Chapter Text
The next morning Geonwoo wakes up hungover, as is to be expected. The whole of last night is still a blurry mess, which is usually a sign he shouldn’t look too closely at the memories. Right now he just hurts- it’s not the worst hangover he’s ever had, but now that his eyes are open it’s plenty strong enough to keep him awake.
With a sigh, Geonwoo drags himself up. His headphones fell off at some point during the night, the sound still faintly audible through the tinny speakers, so he turns it off and tosses them onto his desk before throwing on a shirt and stumbling downstairs for coffee.
Surprisingly, he seems to be the first one up. Or maybe not so surprisingly- he very well might’ve been the first one asleep, even if he was definitely the least sober by the end of the night. He leans up against the counter as he waits for the coffee to brew, and closes his eyes against the light trickling in from the windows.
The sound of a door opening, followed by faint voices, filters in from the hallway.
“…least you don’t have to track them down to confirm they’re alive,” Jiahao is saying.
“You know Sanghyeon’s alive.”
“Sanghyeon’s an angel- it’s the other two I have to worry about.”
Geonwoo squints his eyes open as they step into the room, wondering how anyone can be so awake right now. He feels like he’s dying.
“Morning,” says Junseo. Geonwoo grunts in response, and Junseo smirks. “How’s the hangover?”
“Could be worse.” That’s unfortunately true- he’s had a lot of hangovers, and this one’s not even top twenty.
The coffee machine beeps and Geonwoo remembers how to move, pouring himself a cup before passing the pot to Junseo. He doesn’t bother adding anything, just blows once to cool it down before taking a careful sip. The caffeine doesn’t fix everything, but it certainly helps.
“Have you tried drinking a bit less constantly all night?” Jiahao offers lightly. “Might make the morning after a little easier.”
Under slightly different circumstances Geonwoo would take those as fighting words, but right now he’s tired and his head is pounding too hard to think. And he really shouldn’t treat everything as an attack- Hao probably didn’t mean it as one. “I’ll consider it.”
“He’s self-medicating,” Junseo says. “I keep telling him therapy will be cheaper in the long run.”
“It’s also better for your liver,” Hao adds with a grin.
Geonwoo sighs, pushing off the counter like he’s going to leave, and Junseo holds up his hands. “Hey, don’t- we’ll stop.”
He won’t- Junseo’s been trying to convince Geonwoo to go to therapy since the day they met and refuses to get that it’s never going to happen- but he might stop for now, and that’s enough for Geonwoo to settle back against the counter. Leaving sounds like way too much effort.
Jiahao’s phone buzzes and he swipes it open. “Oh, Longlong responded.”
“Kids made it home in one piece?” Junseo asks.
“Seems like.” Jiahao pockets his phone and takes the mug Junseo hands him.
“Who’s Longlong?” Geonwoo asks.
“Xinlong,” says Junseo. “Hao’s brother’s roommate.”
So your name’s Xinlong. Filtered memories of a nervous, blushing face flicker through Geonwoo’s head, an out-of-place boy pretending to belong, hiding behind his friends, his sweater, his hands.
“Oh- the shy kid?” Geonwoo asks. “From truth or dare?” The one I followed out of the house to flirt with like some kind of stalker? After Sangwon explicitly told me to leave him alone?
Now that he’s sober he can’t believe he did that- especially knowing it could get back to Junseo so easily. He can only pray that no one noticed.
“Yeah, that’s him.” Hao sighs, setting the mug down to stretch his arms over his head. “He seems fine, at least- which means Anxin isn’t my problem today.”
“Poor Xinlong,” Junseo laughs. “I was surprised to see him here honestly- guessing Anxin bullied him into it?”
“Oh, definitely,” Hao scoffs. “You know Longie can’t say no to him, I doubt it took much convincing at all. One of these days it’s going to be an actual problem- those two are insane.”
“Who’s insane?”
Geonwoo looks up as Leo shuffles in, his hair a mess and his shirt backwards. “Anxin and Xinlong,” he says, and Leo’s face lights up.
“Oh, Xinlongie! That was crazy- what was he doing here?”
