Chapter Text
Chan’s pov
Being an Idol was never easy, especially in the industry after K-pop became global. And as a leader of a group doesn’t make it any easier. Being in the public eye from a big 3 entertainment company at that time, where the public was waiting- more like anticipating with a magnifying glass for a mistake from one of them to pick at and tear apart, no matter how small it is, makes it seem like walking on the edge most of the time. Every move has to be monitored; every gesture, action, and even words have to go through mental filters all the time that usually ends in not expressing them, fearing the intense backlash they might bring against the group.
But what can I complain about at this point? I have achieved what I always wanted to. This was my exact dream I had since a little kid. The dream I was determined to achieve that made me fly to Korea at a young age, the dream I had given up my childhood for. It was that dream- that turned into an intense desire to stay and work hard even after years of training with no debut in sight; it was the desire to be on the stage and perform that pushed me to try harder month after month, even after people I trained with debuted in different groups, ultimately leaving me there watching them achieve what I dreamt of.
So, when I was finally given a chance to prove myself ready for debut, the offer came with an unusual rule: I get to choose my own teammates. It was nerve-wracking, to say the least. I had to choose. I had to choose them one by one and then showcase their talent together to the management for the debut to go through successfully.
After finally debuting, people will think I will be satisfied. Because I obviously did what I dreamt of, and I am proud of that; I got to perform in sold-out stadiums, my albums in billboard charts, winning big-name awards and all that.
But beneath all, there was a wish-and seemingly simple wish that I also had someone alongside me all the time: a soulmate. The concept of soulmates was the simplest thing in life; it was a person built as if it’s just for you, just for you to love, to cherish, to protect, and to be cherished and loved in return. It was straightforward, well, unless you are an idol.
For trainees of entertainment companies, which spent millions of dollars to train them as a talented idol, the concept of a soulmate posed a risk to the investment and effort they put into a person. It was well known that the feeling and desire after meeting a soulmate is just to spend time together and live a simpler life built just for themself. Companies feared that trainees or rookie idols meeting their other half would undo all the efforts they put into that person. And to safeguard against that, they put in heavy clauses in the contracts, with words that are too difficult to comprehend for the young trainees they sign.
And yet, with the scary lawsuits, non-disclosure agreements, and financial threats they use in the contract in case they breach it, the heart cannot hide the quiet love and yearning they have for their other half; a contract cannot control the heart afterall. Growing up in the industry from a young age, seeing the trainees meet their soulmates and facing the wrath of the company was a nightmare on its own: lawsuits and disputes, disagreements, and a lot of other stuff that instilled fear within the people watching.
But comparatively, idols were the ones who received more backlash when meeting the soulmates compared to the trainees. In a society where people see idols as objects or someone they can put their fantasies, often twisted fantasies, the backlash would be immense. The people put their idols on pedestals- as some god of sorts, stripped of human nature and desires and, worst of all, soulmates.
For years, the backlash idols got after they met their soulmates was met with intense scrutiny, not just for the idol but even towards the soulmates, who more often than not, weren’t public figures. They were torn down into just puppets for the media to put all the blame on without being held accountable.
I knew the risks more than anyone. I had watched my seniors bow down to the camera with tears running on the face, apologizing just for needing that connection with their soulmate, and begging the emotionless media to stop pointing cameras at their soulmates’ faces.
It was a hard pill to swallow for me. For a guy like myself who grew up watching my parents and people around me find a soulmate and love unconditionally, it was one of my biggest wishes, and to tell the truth, I never knew how dangerous and difficult it was for idols and their soulmates before being too integrated into the entertainment industry to pull myself out. I turned all the quiet desperation and yearning into training so at the end of the day, there was at least one dream I achieved in my life.
Debuting with the guys was a dream come true. Finding people who are ready to sacrifice anything for the dream, just like I was, felt comforting, to say the least. We bonded in a short amount of time, and our bond only grew stronger as years flew by.
For some members, they knew they had soulmates for a long time. The rest of the guys and I believed that we would get the marks after meeting them for the first time; it wasn’t rare to get like that anyways. Another shocker came a year into our debut: two of the members found out from a series of incidents that they shared a soulmate. Weirdly enough, they seem to be too happy about it, not throwing a fight about who is who in the soulmate’s life as I was expecting.
