Chapter Text
Isak's phone was full of missed messages from muting his phone while hanging out with Even. He skimmed them on the way to the tram to keep his mind off of- well, a lot of shit.
He skimmed over the ones from Emma- asking if he was okay, if he was actually ditching her, if he had any interest in her at all- getting increasingly hostile and then backpeddling. And then hostile again.
Yikes.
He composed a short apology and promised he wasn't ditching her (a lie) and that he had really been sick (Kind of a lie?) and that he would make it up to her (probably a lie). He sent it off with a couple of apologetic emojis and that was that.
The rest were from his friends- lots of "where are you"s and "bro!!"s. Isak felt bad that they were upset, but all they cared about was hooking up with Emma's friends, anyway. So not too bad, if he was honest. He gave them the same excuse he gave Emma and shut his phone off as he got back to the apartment.
-
It was late, too late for any sane person to be awake, but here Isak was. Sitting in the middle of his bed, with his biology book, notebook, and assignments spread all around him, laptop open. He was going through his research for his and Sana’s project- might as well be some kind of productive. Or, at least that’s what Isak said to himself once he finished his re-watch of Stranger Things at one in the morning.
He found a particularly useful citation and, wanting to highlight it, reached for his backpack. He fished through the main compartment, finding nothing. He searched the side pockets, only finding a broken pencil. And when he went for the front pocket, he pulled out a few pens, two highlighters, and an unfamiliar folded up napkin. Isak almost put it back, but he couldn’t remember putting a napkin in his bag- or folding it up, no less. Isak was more of a crumple kind of guy.
And he would remember putting it there- he was messy, but it was an organized mess. He knew where things were and what they were.
Well, mostly.
He unfolded it and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, then shot them up in surprise.
It wasn’t just a napkin. It was a drawing.
It was a little cartoon Isak, doodled on the napkin in quick strokes of black marker, wearing the same clothes from yesterday when he and Even had hung out. Except cartoon Isak had whipped cream piled high on his head, with a chocolate drizzle dripping down onto him and a cupid bow smile spread wide on his face. A little note underneath the doodle said you’re sweet.
Isak’s heart started doing double time.
This had to mean something. Bros didn’t just go around calling dudes “sweet.”
Maybe Isak had misread things at the coffee shop- or, maybe he had thought he had misread them then, but he actually hadn’t and Even wasn’t just being friendly. Isak thought back to all the times he thought maybe Even’s hands had stayed just a second too long on his body, looked a little too long in his direction. Isak kept telling himself it was all in his head but-
What if it wasn’t?
Isak cleared off his bed and laid down, holding the napkin in both hands. He burned every bit of marker, each stroke and scribble, into his brain, going over in his mind what this meant to him. What this meant to Even.
Isak hoped it meant just as much to Even as it did to him.
Because Isak had spent such a long time going through these cycles of allowing himself things and then wrenching them away.
Through the cycles of watching gay porn and then telling himself he wasn’t really into it. Of staring at the boy in front of him third period then insisting that he was only jealous of his looks. Of trying, trying to imagine a life with girls like Sara or Emma and coming up blank- but then telling himself it was only because he didn’t like those girls, not that he didn’t like girls.
Because, in the end, what did it matter if he liked boys or not if he would never really be with one? If it was always the tightening in his chest when he watched Jonas shove his tongue down Eva’s throat? His inner battle always ended there- that it just wasn’t worth it, and whatever he had done or thought meant nothing because of that. Because it would never be anything, with anyone.
But what if it was? Would he be able to entertain ideas he hadn’t let himself think before without a mental slap on the wrist?
He let himself try. He pictured Even, with his swoopy hair and his bright, eye crinkling smile that Isak still couldn’t believe was ever directed his way. He thought of Even and standing so close to him, Even walking next to him and bumping their hands until their fingers laced together, watching movies on Isak’s bed in the dark, arms around each other’s shoulders.
Oh, man.
It was almost too much, if Isak was honest. His face was hot with too many emotions to really think about anymore. But this was good- definitely a good kind of ‘too much.’
And it was so silly, because who has a big gay revelation over a napkin?
Reign it in, dude.
He looked at the time on his phone- ouch. He only had 5 hours until he had to be awake. Isak resolved to put away whatever this was until tomorrow, at least.
