Chapter Text
Wiping away the frozen tears off of his flushed slightly frozen cheeks, Alfred quickly glimpsed over at Ivan. Just for him to turn away just as quickly as he turned to look at him in one quick movement. Only to see Ivan slumped over up against the cold truck window. Who was now staring idly into the empty fields covered in the fresh snow now coming down hard on the roads.
Not wanting this long and boring trip to get the best of Alfred, and more importantly trying to forget what just happened not even thirty minutes ago. Alfred began trying to come up with conversation topics in his head to entertain himself and his friend? If he could even call Ivan that after what just happened. Inside of Alfred’s mind he goes back to think about conversations again
“Hmmmmm what to think about? I don't even know anymore. We talked about our siblings already, so no not that. Oh! What about our favorite foods?” Alfred gave a little smirk just let alone thinking about food.
“No, no that work Ivan probably eats some messed up food back in Russia, damn I wonder if they even have burgers there, probably not, poor soul. Oh yeah Ivan…” Alfred began to look back again toward Ivan, then all of a sudden a deep gut retching thought emerged into his dense skull.
“Does Ivan hate me? What the fuck even just happened, first he was on top of me trying to kiss me after a crashed my truck! Did he not think I saw him try to. He wasn't even sly with it. Also it’s not like I was unconscious or something stupid like that. God… not to even start I KISSED HIM! IN THE DITCH IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY TO SEE! What the hell was I thinking?”
Alfred started to get flush in the face again, now getting more and more angered by his blatant embarrassment for his over thinking. Once again still rifled with embarrassment he turned his head to peer over to look at Ivan. But this time Ivan was starting to get annoyed with Alfred. Because of all of his grunting and weak pitiful sounds he was making when he kept getting flustered. So finally Ivan was able to catch Alfred in the act of staring at him and quickly looking away with darting speed.
“So you're just going to keep staring at me for a second over and over again, then quickly looking away. Without even trying to find the courage to say something to me? Not even a hello, or at least tell me if I was a good kisser or not.” Ivan snapped at Alfred with annoyance in his cold and now resentful voice.
Alfred now tries to stare back at Ivan trying to lock eyes with the cold Russian man, but still trying to avoid the icy spots of the road. Once he was able to lock eyes he just kept staring, not letting go of that stance. But the Russian was right about this dumb American; he couldn't find the courage or let alone the strength to even start to think of a response to that bitter statement. Just only to stare into his eyes. Because all he wanted to do at that moment was just to take in the new found beauty of Ivan. Once Alfred began to fully comprehend what was being told to him he slowly turned to look back to the road. He made sure to do it slowly, still trying to watch Ivan as he just sat beside him. Still giving Ivan a quick side glance just like before he truly unlocked eyes with him to go back to watching the snow fall onto the windshield of his truck.
Ivan found Alfred's lack of response to be annoying. Ivan didn't know what to think or believe at the moment. He never even imagined that Alfred would like him enough to bring him on this trip with him to see his brother. Let alone him be the one to initiate the kiss on the side of the road. And not to start thinking how Alfred began to lean up against Ivan pushing deeper and harder with enforcing pressure onto his frigid body. Making them both end up crashing into the snow leaving impressions of their moving bodies.
Ivan was now doing what Alfred started to do over an hour ago simply and most importantly quickly look back and forth at Alfred. But unlike Alfred Ivan decided to scooch his way closer to Alfred until he was practically sitting hip to hip with his fellow friend. Wrapping his left arm around Alfred’s shoulder and letting his left hand rest gently on the adjacent door handle on Alfred's side of the truck. Intentionally making Alfred locked in the car so he could not jump out while going 80 miles per hour on the white laced highway. Leading to both of their impending demise if he decided to do that. Ivan began to slowly move his right hand closer to the once again embarrassed face. Inching closer Ivan placed his hand on the flush part of Alfred's face. Now holding his face between his thumb and index finger. Ivan slowly began to rub Alfred’s face with his thumb, now feeling the heat coming off his face onto his frozen blue finger tips.
“Jesus Christ dude your fingers are FREEZING COLD!”