“How do all of you know this guy?” Geonwoo asks. Hao and Junseo make sense, if he’s that close with Hao’s brother. And he was with Sangwon at the party, but he’s not a close friend- Geonwoo would know, and he’s never heard of Xinlong before last night.
“He was Sangwon’s lab partner,” Leo says as Sangwon trails in after him.
Leo at least has the decency not to emphasize they were just having sex. Sangwon, on the other hand, he’s wearing one of Leo’s shirts, hanging off his shoulder to expose the fresh red marks along his collarbone.
“Xinlong?” Sangwon frowns, running a hand through his perfectly tousled hair. “Why are we talking about him?”
He shoots a suspicious look at Geonwoo, who rolls his eyes and takes another sip of his coffee.
“Hao warned him about Anxinnie’s hangover last night,” Junseo explains, “and he just responded. They’re both fine. Or at least as fine as can be expected.”
“Oh, good.” Sangwon slides onto a barstool, leaning forward on the counter as Leo goes about pouring his own coffee- and tea, for Sangwon. Because he always has to be different. “Anxin was such a mess last night. I’m glad he’s okay.”
He sounds like he was actually concerned. Geonwoo makes a point of not looking his way- his promise to behave has probably expired, but he doesn’t exactly have the energy for a fight.
“Longlong will take care of him,” Jiahao says, waving a dismissive hand. “He always does.”
Geonwoo frowns. “Why does your brother need a babysitter anyways? He’s an adult, right?”
“It’s complicated,” says Hao, at the same time Junseo says, “Cause he’s a big baby,” and earns himself an elbow to the stomach.
“Oh, shut up.” Jiahao smiles as he says it, rolling his eyes. “He doesn’t need a babysitter, he just… he’s got some issues that he’s still working through. But he’s not a bad kid. And like I said, those two are insane. They love each other probably more than is healthy- but it hasn’t blown up in their faces yet.”
“And as for what he was doing here,” Junseo continues, nodding to Leo, “we’ve decided Anxin asked him to come.”
“That’s what he told me,” Sangwon says. “Anxin didn’t want to come alone, or something.”
Geonwoo thinks back to the pair during truth or dare: Xinlong wedged between Anxin and the wall, trying his hardest to vanish into the scenery, Anxin clinging to him like a human teddy bear, loud and overbearing. Their relationship is starting to come into clearer focus- Anxin, needy and demanding, versus Xinlong, meek and accommodating- and it leaves a bad taste in his mouth.
“Seems like Xinlong’s got the rough end of their deal,” he says. “It looked like he was actually going to start crying before Anxin let him leave.”
Junseo laughs. “True.”
Geonwoo feels a glare boring into his skull. He glances over- and of course, it’s Sangwon. “What?”
Sangwon narrows his eyes. “I told you to stay away from him.”
“It was just an observation,” he protests. “I didn’t do anything!” That’s a lie and he knows it- but he’s fairly certain no one else does. And he needs to keep it that way.
“Wait, when did you say that?” Junseo asks.
“Last night. He was flirting.” Sangwon spits out the word like it’s something dirty.
“I wasn’t flirting,” Geonwoo grumbles into his coffee.
“Liar.”
Fucking Sangwon. Now everyone’s looking at him, with varying degrees of suspicion and amusement. Who’s picking a fight now?
“I wasn’t,” he insists, doubling down on the lie. He can’t be held accountable for the terrible decisions he makes when he’s wasted. Especially not when nothing even happened. “I just asked his name. That’s not flirting, Sangwon, it’s called being polite.”
“You just asked for his name,” Junseo repeats.
Geonwoo rolls his eyes. “Fine, I drunk asked for his name. I can admit that maybe that looked like flirting. Still didn’t do anything.”
“Honestly, I doubt it matters if you were flirting or not,” Hao says. “Talking to him at all was probably enough to spook him.”
That’s certainly true, Geonwoo thinks. Xinlong is by far the shyest person he’s ever met- he’d frozen in place any time someone so much as looked at him. It was a bit frustrating at the end there, but honestly really cute.
