Chapter Text
Xinlong doesn’t have many friends, but he loves the ones he has. It’s lunchtime on Thursday, early enough in the semester that schoolwork has yet to start kicking his ass, and the later summer weather is perfectly warm and breezy. He’s seated outside at a small picnic table half-listening to Sanghyeon ramble on about the latest drama from the music department when Anxin appears, dropping his lunch on the table dramatically before announcing, “We’re going to a party tomorrow.”
“We are?” Sanghyeon asks, somehow completely unbothered at being interrupted.
“Hello to you too,” says Xinlong.
“Guys, come on!” Anxin whines, dropping into his seat. “I want to have fun this year. Not just study and play video games on the weekends. Get to know people, get drunk, dance! Anyways, Hao’s boyfriend is hosting something tomorrow night and we should go!”
Jiahao is Anxin’s older brother, two years ahead of them. His boyfriend Junseo is a social butterfly who’d been close with a lot of the graduating seniors, so it’s no real surprise he’s hosting a party. What is a surprise is that Anxin’s willing to go- Xinlong hasn’t spent much time with the couple but when they’d both come to help him and Anxin move into their new apartment at the end of last year, Anxin had been weirdly hostile.
In fairness, Anxin loved nothing more than attention and was used to being Jiahao’s favorite. Junseo was friendly, kind, and likable, beloved by pretty much anyone who met him. Xinlong isn’t one to put much stock in rumors, but he hears a lot of them and the worst he’s ever heard about Junseo is that he’s got bad taste in friends. In other words, his presence in Jiahao’s life was a clear threat to Anxin’s position as the center of his brother’s universe.
Privately, Xinlong doubted he’d actually had that position for a while now. This was far from Jiahao’s first serious relationship, and he’d had plenty of friends- but Anxin liked to feel important, and Junseo- just by existing- made him feel small. Kudos to Anxin for getting past his jealousy, but that’s not enough to get Xinlong to go to a party.
“Please come with me, I don’t want to go by myself,” Anxin begs. “What if I don’t know anyone?”
“You know Hao,” Xinlong says.
Anxin’s face screws up with disgust. “You want me to go as his little brother? That’s worse!”
“I’ll go with you,” Sanghyeon says. “Could be fun.”
Anxin springs up to give him a hug. “You’re my favorite.” He turns to Xinlong expectantly, still holding a laughing Sanghyeon, with a pleading look in those big kitten eyes he knows are irresistible.
Xinlong takes another bite of his food and chews slowly, trying to stall. “You know I don’t like that sort of thing.” Parties. Crowds. People. Strangers. He gets why Anxin wants to go, wants to branch out to bigger and better things, but Xinlong likes what they have. Studying and video games and people he loves.
“We’ll be there with you though!” says Anxin. “And if you really really hate it you can leave early, I promise. Please? It won’t be as fun without you.” His voice gets sad and pouty on that last line, and he hasn’t dropped the puppy-eyes. Sanghyeon, who’s been released from Anxin’s hold, isn’t even trying to hold back his laughter. They all know it’s just a matter of time before Xinlong caves.
He lasts about ten seconds.
“Fine, I’ll come.”
Anxin cheers, darting around the table to tackle him with a hug as well. “You’re the best Longlong! It’ll be fun, I promise. You won’t regret it.
He regrets it already.
-
The next evening sees Xinlong sitting on his bed watching Anxin go through, in excruciating detail, how woefully inadequate his wardrobe is for partying.
“You know, you’re really handsome. You could be so popular if you had any fashion sense at all.”
“If you say so.” Xinlong doubts that. He doesn’t think he’s ugly by any means, but popularity takes more than good looks and dressing nice. You have to be able to talk to people, for one, and no one would ever accuse him of that. His oversized hoodies are comfortable, and make it easier to hide. He sees no reason to change that.
“Here, put these on,” Anxin says, tossing him a pair of tight black jeans. “This is unworkable, I’ll get you something of mine.”
Xinlong groans, but obeys. Tonight is already guaranteed to be a social anxiety-ridden stressfest, so Anxin playing dress-up probably won’t make that much of a difference in the grand scheme of things. It’s easier to go along with it for now.
Anxin returns a few minutes later with a small white tank top and a loose red and purple cardigan, tossing them at Xinlong and watching him expectantly.
“At least turn around,” Xinlong grumbles, pulling off his hoodie. Anxin rolls his eyes, but complies.
“I’m serious, you know. Remember the cafe we went to last week? The girl who brought us our coffee kept looking over at you, and she even gave us that free pastry.”
