Chapter Text
SUNNY pov.
He didn't expect his forgiveness to be so short-lived.
Oh, obviously the kind from his friends would be that way. It was his own forgiveness he was surprised about. For how difficult it had been to achieve, he'd expected it to at least last a bit longer than a single day. Ok, in all honesty he didn't expect it to ever go away. He assumed he was finally done with this difficult chapter of life.
And yet here he was, walking towards his own demise. The previous night had been chaotic for him. Nightmares had tormentented him; all of his friends resenting him, hating him, calling him out for what he truly was: A monster. It didn't help that he was partially at fault for the nightmares existing to begin with. Perhaps if he hadn't broken that light bulb, headspace could've been what it usually was, without anyone being upset with him. But with the broken lightbulb, there was none of that to comfort him. The only thing he had was the pain of reality setting in, mocking him, reminding him things would never be how they ever were before. As much as he knew it was all true, how much he deserved to suffer, for how long it had ensued had left him feeling drained of energy. He barely had enough to get out of the hospital bed, to drag his feet across the cold floors, to head to where he would part from this world.
Omori had been right. He didn't deserve to live. What a fool he had been, to expect things to change for the better after forgiving himself, after telling the truth. Of course, no one took it lightly, and if it seemed like they did, it was just a pretense. They all hated him now. It didn't matter if he apologized immediately after, accepted all the blame, accepted whatever repercussions they would inevitably bestow upon him as they realized what kind of person he really was. They would never forgive him.
And he was fine with that. It wouldn't make sense for them to. He had cruely took away someone they all loved, someone they all depended on. He was a monster. And as such, he deserved to die like one.
He felt the steady thumping of his feet against the floor. Even with those weird surgical socks aiding to unintentionally muffle the noise of his walk, he swore he could fainly hear the rythim echoing off the walls. Beneath everything he felt he could faintly sense his own steady heartbeat. The lights above, reflecting off the blue color of the building, and combined with everything else going on, gave a weird liminal space esthetic. Weirdly calming, and yet only temporary.
He made a left, not bothering to look in the other direction. That was where he went yesterday, to confess the truth to everyone. None of them would be here now, well maybe besides one person, though only because he was also recovering from the fight between them.
He ignored those thoughts and kept walking. Ignored so much, everything around him became a blur, both in reality and memory. Maybe he kept walking straight forward, maybe he went up some stairs, maybe he went down them, he couldn't give a definitive answer of what happened. All he knew was that at some point, he came back to reality when he saw an empty expanse of partly cloudy sky in front of him. He felt wind whipping through his short hair, and the bitter chill of being up so high bit into the places where his skin was exposed. Just in front of him was a short expanse of gray stone, which got cut off by a deep blue railing, part of which was broken by the middle.
He stopped momentarily to take in the sight. Maybe, far below, he could hear he sound of city traffic, but the noise was so faint he was just as sure he could also be making it up. Taking a step forward, he took one a much slower pace than usual as he aimed for the break in the railings.
He stopped briefly as a image of Omori flashed through his head. He hadn't been there in the nightmare last night- at least, he hadn't contributed to what his friends did to him, but Sunny could sense his dissapointment, almost as noticable as the wind gently blowing against him was. And his friends had repeated to him what was initially said by Omori during the fight they had, so had he really been so absent from the dream after all?
Sunny sighed. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. He needed to focus, not dwell on all the negativity that he knew would drown him if he would stop and let it. He needed to jump off of the building, to end his suffering, to end everyone else's suffering-
Except killing himself wouldn't end his friends' suffering. Yes, it'd make them happy, so happy and relieved they would never have to deal with or think about him again, but it wouldn't solve all their issues, all their pain. No, only that could be done by someone magically going back in time to save Mari.
And it was impossible for that to happen. Which means his friends would never truly be ok again. Just another problem he had caused. Because he was a monster, one that could never stop hurting other people. Was it selfish of him to even call them his friends? They didn't need a friend like him. No one did.
Against his own will, Sunny began to feel his throat tighten, the way it usually did whenever he would start crying. No, he couldn't cry. And yet, he felt miserable enough to do exactly that. He frowned slightly, trying to mentally shake it off. He tried to focus his gaze, looking down at the street below. He just had to take a step off, that was it. He needn't procrastinate on it for so long.
"Is this really the way, Dreamer?"