I guess seeing all the love they had for their soulmate, regardless of many obstacles- from being idols with nearly no time during the first few years to scary management- and still sticking together and choosing each other every day makes me crave a connection like that too, despite my fears.
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My prayers got answered, but not in the best way. It got answered in the most brutal way known to a man. I met
I got my marks and met my soulmate- or soulmates.
For the first time, I felt like the universe was laughing at me. Because what do you mean that the people I live with, the people I vowed to protect until the very end, were bonded to me? We were all bonded together with the red thread that glowed brilliantly whenever we were near one another. It was a terrifying realisation that shattered almost everything I believed in, and my entire moral compass. The realisation that the boys I swore to protect from the unapologetic industry and the soulmate I promised myself I would protect from the cruel media- I never realised or even considered the possibility that these two would be one.
It was on our Youngest birthday, Jeong-in’s birthday, that the bond got activated and showed itself. It wasn’t the sweet realization and reveal everybody expects when bonding with the soulmate; it was the opposite. The day started out as any other day- well any other birthday we celebrated. We wished him, we made seaweed soup for the birthday and had a whole day planned out because we had given a day off that day, except for the birthday live. After celebrating and getting wishes from fans, we finally had time to celebrate it with the entire group.
It was then that the strange but scary thing happened. As we were sharing the cake, Jeong-in suddenly dropped the fork and clutched his chest, falling onto the floor in pain. From that moment on, everything I did was on autopilot- the guys were freaking out, trying to move him to bed; the tears from both Jeong-in and the others; the frantic shouting to find out what happened to him. I called the medic who was assigned to us. When I found Jeong-in again, he was in the worst state- he was unconscious, his face was scrunched up in pain, he was sweating profusely and someone was wiping it away and from what i heard, he had a bad case of fever too.
After hours of trying and dosing him with medicine for fever and painkillers through injections, the fever finally broke. The medics had left by then, leaving him in our care as we took turns to watch over him. It was only after he woke up that we finally understood what was going on. We were stunned by the golden thread that intertwined all of us, leaving none of us out. We didn’t know what to expect then, after confirming it with a doctor who specialized in soulbonds.
It felt wrong; they were my people I vowed to protect regardless of the bond. These were the people I handpicked amongst many to achieve my dreams; it felt wrong. I thought the instant connection we all felt was because of the same goals and dreams and almost similar personalities, not because we were connected by the red thread.
But god, the moment one of their hand brushes against mine, it felt so right, as if it was the only thing that ever mattered in my life. It was those moments I knew there was no going back to once that was.
The dynamic between us changed drastically, and everyone tried to find their own place in the bond, there was confusion, disagreements, and a lot more. It got to a point where the management gave us a month off to figure it out, and most of us ran right back home, somewhere familiar in our fast-changing world.
Suddenly, after the break, a realisation came in that we aren’t just groupmates or friends anymore; we were soulmates, with the proof wrapped around picky fingers in glowing red. The relationship didn’t bloom suddenly; it was slow and time-consuming, with a lot of effort put in to include everyone and help everyone adjust. There were nights when discussions ran long, and sometimes the silence spoke more than any other words could.
From hidden smiles to small pecks here and there, the relationship finally warmed, relieving us of the unspoken fear of losing our soulmate because of this connection and the dreams they worked hard to achieve.
After almost a year into the relationship, things started to settle down between us; we weren’t walking on eggshells around each other or anything.
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Sitting in the studio after 12 am was proven to be productive the majority of the time, but it doesn’t work for me right now. And before wondering who said that about the productivity after 12, it was said by me myself, but now I feel the statement wasn’t true at all, as I stared at the monitor in front of me with a track open with no changes in the past few hours. My eyes burned as I stared at the screen for longer, hoping some motivation would enter my body as light emitted from it.
I leaned back in the chair and sighed. I looked down at the notebook with half-written lyrics beside the keyboard piano, abandoned. There were doodles and letters along the corners of the page, a quiet sign of being unable to focus. It was almost past one shown on the clock pinned above, but I could not bring myself to leave without finishing this track.
By this time, I am sure the JYP halls were empty, with not a single soul in sight, unless there were some producers stuck on the track but too stubborn to give up and pack up for the day. But then again, given it’s a weekend, I doubt anyone would be wound up in the studios or practice room.