Xinlong outright laughs at that. “Xinnie, are you sure she was looking at me and not you?” The shirt is a big snug, but he pulls the sweater on over it, moving to the mirror to take a look.
It looks...nice. The sweater is soft and fuzzy, with long sleeves that hang over his hands. It makes him look smaller, but not invisible in same way as his big dark hoodies. The tank top rides up slightly, exposing a line of skin on his stomach, and he tries to tug it down but it won’t stay.
“I mean, she might have been looking at both of us, I’m hot too. But don’t undersell yourself.” Anxin turns to look at him. “No, don’t pull on it, it’s supposed to be short! Give them a taste of what’s underneath.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively and Xinlong groans, covering his reddening face with his hands.
“Remind me why I let you talk me into this?”
“Because you love me,” is the cheerful response. “Enough to go to this party with me, and to let me dress you for it.” He pulls Xinlong’s hands down to study his face, then pushes him back to sit on the bed. “And to let me do your makeup. Stay there, I’ll be right back!”
As he sprints out to get his makeup bag, Xinlong briefly considers locking the door behind him. He doesn’t of course, because Anxin’s right. As much as he likes to grumble about it, he’ll do anything for his friends. He's really lucky to have them.
-
Anxin is done with Xinlong and working on his own face when Sanghyeon arrives at their apartment, kicking the door open with a loud yell of “Whattup sluts!”
Xinlong resists the urge to remind him that none of them have so much as kissed anyone before. He strongly suspects that’s part of Anxin’s motivation for wanting to branch out in the first place, and the thought doesn’t help the nerves already bubbling up under his skin.
Anxin pokes his head out of the room. “Sanghyeonie! Come and tell Xinlong he’s pretty!”
“Anxin!” Xinlong groans.
“Aww, hyung’s so pretty,” Sanghyeon says, grinning as he enters the room. He leans up against the doorframe and gives Xinlong a once-over. “Actually, yeah, you look really good.”
Xinlong flushes at the attention. “You sound surprised.”
“I’m not! It’s just, y’know. You don’t really dress up often. It looks good.”
“See, I told you,” Anxin says, not looking his way.
Xinlong reaches up to fiddle with one of the necklaces Anxin had thrown on him. “Whatever. Fine. I just don’t know what you’re trying to get out of this.”
“Well if we’re going to a party, I’m going to try to find someone to flirt with,” Sanghyeon says, crossing to sit next to Xinlong on the bed. “I could really use a boyfriend, and if I don’t start practicing I’m never gonna find someone who appreciates my wit. Plus Woojin’s apparently going with some of his friends from music classes, so maybe I can finally make him jealous.”
Woojin is Sanghyeon’s roommate, and major crush for the first two months of school. The crush was never reciprocated and has long since died, but Sanghyeon still loves to joke about it.
“I just wanna get drunk and have a good time,” says Anxin.
“That sounds more in my ballpark,” Xinlong says with a sigh. He’s not quite sure about the getting drunk part, but it’ll probably help with some of the anxiety. Really he just wants to avoid the people.
Anxin flashes him a grin. “And maybe flirt if the mood seems right.”
Xinlong groans again. “You’re both insufferable.” He’s not exactly surprised, of course, Anxin flirts with everyone, his friends included. He could have had dozens of relationships by now if he’d wanted, but nothing had ever had the right spark to make him willing to take the risk of letting them get too close.
Sometimes it feels like Anxin is more nervous around people than he is, just in different ways.
“I love you too,” Anxin chirps. He finishes up his makeup and grabs his phone, tossing it to Xinlong. “Alright, I’m ready. Take a picture of me, I wanna remember how cute I look.”
He cups his hands under his chin, smiling up at his friends as Xinlong snaps a picture- a couple actually. He really is one of the prettiest people Xinlong’s ever met. No way that girl at the cafe was looking at him when Anxin was right there.
He hands the phone back, and Anxin swipes through to check the quality. “Perfect! Let’s go!”
-
The house is packed by the time they get there. Xinlong’s not a fan of parties in part because he hates crowds, and Anxin vanished almost immediately. He’s probably further in where people are dancing, and Xinlong’s having a hard time being upset with him knowing he’s probably having the time of his life. It’s not like it’s really a surprise, anyways- he knew he was signing up to be a security blanket, and that Anxin was likely to ditch him when he didn’t end up needing the support.
Sanghyeon had at least checked if Xinlong was okay with being left alone for a bit while he said hi to Woojin and his friends, and promised to come back soon. Xinlong had assured him he’d be fine on his own for a few minutes, he’s not that fragile, and Sanghyeon had laughed.