He froze. He turned his head, not expected to hear any voices. For a second, a bit of anger brewed inside him. What business did Omori have to argue against this when he had spent so long trying to get Sunny to go through with it?
It wasn't Omori who had spoken. No, instead of him stood a black silhouette. Besides his fluffy hair, the only distinguishable feature it had was those piercing white eyes, which stood out in great contrast from the rest of their body.
Stranger.
Sunny felt his anger vanish. This was not who he expected to try stopping him. Of course, it made far more sense than Omori doing it, but he was still confused. He stared at Stranger, unsure what to say.
Stranger seemingly picked up on this, and continued speaking without missing a beat. "Are you confident this is the path you're choosing?" He tilted his head slightly. Sunny focused on his head. Despite speaking so clearly, he could barely tell it's mouth was even moving thanks to the pitch black color of it's entire body.
Looking up into it's eyes, Sunny nodded. He didn't feel the need to elaborate, and turned around, ready to finish the job.
"Why?"
Sunny's lip parted in a slight frown. How did Stranger not know why? In all honestly, it kind of felt like all of headspace would know why at this point.
"Because I'm a monster," Sunny said simply, using a factual tone. It was the truth, there was nothing there to deny.
"Why?" Again.
"Because I killed her."
"Why?"
He frowned a bit more. "Because-" Why did he kill her? He knew he didn't mean to, so why did he do it? "Because I was mad." He closed his eyes and tried remembering that day. "Because I couldn't control my emotions. I was stressed. I didn't intend to kill her, or even push her."
'"Why?"
Sunny was growing iritated. Was that the only word Stranger knew? "Because she's my sister," he said, his voice gaining confidence. "Because I loved her."
"Why?"
Sunny glanced behind him, having to turn fully due to not being able to see out of his right eye. Thanks to the bandage. Thanks to-
Stranger was still standing there, staring at him. He hadn't moved from the door that connected the balcony to the rest of the hospital. It was hard to tell what emotion he was feeling.
"Why do you keep asking me that?" Sunny asked. "Don't you already know the answers?"
Stranger just stared back at him, not bothering to move or say anything. Sunny stared a bit, then groaned and turned back around.
He didn't have time for this. All he was doing was wasting time. If Stranger hadn't interrupted him, he would have already been in the sweet hands of death by now. It was Stranger's fault he wasn't there yet.
He glared down at the ground far below him. He contemplated himself for a second- he didn't want to go out feeling angry. Regardless, he lifted a foot over the air. He wanted to get this over with. He took a deep breath and-
"Are you really a monster if you cared so much about her?"
"What-" Sunny sputtered, caught off-guard, barely getting a chance to glance behind him before something barreled into him.
He felt something big by his right side, and perhaps an arm wrapped around his back, but the thing that most alarmed him was the fact he was leaning dangerously close to the side of the balcony. In fact, any second and he and whoever it was against him would fall right over, to both of their deaths. At least, he thought it was a person. They seemed about the right weight and size, and there was nothing else it could be. Not like there was a tornado happening just in time to through debris at him.
He heard a yelp from above him, and then he realized he was airborne... only to immediately slam into something hard, and for the sensation of falling to seize. He grit his teeth, pain flaring through the front of his body. From his left eye, he could see the sky, and a bit of the stone gray building he had hit. Something was holding onto him tightly to his right side, the thing that had stopped him from falling.
Trying to look upwards, he saw a pale blue sky with an even paler blue hospital gown. So, it was a person who had saved him- and barreled into him. He could see he wasn't far from the edge of the balcony. He felt a hand grip the left side of his own gown, and realized that the arm that was wrapped around his back ended below his own left arm.
He felt himself slipping from the other person. This prompted them to try pulling themselves over the edge, back to safety. Sunny got pulled up as well, and the arm below him moved to grab his own arm instead of his gown. He looked down, at the streets far below, and wondered if he should try escaping from this person's grasp. He would surely be put in some psych ward if he were to let them save him. And then what? Would he just... stay there? He wasn't exactly very willing to keep living. How long would they let him live there, just wasting their resources?
He made up his mind. Gaze focusing again, he moved his right arm to try and pry the other person's grip off of him. Their hands were about the same size as his, from what he could feel. He hesitated briefly, expecting them to be bigger- for it to be some doctor who had saved him. But now that he thought of it, doctors and nurses wouldn't exactly be wearing hospital gowns.