After the last concert tonight of the Maniac tour in Korea, almost everyone returned to their hometowns after months on tour. The ones who didn’t leave were Minho and me. Since we were in different dorms, Minho would most likely be in his dorm, and I in mine. At least that’s what I know from the message I got from Minho.
‘Maybe I should just go home and get some rest.’ I sighed as i made no progress in the last hour. I could feel lots of words and rhythms floating through my brain, but I couldn’t put them down on paper or into the track. Maybe i am just more exhausted than I thought.
I packed up the little stuff I had bought after cleaning up the table that was more or less filled with some snacks and energy drinks before making my way out. Just as I guessed, everyone had left already, except the security guards standing near the entrance. I sighed in relief when I found no fans or reporters camping near the entrance to click a picture.
I tugged the hoodie a little tighter around me as cool air washed over me, sending chills down my body. The walk back home was short; it was barely ten minutes even when I walked slowly along the sidewalk.
The first thing I noticed when I opened my apartment was the extra shoes there that weren’t there when I left. ‘Minho must be here.’ I thought as I walked into my bedroom.
The room was bathed in the warm light that emitted from the lamp kept on the side table and, surely enough, my suspicion was proven right. Minho was there on the bed that was in the middle of the room. I looked closely and realised that he was sleeping as I tiptoed into the room, set aside my bag, and hung the coat.
“You are late,” A voice called out, suddenly making me jump out of my skin. I turned around to the bed and found a half-lidded Minho staring at me, expecting an answer.
I huffed before replying to him, “Yeah, I got some work done but it isn’t complete yet”
“Take it easy, tour just ended..”
I looked at him and raised an eyebrow as if to question him and he let out a chuckle before sitting up, the blanket bunched up to his waist.
“I thought you would be at your dorm you know?”
“I couldn’t sleep alone after waking up; I thought I would find you here…” he explained. Honestly, it’s understandable. After being on tour for so long; different locations, atmosphere, sometimes catching up on sleep in the tour bus or airplane- the sudden quietness of your room that comes after it is different, or empty.
I smiled faintly before sitting on the side of the bed, and he moved over, making place for me to slide into the bed. I didn’t lie down just yet. “You should have called me; I would have come over..”
“And stop your very long motivational session by yourself?” he asked, his voice tinted with sarcasm. “I want you back here when you are done with your things, mind free. That’s why I didn’t call.”
I sighed and said nothing because part of it is true. I knew it myself: if I dropped something midway, I would be hyperfixed on it even when away. It is better for me to finish it up so I can be fully present somewhere without my mind spiraling back to the unfinished work.
He reached out to my arm before pulling me into the mattress, making me fall sideways, facing him. His hand stayed there on my arm, lightly tracing shapes as he thought about something or maybe nothing at all, judging by how sleepy he looked. Instead of starting a conversation I knew wouldn’t be interesting enough to lose sleep over, i just lay there, enjoying the way the bond between Minho and me pulsed with life, sending warmth along my body at the skin contact.
“Mino-ya,” I called out, unable to stop my curiosity.
He mumbled a reply before opening one eye to look at me, indicating he was listening.
“I feel- I think Funny?” I said, but at the same time, questioned.
“Did you eat something bad at the studio again?” he asked without missing a beat.
“Againnn? That never happened before,” I protested and he finally opened his eyes and gave an unimpressed stare. I scoffed lightly before nodding no.
“It’s like a nervous tug, I think… Like before performing on the stage or doing something important.”
He thought for some time before saying, “Maybe your body is just used to you being full of adrenaline during performance; now it’s mimicking that…”
I sighed before nodding; it was the most plausible explanation. Maybe it was really it, I don’t even have work for the coming two days, so it’s useless to feel like it’s this important.
It seemed like sleep was the last thing on our minds right now as Minho and I just stared at the ceiling, doing absolutely nothing but still feeling at home. I looked at where our hands were loosely connected, the red thread shining, never dimming. It was moments like these I am thankful for all the effort it took us to reach this state, even after almost a year since its formation. It was quiet moments like these I realised that this was the thing I was scared to commit entirely to, scared I couldn’t give what they wanted or protect them. Looking back now, it was a stupid worry; everything worked out for all eight of us now.