“Of course not, hyung. But still, I’ll be back soon. And if it’s not soon enough, feel free to come find me. Woojin’s friends are great, you’d like them.”
That’s probably true enough, but Xinlong’s not great with people in general and he’d much rather stick to the sidelines for now. Which is how he ended up standing alone at the edge of the room, sipping on something that doesn’t taste too alcoholic and trying not to look out of place.
“Xinlong, hey, long time no see.”
Jerking in surprise, Xinlong narrowly avoids choking on his drink as he looks up to see Lee Sangwon- his lab partner from chem last semester.
They’d never been friends, but they’d got along well enough. Better than Xinlong had hoped for with a randomly assigned partner. Sangwon was popular in a different way from Junseo and his friends- he wasn’t particularly social and spent most of his time in the library, but he was well-known for his looks and for not giving a shit what anyone thought of him.
Xinlong kind of figured once chem was over they wouldn’t cross paths again.
“Uh, yeah. Been a while,” he says, a beat too late. Sangwon smiles. If he noticed Xinlong’s awkwardness-he must have- he’s kind enough not to mention it.
“Didn’t expect to see you in a place like this. You never seemed like much of a party guy.”
Oh, they’re having a conversation now. He can do that. He talks to his friends all the time. They’re his friends though, not his school-heartthrob ex-lab partner who he hasn’t spoken to in months. And he’s usually fully sober, which makes it easier to think at something resembling a normal speed.
“Yeah, it’s not really my scene,” is the response he lands on, and he takes another sip of his drink, flicking his gaze out on the crowd of people so he’s not staring at Sangwon. Be normal.
Sangwon hums in agreement, leaning up against the wall next to him. “Me neither. But Leo likes it, and I’m happy enough to tag along.”
That makes sense, actually. Leo, Sangwon’s boyfriend, is Junseo’s best friend. Xinlong’s only met him a couple times, when he stopped by their chem study sessions to drop off snacks for Sangwon, but he’d seemed nice. He’s loud and friendly, and seems to have a knack for making people feel included- the one time he’d stuck around while they were studying he’d somehow managed to keep Xinlong from feeling like a third wheel (or at least like more of one than he always did). Plus he and Sangwon clearly love each other a lot, which is always nice to see.
“That’s sweet,” he says, and means it. Sangwon had always been kind to him.
They stand there in silence for a moment or two, watching the party together. It’s kind of nice, actually.
“So what brings you here then, if it’s not really your scene?” Sangwon asks. “I don’t remember you having a boyfriend to drag you out.” His tone is light, questioning but not teasing.
“Oh, uh, no. My roommate.”
“Anxin?”
Xinlong nods. It’s surprising and weirdly touching that Sangwon remembers that. He can’t recall Anxin interacting with him while they were lab partners, and he and Sangwon didn’t really talk that much about their personal lives.
“He’s Hao-hyung’s brother, right?”
Okay, maybe it’s not so touching. Sangwon spends a fair bit of time with Junseo through Leo; he probably didn’t remember Anxin as Xinlong’s roommate so much as Jiahao’s brother. That makes more sense. He feels a bit silly for thinking otherwise.
“Yeah, he really wanted to come but not alone,” Xinlong says. He feels a sudden need to fill the silence, as if otherwise Sangwon might be able to tell he was thinking something weird. “He wanted to be sure he’d know someone here that wasn’t his brother. Or one of his brother’s friends, I guess. So he dragged me into it. And Sanghyeon. But they’re both-” he gestures vaguely at the party around them. “Like I said, not really my scene. But I’m glad they’re having fun.”
He takes another sip of his drink to force himself to stop. God, it’s so awkward talking to someone he doesn’t really know. He really wants to go home.
At least Sangwon’s nice about it. He doesn’t comment on Xinlong’s rambling, just gives a small hum of agreement and turns his attention back to the party, letting the silence sit between them.
Despite the awkwardness of the conversation, the silence is comfortable and Xinlong finds himself relaxing slightly into it. It’s almost like they’re friends, watching the party together, instead of two people who just happen to kind of know each other. He vaguely wonders why Sangwon would choose to stand over here with him, when there’s plenty of other people he could hang out with, but maybe he also likes the silence.
He realizes he’s zoned out when someone appears on Sangwon’s other side, throwing an arm around his shoulders and making him tense. “Come on Sangwonnie, it’s a party! Do you seriously plan on sticking to the wall all night?”
Sangwon shrugs him off, looking annoyed. “Fuck off, Geonwoo.”
That’s enough for Xinlong to instantly place the newcomer.
