.
The pictures looked around 10 years old and some even older. A few of the photos had creases across them and or in the corners.
In these pictures however, one person kept appearing.
It was a woman.
She had beautiful, long orange hair. In some of the photos it was wave however in most of them this lady had such stunning curls. She had freckles scattered all across her nose and her cheeks and Her eyes were a slight blue colour.
In some of these photos it was just her. Posing happily for the camera but in the ‘newer’ looking pictures she would usually be seen with one or two boys..the youngest a spitting image of his mother..
It was Chuuya.
And the woman in the photos.
Was his mother.
Then Chuuya came across one picture. In this picture it was the two of them. It looked like it was a spring day. Chuuya looked to be around 3 or 4 years old. His mom seemed to be wearing a long white dress with light green lace while Chuuya wore a simple red shirt and brown shorts. His mom was hugging him, her hands resting on Chuuya’s small face as she pulled him in for a kiss on the cheek meanwhile, Chuuya in the photo had one arm wrapped around her neck while the other was trying to push her face away, trying to stop her from kissing him.
Chuuya looked to be laughing while his mom was smiling, probably also trying not to laugh.
They both looked so happy for the life they had.
how could somebody be so happy in that situation.
They had such pure smiles. You could tell they loved each other very much.
Chuuya looked at the photo , holding it up a bit closer to himself. He studied both of their faces. The joy. The innocence. He had to stop himself from tearing up again.
Chuuya set the photo aside, hoping to keep it a lot closer to him from now on..
The next photo however…made Chuuya feel as if his stomach and smile physically dropped.
it was a picture of all 4 of them. It was probably the same day..based off the clothes Chuuya and his mom were wearing.
It wasn’t necessarily a bad picture..there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with it..
It was just the timing..
Chuuya didn’t want to see his dad’s face right now..
He couldn’t believe he said that to his brother…after everything he does for Chuuya.
Even when their dad visited and started some sort of bullshit..Verlaine always stood up and protected Chuuya. Maybe it was just in his best interest.. Chuuya knows Verlaine is doing everything to protect him but sometimes it can be stupid and a bit excessive.
The day Chuuya’s dad got arrested. There was one thing Chuuya kept telling himself during court.
i won’t be like him. I will never be like him.
For days and weeks he would tell himself that.
He never wants to become anything like his father..however..he’s scared that if he keeps saying stuff like that he’ll turn out like him..
Chuuya didn’t look away from the photo for a few minutes, Staring at that man who only by DNA was his father.
It didn’t take long to make a decision though.
Chuuya suddenly took the picture, ripping his father out of it and he almost immediately felt a wave of relief hit himself. Like something that was pressing down on his chest had just been lifted.
However, he knew the thought was still there in his mind..hiding, but it was there.
The rest of that night Chuuya barely slept. He tossed and turned in bed for hours until he finally managed to drift off at around 3AM.
Of course didn’t help the fact that He had school just a few hours later.
“Chuuya?”
.
”Chuuuuyaaa?”
.
.
”Hey. Chuuya. Chibi. Slug!?”
Chuuya’s eyes shot open as he frantically looked around him before his gaze softening on the familiar tall brunet sat beside him on the bus.
“…What do you want.”
”God you’re always so grumpy! I can never catch a break from this version of you!”
Dazai rolled his eyes, leaning over to take one of Chuuya’s earphones, putting it in his own ear.
Just like they had always done.
Dazai’s face contracted in disgust once he heard the song, shaking his head slightly.
”This is the stuff you listen to fall asleep to? You’re gonna go deaf Chuuya! Here”
Chuuya didn’t have time to protest as dazai snatched the red heads phone out of his hands.
”Hey!? Oi?!”
”oh my god calm down! I’m giving you something way more calmer than that metal shit!”
The song that came on was called flightless bird, American Mouth by Iron & wine.
It had a calm and soothing melody..something that made Chuuya’s tired eyes flutter.
Even though he could barely see it, Chuuya could still recognise the grin on Dazai’s face. But it wasn’t smug like the rest. It wasn’t really much of a grin to be honest…he was just. Smiling. Smiling down at chuuya.
what a weirdo….
The rest of the day was spent was chuuya listening to the same song Dazai showed him, on repeat and falling asleep in class.
By lunch, Chuuya felt decent enough. Even though he either way stole some coffee Dazai had bought with his own money……
sucks to suck its Chuuya’s now.
And after lunch, Chuuya and Dazai had one of their last classes.
”God I fucking hate science..the only thing I get is physics. This chemistry and biology bullshit is so useless..” Chuuya mumbled quietly.
the brunette lamp post next to him was way too busy doodling in his notebook to listen.
Chuuya groaned, taking his phone out of his pocket, trying his best to hide it under his desk.
The Flags
You: what r u guys doing later tonight
Bird boy: LEGIT NOTHING BRO. IM SO BORED I HAVE JACK SHITTTT TO DO
Personal doctor: Me too:(
Graveyard: why.