Minho sat up, pulled off his T-shirt, and tossed it on the nearest chair before turning to me. “Cuddle or nah?” he asked, and how could I ever turn down that offer?
Acting quickly, I stripped down to my tank top, then turned to him and opened my arms in invitation. He slid right in, his head now resting on my arms and his hands running through my hair. My eyes fluttered closed, and I felt drowsy as time ticked by with his hands buried in my hair.
“Hyung…” he called out in a whisper as his hand dropped to my chest, checking if I was asleep. I hummed in response and looked down at him. My hand that was wrapped loosely around him came up to the back of his hand, fingers tangled into his hair as he leaned into it.
“….Nothing. Just can’t sleep.” He muttered as he traced his fingers on my chest, following the invisible lines only he could see.
I just stayed still as he continued his little quest of tracing up to my face. I turned my face into his hand that was now resting on my cheek. I tried to hold eye contact to see if he had anything to say, but doesn’t even lift his eyes; instead, they seemed to be on my hand that was cupping my face. I looked at his face and let out a soft breath; Minho was really beautiful, more than people ever give credit for. The smooth skin looked moisturized and had a healthy glow even without the makeup covering it; his straight nose and lower lip were pulled between his teeth. The straight arch of his eyebrows was pulled together in thought. His eyes were cast downward, his eyelashes brushing his cheeks as his hair framed his face, even after he pushed it back all the time.
God, he was really handsome; it’s almost unfair
His eyes then flicked to my lips for a second before returning to my eyes, and then it his gaze flicked away, and he gulped. I had to stop myself from laughing as his eyes stubbornly stayed on my shoulder, refusing eye contact.
“Why are you sooo shy?”I teased his lighly to which he let out a scoff.
“Says who?” he asked right back. His face began to turn light pink that was so obvious on his pale skin. I smiled before leaning down and placing a kiss on his cheeks before straightening up. He didn’t say anything or move for a while after it, still processing it.
“Just for your information, i did not need that” He pointed out, his voice trying to stay sharp but wobbling.
I just laughed at the stupid excuse he made up. It was obvious what he wanted; he kept glancing at my lips often, gulping and tearing his eyes away when he realised he was staring for a while. I didn’t say anything to that other than finally giving in to what he wanted, ever since wrapped up in me.
I connected our lips, pausing for a split second to relish the moment before kissing him. He was surprised at first but then gave in with a small sigh that escaped him as our lips brushed and moved against each other. The kiss was slow and unhurried, the kind of kiss shared when both are fatigued, both of us taking all the time in the world because for the last few days, there had only been quick pecks whenever we saw each other while preparing for the last show of the tour. After a while, I pulled away first and looked down at him. He had his eyes closed for a second before opening and looking at my lips with furrowed eyebrows before moving to my eyes. He leaned in again for another kiss, and who am I to ignore him?
The kiss quickly turned into a full-on makeout session as he licked his way to my mouth before tangling his tongue with mine, pushing me into giving in and fighting against him. He pulled away for a second to breathe before connecting our mouths again as if the small pause didn’t exist at all. Giving into his tugging and pushing, I finally gave in as my hand that was behind his head made a way to the hair at the nape of his neck before tugging lightly. I smirked internally when I felt a small vibration of a moan slip from his mouth that was muffled by mine. He finally gave in to his entire desire as one of his hands came up to behind my neck and the other one clutched my tank top and pulled it into him, making the space in between us non-existent, arranging me into however he wanted. The last thing I heard before he suddenly got on top of me was a defeated sigh as he connected our lips again.
It was rare for him to take the initiative like this, especially since he likes to give up control when he is with me. I wasn’t going to complain anyways; it was nice to be here, under him as he took i charge of the intimacy. He was warm, and his lips left a tingling sensation wherever they touched. The bond in between us was red and glowing, illuminating the room other than the warm light I left on. My hands found their way to his neck and my waist as I held him closer as he started to leave kisses all over my face and trailing them along the jaw. After what seemed like an hour, he finally pulled back before dropping his forehead against mine as we caught our breath.
He gave a small smile when he locked eyes with me and then closed them and let out a breath. My eyes trailed down from his eyes to the slop of his nose to the curve of his lips to his neck which had started to sprout light pink where my lips touched and my eyes stilled its gave on his chest.
It was where those words were written, the words his other soulmate would say when meeting him for the first time.