He fell asleep with the napkin against his chest and a smile on his face. A sweet smile.
-
“Hello, baby Jesus!” Two days later, and Eskild had caught Isak in the kitchen when he slipped form his room to pour himself some late night cereal.
Isak answered hello through a mouthful of Honni Puffs.
“So,” Eskild drew the word out, and Isak narrowed his eyes in suspicion.
“So?”
“Noora, Linn, and I were going to watch a movie, if you want to join us? How do you feel about, ehm, Legally Blonde?”
Isak hesitated- he would normally just say no immediately, but something made him pause and weigh his options.
He did have an assignment to work on. And that movie sounded really girly.
“I know it’s not, you know, your thing, but it’s a funny movie and a classic!”
But would he really do his assignment that night anyway?
“And it’s about a girl, yeah, but one day, Isak, you’ll learn that boys can enjo-“
“Okay,” Isak said, taking another bite of cereal.
“Really?”
Okay, Eskild didn’t have to sound so surprised.
“Yes, Eskild. Jeez, it’s not like I never do anything with you.” Isak moved into the living room where Linn and Noora were already turning on the TV.
They both looked more than surprised.
“Isak, how nice that you’re joining!” Noora said. Isak didn’t know that her voice thought it was nice, but she sounded more shocked than upset, so Isak didn’t take it personally.
“Yeah, well,” he mumbled. “Nothing else to do.” He plopped down on the couch next to Linn, while Eskild and Noora took the other one.
-
It really wasn’t all that bad. Not that Isak was raving over it- he didn’t understand any of the hair or make up talk and thought Elle and her friends were a little annoying- but when she told that Warner guy to go fuck himself at the end, Isak definitely smirked a bit.
Warner was dick.
The TV was shut off and Noora and Linn headed off to bed. And just as Isak was about to head in as well, Eskild called out to him.
“Isak,” he said, putting the Legally Blonde DVD away and clicking the case shut. “Are you going to bed?”
“Ehm, maybe not for another few hours. Why?”
Eskild smiled in that Eskild Way, his own kind of teasing and pseudo-shy.
“Well, baby Jesus..”
And that’s how they ended up chilling on Isak’s bed a few minutes later, a bag of chips between them and their phones out. Eskild was cruising Grindr and making small chat while Isak answered back half-assed as he scrolled aimlessly through - the usual situation when they ended up like this.
“If I brought this guy home, would you let Noora spend the night in here? Last time she ended up sleeping in the hallway and I felt awful,” Eskild said as he showed Isak his phone, a selfie of a muscly, oiled up man on it.
“Uhh, sure, I guess. Depending on when it is- I don’t know, I’ve been sleeping weird.” Isak answered non-commitally. Isak still felt uncomfortable when Eskild wanted to talk about guys ro showed him pictures- which he always ended up doing. And Isak knew it wasn’t specifically aimed at him, Eskild did the same to Noora and Linn and anyone who was around when he decided to lurk through Grindr- but it just. It grated on him. Made him nervous- and then annoyed that he felt that way at all.
“I know it’s, like, an inconvenience or whatever- but, he’s worth it, right? Look at him he’s drop-dead gorgeous.”
“I don’t know, I guess.”
Eskild rolled his eyes. “Okay, Isak.”
What the fuck?
“I said I guess, man, what?”
“Nothing, Isak. I just think you can actually comment on a guy without liking boys, you know?”
And Isak was so tempted to just say it. To look Eskild in the eye and speak past the lump in his throat and say, “Eskild I like boys. I like a boy. Eskild, his name is Even. Eskild, I’ve only spoken to him twice for more than five minutes and he’s amazing. Eskild, I have no idea if he likes me back, but what if he does?”
But he didn’t.
He couldn’t. Not yet.
“Whatever,” Isak muttered, annoyed at himself more than Eskild. “I don’t think like that. I just don’t care about- about shitty Grindr hook ups.”
He snuck a side glance at Eskild, who still looked upset, staring at his phone.
Eskild didn’t say anything. He just kept chatting with the muscle guy.
Isak took a breath. “Or- I don’t know. Muscles are just. Like, weird. When is he coming over?”
The smile that broke out on Eskild’s face could only be described as triumphant.