But Ivan didn’t respond to Alfred's poorly quick witted response. He simply wanted to keep messing with Alfred’s warm face since his hands were cold like a corpse. With the tension rising Ivan could feel Alfred squirming to get him to move off of him. But really it was just half assed and poorly done. Alfred wanted to be there in that situation. It was just more from trying to crash into the bank of snow again. His car was already fucked up enough, he didn't need to crash twice in one day.
But Ivan would not budge, he began to sink his weight deeper into Alfred's shoulders. Like Alfred had done just mere hours ago to Ivan. Getting bored with Alfred since his relentless movement had stopped, wanting to make him scream. Or at least make him flinch just even by a tiny, tiny amount. Ivan moved his hand that had suddenly stopped messing with Alfred’s face, but never losing its contact he dragged it down to brush up against Alfred's chapped lips. Moving his head closer to Alfred ear just sat there for a moment. Saying nothing just letting the tension build. There was only the sound of the bad country music on the radio, and the snow hitting the truck. Flew between them as Ivan kept his lips within inches of Alfred. Feeling the heat come off of the now burning red ears. Still keeping his finger tips resting up against the crooks of Alfred’s mouth.
Ivan whispered into Alfred’s ear “It was like kissing the sun, hopefully next time I can get you to scream a little for me.”
Before fully shutting his mouth Ivan gave a sickly sweet smile to Alfred, one he would have been able to see in the rear view mirror if he looked at the right time. Oh and he did. Alfred saw the damned smile and fully lost it. After what seemed like at least a good hour and a half of letting Ivan mess with his face he finally pushed his arm off of his shoulders. Throwing him onto his side landing the other abandoned side of the truck seat. But Ivan didn’t seem to mind in the slightest, he got what he wanted out of Alfred. A reaction, and a pleasant one at that. Or at least what Ivan thought as one. He didn’t get kicked out yet, or Alfred did not hop out of the moving truck to his demise. So far things were going just fine.
Alfred, still shaking from that so-called horrid interaction, tightening his grip on the leather steering wheel, turning his knuckles once in the same flushed pink color has the rest of his face into a stark pale white. It matched so perfectly with the color of the snow outside. Noticing how strong his grip was on the wheel Ivan picked himself up off the seat. Now sitting up straightening his posture, he also fixed his facial expression so it looked like he had no emotion on his face. Absolutely nothing, no excitement for what happened, no confusion, joy, sadness, or even pleasure. It was just blank, just like he was dead. But it did match perfectly to his frigid cold corpse hands. No, he was just waiting for Alfred to react, he wanted the silence to build again, to fester, to become awkward again. He wanted to see how Alfred would react to this whole day. Would he break and finally give up and yell at Ivan to get out of his truck? Would he give into this whole situation, and finally return Ivan advances. He did before so why not again? Or would he keep driving until they reached Canada or till Matt's house? What the hell would even happen afterwards with his family. Anyway while thinking about all of these scenarios Ivan had let the tension build up enough between him and Alfred for him to finally lose it completely. To finally give a response, just what Ivan wanted. He couldn't wait to see how Alfred would respond.
“...uh…uh” Still Alfred could not spit out a single damn word, he was still nervous to say anything to Ivan. This was uncharacteristic of Alfred. Ivan knew he had gotten to him. After all Ivan did live with Alfred for over a year they did get to know each other well enough to understand when something was going on. But Ivan was relentless and would not give up or give in. He didn’t say a word.
“...So…Ivan… I didn’t know that you swung that way with guys. I always thought girls just thought you looked murderous… or something like that… you know…man.”
That statement alone made Ivan twitch a little, making him crack. He lost his composure slightly but not before going back to that dead face. Just more angry now.
“What that fuck do you mean murderous?!” Ivan asked Alfred with a slight strain in his voice.
“I could ask you about the same thing about you assaulting my ear when you said ‘It was like kissing the sun.’ What the hell is that supposed to mean? Who are you Dostoevsky?”
For once color broke onto Ivan's usually pale and blueish/white face. Still not breaking his facial expression he turned away from Alfred trying to figure out words to respond.
“Well you know when you kissed me in the ditch earlier this morning your lips were so warm…” Ivan went on and on while not noticing he was touching his lips with his fingers. Hoping he could feel the same sensation again from when Alfred kissed him.