“so it was you..My soulmate, my person..”
It was written in a beautiful cursive; the curves of the letters were so beautiful, carved into his skin with absolute certainty that clears all the doubts and speculation of the people. It stood out in the ink of black against his pale skin as if it was meant to be there, and it was. During the years, I had found Minho staring at the mark and then trying to replicate the exact curves and slants of the letters, but it never looked the same in his eyes. After all, people say that those words written on your skin are your soulmate’s handwriting. He would spend hours on the end, reading it over and over again even years after getting it, as if it was the first time all over again.
I ran my fingers over it, and he shivered slightly from my cold fingertips as he lay on top of me, pushing against me entirely as his head found its way to the crook of my neck and stayed there. I adjusted a bit under him and stayed still.
“Hyung..” He whispered into my neck.
Without giving me time to reply, he said, “I feel weird… Like real weird and can’t sleep”
I hummed before asking, “How weird?”
“Nervous kind, I think… Maybe like the one you have..”
“Yeah?”
“Hmm… I think it’s my mark acting up..”
“But that doesn’t explain mine, you know?”
“Maybe you are getting those feelings from me through our bond?” he asked, and that seemed like the most likely explanation.
“Maybe… Do you think you can point out what feeling it is?”
He stayed still for a minute, as if trying to figure the feelings out, but he just shook his head.
“Maybe I will just sleep…”
“Are you sure?”
He just nodded again before getting comfortable and leaving a last peck before sitting down, his body now half-draped over me. Just like that, I drifted off to sleep, lulled by the slow breathing of Minho.
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I was woken up from my sleep my the glare of the sun through the window and I turned to my side to hide from the sun’s glare by snuggling into Minho. To my surprise, I couldn’t find any sign oh his body on the other side of the bed, no matter how long I stretched my hand out. I sighed in defeat before opening my eyes and closing them again with a groan because of the unbearable brightness of sunlight passing into the room.
Knowing it was a bit useless to try to drift to sleep, I finally got up from the bed. ‘I swear I closed the curtains yesterday’ I thought as I glared right back at the curtain that was pushed to the side.
“Good morning” An amused voice called out and I turned to find Minho standing there with a bowl of something in his hand and a spoon in another. I wordlessly pointed out to who moved the curtain as to ask who opened it and he just laughed.
“I opened the window last night to air the room and forgot to close the curtain before sleeping” He explained and he took a spoonful of, was it cereal to his mouth.
“That makes sense. I thought I had some memory problem because I don’t remember moving the curtains,” I said to him, my voice raspy from the sleep.
“Well- that would make sense too; you are old after all,” He teased.
“You are only a year younger than me…” I pointed it out, and he just smiled, amused.
“Yeah, yeah, I made tea, if you want,” he offered, and I nodded before stretching and making my way to the washroom to freshen up.
I brushed my face, and that’s when I noticed the red marks blooming on my chest from Minho, which he left last night. It wasn’t that dark red or purple, but more of a light pink; people would brush it off if they didn’t know what happened the night before. A small smile took over my face as I finished my business and went to the kitchen.
“My parents are coming to meet after some time; will you drop me off?” He asked me as I sipped the tea he made.
“Sure, when?”
“Within an hour or two”
“Yea? Then get ready..”
“Aren’t you going to eat anything?”
“I will grab something on the way.”
“Are you sure? I Can wipe up something for you”
“I know there isn’t anything in the fridge to make anyway…”
“I know that, I ordered groceries; it will be here before we leave.. Maybe pour you some milk over the cereal? Does that count?”
I snorted out a laugh at that question. “Go get changed, love; I will buy some on the way, I am sure.”
He raised an eyebrow at my statement, knowing damn well that I wasn’t going to buy; not because I forgot or something, but because it would slip my mind with work occupying my mind. It was probably the reason why Minho had alarms set on his phone during comeback seasons to remind me to eat properly and not depend on instant convenience store food and energy drinks.
After putting away the delivered items and a quick shower and changing clothes, we were on our way to meet Minho’s parents. We talked for sometime after meeting and I bid goodbye before resuming my day.
‘Probably an entire day at the studio again,’ I thought as I went through my mental checklist for today and found none. I could have spent the day with my friends, but it’s comeback season for them, or I could spent some time in the gym, but the trainer will kill me for coming in today after almost straining my muscle yesterday morning. Breathing out a sigh, I parked near a cafe to buy breakfast because I did intend to keep my promise.