Kim Geonwoo is the third and youngest member of Junseo’s trio of closest friends, and by far the most controversial. He’s got a reputation for being a huge flirt and even more of an asshole. Xinlong isn’t sure he’s heard a single nice thing about the guy, aside from him being hot. And good in bed.
He really doesn’t want to think about that last part, but with Geonwoo the gossip is largely about his hookups. If rumors are to be believed, he’s slept with about half the campus- which has to be an exaggeration- but is never willing to commit to a relationship. Apparently he can get pretty rude about it when pushed, which in fairness to him sounds a little bit like just asserting a boundary.
But aside from that, the rumors are a lot less specific- just that he’s a dick to everyone, friends included. That last part is a bit hard to believe, given what little Xinlong knows about Leo and Junseo, but he really hasn’t put much thought into it. He’s been lucky enough not to cross paths with Geonwoo, so it’s not like it would matter what he thought. Until now.
Xinlong flicks his gaze over to Sangwon, trying to get a read on his thoughts. He seems angry, maybe- whether that’s because he doesn’t like Geonwoo or something else, Xinlong can’t really tell. He’s not sure quite what to make of it, so he stays quiet for now. Invisible. Gathering data.
“Hey, don’t be mad,” Geonwoo pouts, resting his elbow on Sangwon’s shoulder. “I just want to make sure you’re having a good time. Who’s your friend?”
Xinlong starts at the sharp reminder that he’s not actually invisible just because he might like to be. Geonwoo is looking at him now, studying him with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He’s looking at Xinlong like he’s interesting, and that feels dangerous.
“None of your business,” Sangwon says, shaking him off again and shifting slightly as if to partially block Xinlong from Geonwoo’s view. “Shouldn’t you be finding some poor unsuspecting soul to flirt with?”
The words are polite, but laced with something poisonous. There’s definitely something going on here, but Xinlong couldn’t begin to guess as to what.
“Maybe I have.” Geonwoo smirks at Sangwon, who shoots him a murderous look, then flicks his eyes down to Xinlong’s left shoulder, where his sweater has slipped down.
Xinlong follows his gaze, and flushes, tugging his sleeve back up.
He really doesn’t want to judge Geonwoo based on rumors, but Sangwon doesn’t seem to like him very much and Xinlong would rather avoid getting in the middle of that. Besides, Geonwoo’s kind of scary right now. Moreso than most people.
It’s time to bail.
“I should go find Sanghyeon,” he mumbles, still holding his sweater as he ducks into the crowd.
“Aw, but we haven’t even been introduced yet!” Geonwoo calls after him, and he can hear the grin in the words.
Sangwon thumps him on the chest. “Leave him alone, he’s nice. You can find someone else to mess with.”
If Geonwoo responds to that, Xinlong’s too far away to hear it. He staunchly refuses to think about Sangwon...defending him? Given that he doesn’t have a clue what he’d been defending him from, it seems easier to avoid thinking about it. His ears burn as he worms his way past far too many people to find Sanghyeon talking in a small group on the other side of the room.
“Hyung!” Sanghyeon calls when he sees him, pulling him in for a hug. “Sorry, I got caught up in talking.”
“It’s okay,” Xinlong reassures him, even though if Sanghyeon hadn’t abandoned him he wouldn’t have been alone in a corner, Sangwon probably wouldn’t have come over to talk to him, Geonwoo wouldn’t have come to bother Sangwon, whatever it was that had just happened wouldn’t have happened, and his heart might be beating at a normal speed. Then again, none of this would have happened if Anxin hadn’t dragged him here and then vanished, so he couldn’t really blame just Sanghyeon.
“Okay, you’ve met Woojin, who is still pretending he’s not hopelessly in love with me, and this is Haneum-hyung and Liyu-hyung.” Woojin rolls his eyes at the joke, but neither of the others bat an eye, which means they’re all close enough to be used to Sanghyeon’s shenanigans. They’re all tall, and handsome, but all three smile at him as they’re introduced, and it feels as normal as it can feel when his heart is jack-rabbiting out of his chest.
“Nice to meet you,” Xinlong says.
Sanghyeon continues, seemingly trying to catch Xinlong up on the conversation so far. It’s sweet, so he smiles along until it shifts into something he can tune out. Sanghyeon keeps his arm slung around Xinlong’s shoulders as he gestures wildly with his other hand, and that’s enough to make it clear that Xinlong is part of the group. No one’s going to see a sad loser standing on his own and try to talk to him out of pity. He can hang out like this for a bit longer, then head home.