“Fine,” he sighs. “I’ll apologize. Happy?”
“No, you leave him alone,” Sangwon says. “Xinlongie’s a sweetheart and he deserves so much better than you.”
Everyone deserves better than you, the void echoes, speaking up for the first time this morning. The world would be a much better place without you in it. Why don’t you stop wasting everyone’s time? Just hurry up and-
“Honestly Sangwon?” Geonwoo starts, his voice dripping with false concern. “We broke up years ago. You really should get over it.” He turns to Leo, eyes wide and innocent. “I’m sorry hyung, I really have no idea why he’s still so obsessed with me.”
Leo rolls his eyes, but huffs out the tiniest laugh. Geonwoo grins- that’s at least a partial win.
Sangwon glares at him again. “Dick,” he mutters under his breath, then picks up his cup and storms out of the room with Leo trailing behind him. Geonwoo sighs, the tension that comes hand in hand with Sangwon finally bleeding out of his shoulders.
“Does everything have to be a fight with you two?” Junseo asks, a little too casually.
“He started it,” Geonwoo grumbles, not meeting his eyes. He already knows what he’d find- that stupid I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed look. Disappointed Dad Junseo sucks.
“I take it back,” Hao murmurs to his boyfriend. “Knowing they’re alive is the least of your problems.”
-
Last night, Geonwoo decided pursuing Xinlong wasn’t worth the trouble. Now, in the cold, sober light of day, he should really know better than to change his mind. Xinlong is apparently deeply entwined in his whole social circle, probably as much as anyone could be while somehow flying under Geonwoo’s radar, and they all just heard Sangwon tell him to stay away.
Which is exactly why he can’t do that. Fucking Sangwon thinks he’s so perfect. What does he even know about Geonwoo, really? Not nearly as much as he thinks.
He deserves so much better than you.
Like it or not, there is something intriguing about Xinlong, something different from everyone else. The way he was pretending, and how bad at it he was. Which could just be the setting- everyone else seemed pretty surprised he showed up to a party, so maybe he’s better at handling everyday life. Although, probably not that much better. That much anxiety can’t all be from the party.
But then, if he’s just like that all the time…why? Geonwoo met this kid less than twenty-four hours ago and can already name five people who love him. Six if he counts Sanghyeon, who he’s pretty sure is the other friend from truth or dare. If Xinlong’s even half as much of a mess under normal circumstances as he was last night, why haven’t any of them given him a hand?
It’s not that he likes Xinlong, obviously. He’s just interesting. Who is he really, under the nervous shell? It’s been a while since Geonwoo’s had something that made him…curious.
And it’ll piss off Sangwon, which is always a plus.
Now he just needs to figure out how to find him again.
Fortunately Xinlong’s an uncommon enough name that Geonwoo manages to track him down on last year’s list of incoming engineers pretty quickly, but knowing his major isn’t enough to narrow down where he might actually be. There’s at least four buildings on campus that primarily host the engineering departments and he has no way of knowing which of those Xinlong might frequent- let alone if he’s taking any other classes.
Jiahao would definitely know, but he won’t tell Geonwoo without a reason- and he’d definitely tell Junseo. He needs someone outside of this circle, to make it less likely to get out immediately.
This is so stupid, he thinks as he pulls up the contact for an old hookup. It’s risky, putting it out there on paper, but Yoona’s unlikely to say anything about it. And even if she does, it’s not exactly hot gossip, so the chances of it getting back to someone like Sangwon- at least quickly- are low.
Me, 4:21pm
hey youre in engineering right?
do you have any idea where i could find a sophomore name xinlong?
i think he left smth at our house last night
He cringes as the message goes through. What a terrible excuse. Hopefully she doesn’t ask too many follow-up questions.
Yoona responds fairly quickly, but it’s not exactly helpful. She doesn’t know Xinlong personally- unsurprising, given how shy he is- but recognizes the name. Her suggestion is to take it to the engineering office and let them contact him to come pick it up.