“It was like frost on my face thawed off at that moment, I was finally warm for once in my life. That frosty feeling disappeared, and the slicing pain from breath in the air vanished too, when our breath mixed together.” Catching the breath in his hands Ivan could feel that previous chilly frost coating his hands. Before quickly removing his hands from his lips. In order to prevent his hands from freezing again.
Keeping his eyes on the road Alfred smiled while facing the road. But Ivan knew it was for him and only him to be seen.
Laying back he watched the same snow covered trees he's been watching for the last five hours of his life. Nothing has changed about the wilderness, just the same old isolation he felt back home in Russia. He knew it all too well you don’t need to travel over a thousand miles just to feel alone, that same feeling can follow you anywhere in the world. No matter who you are with. Even with how long you have known them. As long as you are like the damned old isolated forest even surrounded by trees it’s all the same in the end. And Ivan knew this all too well. Even if Alfred was sitting right next to him. This whole interaction just proved Ivan could never penetrate Alfred’s sunny, golden demeanor with his own ice cold one. He couldn’t get him to give him a serious response. It was only a big fat joke to Alfred. Ivan meant nothing to Alfred, he was just there, he just so happened to be his roommate in the end. Ivan just finally had to stop these terrible thoughts. He knew they would never end if he dint now. So he tried to fall asleep. And that he did for the next 2 hours until it became pitch black outside.
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“I love you to the end.”
Ivan awoke remembering the dazzling snowy wilderness to what is now the pitch black void that is now the night time of the Canadian wilderness. By Alfred’s singing to the song playing, now being played at full synthpop blast.
“Ah what the hell Alfred? Why is the music so god damn high!”
“Oh what, you don't like my music or something?” Alfred tried to taunt Ivan, right before he got blinded by a truck's bright ass led head lights.
“But in all seriousness man I am so fucking tried! I have been driving non (almost) Non stop for the last six hours! I’M SO TIRED!” Alfred now whines to Ivan hoping for a little sympathy.
Without turning to Ivan, now because it was so dark outside they could see each other's reflections in the glass of the windshield. He gave him an evil crooked smile, one with an evil idea cooking up in his thoughts.
“What the hell is that, Alfred you look like a criminal?”
“You know I’m only staying awake with my music on full blast, it would be a shame if I were to turn it off and fall asleep on the road while driving.” Alfred started to tell Ivan his issues while slowly turning the speaker knob down, so the music was barely noticeable.
“Wha…What the hell are you doing Alfred, we're almost there anyway I think just stay awake for another hour or so!”
“I don't think I will be able to Ivan…Looks like you will have to take over for me and drive that part of the trip.”
Seeing an exit sign for a nearby gas station, Alfred turns on his right blinker to move lanes to exit the freeway. “See man I don’t know why you're resisting so much, It is not that hard to drive. I know you have cars in Russia, you're not that technically behind us Americans.”
Now fully stopped at the pump of the gas station. Alfred parks the truck and steps out making his way to the passenger side of the truck. Closer to Ivan, who was trying to act like Alfred wouldn't see him telling him to move over and drive.
Knocking on the window and giving a smile. Alfred points his finger moving it back and forth to signal to Ivan to move over to drive his truck. Still when Ivan would not move, Alfred just decided to open the truck’s door and shove him full force into the driver's seat.
“See that was not so hard to move, was it Ivan?” Alfred said to Ivan while picking himself back up into his truck, slamming the door shut.
Ivan rolled his eyes at the comment. Now just deciding to give up at his protests to not drive. He put the truck in to drive and made his way back to the freeway. Carefully trying to avoid the snow so the car would not get caught gliding off into the snow. Even he didn't see the point while he was doing it because the truck was beaten up so badly already from earlier.
“Where am I supposed to go, even Alfred? I’ve never been to your brother's house. How do you expect me to know where it is, or how to get there?” Questioned Alfred's poor taste in directions.
“What do you mean man? It’s on my phone right there.” Alfred told Ivan whilst sticking out his finger in the direction of the phone. “The damned thing keeps interrupting my music every time it wants to tell me where to make a turn.”
“You know man, I'm impressed with your diving. I guess I’ve never seen your drive before until now. Usually I do all the driving when I’m with you. This is a nice change of pace”
“I can drive, you know. I don't have a car in America you idiot. My license is just in Russian.” Remarked Ivan snarly at Alfred.