He stays like that for a little while, gaze wandering as Woojin and Haneum start talking about some sort of joint music project they’re working on. Sangwon is nowhere to be found, and Xinlong feels a bit guilty about rushing off when he clearly wasn’t happy. Sangwon doesn’t seem the type to stick around with someone who’s bothering him though. Maybe he went to go find Leo. Or one of his other friends. He’s probably fine. Most people don’t need someone to hold their hand through talking to strangers.
Maybe Sangwon had realized that was true about him though, and that’s why he was being defensive earlier. Was it really that obvious Xinlong would be lost in a conversation with someone he didn’t already know? The thought sits uncomfortably in his stomach and he brushes it away quickly before he can read too much into it.
Glancing around again, Xinlong spots Geonwoo in a small group not far from where he’d been before. They seem to be laughing at something he said, engaged in animated conversation, but for some reason even as he talks Geonwoo’s gaze is fixed on Xinlong. He freezes as they make eye contact, then jerks his head away. Shit shit shit. If Anxin lives for attention, Xinlong would die to avoid it- it’s one of the peculiar quirks of their friendship that shouldn’t work as well as it does. The last thing he wants is for Geonwoo to be interested in him. Whatever that means.
His drink is now empty, meaning he can’t sip it idly to look like he’s doing something, and he has no interest in leaving the safety of Sanghyeon’s company to grab another one, so he tries to tune back into the conversation and look interested. It’s hard when they’re all talking over each other, but he doesn’t need to contribute- just to look like he could be contributing if he wanted to.
As he absent-mindedly picks at the ends of his sleeves, a voice in the back of his head reminds him that most people probably don’t spend this much time thinking about how to look normal. He pushes it down.
It’s getting to the point where he thinks he could justify heading home when Anxin appears in front of him for the first time since the party started. He’s clearly drunk and absolutely glowing, bouncing with energy as he wraps his arms around Sanghyeon, knocking him (and by extension Xinlong) to the side. “Guys, we’re getting a group of people together for truth or dare. Come on, come join!”
Sanghyeon laughs. “Yeah, okay, sure.”
“Sounds fun,” Woojin adds.
Liyu hold up his hands. “I’m gonna pass, sorry. Far from my favorite party game, especially when I’m sober.”
Haneum also passes, opting to to stay with Liyu, and Anxin turns his puppy-dog eyes on Xinlong.
“No thanks,” Xinlong says, in the hopes that he might still be able to get away with it. “I was probably going to head out soon.”
“Already? But we’ve barely hung out!” Anxin pouts.
Whose fault is that? Xinlong wants to ask.
“Pleeeeease, Longie? It’ll be fun, I promise. Please please please?”
Sanghyeon snorts with laughter at Anxin’s begging. “That’s so mean hyung, you know he can’t say no to you.”
Anxin shoots him a glare, and Xinlong wants to protest that he can say no, and he will- but the words dry up when the puppy eyes turn back to him.
It’s a cheap tactic, for sure, but there are genuine nerves behind it. The fear that says please don’t leave me here alone. He wouldn’t be alone, of course, but that’s not the point. Xinlong signed up to play security blanket and his shift apparently isn’t over quite yet.
“...Fine,” he groans. “I’ll come with you. But I’m not playing.”
Anxin cheers, letting go of Sanghyeon to pull Xinlong into an equally floppy hug. “I knew you’d come around! You’re the best, Longlong!”
Xinlong feels his ears turning red as Liyu snorts into his fist and Woojin laughs openly. It’s not his fault- Anxin is hard for anyone to say no to, and Xinlong doesn’t like to disappoint people. It’s a bad combination, and one his roommate has had no shame in weaponizing against him since the day they met.
-
Sitting in the haphazard circle of players, all he can think about it how he knew this was a bad idea. Anxin at least accepted his condition that he won’t play, which is good- he doesn’t think he’d survive if he had to.
They’ve moved to another room to find the space, which is a bit quieter, but there’s still more people here than Xinlong’s comfortable with. Junseo leans forward on the couch to explain the rules, Jiahao cuddled up against him. Sangwon’s here too, lounging across Leo’s lap as he scrolls through his phone. He’s clearly also just here to watch, and that makes Xinlong feel slightly better.
He’s seated just behind Anxin in the corner, back resting against the wall. Far enough back that he’s not a part of the circle, but close enough for Anxin to lean back into him every few seconds before he gets excited and moves forward again. Anxin’s a touchy person in general and it only gets worse when he’s drunk, so it’s not much of a surprise when he grabs one of Xinlong’s hands and pulls it over his shoulder to play with his fingers.