He shook his head, and went back to trying to pry their hand off of his arm. They took notice of this and gripped his arm tighter, moving faster to get over the balcony ledge. It took maybe 30 seconds, but they were able to pull the two of them up onto the ground of the balcony before Sunny could stop them. They both lay there for a few seconds, catching their breaths, before the other person reached over to pull him away from the ledge.
He tried to fight back, tried to pry their hands off of his arms, kick out his legs, but their grip was firm- or perhaps he was just weak. Against his will, he was pulled against them, arms wrapping around him tightly. He continued trying to fight them, but his efforts were in vain. Nothing he did loosened their grip. If anything, it made them hold him tighter. He took a few shaky breaths and gave up.
He glanced up, wondering who it was who would try stopping a monster like him from dying.
Oh.
It was him.
The one who stabbed out his eye. The one who had the idea to frame his sister's death as suicide. The one who was going to end his own life if it hadn't been for Sunny.
And there they were, their roles reserved. Now Basil was the one stopping Sunny from killing himself. It had only been, what, a day? Maybe a few more, counting when he was unconscious.
The two stared at each other for a bit, before Sunny broke the silence. "Why?" He asked, his voice raspy from what had just happened. "Why save me?" He shook his head. "I don't deserve it. You know more than anyone how much of a monster I am. You saw what happened." I don't understand, he thought.
"Sunny, you're not a monster," Basil said firmly- tried to sound firm- but he looked close to crying. He always had that look, but right now it seemed more fragile than usual. "You don't deserve to die."
Sunny shook his head. "I do," he insisted. "After what I did, after taking her away from you all. It would be better if I just perished. Everyone would be happy. It's what they deserve. They don't need to put up with me anymore, they-" he stopped, feeling his throat tighten again, and his voice rising in pitch. He was also about to cry. He took a deep, shaky breath, trying to calm down. "They-"
Basil's hand moved to grip Sunny's shoulders tightly. "Sunny, I wouldn't be happy if you died. I don't deserve to lose you." He hesitated for a second, then with a stifled sigh added, "Who cares what they think. Can't you please just keep going, at least for me?" And in a mumble, "I don't know what I'd do with myself if you chose to die." Sunny realized the hands on his shoulders were trembling a bit.
"But-" he sputtered. "They hate me. Wouldn't be best to kill myself, if it's what makes them happy? If it's payback for what I did to her?" He thought of them all- Kel, Hero, Aubrey- how willing he was to stop hurting them, even if it meant taking his own life. And it wasn't just them either. Wouldn't Mari be happy as well? Avenging killing her, by killing himself. Isn't that what she would want to see? All those demonic images he had seen and been tormented by over the past four years- he knew it was what she wanted to see, the justice that was deserved. He knew this was the correct decision.
Then he noticed he had recently started crying. Apparently those thoughts had carried enough misery for him to express it physically, all while hardly noticing it. Tears ran down his face, and to his surprise, from his bandaged right eye as well, though in far less amount than his left. The tight feeling in his throat remained ever present, and he fought to keep silent, to not show how he was feeling on his face.
The grip on his shoulders became tighter. "If- they hate you, then just avoid them," Basil said. He was also trying to keep it together, and was succeeding at it far better than Sunny was. He gazed at Sunny for a moment, then gently brought him closer for a hug. Yet again Sunny felt himself fighting to stop himself from crying harder. He didn't know what it was about the kind gesture, but it made him feel more emotional than before. He bit his inner lip, closed his eye, and tried to not cry further, all the while Basil gently patted his back, which made Sunny's efforts more difficult to do.
Reluctantly, he hugged his friend back, feeling the need for more stable ground. In a way, he felt pathetic, relying so much on someone physically for comfort. He felt like he shouldn't be here. He felt like he should just jump off the building already. He felt like-
He felt miserable.
Watching the ground darken from his falling tears, he stopped trying so hard to hold back his crying. He let them flow free, let himself be overtaken by gasping breaths, let himself succumb to all the self-deprecating thoughts. He stayed like that, becoming oblivious to the comfort he was being provided with. He cried a bit harder, head resting on his friend's shoulder. He became unaware of the world around him, of the wind blowing softly against him, of the chill of he outside, and stayed like that for a while.