Geonwoo frowns at his phone. That’s a perfectly reasonable solution to the problem he presented her, and yet. It does absolutely nothing to help him find Xinlong. Unless the engineering staff are willing to just give out their students’ contact information, which he highly doubts.
Then his phone buzzes again:
Yoona 🦌, 4:28pm
actually if he’s a sophomore he’s probably taking linear this semester
so you could try to catch him before class if that’s the case
might be faster than waiting for the dept to contact him, esp if its something important :)
Linear. Geonwoo types the keyword into the class search immediately. Linear algebra? That seems most likely.
Me, 4:29pm
linear algebra?
Yoona 🦌, 4:29pm
👍
Me, 4:29pm
k thx
He checks the schedule again. Linear algebra meets Monday / Wednesday / Friday at 10:30am, which is perfect. Geonwoo’s free then- he can arrange to be there, waiting for Xinlong.
And then what?
Geonwoo frowns. Flirt, probably- it’s still his go-to. Might not be the most effective, if last night was any indication, but… well, he can figure that out later. The point is just to find Xinlong again, to figure out what makes him tick. What makes him so interesting that Geonwoo can’t stop thinking about him.
Or maybe, what makes him so lovable.
-
When Monday rolls around, Geonwoo makes sure to be at the math building by 10:15. He positions himself casually nearby, pretending to scroll through his phone. Every move careful, every move calculated.
You know this is insane, the void reminds him for the hundredth time. For the hundredth time, he ignores it.
He can’t say he’s not nervous. It’s one thing to make the plan, but actually pulling it off? This could backfire so horribly, and he can’t even fall back on the excuse of being drunk. Maybe he should give up before he makes everything worse.
Coward, the void laughs, as if it wasn’t just trying to convince him of the exact same thing.
Geonwoo’s about to argue back- something that never goes well- but in that same moment, he spots Xinlong. He’s almost unrecognizable. At the party he was small and unobtrusive, but at least dressed up. Now he’s drowning in a dark gray hoodie pulled over his head, shoulder hunched as he scurries toward the building like a scared little mouse. No wonder Geonwoo's never noticed him before.
He’s fascinating.
“Xinlong, hey!” Geonwoo calls, which means now he’s committed to seeing this through. Xinlong's entire body tenses at the sound, but he doesn’t look up. Interesting.
Geonwoo falls into step beside him. “I was hoping I’d run into you,” he says- casually, like they’re already friends. “You ran off so fast the other night.”
“Sorry,” Xinlong mumbles, and starts walking faster. Geonwoo speeds up to match his pace.
“It kind of hurt my feelings,” he says, with the slightest bit of a pout. “Make it up to me?”
They’ve now reached Xinlong’s classroom, and Xinlong finally looks up. Geonwoo makes sure he’s wearing his sweetest smile.
Xinlong’s eyes get adorably wide before darting away, his fingers twitching on the straps of his bag. “Um, sorry, I have class,” he mutters, then ducks into the room.
Geonwoo frowns after him. That could’ve gone better- but it also could’ve gone worse. Running away is starting to look like Xinlong's default tactic. Realistically he can’t keep it up forever.
So what, you’re really gonna stalk him now? the void asks, and the accusation sits uncomfortably under his skin.
Fair point.
Geonwoo sighs, heading out of the building. So what if he’s curious? Xinlong clearly isn’t interested. All he’s doing now is proving Sangwon right.
Normally he wouldn’t have come in to campus this early- his next class doesn’t start until two- so he needs to figure out what he’s doing for the next couple hours. After a fair bit of wandering he ends up at the dining hall. It’s not a terrible place to study, at least before the main lunch crowd shows up, and he didn’t eat breakfast. So he puts on silent headphones to deter anyone from trying to talk to him, picks up something to eat, and settles in at a spot by the windows to work.
He’s barely gotten himself set up when his attention is drawn to a loud whisper somewhere to his left. “Unnie, look! Your boyfriend’s here!”
“What’s that about a boyfriend?”
“No one- she’s just being dramatic.” Unlike the other two, the third voice is strikingly familiar. Geonwoo frowns, resisting the urge to turn. It’s just gossip.