“Still figuring that out. Maybe tomorrow night? He might flake, though- he’s one of those ‘straight’ gay boys who either hook up in secret all the time, or set them up and then get too nervous to show,” he sighed dramatically. “The hardships of the gay lifestyle.”
Isak huffed out a laugh. “Okay. What does that even mean? “straight gay”?
Eskilled tutted, and shook his head in disappointment. “Isak, Isak, Isak. Little, naïve baby Jesus. These boys,” he gestured to his phone, “will go around Grindr looking for a good time, but insist they’re straight up and down. It’s like… who do you think you’re fooling?” He laughed.
Who do you think you’re fooling?
“So, then why.. why hook up with them if they’re so fucked up?” Isak asked.
Eskild shrugged. “Well, firstly, the guys I talk to are hot, so there's the payoff in itself. And I feel like I’m helping them, in a way- Like, sometimes you can’t admit shit to yourself, even, if you don’t take that plunge and go for it. And there I am, waiting for the plunge.” He laughed.
Take the plunge and go for it.
Isak nodded, maybe to himself more than Eskild.
Yeah.
-
Isak tried texting Even first more times than he can probably tell- but he could never bring himself to do it. What would they talk about, would it be weird, how to even start?
Hi!
Nope.
Hey, Even. Fun time, Friday-
Ugh, no. He sounded like a child.
Do you want to hang out?
Fuck, fuck and fuck.
There was no way he could do this. Every scenario in Isak's head ended with Even thinking he was an idiot or desperate- or both. Maybe he would just wait to see him at school and then run into him again. On "accident."
Even ends up being the one to text first.
Even Fersk (19:51):
Isak scoffed. Of course.
He was sitting in his room, lounging on his bed (like he had all day) when the message came through. And it only took him ten minutes to find the perfect reply.
Isak (20:02):
Even Fersk (20:04):
Haha
i could take u down, i'm not scared
Isak (20:09):
You're just saying that because you're not here to see my huge muscles
very intimidating
Even Fersk (20:12):
sure isak ;)
if u fight like you make coffee it won't even be close
Isak wasn't sure how to reply- he wrote something. Erased it. Wrote one word. Delete. Another sentence- but, no.
Luckily, he didn't have to. Even texted again before Isak could decide on how to respond.
Even fersk (20:21):
u should stop by Fersk wednesday after school
we can face off and see who's muscles are more intimidating
& talk about that party we're carpooling to on friday
Isak (20:22):
Sounds good
:)
He tried not to think about whether the smiley was too much and just concentrated on the fact that Even had asked him to hang with him- at work, but still. And that Even still wanted to go to Eva's party together with Isak, despite probably not knowing anyone else there.
He did think about spending that whole night with Even.
Take the plunge and go for it.
-
Isak practically ran to the tram stop after school on Wednesday, making his excuses to the boys. They were already kind of suspicious after he ditched them last Friday, but he couldn't be bothered with that now. He'd make up for it later, definitely.
When he reached Fersk, he took a minute to catch his breath before walking in.
It was pretty busy, with kids from school just releasing trickling in. Isak craned his neck but couldn't find Even at the counter. He got in line and by the time he reached the front and ordered he still couldn't see Even. Before stepping out of line to wait for his drink, he asked the cashier if she had seen him.
"Sorry, no," she said, shaking her head. "He's on shift, but he might have taken his break."
Isak nodded in thanks. There was only one small table left with two open seats, so Isak snatched it up. He tapped his foot and took out his phone to pass the time.
Not even a minute later, he heard a soft "hi" from above him.
When he looked up from his phone, he saw a short-haired blonde girl smiling down at him. Isak thought she might have been the person standing in line behind him and wondered if he'd dropped something.
"Sorry," she said, "Is it alright if I take this seat across from you? It's gotten pretty packed and I'm waiting for someone to get off shift."
"Oh, yeah," Isak said awkwardly. Literally no other stranger had ever asked to sit with him like this. Were they supposed to talk? Could he just ignore her?
"I'm Sonja," she said, extending her hand across the table.
Apparently not.
"Isak," he returned, giving her hand a brief shake.
Weird.
They were quiet again.
"So, Isak," Sonja said after a beat. Isak groaned internally. "Do you go to UiO?"
"Uh, no. Nissen. Second year."
"Oh! How nice. Are you on the theater track, then?" She nodded.
"No, science."
She hummed pleasantly as if she really cared what Isak, a complete stranger, was studying.
