Chapter Text
Since Jacob had left Forks, he had been thinking about the border.
For three days, the image of that house — a house he had never seen up close but had walked through many times in his dreams — had been wandering through his mind. He knew going there was wrong; he knew that breaking the treaty meant endangering the secret he was hiding and a peace that was already so fragile. But that need, that stubborn, merciless pull, was stronger than his reason. Edward was gone, and Jacob wasn't strong enough to resist the wolf's cravings.
That day, when he reached the border, he stood there for a long time. The wind passed through the trees, stirring his fur. He stared across the river, at a place he had never laid eyes on until that moment. He knew nothing special awaited him there. The trees of the Cullens' territory weren't supposed to be any different from the trees of their own — except that Edward had walked among them, had hunted there.
To Jacob, those leaves and branches felt closer to his imprint than he did.
"Just once..." he thought to himself. "I just want to see it once."
He paused. The wolf in his chest was restless, not from fear, but from longing. Jacob knew this was wrong, knew that if his pack found out, explaining his reason would be hard, but he couldn't stop himself. With a sudden decision, he moved his legs and crossed the river.
The enemy's territory was cold and silent, more merciless than his own. Or maybe that was just an illusion.
In wolf form, quiet and soundless, Jacob made his way through the trees toward a house he had seen so many times in his dreams but had never touched in reality. He still had time to turn back, but in that moment, turning back was no longer an option.
When the house came into view through the trees, something inside his chest caved in.
The house was empty.
Completely devoid of any sign of life.
Jacob had never once been there, had never once set foot in that house, but he knew, deep down, that the silence was wrong. In his dreams, that house had seemed more alive. In his dreams, the loud sound of the Cullens arguing echoed through the house, and the sun lit it up. Now, nothing remained but darkness and silence.
Jacob didn't know exactly what he was looking for. Maybe it was the remnants of Edward's scent that he wanted. Maybe if he could smell it one last time, the wolf would at least calm down a little.
He stepped out from the shadow of the trees and stood at a safe distance from the house, raised his head, and sniffed the air.
The scent of the house, the scent of a vampire, still lingered faintly in the air — cold and sharp, with a hint of sickly sweetness that burned his nose. But Edward's scent was different from all vampires. Edward was different from every vampire, every wolf, every human...
Jacob stood there for a while, just sniffing. He felt the faint trace of Edward's scent, once it entered his body, flow like blood through his veins.
And then, he felt it. A heavy gaze that made the hair on the back of his neck — or in this case, the fur on the back of his neck — stand on end. At the same moment, a sharp, sweet smell reached his nose on the wind. The smell of a vampire.
Jacob turned his head toward the forest, his ears perking up.
He saw a small, faint movement between the trees.
Without hesitation, Jacob started running. He chased after that unpleasant, unfamiliar scent and ran through the forest for a while but found nothing. In the end, he dismissed it as an illusion or a misunderstanding. His mind was so full of his imprint that there was no room left for other thoughts.
It had gotten late, so Jacob didn't go back toward the Cullens' house; instead, he headed straight back to his own territory and home.
After getting near his house, he shifted back to human form and put his clothes on.
When he got home, it was still light out, and the wolf had calmed down some, but a hollow, cold feeling had settled in his chest, as if part of him were still back in that forest, beside that empty house.
Without thinking much, he went to the kitchen to make dinner. His father was asleep, which made the house feel even quieter.
He went through all the steps like a habit, preparing the food. When it came time to chop the onions and vegetables, Jacob couldn't stop himself from looking at the sharp blade.
If that blade sank into his flesh... would he feel anything...?
The thought was as terrifying as it was tempting. But before he could focus on it too much, he caught a familiar scent and sound that made the wolf inside him murmur: "Pack."
Jacob exhaled in frustration.
Leah wasn't pack, because she wasn't a wolf. Jacob couldn't understand his wolf's logic. In fact, ever since his stupid wolf had decided to imprint on a vampire, Jacob had come to doubt the wolf's logic altogether.
When he heard the knock at the door, he set down the knife and went to open it.
Leah stood there, her expression serious and determined. Without any preamble, as she stepped inside, she said, "Is your dad home?"
Jacob closed the door behind her. "He's asleep." Then he went back toward the kitchen.
Leah followed him. "Does he know?"
"Know what?"
"About what you were trying to do that night."
Jacob's jaw tightened as he picked the knife back up. "I wasn't trying to do anything."
Leah crossed her arms. "So he doesn't know."
Jacob paused. "Did you tell anyone?"
"I didn't tell anyone, Jake. Not Sam, not anyone else. But we need to talk."
"It wasn't a big deal."
"You were trying to kill yourself!"
Jacob pressed the knife down harder against the cutting board. "No." His voice was firm.
Leah was silent for a few seconds, then said, more quietly, "Just tell me what happened."
"Why do you even care?"
"Because I watched you grow up. You're not any different to me than Seth."
Jacob fell silent. The truth couldn't be told, and lying wasn't an option — not to Leah, at least. The wolf didn't want to lie to her.
"Leah, I can't... I can't talk about it, not right now."
The girl stared at him in silence for a few seconds. Something like disappointment flickered in her eyes.