“They hooked up at the party on Friday,” the first girl says, and the second gasps dramatically.
“Haewon! And you told Kyujin before me?”
Haewon. Geonwoo’s hands freeze on his keyboard. They hooked up at the party. This isn’t just gossip, it’s gossip about him. That’s never a good thing. He takes a deep breath, schooling his expression to something carefully neutral.
Should you really be listening to this? the void asks.
No, he thinks back. Shut up.
“She didn’t tell me,” Kyujin is saying, “I was just there. They were literally flirting right in front of my face.”
If Geonwoo angles his head just right, he can make out their faint reflections in the window. It’s definitely the same Haewon- he doesn’t remember much of their time together, but he can at least recognize her. Her friend from the party- Kyujin, apparently- is also there, and one of Leo’s classmates he doesn’t remember seeing the other day. They’ve never spoken, but he’s seen her perform. Lily, maybe, or something like that. She’s a good singer.
Now she’s watching him out of the corner of her eye and shaking Haewon, demanding details. Geonwoo’s stomach feels sick.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” Haewon says with a shrug. “It was fine.” She glances his way, and Geonwoo leans forward, pretending to focus on his essay.
“Honestly, I don’t really get the hype,” she adds, seemingly convinced he’s not paying attention. “Sure he’s pretty and all, but I’d much prefer someone with an actual personality.”
His father’s voice echoes in his head. Pretty, sure. That’s all he’s really got going for him. What’s the use in pretty if he’s got nothing between the ears?
Geonwoo’s heart lurches. In an instant, this conversation has gone from bad to worse, and he absolutely can’t hear any more of it. He switches tabs, pulling up the most recent video from his watch history- anything with sound should be enough to chase back the nasty little landmines of memory.
“Ouch,” Lily laughs. “That’s harsh.”
“Pretty sure he has a personality, it’s just a bad one,” Kyujin says. “You know, I heard-”
Music blares through his headphones, drowning out whatever horrible rumor was about to come out of her mouth. Geonwoo sighs, leaning back in his seat.
I mean, they’re not wrong you know, the void reminds him. If you’re upset, it’s your own fault for listening. I told you not to.
Geonwoo forces his attention back to his work, and doesn’t bother to answer.
Some time later the girls leave. Haewon catches his eye as she passes, and shoots him a friendly smile- like she didn’t just call him stupid and boring and just a pretty face. Geonwoo’s on good terms with a lot of past hookups (though none of them are close), but this feels like pity. He feigns confusion for a few seconds, then belated recognition, sending an awkward half-smile back. Something flickers across her face. He doubts they’ll talk again.
The dining hall is starting to get full, and he’s thinking about leaving when someone in the crowd catches his eye- a little mouse, trying his best to get his food without drawing any attention.
If Xinlong looked out of place at the party, it’s almost worse here. Geonwoo watches with a growing frown as he shrinks himself down to squeeze through crowds of people, flinching at the slightest hint of contact. He keeps bumping into people, apologizing, and stumbling away. It’s…honestly? Kind of sad. Geonwoo glances around discreetly- is no one else seeing this?
He deserves so much better than you, the void reminds him in Sangwon’s voice.
Geonwoo bites his lip. I know that, he thinks. You don’t have to keep telling me.
It doesn’t stop him from watching, studying Xinlong from a distance. He is pretty cute. Geonwoo wasn’t lying about that.
As Xinlong finally escapes the crowd, someone bumps him from behind and knocks something out of his bag. Neither of them notices. In fact, as far as Geonwoo can tell, no one notices. He freezes for just a second, then shakes his head. Fuck Sangwon, fuck the void- whatever he dropped could be important. Isn’t it worse to let him wander off without it? Or make him brave the crowds again? He looked like he barely survived the first time.
Geonwoo stands, crossing to pick up whatever it is. This is just him being nice. Who cares if he’s got some ulterior motive?
It’s a notebook. Geonwoo flips briefly through the pages, just to confirm it’s Xinlong’s, and it does look important. Lots of notes and incomprehensible equations- and, in what feels like it must be a sign, what appears to be a copy of Xinlong’s weekly class schedule tucked into the pages.
