Chapter Text
Lavender had taken her shoes off as soon as they reached their destination and sat down on the floor, leaning back against a workbench. Dean sat down next to her with Seamus on his other side.
With a flourish Seamus took the bottle out and uncorked it with a wave of his wand.
He took a swig and managed to only grimace a little as the liquid burned down his throat, then he passed it along to Dean. He only nipped before he handed it over to Lavender who first smelled at it before taking a careful swallow. She proclaimed it to be `good stuff´ than took another pull.
They sat there, drinking, talking and giggling together until the bottle was halfway empty and they were all more then a bit tipsy, Lavender probably the most drunk of them, and Seamus had to take a piss.
“I'm gonna go water Professor Sprouts bobotubers for some fine quality pus.”, he announced as he got up. Dean had just taken a drink and was now coughing and sputtering as Lavender screwed up her face in disgust. Seamus grinned and staggered towards the exit.
Seamus took a nice long leak outside – not actually on the plants, he wasn't that disgusting and who knew what work Sprout would have them do next – and enjoyed the fresh and cool air. He was swaying a bit, he must have been more drunk than he thought.
When he was done he looked around and saw a shimmer of light coming from one of the other greenhouses – apparently they hadn't been the only ones with the idea to come out here. Curious as he was he sneaked over to see who it was. He carefully peaked through the glass panel and what he saw took his breath away: Alicia Spinnet was sitting in the lap of and making out with some blond girl Seamus didn't recognize!
He was frozen to the spot, his mind whirling. Two girls kissing. He had never thought he would see something like this at Hogwarts – of course he new about gay people, but his Mom had once told him that this was wrong and something only some crazy muggles did. Wizards (or witches) were all `normal´ when it came to this. Or at least that was what Seamus was taught.
As his brain finally kicked into gear again he quickly stepped back. There actually were gay wizards! His mind was reeling with what this could mean – what it would possibly mean for him. A lot of things suddenly made sense.
Seamus had to get back to the others. He had to talk to Dean! He practically ran to `their´ greenhouse.
“Dean! You won't believe what I just saw...”, Seamus froze in the door; Lavender was kissing Dean. – Dean was kissing Lavender!
The moment they had realized that Seamus was back they were scrambling apart, but it was clear what has been going on between them only one moment prior.
“Shay” Dean began in a soothing voice but Seamus interrupted him before he could say anything else.
“We should go back to the castle.” He said with ice in his voice and strode forward, grabbing the bottle and taking a long pull, before turning on his heels and stepping outside again.
“Right.”, Dean muttered and helped Lavender to her feet who was really drunk and a bit out of it. They staggered towards the castle after Seamus who didn't meet their eye or talk another word with them.
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Once in the castle Lavender excused herself and rushed to the nearest bathroom to puke, leaving Dean and Seamus behind, waiting for her.
Once the awkward silence became too much for Dean to bear he spoke up: “Look, Shay, I'm really sorry. I don't know how it happened. One moment we were laughing and the next Lavender kissed me.”
“So it was all her? From what I saw you seemed pretty into it!”
“That's not… okay yeah, I liked it. But that's not what I meant…”
“What did you mean then?”
“Look. I'm sorry for stealing your date. I didn't think it would upset you so much. I mean you didn't seem too into her the whole evening...”
“Merlin! That's not the fucking problem here Dean!” Seamus shouted.
“Then what is your problem?” Dean got louder, too.
“God! I... fuck! You can't just…! Fuck you Dean!!”, Seamus was really shouting now. He was fuming with anger, but he couldn't exactly pinpoint why. And he definitely couldn't put it into words and tell Dean how he felt. He just couldn't.
He didn't quite understand his feelings himself yet. How he wanted to hit Dean, really hurt him, but at the same time just be with him. Hold his hand and all that sappy bullshit. Maybe kiss him… – Shit! Where did that thought come from? Dean was his best friend, he shouldn't think about kissing him!
“Great explanation Shay! Really. Now it's all clear to me!”, Deans words dripped with sarcasm.
“Fuck you Dean!”, Seamus yelled at his face and stormed off.
Seamus ended up in an empty bathroom. He slammed the door shut and let out a string of curses, then sank down with his back against it.
He felt tears well up in his eyes and he couldn't stop them. He took a last gulp of the now almost empty bottle before he hurled it across the room where it burst against the wall. Then the sobbing really started.