"If you ever want to talk..."
Jacob gave a faint smile. "I'll come to you."
Leah pressed her lips together but said nothing.
After a moment, Jacob tried to change the mood. "You wanna stay for dinner?"
Leah shook her head. "No, I have to go. My mom said I have to be home for dinner."
Jacob paused, then nodded and walked her to the door. Before leaving, Leah glanced back at him — a look that showed she wasn't at all satisfied that Jacob hadn't told her the truth — but she didn't push it further.
Jacob closed the door and leaned against it.
He knew, himself, that he wasn't okay. How could he not know? He knew something inside him had been broken and crushed for a long time, but who could he tell? The people trustworthy enough to understand didn't know anything about him being a wolf. And the ones who did know were too closed-minded for him to ever talk to them about his imprint.
"My mom said I have to be home for dinner."
A brief thought passed through Jacob's mind: "If my mom was alive, would anything be different? Could I tell her the truth?"
He didn't know the answer to that question. He would never know. And thinking about it was pointless and painful, so he stopped thinking about it.
After preparing dinner, Jacob went to his father's room to call him for the meal, but seeing Billy made him swallow his words. His father was awake but looked pale, and his hands, holding a book, were trembling slightly.
"Dad? You okay?"
Billy tried to smile. "I'm fine, just a little tired."
"Dinner's ready."
"You go ahead, I'll be right there."
Jacob sighed and went over to help his father into his wheelchair.
"Jacob! I can do it myself!"
The boy ignored him and lifted the man with ease, setting him into the wheelchair.
"You didn't need to do that."
"I'll take you to the hospital soon, get you checked up again."
"Jacob, I said I'm fine."
"Doesn't matter. I'm still taking you."
Billy said nothing, but his gaze was full of gratitude mixed with shame. Jacob calculated in his head — the cost of the hospital, the cost of medicine, and the money that fell shorter and shorter each month. Occasionally fixing up the neighbors' and townspeople's cars wasn't enough anymore; he needed to find another job. It was an exhausting thought, added to the pile of his other exhausting thoughts.
"Charlie called," Billy said, as Jacob dished out the food and set it on the table. "Bella's not doing well."
Jacob's hand paused for a moment before setting the plate in front of his father.
Billy shook his head and continued, troubled, "I don't know why that girl had to get herself involved with a bunch of leeches. Now she has to pay the price."
Jacob's mind went back to the day Sam had found Bella in the woods.
The day Edward had abandoned Bella — and Jacob.
Sam had said the girl looked like a lifeless doll, like a ghost. Jacob understood that feeling... Jacob had felt that way for a long time now. His own beating heart sometimes felt like a cracked bowl sitting uselessly on a shelf, good for nothing but taking up space.
A sense of empathy crept into his chest.
"Is she like me now?" The thought crossed his mind for a few seconds.
Jacob said nothing more for the rest of dinner except short, occasional replies.
After dinner, once Billy settled in front of the TV, Jacob went back to his room and got ready for bed.
The boy lay in his bed for a while, staring at the ceiling. The wolf was quiet but seemed a little restless, which made falling asleep somewhat difficult.
When Jacob finally fell asleep, he dreamed of a lush, hazy place. A forest whose details he couldn't make out, as if everything were shrouded in fog. None of his dreams had ever looked like this before.
Neither the sky, nor the trees, nor the ground beneath his feet were clear. The only clear thing in that image was a boy with tousled hair leaning against a tree trunk.
Edward.
His name flowed through Jacob's mind.
His eyes were closed, as if he were asleep, though Jacob knew vampires couldn't sleep. His face was calm, without the slightest trace of emotion — just pure stillness. Maybe in this dream... vampires could sleep. In dreams, anything impossible became possible.
Jacob took a step forward and, in that moment, realized he was in his wolf body. He approached the vampire cautiously. Every step carried a vague fear — fear that Edward would wake up, pull away, or flee from him. Fear that he would wake up and the vampire would no longer be there. But none of those things happened.
Edward stayed there and didn't wake, like the one and only pillar holding up Jacob's world.
Jacob got closer, until only a single step separated them.
Edward's scent surrounded him completely.
There was no other place in the world Jacob wanted to be in that moment.
With adoring eyes, he studied the vampire's face, and after a moment's hesitation, slowly brought his head toward Edward's neck. When he saw no objection, he found more courage. He rested his large head in the curve of Edward's neck and breathed in his scent with everything he had.
And suddenly, Edward moved. Jacob's heart pounded much faster as he braced for his imprint's reaction, but... to his astonishment, Edward's head tilted and leaned against Jacob's wolfen, fur-covered head.
Jacob's body moved with excitement, trying to wrap himself around his imprint, to cover the vampire's body completely, like a warm, living shield.
After some shifting and adjusting, Jacob found the right position. He positioned his body in front of Edward and let Edward's head rest against his neck, while he bent his own head toward the back of Edward's neck, nuzzling him gently with his snout.
Jacob held that same position until the moment he woke up.
And when he woke up... for the first time in a long while, he felt at peace, and the hollow inside his chest wasn't quite so empty anymore.