Geonwoo’s breath catches in his throat, and he glances up- Xinlong is already halfway out the door, so he needs to act fast. Before he can even think to question the instinct, he tucks the loose page into his pocket, closing the book and hurrying after its owner.
Stalker, the void hisses. Creep. What’s wrong with you? You should be ashamed of yourself.
Xinlong doesn’t see him coming and flinches when he appears. That’s…frustrating.
Is he scared of me specifically? Geonwoo thinks. Did Sangwon warn him?
He smiles, pretending not to notice the flinch, and holds out the notebook. “You dropped this inside.”
Xinlong blinks up at him, then slowly looks first at the notebook, then his open bag. “Oh. Thanks.” He takes the book, twisting to shove it one-handed in his bag, and Geonwoo reaches over to zip it back up.
“See, I’m not all bad,” he says with a grin.
Xinlong probably is scared of him specifically, and really, who could blame him? Even if Sangwon didn’t say anything, there’s plenty of unsavory things he’s sure to have heard. Just because everyone says Xinlong is nice doesn’t mean he can’t see Geonwoo for what he is. This is an out, it’s goodbye, it’s you can stop being scared, I’ll leave you alone.
But the meaning doesn’t land. Xinlong’s face drops in alarm and he starts to stutter out a protest. A cruel, angry part of Geonwoo almost wants to let him flounder- but he looks so concerned, like it actually matters that he doesn’t think Geonwoo’s evil.
That’s…odd.
“Relax,” Geonwoo says with a laugh- mostly to distract himself from the weird feeling in his chest. “I’m just teasing.” He pauses, then adds, “Are you like this around everyone, or am I special?”
Xinlong’s eyes get impossibly wider, and that means it’s a win. Whatever this is, whatever just happened, Geonwoo is back in control. Time to make his exit.
He reaches over to gently ruffle Xinlong’s hair- it’s so soft, he thinks- and heads back inside.
-
That afternoon, Geonwoo spends two and a half hours rolling out long coils of clay to build up the base of a flowerpot, smoothing out the edges as he goes. Ceramics isn’t a class he’d ever have expected to take, but he had some extra space in his schedule and his sister recommended doing something with his hands.
He’s pleasantly surprised by how much he’s enjoying it so far. It’s almost meditative, giving him time and space to work through his thoughts without the void constantly stepping in to criticize. Maybe that’s why she suggested it- as far as he knows she’s never taken an art class, but isn’t cooking kind of similar?
Maybe that’s how she was always so much calmer when it came to everything with their parents, because she had an outlet for her feelings.
Or maybe she just got out before things got really bad.
Regardless, those two and a half hours are a good time to think, and today Geonwoo spends them thinking about Xinlong.
Why is he so captivated by Xinlong? Because Xinlong is interesting. That’s what he keeps coming back to- but why? Because he’s acting?
Maybe that’s all it is. Maybe some lonely part of Geonwoo’s soul feels a kinship to this lost little kitten in over his head.
The thought sits uncomfortably in his throat. Xinlong’s nice. That’s what everyone keeps saying about him, and as far as Geonwoo can tell from their few brief interactions, they’re not wrong. Xinlong’s kind and caring, and Geonwoo…isn’t. He shouldn’t relate to Xinlong. They’re not the same.
Xinlong’s schedule sits shoved to the very bottom of his bag. He’s still not sure what possessed him to take it, and while he can’t bring himself to look at it again he also can’t make himself throw it away.
Sangwon’s right, he thinks, painful as it is to admit. I should leave him alone. But as soon as the thought crosses his mind, another pops up behind it: I really, really don’t want to.
Xinlong is scared of him- that much is obvious. But is he actually scared of Geonwoo, or just scared of people in general? Because he kind of just seems…scared. Watching him in the dining hall proved that it’s not just the party, and unlike the party it wasn’t funny anymore. Just sad.