After parking, I entered the cafe, and to my relief, the morning rushhad died down significantly. There weren’t many people there, except the few occupying the tables, absorbed in their work or the people sitting in front of them. I placed my order and stood by the counter. I pulled the mask under my chin as I waited for the order to get ready. The plan was simple for today: grab a bite and be on the way to the company and work on the track I left behind yesterday.
It was then I noticed a small amount of warmth that seemed to be climbing into my body through my pinky finger, just like when you touch your soulmate you have the red thread is. Confusion rose in me; as far as I know, the thread only sparks when you touch your soulmate after it gets activated- the case with the guys. But this was the exact feeling I got when the red thread made itself known on Jeongin’s birthday. I clenched my left hand tighlty before releasing it, checking if the light tin gling sensation along with the warmth wore off, but it became more persistent than before. I discreetly kept my left on the counter to check for any changes in the existing red threads, but they were calm compared to what I felt.
‘Maybe I slept on the wrong side or hit the funny bone.. Or maybe it was the aftereffect of pushing myself too much in the gym..’ I thought as I brushed the feeling off. The warmth didn’t stop even then; if anything, it increased a lot. Then to my surprise, all of a sudden,a sudden rush of euphoria washed over me, making my mind empty and my heart calm. It was the feeling of absolute serenity surrounding the entire being that makes you want to bathe in that feeling forever.
‘I want to stay in this feeling forever,’ the thought formed in my mind, automatically snapping me out of the haze i was stuck in a few seconds ago.
I clenched my fist to stop my little finger from twitching as I prayed to get my order quickly to get out of here before people noticed something weird. I kept my eyes ahead, and then my attention was pulled by a woman who stumbled and caught herself by gripping the counter. She then quickly kept the empty cup on the counter as she muttered for a refill.
‘That was a weird reaction- wait- that looked similar,’ I thought as I tried to find something to explain the stumbling and the frequent blinking to focus on what’s in front of her. She suddenly whipped her head in my direction as if sensing my eyes on her, startling me in my place because I wasn’t expecting that.
That was when I had a complete look at her face. And god, she was beautiful, breathtaking even. She looked unprepared, to be honest, the kind of unpreparedness when you expect nothing significant to happen. She had her hair held together with a claw clip, an earpod in her ear that seemed to be missing its pair, and the clothes: just jeans and a sweater with a cat on it. She looked comfortable here.
The crazy thing was, the longer we held the eye contact, the feeling- the warmth and tingling sensation I thought I had buried came back in full force, making my breath hitch. The seconds of eye contact were intense, as if her gaze could penetrate through me and see me. I watched as her eyes widened slightly before turning back just as quickly and picked up the cup, refilled, before rushing to her table tucked away in the corner.
‘So, its her,’ I thought as I tore my eyes away from her table before getting a glimpse of her picking up her pen. ‘She is the person my bond was waiting for’. And I am so sure of that. My order was placed in front of me, and I muttered thanks before rushing to a nearby table to finish the food off before going over.
In that time, I thought about the possibilities and details I know. She seemed unaware of the bond, which makes sense because the tugging is usually brushed off as muscle weakness unless you have experienced it. And there is a real possibility she knows me, as an idol maybe, by her widened eyes when our eyes met. Or she was freaked out by the stare I kept her pinned under, and that made her uncomfortable. I really hope I didn’t scare her away. I thought about how to approach her and ask her if she felt the same tugging without being seen as a total weirdo.
‘Maybe I just need to suck it up and ask her…” I came to the conclusion as I sipped the last drop of coffee before making my way over to the counter to pay for her order too. I then went towards her, slowly as I watched and went through my plan again to tell her about the possible bond. With every step I took, the invisible bond changed from a light tugging to pulling me with force towards her.
“Excuse me..” I said; my voice sounded lower and weaker that i expected. And with that, she turned her face towards me. She looked surprised and caught off guard, her expression to find me standing there.
“Yes?” she asked, and her voice took my breath away. It was soft and soothing to hear. I could play it over and over again without getting tired of it.
I shifted from one foot to the other. I kept one hand clenched before pointing to the chair opposite of hers. “Can I talk to you for a second?”