He didn't know how long it was before he felt himself growing exhausted. At some point, he stopped breathing so hard, though tears continued to streak down his face. He only noticed his body had been shaking by it stopping the action. He felt weak. He sighed. The tears slowed down.
"I'm sorry," he said in a quiet, hoarse voice. "I'm so sorry."
"It's alright," Basil responded in a voice not much louder than his own. "You didn't do anything wrong." There was a pause. "Just... please, never do this again." Sunny felt his hands tighten their grip on his back. "I don't want to lose you, Sunny. I know you'll be moving soon, but please, please don't try killing yourself. If you do, I'll..." Basil paused again. The longer it drew on, the more worried Sunny became. Knowing Basil, it was very likely he would kill himself too if Sunny decided to go through with it. Instead of that, though, his friend said, "Just, promise me, ok? Promise you won't do anything bad to yourself." He pulled out of the hug and placed his hands on Sunny's shoulders again.
Staring into his blue eyes, Sunny pondered. Was he really willing to spare his own life, just for him? As much as he didn't want to admit it, his own self hatred outweighed the care he had for his friend. He began to grow doubtful. It seemed unlikely he wouldn't try something, even if he did promise not to.
And Basil noticed this. His face became worried, and reaching out a hand, he began, "Sunny-"
"I promise," Sunny mumbled, stopping him with his own raised hand. "I promise I won't try to do anything to myself." His speech became slower the more he went on, signaling his doubt.
Basil looked uncertain. "Are you sure?" He asked, clearly wanting to believe his friend's words, but unable to ignore the lack of sincerity in them.
Sunny nodded. "I swear. I won't try anything." He tried to make his voice more confident, to be more convincing. In all honesty, he didn't believe he would really keep his word. But if he hadn't attempted to disprove it yet, was it really a lie?
Basil wanted to presss further, suspected something was off, but he was too tired to argue. Accepting his friend's words, he sighed in relief. "Ok. I'll trust you." He hesitated briefly, then got up to his feet. He reached a hand down, and Sunny hesitantly grabbed it, being pulled onto his own feet.
"Let's get off this building," Basil said, and Sunny saw faint tear stains on his face. He must have been crying too.
He nodded. The only reason he had even agreed to not harming himself- or pretended to agree- was because of all his friend had been through. Rethinking back on it in that moment, before he made the promise, he had remembered how much Basil must have gone through. He was going to kill himself on that night, when he and his friends stayed over. His grandma had died the day previous, and his family hardly ever cared to visit him. He had recently heard news of Sunny moving out soon, and on top of that, had been bullied by Aubrey for the past four years (later accompanied by the hooligans at some point). That night, his misery was probably on par with his own on this rooftop. The poor kid had suffered too much that Sunny couldn't bring himself to say no to the promise, for risk of hurting him further, even if he had to lie about it.
By the time they reached the door, something became off. Sunny felt... un-present, like he wasn't fully there. Was losing his awareness. Soon enough, the edges of his vision became darker, and he felt light. He forced himself to stop, worried he may get worse if he continued moving. The black area at the edge of his vision became bigger, threatening to swarm out all he could see. He fell to his knees, unable to keep his balance, and noticed he was out of breath. His breathing became heavier to compensate for that.
Basil noticed. He crouched down by Sunny, probably said something, but Sunny could hardly hear him.
Then, just as soon as it arrived, the black retreated, he didn't feel dizzy anymore, he could see and hear properly. He was still breathing heavily, but now he felt fine again. He stared at the ground for a second, he way his hands were pressed hard against it. Then he slowly got up. His balance was fine. Everything was fine, now that he thought of it. His breathing was returning to normal.
"Sunny?"
He could hear his friend's voice again, standing beside him. He turned to look at him.
"Are you ok?" Basil asked. The clouds outside had grown in size, but there was still enough light to see.
Sunny nodded. "Yea," he mumbled, his voice coming out a lot more quiet than intended. "Just... think I almost lost consciousness there." He wasn't really sure what had happened. Part of him felt confused.
The concern on Basil's face and voice grew. "We should get you back to your room," he insisted. "You don't look well."
Did he really? Sunny lifted a hand to his face. Wait, of course he didn't. He had a bandaged eye, likely some bruises like Basil did, had barely eaten enough to survive in the past four years, and had just got done crying his heart out.
Sunny nodded and followed after his friend.