It’s not like it matters. He already decided this is a bad idea. Xinlong is scared of him. Best case scenario is him telling someone Geonwoo’s been bothering him, and Geonwoo has to field yet another uncomfortable confrontation with Junseo- who will definitely try to read something into this. Worst case?
He doesn’t want to think about the worst case.
Geonwoo sighs, wishing he could resent Xinlong. Sangwon thinks he’s so sweet and precious, something innocent that needs to be protected, and more than anything Geonwoo wants to prove Sangwon wrong. But he can’t. Xinlong is just like that, as far as he can tell. He wears his whole heart on his sleeve and being upset with him… it feels bad. Like kicking a puppy.
Loathe as he is to admit it, Sangwon is right. Xinlong deserves better- so Geonwoo will leave him alone. If he does keep Xinlong’s schedule, he’ll use it to avoid him instead of seeking him out. It’s better that way.
For two and a half hours, he sculpts his pot and thinks about Xinlong, and for two and a half hours, the void is quiet.
-
That evening, Geonwoo heads to the library to work. He doesn’t usually spend much time there, preferring to study in the comfort of his own home, but there’s a book he needs to reference and while he could always try to find a copy online, being home these days always comes with the risk of running into Sangwon.
It didn’t used to. When they first started dating, Leo was a lot less casual about having him over constantly, especially when he’d learned Geonwoo and Sangwon had history. But at some point that shifted- and honestly, Geonwoo can’t really blame him. Sure, he’d been friends with Leo first, but he’s been with Sangwon for longer now than the time Geonwoo knew him as a single man.
And, as much as he hates it, they love each other.
His mood has only dropped further as the day went on and without the rhythmic distraction of the clay in his hands it’s gotten harder and harder to ignore. The void doesn’t even need to poke at his bruises- he can do that himself.
At the end of this year, Leo is going to graduate. He’ll get some impressive job in the music industry, maybe head back to Australia or somewhere else abroad. If he stays in Seoul, he’ll do it for Sangwon- and then the year after that, Geonwoo will move back home to work for his dad. Away from everyone.
Leo and Sangwon will be together forever- in a few years they’ll probably get married. Geonwoo wishes he could see that as a good thing. Sangwon deserves to be happy, and Leo makes him happy. They might even invite him to the wedding, if he promises to behave.
If he’s still alive by then.
Being here is supposed to make him feel better. Maybe he needs to spend some time on the roof.
He’s debating whether to just say fuck the book and go drink the feelings away when he spots Xinlong studying alone at a table and his heart jumps into his throat. It feels like a sign.
Xinlong hasn’t noticed him, because of course he hasn’t. He’s absorbed in his typing, completely oblivious to the world around him.
Fuck the book.
Ignoring the fact that he’s decided twice now it’s best to leave Xinlong alone- three times if you count the night of the party- Geonwoo finds himself striding over and sliding into the seat across from him. “Mind if I join?”
The look Xinlong gives him- when he’s done being surprised- says he absolutely minds, but he’s apparently too nice to say that out loud. That pings loudly against Geonwoo’s conscience and he forces the warning away.
If he wants me to leave, he can say so, he tells himself. It’s not my fault if he won’t communicate.
Xinlong goes right back to his work, and Geonwoo takes a moment to just watch him. Nervous, blushing Xinlong is adorable, but this focused version is pretty cute too. He taps his fingers on the keyboard as he’s thinking- Geonwoo’s not sure he’s even aware he’s doing it- and frowns at the screen, worrying his lip between his teeth.
An image pops unbidden into Geonwoo’s head, of his teeth on Xinlong’s lip, and he very nearly jerks to his feet in alarm.
“What are you working on?” he says, to distract from the thought and the way it has his heart racing. He can’t remember the last time he felt the urge to kiss someone specific- there’s a reason he sticks to casual hookups. It’s deeply unsettling, and he refuses to entertain it a second longer than necessary.
Xinlong flinches again, looking up with wide eyes like he forgot Geonwoo was there. That’s an interesting theme with him- why is he always so surprised to be talked to? Does he think he can actually turn invisible?