You: . . . Cuz MAYBE I wanna hang out with u guys ICEMANN
Bird boy: YEAHHH
Graveyard: I’m free.
Bird boy: ME TOO. The other 3 r free too because I said so
You: CAN WE GO TO SOME ABANDONED PLACE AND GO DRINKING
Bird boy: FUCK YEAH
Chuuya smiled at his phone, slipping it back into his back pocket before turning to Dazai.
If he could, he would invite him.
a little bit of him is scared to do it however…partially because of how his friends would react but he also doesn’t want to get Dazai back into excessive drinking..
After a few seconds, Dazai finally looked up at Chuuya, looking confused.
“you okay?- you’re just staring…..”
Chuuya paused. Quickly trying to find some sort of excuse for himself.
“I- um. Um..you were supposed to help me with this shit loser!? Put your pencil down and help!?”
Chuuya huffed, shoving his notebook over to Dazai.
Dazai tried to hold in his laugh.
”whatever chibi. Next time maybe actually remember to ask.”
Even though it didn’t exactly seem like it, Chuuya had been thinking about the Christmas….situation…for quite some time.
Even when he tries to stop himself from thinking about it, it always seems to find a way back into his mind.
However, this time Chuuya had a distraction. Alcohol and his few best friends? Perfect!
It was just like how they talked about. All 6 of them on the roof of those abandoned building, sitting there drinking and laughing and telling stories like years had passed.
“what about you Chuuya! Anything new happened to you?” Lippmann asked.
Chuuya brought the alcohol bottle up to his lips, taking a swig before giving himself a few seconds.
It’s pretty well known that Chuuya is a lightweight when it comes to alcohol. Usually spouts some sort of nonsense and just keeps drinking and miraculously makes it home, most of the time without his brother finding out.
Without wasting another second, Chuuya spilled the secret he had been hiding from his group.
”Dazai kissed me on Christmas”
The words were slurred. But saying them out loud felt so strange..
”WHAT!?”
The whole group shouted.
Albatross was the first to react by laughing and bringing Chuuya into a playful headlock, ruffling and messing up his hair.
”Really!? He kissed you!? Damn! How’d you react huh??”
Chuuya shoved albatross away, flipping him off for messing up his hair. But hearing the question..made his face slightly flush. It wasn’t very visible from the alcohol affecting him but it was there if you focused and looked closely..
”I just- stood there!? I should have pushed the bastard away you know!?”
”Then what’s with the blush?” Asked Iceman. Of course that bastard would notice it.
“shut up. I’m not blushing for that idiot.”
”I mean it wouldn’t be crazy!” Chuuya’s head whipped around to pianoman. “You do talk about him like you’re crazy in love with him-“
”I do not!?”
”OH YES YOU DO” chimed in albatross. Doc and Lippmann sat off to the side, giggling to themselves.
Chuuya let out a frustrated groan and he laid on his back, hands covering his eyes.
maybe he did talk a bit too much about Dazai?
The talking of his friends seemed to fade away as his thoughts clouded his mind.
Chuuya thought about the expression on Dazai’s face….the smile.
The gift.
How soft disgusting his lips were.
Chuuya pulled away one of his arms, staring at his wrist where his Christmas present rested. He hadn’t taken it off since Christmas. He doesn’t even take it off for bed.
A part of Chuuya is too scared he’s gonna loose it and a part of him just….doesn't want to take it off.
All of a sudden, his thoughts were interrupted by the bright light of a flashlight being shone into his eyes.
Chuuya quickly sat up, getting ready to yell at Albatross, because obviously it was him.
But as Chuuya’s eyes focused on the two people wearing navy uniform in front of him, his heart dropped.
Shit. Police. I’m so fucked.
You could probably guess how Chuuya spent the rest of his night.
yep.
locked up in a holding cell for trespass and underage drinking.
The police officers had been giving Chuuya cups of water, trying to get him to sober up as he waited for Verlaine to come pick him up. And in all honesty, Chuuya would much rather prefer spending a few days in prison than have Verlaine find out. And well, sadly that wasn’t exactly an option.
Around a few hours later, at around 4AM, Chuuya was woken up by the sound of the holding cell opening.
“Time to go kid, your brother is here”
Here we go….
Chuuya pulled himself up, following the officer out of the cell, into the hallway. the man looked older. Maybe in his mid-40s. He had white hair and a white moustache which just made him look even more older.
Chuuya followed the officer to the front desk where Verlaine was sat, waiting for his brother. He got up at the sight of Chuuya, nodding and giving a smile to the officer before looking back down at his brother.
“Took you long enough..” Chuuya muttered, which just seemed to make Verlaine even angrier.
“Trespassing and drinking? Seriously Chuuya? I should have left you in there for longer be fucking glad I didn’t.”
Chuuya rolled his eyes, scoffing.
”can we just go home now!?”
Verlaine let out a sigh.
”fine. But we’re not done with this conversation. You’re grounded and god knows what else.”
”Fuck you”