Sanghyeon is next to Anxin with Woojin on his other side, providing a nice buffer of people he knows before people he doesn’t (which is most of the circle). He has a vague sense of who some of them are- he recognizes Kangmin and Leejeong as friends of Sangwon’s, Kaiwen as Jiahao’s underclassman from the basketball team, and a guy from one of his classes who’s name he doesn’t know. Even the ones he recognizes, though, he’s never really spoken too.
Then of course, there’s Kim Geonwoo.
Xinlong’s currently operating under the faint hope that whatever interest Geonwoo has in him since seeing him with Sangwon will go away on its own when the night is up. At least he’s toned down the staring now that the game’s started, although Xinlong catches him glancing at him and Anxin a bit more than seems normal, face unreadable.
“Truth,” says Leo when the bottle lands on him, and Kangmin gives him a devilish grin.
“Have you ever had sex in a shared room while the roommate was present?”
“Okay, listen-” Leo starts, sitting up taller, and is interrupted by a howl of laughter from the room.
“Never a good start,” Sanghyeon whispers to Woojin, looking delighted by the drama. Xinlong can’t help a small smile of his own, though he doesn’t laugh. That could draw too much attention.
“You told Sangwon you wouldn’t be home that night, and we were drunk-”
“But I was home, and you saw me,” Kangmin interjects as more people start laughing.
“Okay, no, listen! Listen! You were asleep-”
“Not for long!”
“-and we said we were sorry-”
“I didn’t,” says Sangwon.
Leo’s jaw drops as he looks down, betrayed. “Babe, come on.”
“He’s just messing with you, he was never actually upset,” Sangwon continues, not looking up from his phone. Impressively nonchalant for someone whose sex life is being aired to a roomful of drunk people.
“That’s not true! It was traumatic!” Kangmin says, clutching his heart dramatically.
“You told Leejeong it was hot,” Sangwon retorts.
“You did,” Leejeong says. “Multiple times. In detail.”
Kangmin throws up his hands. “Yeah, okay, sue me. You’re up, Leo.”
Leo spins the bottle and it lands on Leejeong.
“Truth.”
“Okay, um. Who’s the most attractive person in the room?” Leo asks.
“Sangwon, obviously.” Leejeong says without skipping a beat. “Is that even a question?”
Sangwon blows him a kiss and Leejeong pretends to catch it as Leo groans.
“Babe.”
Sangwon grins up at him. “Love you.”
Leejeong’s spin lands on Anxin, who perks up immediately, bouncing Xinlong’s arm in his hands. “Dare!”
“I dare you to send the most recent picture you took to your parents.”
Anxin drops Xinlong’s arm to pull out his phone. “The most recent one I took or the most recent one in my phone?”
“Which one’s worse?” Leejeong asks.
Jiahao leans forward. “Do not. Under any circumstances. Send Mom and Dad a dick pic.”
That gets a laugh as Anxin’s face screws up in disgust. “It’s not a dick pic!”
“It’s not a dick pic?” Sanghyeon asks, just to be an asshole, and Anxin smacks him.
“Here, it’s these two.” He leans forward to show the group- it’s the picture Xinlong took of his party look right before they left, versus one he took of Xinlong shortly before Sanghyeon arrived. Xinlong can’t see from where he’s sitting, but he shrinks a little as his brain catches up and he remembers the second picture. Which several people he doesn’t know very well are currently analyzing, a few glancing over at him as they do.
“Neither of them’s bad,” Leejeong says, sounding disappointed.
“Send the second one,” says Jiahao. “Xinlongie’s cuter, and they like him better than you.”
“Hey!” Anxin yells, as the circle laughs. Xinlong flushes, but feels a smile creeping up. It’s obvious Jiahao is just riling him up and it’s kind of cute how easily he falls for it.
Anxin flops back against him, holding up the phone for his approval so he can see the picture before it gets sent. He doesn’t need to see it again. It’s not a bad photo, but he doesn’t like looking at pictures of himself. For some reason he always looks...scared. Like he didn’t realize anyone could see him.
This one had in fact taken him by surprise, and while Anxin had insisted it was adorable his stomach twists a little at the thought of even more people seeing it. It’s just Anxin’s parents though, so it should be okay. He taps Anxin’s shoulder twice, their nonverbal signal for all good, and Anxin fires it off, sitting back up to take his turn. His face lights up with determination as the bottle lands on Junseo.
“Truth.”
“What’s your least favorite thing about your boyfriend?” Anxin shoots a devious look at Jiahao, and Xinlong can see him doing victory laps in his head already at the thought of successfully breaking them up.
“His annoying little brother.”
Anxin’s face drops comically, eyes bugging out as the circle erupts into laughter.
“Nice try idiot,” Jiahao tells him.