But for once, Xinlong barely stutters in his response. The assignment, he explains, is for a computer science class- something to do with programming Tetris. Looking at his screen Geonwoo just sees incomprehensible lines of code, but it sounds impressive. Cute and smart.
Geonwoo sits back, watching him type. The question seems to have broken whatever trick Xinlong was using to ignore him- he keeps sneaking glances at Geonwoo like he’s not sure what to do now that there’s another person there.
After the fifth look, he finally breaks. “What are you working on?”
Geonwoo has to fight to hold back a laugh. What is he working on? Nothing, obviously. What he’s working on is…well, playing with Xinlong.
“Oh, nothing,” he says, pasting on a friendly smile and ignoring the unpleasant twist in his stomach. “I just wanted to hang out with you.”
“Oh.” Xinlong frowns, his brow crinkling in confusion. “Well, I’m kind of busy, so. Sorry.”
“That’s fine.” Geonwoo leans forward, resting his chin on his hand. Tell me to leave, he thinks. You don’t want me here, so tell me to leave.
Xinlong does no such thing. He turns back to his laptop, continuing his work- but keeps glancing at Geonwoo, always with that same confused frown.
Tell me to leave, Geonwoo says again in his head. Come on, Xinlongie. Tell me to leave, before I get attached for real.
“Are you just going to sit there and watch me work?” Xinlong asks eventually.
That’s closer, at least. Geonwoo’s smile widens. “That was the plan.”
Xinlong looks around the room, like he’s trying to pull an explanation out of thin air. “Why?”
Geonwoo hums. “I told you,” he says. “You’re cute, and I want to get to know you better.” The words, carefully chosen to remind Xinlong of the party, work as intended- Xinlong turns bright red.
“By watching me do homework?” he asks. He’s doing a stellar job of mostly holding eye contact, though his gaze keeps flicking away for a second at a time.
Geonwoo shrugs. “If that’s what it takes.” Tell me to leave, Xinlong. This is weird and you know it. It’s crossing a line. Tell me to leave you alone. You know you want to.
But Xinlong…doesn’t. He looks back at his work, though he’s definitely more distracted than before. In addition to the constant nervous glances at Geonwoo, his left hand lifts up to fiddle with the strings of his hoodie and under the table one of his legs starts shaking in earnest.
Tell me to leave, Geonwoo thinks again with slightly more urgency. You have to tell me. If you don’t…
Xinlong is the most interesting thing that’s happened to him since he got back to campus, the only thing that’s had him really feeling something that wasn’t angry or numb. He promised himself he’d stop, but that’s clearly not a promise he can keep. He needs a definite answer, needs the door to shut. He needs a no.
A few more minutes go by. Then Xinlong pulls his phone out of his pocket, reads something off the lock screen, and closes his laptop.
“Leaving so soon?” Geonwoo asks. Running away again. You don’t have to do that. Tell me to leave, Xinlong. I will. I’ll do it if you tell me to.
Xinlong startles again, and stutters out some vague excuse about his roommate.
“What about your roommate?”
Xinlong's eyes get wide, like he’s been caught doing something wrong. “He, um. He’s just having a bad day. So I gotta go.” He grabs the last of his things and rushes off, not giving Geonwoo the chance to respond.
Geonwoo frowns after him. That definitely sounded like a lie. So Xinlong didn’t want Geonwoo hanging around and watching him work, fine. Why couldn’t he just say so?
Hao did say Xinlong couldn’t say no to Anxin. Maybe it’s worse than that- maybe he struggles to say no to anyone.
Geonwoo sighs, resting his head on the table. So he should stop. Like he already decided he would. Xinlong doesn’t have to say anything for Geonwoo to know he’s uncomfortable. But…
But Xinlong is interesting.
He just has to be careful. Make sure he’s not pushing too hard, that he’s just being friendly. If Xinlong doesn’t want him around, he can just say it- no one else has ever had a problem telling him to fuck off. Or hell, if that’s really too much, he can ask someone else to do it for him. Sangwon would certainly jump at the chance.
It’s selfish of him not to back down, but that’s what he is after all. Selfish.
And he will stop, if Xinlong tells him to.
He will.