She wasn't unconvincing.
"I'm taking a gap year myself. Don't really know what I want to study but I'm thinking broadcasting."
Wait, was she trying to hit on him? She wasn't, right? Isak really wished he had an eye for these kinds of things.
"Oh, cool," he returned uninterestedly. Maybe if he was distant she'd get the hint.
"Yeah, I wasn't sure at first but I was in the revue at Elvebakken, and my boyfriend is studying media, so. He kind of sold it to me."
Okay, so she wasn't hitting on him. But somehow the thought of someone just being nice for nice's sake was weirder to Isak. But at least if he had to talk to her, he didn't have to worry about her making moves on him.
They talked a bit about media and broadcasting studies, and Isak found out Sonja wanted to be a reporter or interviewer- which explained how she was comfortable talking to complete strangers. Isak found out Sonja'd been going to Fersk since it first opened up and they talked about coffee- Sonja actually liked tea way more than coffee, which Isak made a playful face at.
"I always get flack about that!" She laughed. "But I just don't like how strong it is. My boyfriend drinks it practically black and its like, how can you stand it?"
Isak actually smiled. They were having such a generic conversation but Sonja was really open and enthusiastic. She nodded and smiled and talked with her hands and even though it was definitely strange, it wasn't hard to talk to her.
Isak still wasn't engaged enough to stop sneaking glances at the counter every so often. Where was Even?
As if by magic, the second Isak looked away he heard a deep "Hallo" and snapped his head up to see Even. He stood next to their table with a cup of coffee in his hand and Isak could see his name scrawled on it. Even looked almost nervous and Isak wondered for a moment if he thought Sonja and Isak were together (and was maybe even a little jealous), until-
Until Sonja stood up with a cheerful "Hei" and wrapped Even in a tight hug.
Wait, what?
"Are you off work? I thought I'd surprise you with some cool news. I made employee of the month!" She asked.
"Congratulations, wow. And, uh, no," he answered, his eyes flitting from Isak to Sonja and back. "Just a break. Your coffee, Isak." He set the cup down and nodded curtly.
"Oh, you know him?" Sonja asked, her eyes as wide as her smile. "Wow, what a small world! I just sat down with Isak here 'cause it's so crowded and we got to chatting." She turned to back to Isak, who couldn't help but notice Even's arm had snaked around her waist a bit ago and was still there. "I'm Even's girlfriend."
Even's girlfriend.
Isak's chest squeezed so tight, he was sure his heart would come flying out and splatter all over the floor for everyone- for Even and his fucking girlfriend- to see.
Cool," he said weakly.
"He was such an idiot. Such a fucking idiot.
Even cleared his throat. "So, about that party- I have work that night, but I get off kind of early and I was thinking we could meet somewhere and take a cab from there. I have a friend or two who would be willing to split fare if we need more money, too, so..."
Right. The party. The one where Isak was so excited to spend the whole night with Even, who has a girlfriend.
How could Isak let himself get so swept up in the idea of Even? In the idea of him and Even? He didn't even know the guy. He could count all their interactions on one hand, and Even was nice but obviously Isak, stupid Isak, was in a fantasy land if he thought Even had ever been more than nice to him.
He couldn't believe he let himself get so carried away.
Isak was about to open his mouth to say you know what, I'll be sick that night, sorry, and maybe run outside to throw up on the sidewalk when Sonja jumped in.
"Oh, that party you mentioned! It's Friday, yeah? I could come- Andre wanted in, too, right? Between the four of us, we could definitely afford the fare."
Sonja and Even exchanged some more words Isak wasn't listening to, didn't want to listen to, and he decided to just agree and split as fast as humanly possible.
"Sure, yeah," He nodded and stood, shouldering his backpack. "Listen, I have to go. Test tomorrow and stuff- not a lot of study time."
"Wait," Even took his hand from Sonja's waist- finally- and almost reached for Isak. Almost, but he didn't. "I'm on break, we could hang out for a little bit. You could spare a few, right?" Even was attempting a polite smile but Isak knew when he wasn't welcome- and he really didn't want to be, anyway.
"No, sorry," he declined and threw the excuse of a test around again. He told Sonja it was nice to meet her, nodded curtly in Even's direction, and practically flew for the door.
He left his cup on the table, untouched.
I