Xinlong can’t help chuckling himself and Anxin flops back against him, pouting upside down. How dare you laugh at me? his eyes say. When my foolproof plan was so horribly foiled?
“Sorry,” he whispers, though he can’t hide his smile.
“Don’t you apologize, he walked right into that one,” Sanghyeon tells him. Anxin grumbles, but stays where he is and Xinlong ruffles his hair affectionately.
The game moves on, no one paying them any mind. Or, almost no one- out of the corner of his eyes Xinlong catches Geonwoo studying him and Anxin. His heart skips in his chest as he pretends not to notice.
Kaiwen is dared to switch clothes with the guy Xinlong shares a class with. Kangmin admits to hooking up in the library multiple times-
“-and you tried to make us out as the exhibitionists,” Sangwon says, making Leo groan and turn red.
Geonwoo eats a spoonful of hot sauce without blinking, then while everyone laments how boring his reaction was he winks at Xinlong- like that means something? What could that possibly mean?
Woojin is asked to share his weirdest Google search and it starts a debate as to what’s weird enough to count that lasts for nearly ten minutes before someone reins it in.
Xinlong is starting to think this isn’t as bad as he was afraid of, relaxing into the comfortable feeling of fading into the background, when finally Sanghyeon is asked who of his friends he’d hook up with if he had to pick.
“Hmm, probably Xinlong-hyung,” is his answer, and Xinlong freezes as everyone suddenly remembers he exists.
“What. Why?” he blurts out, before he can stop himself. Don’t answer that, I don’t want to know. Just change the answer. To literally anyone else.
Sanghyeon is normally the best at reading his mind in situations like these, but this time he’s either missing it completely or choosing not to listen. Since Xinlong’s just handed him a platform to speak his mind, he'd bet money on the latter.
Sanghyeon straightens up from where he was leaning against Woojin, patting his roommate on the thigh. “Well, Woojinie here already said no, so it’s really just between you and Anxin-hyung, and I mean, that’s a no brainer. First off, he’s just so loud and obnoxious about everything-”
“Hey!” Anxin squawks, rising up in indignation.
“-and like obviously he’s pretty and all, but it’s in that really annoying way where he knows it,” Sanghyeon continues unperturbed. “Like he won’t shut up about it sometimes-”
“Wow,” Anxin mutters, and Xinlong would laugh at how Sanghyeon is obviously just taking the opportunity to rile him up if he wasn’t currently losing his mind about where this is going. He tries to pull his arm back from Anxin to curl up and hide, but Anxin holds it tight.
“-and he’s so clingy- see, like that! Look at that-”
Don’t look at that, Xinlong begs in his head.
“-so it would definitely become a whole thing. But you on the other hand, you’re really sweet, not really annoying at all, and you’d probably be way less weird about it.”
Sanghyeon smiles at him innocently and Xinlong wants so badly to be mad, but all thoughts seem to have left his brain. He has no idea what his face is doing but he’s sure it’s bright red.
“Are you kidding me, he’d be so weird about it,” Anxin mutters under his breath, but it’s loud enough for everyone to hear. Xinlong groans, pulling the collar of his sweater up to cover his face as he curls in on himself.
“Well, if you don’t like my answer then who would you pick?” Sanghyeon asks, casually ignoring Xinlong’s distress and the group’s laughter. Xinlong tells himself they’re laughing at Anxin just as much as him. He has to believe that or he’ll literally die.
“Longie, obviously,” Anxin says, finally letting go of Xinlong to point accusatorily at Sanghyeon. “Because you’re mean to me. But it would be sooooo weird.”
He turns around to face Xinlong, pulling his head up and pressing their foreheads together to stare solemnly into his eyes. “You know I love you. But you also know that would be so weird. Like sooooo weird.”
“Yup,” Xinlong squeaks. “Definitely weird.” He casts a quick glance around the circle- this is far from the worst thing that’s come out in the game and everyone’s drunk enough they’ll probably forget about it by morning. But it’s not fair, he’s not even playing!
Most people seem to think the combination of Sanghyeon’s nonchalance, Anxin’s indignation, and Xinlong’s acute distress is hilarious. Sangwon is smiling softly at him, amused but gentle, and again he wonders what he did to get the guy to like him. Then he catches Geonwoo staring at him like he wants to eat him alive.
“Plus you’re like objectively hot,” Sanghyeon adds as an afterthought, as if Anxin hadn’t even spoken, and Anxin whirls around.
“And I’m not?!”
Xinlong groans again, shrinking back down into his sweater as a new round of cackles breaks out around them.