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When he woke up in the morning, Seamus felt like shit. His head pounded and he had a queasy feeling in his stomach, but the worst was when he thought back to the last evening – to seeing Dean and Lavender kissing and their following argument. He looked at his alarm-clock and saw that it was already after ten. The Hogwarts Express would leave in a few hours taking the students home for the holidays and he had to rush if he still wanted some brunch. He was really hungry even when he wasn't sure if his stomach would agree that food was a good idea.
Seamus got out of bed – he must have come back to the dorms sometime last night even when he didn't remember when or how – and decided to just throw some more or less fresh clothes on and head to the Great Hall. He would have time for a shower later and his roommates were apparently all already downstairs.
The Great Hall was buzzing with energy and talking. Student telling each other all about their evening even when they all had been there. Seamus trudged over to the Griffindor table but didn't sit down at his usual place next to Dean.
“Morning Shay” Colin greeted him. “Man, you look like shit. Almost as bad as Lavender – what did you do last night?”
Seamus just grunted and looked around. Most people at the table looked a bit tired but otherwise fit and proper, even Dean who looked at Seamus curiously but avoided direct eye-contact. The bastard looked good, when Seamus felt anything but.
He couldn't actually find Lavender at the table: “Where is Lavender?” he asked.
“She wasn't feeling well. Got white as a sheet and rushed off to the bathroom before you came in. What did you do? That must have been a hell of a party.”
“Yeah I guess.” he shrugged off Colin's inquiries and got some food on his plate, only grunting for an answer when he asked if Seamus had had an argument with Dean and more or less ignoring the younger student. Colin soon took the hint and got back to interrogating Ginny about the ball.
Since Seamus came down late and could only eat his food slowly in order for it to stay down, the Griffindor table got pretty empty by the time he finished. Unfortunately Dean was still there when he got up to head back to the dorm. Obviously he had waited for him, not caring that Seamus would much rather avoid him.
“How do you feel, Shay?”, Dean inquired.
Seamus decided to pretend like nothing had happened yesterday, for the simple reason that he couldn't avoid Dean (and part of him didn't want to). “Like a horde of trolls trampled over me.”
“You definitely look like it.”
“Thanks. How are you not hungover?”
“I simply didn't drink as much as you and Lav. I had to almost carry her upstairs after you stormed off. She actually fell asleep in the bathroom, can you believe that? And I had to wake up Hermione and Parvati cause the stairs wouldn't let me help her up to her dorm.” Dean grinned a bit at the memory before he got serious again. “I want to apologize again for kissing Lavender. She was your date and I shouldn't have done that.”
Seamus grimaced: “Just give it a rest Dean. It's not like I'm into her anyway.”, he answered exasperated.
“Right. You said so yesterday, too. But then I don't understand why you reacted so harsh?”
“I don't know, Dean. Probably the alcohol.” In fact Seamus did know. But he couldn't very well tell his best friend that he had been jealous – that he had feelings for him. Not when he could hardly admit that fact that to himself. That was just bound to end in disaster… Instead last night he had decided to never tell Dean. He would just ignore this...crush, bury it in some dark corner of his mind and wait until it went away.
“What about you and Lav? Are you like together now?”
“What?” Dean was totally taken aback by the question.
“I mean you two kissed last night?”
“That doesn't automatically mean we're together now. Besides Lavender doesn't even remember it. She told me she has a blackout some time during the greenhouse and asked me what happened afterwards and how she got to her bed?”
“But do you want to?” Seamus cringed at his own question. Why did he torture himself with asking things he didn't want to know an answer to?
“You wouldn't have a problem with that?”
Of course he would have a problem with that. “No. She's my friend. I already told you I'm not into her like that.”, At least that last part was true.
“Like you said, she's my friend. I don't want to risk loosing her as that.”
Exactly why I can't tell you that I like you, Seamus thought a tad bitterly.
“That doesn't mean I would be opposed to having a girlfriend.” Dean added with a laugh as they arrived back at their dorm. “You should take a shower, Shay. You still reek from yesterday.”
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Later in the Hogwarts Express Seamus and Dean seemed to be back to their old selves. At least for any outside onlooker.
“Just ignore those stupid feelings”, Seamus told himself: “You can't risk loosing Dean's friendship.”