“Oh yeah I forget that sometimes.”
“Forget what?” Ivan asked.
“Oh, that's your Russian. My mind on default blocks out your accent, I’m so used to hearing you speak it seems normal to me.”
“Why wouldn't my ‘accent’ be normal?” Ivan asked Ivan now wanting to crash that old truck in the ditch to end this conversation.
“Its nice having you around all the time. It’s funny how fate had us meet in the first place. We’ve come from two very different places, from complete opposite sides of the world, you know. So for us to come together like this, you driving my car for instance. It’s wonderful.”
Overcome by Alfred’s words, as much as Ivan detested if he were to crash, but at this point he didn't care any more. He took his eyes off the road and placed them on Alfred. Like earlier that day Ivan took his hand off the black leather steering wheel and grabbed Alfred with his fist, and pulled him closer to place a steady kiss on his lips. Leaning in deeper, Ivan kept kissing, until both sets of lips were covered by each other. Ivan pushed up against Alfred's lips, slowly starting to bite town tenderly on his lower lip. Letting out a pitiful moan from Alfred’s mouth, making Ivan get all excited.
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Not flustered for once it seemed like Alfred finally seemed to gain his courage back. “You know Ivan, being totally honest. When I touched you and pulled you tight up against me earlier today it was like. You know when all of the snow melts away in the spring time and the sun finally comes out finally after six months. Yeah that’s what it was like. Like some stupid movie trope or something.” Alfred started to chuckle to himself, still trying to smile at Ivan.
“And that same feeling happened again just now when you grabbed me!”
Even with that response it couldn't break the dead faced Ivan. But finally this wasn't like before, he was truly content now with that answer from Alfred. Leaning back into his seat Ivan sat himself up against the seat in peace.
He felt at ease finally like waves washed over him that he was finally able to come clean about one small feeling he felt towards him. Finally being calm enough to fully drive the rest of the trip with confidence to make it to Matt’s house on time.
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“Jeez Alfred wasn't kidding about being tired!” Ivan was shocked how fast Alfred could fall asleep so fast. He knew he was tired and all but that was just ridiculous. Getting snapped back into reality by the sound of Alfred’s phone going off, telling him where to turn to Matt’s neighborhood.
“Thank god. How long has it been even since we’ve left New York?” Ivan thought to himself as he heard the phone say “Turn right in the next five hundred feet. Your destination is on your right.”
Not wanting to wake Alfred, Ivan pulled in the driveway only being able to hope that this was Matt’s address. The house was a light reddish color with what he could only guess were black shingles. Now covered in at least a foot of snow on the roof. With the gutters adorned with bright fluorescent Christmas lights. And a giant Canadian and Prussian flag waving in the frozen wind. Hanging from two poles hanging on the railing of the porch outside. Rolling into the driveway. Ivan stepped out of the car stepping into the snow. Making a physical crunching noise as he took carefully thought out steps to the front door. Walking up to the door Ivan also noticed that the porch hadn't been shoveled in a while, making the challenge of getting to the door even more difficult to get to.
“Ughhhhh, does nobody shovel anymore. It only going to get worse if they leave it like this. Whatever.” Ivan thought to himself, rolling his eyes. Trying not to get snow in his boots, but it was by far too late. Ivan made his way to the front door.
Knock…Knock…Knock. No answer at first
“What the hell?” Ivan looked at his watch and saw it only read 7:23. “It’s not even that late what the hell could somebody be doing in their house to not hear me knock. So he tried again. Reaching for the door again. Just before Ivan could knock on the door for one last final time. A man came to the door slightly to see who was on the other side. Trying to not let the cold air into the warm house.
“Hello, who are you? Wait, you must be Ivan!” Said the man who exactly looked like Alfred, just only a lot weaker and timid.
Now letting the door open, the warm air from the house causes Ivan’s shaggy hair to fly away from his face. That was once covering his eyes.
“Yeah I am. Are you Matthew, Alfred’s brother?”
“...Yes I am. Where is my brother, it’s cold outside, so where is he?”
“Oh Alfred's just in the car sleeping. He fell asleep in the car. I was driving for the last couple hours of our drive. Let me go grab him.”