“Sounds like Xinlong’s the clear winner,” someone says- Xinlong doesn’t catch who. “So he should pick the runner up.”
“Well that’s just unnecessary,” Anxin pouts, flopping back against him again. “I mean, obviously it’s me, right Longie?”
Xinlong peeks through his fingers to see those big puppy-dog eyes looking up at him. He opens his mouth to respond, and what comes out is “If I say yes, can I please go home?”
It comes out as some kind of terrified squeak. His skin is starting to buzz with nervous energy and he’s not sure how much longer he can last. Anxin will be fine without him now, but he needs to leave. He needs to process...everything.
Anxin’s eyes go round, and Xinlong belatedly realizes that while he’s not sure exactly what his face is doing it’s probably his own accidental variation on the puppy-dog eyes he’s so susceptible to.
“Wow, that is effective,” Anxin whispers. “Okay.”
Xinlong sighs in relief. “Okay. Yes, it’s you. Good night, drink water, I'll see you tomorrow.”
“No promises!” Anxin sings. He shifts his weight off of Xinlong, tapping his knee twice as he does. All good?
Xinlong taps his shoulder twice in response as he stands. All good. He just needs to leave, and everything will be fine.
“Alright, my turn then,” Sanghyeon says, finally shifting the focus back to the original game. “Night, hyung.”
“You sober enough to get home on your own?” Jiahao asks quietly as the game moves on. He’s one of two people (the other being Sanghyeon) likely to have clocked the check-in, but it’s good of him to ask regardless. They’re not really close, but Jiahao has somewhat adopted a brotherly role towards him- at least as long as he’s attached to Anxin.
“I am upsettingly sober right now,” Xinlong responds without thinking, since he’s apparently reached the point of having absolutely no filter. He cringes slightly at the admission, even though it’s not much of one- it’s not like he was subtle about his distress and it’s not like being drunk would’ve made much of a difference in perception. But still, he likes feeling in control over the things that he says. This is yet another sign he needs to get away, now.
With a quick wave to the circle, carefully avoiding eye contact with everyone, Xinlong heads out. He ducks through the main room of the party, nodding politely towards various people he doesn’t know as he leaves.
Once outside, and blissfully, blissfully, alone, he takes a moment to collapse against the wall of the house and breathe, closing his eyes and rubbing his face in his hands. What little alcohol he’s consumed has long since left his system, leaving only the panicked butterflies in his stomach whirling about- faster now that there’s nothing to distract him. So much has happened tonight, so many small interactions he needs to process and file away so that he can remember how to be a person again.
Why did he let Anxin talk him into this? This was a terrible idea.
“So your name’s Xinlong,” says a voice that’s way too close for comfort.
He squeaks in surprise, opening his eyes to see, of course, Kim Geonwoo. Who is currently standing right next to him, leaning up against the same wall looking like the cat who ate the canary.
“Y-yeah?” he stutters out.
“Good to know.”
Xinlong blinks in confusion. The social part of his brain shut down the moment he stepped outside; no one was supposed to talk to him now. “Why is that good to know?”
Geonwoo hums, still smiling. “Just curious. Y’know, since Sangwonnie kept refusing to tell me.”
“Oh.” He doesn’t know what to do with that. He can’t think of any reason Geonwoo should want to know his name, let alone seek him out about it. “Well. Um. Nice to meet you?”
Geonwoo laughs, and his ears burn at the sound. Why did he say that?
“You’re cute. Give me your number.”
Xinlong blinks again. “What?” He can’t possibly have heard that right.
“Your phone number,” Geonwoo repeats slowly. “So I can text you.”
“Oh.” So he did hear it right. But that doesn’t make any sense- if he didn’t know any better, he might think Geonwoo was flirting with him.
“Um. Why?”
Geonwoo laughs again, reaching up to brush a strand of hair off Xinlong’s forehead. It’s then that he realizes he hasn’t moved at all since this conversation started and his hands are still covering most of his face. He’s not sure he could move if he tried.
“Maybe I want to get to know you better,” Geonwoo says. His gaze sweeps down over Xinlong’s torso, the exposed skin along his waist, then back up to his face. He tilts his head to one side with a smirk. “Like I said, you’re cute.”
Oh.
Oh.
Maybe he doesn’t know any better.
Because it really really feels like Geonwoo is flirting with him.
The realization hits him like a truck, and he can feel his brain fully turn off and reboot.
This can’t be happening right now. Too much has already happened tonight and he can’t- he can’t process this. This. Can’t. Be. Happening.
“Um, I don’t know,” he finds himself stuttering. “I-I have to go.”
He ducks past Geonwoo and all but runs away.