Chapter Text
"Uh, no, not that one," Simon plucked the stone out of Ryland's hand.
"Wh- that one would totally work."
"Sure, sunshine, but mine is better," Ryland huffed and waved a dismissive hand at him.
"Like you would know, I'm the one who taught you how to skip stones, Mister Simon 'grew up on a space station'- um…", Ryland's voice tapered off, face flushed.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
"Nothing, absolutely nothing, just- just, throw the darn thing already."
Simon smirked, pulled his arm back, and threw his stone, letting it slide off his fingers at the last moment. Skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, plunk. Simon grinned at Ryland who was staring into the water with all the determination of a petulant toddler, pouting lower lip and all. Simon wanted to kiss it. He reached out with both hands to gather Ryland up in his arms, but the brat turned at the last moment. Simon crept up behind him and snaked his arms around his torso anyway. He pressed slow, lazy kisses up the column of Ryland's neck.
"Don't be a sore loser, baby," he whispered in his ear. Ryland shivered in his arms. He turned his head and nuzzled his nose against Simon's cheek.
"This is where I found you, you know," Simon hummed, nuzzling his nose against Ryland's. "I was skipping stones, needed a break from grading. Only noticed you were there because the rock didn't plunk."
"I don't know if I should be offended or grateful," Simon chuckled, warm and low.
"Well I'm grateful," Ryland shifted to fully face him, "so so grateful, to that rock in particular, even," Simon snorted, "it brought me you."
"Pretty sure the rock didn't bring me here, baby."
"Shush, you don't know that-"
"Ryland Grace, you know damn well-"
"Simon Grace-"
"Grace?" Simon tilted his head to the side.
"Well I just- you told me last names weren't really a thing after The Quiet Rapture, and since you're my partner I thought maybe we could, I mean it's stupid, nevermind-"
"Baby, slow down," Simon stroked his hands up and down Ryland's sides, "I like it. Besides, we already did it the selkie way, only fair we do it the human way too. There are worse things than getting to marry you twice." Ryland's face flushed red.
"M-married? I mean partners, I knew that, I know we're partners, and I love you so much, you know that, but I think I'd remember-"
"Enh, technically binding washes are more of a mating thing, at least in our case," Ryland tucked his burning hot face into Simon's neck, "but I figured married would fit us better." Simon's brow furrowed, "I mean, if you want that. You don't have to, you're mine and I'm yours already, that's enough for me." Ryland muttered something, muffled against the ocean breeze damp skin of Simon's neck. "What was that, sunshine?"
Ryland raised his head enough to repeat himself, "I want that," he whispered, "more than anything." Simon felt the shuddering rise and fall of Ryland's chest against his. "Do you…do you want that?"
Simon pulled him in by the waist with one hand and buried his fingers in Ryland's hair with the other, "Of course I want that, sweetheart. I want everything with you, anything you'll give me, for as long as you want," Simon breathed into Ryland's hair. He pressed kisses into golden blond strands, the beginnings of grey peppered in. He'd found threads of silver in the inky black of his own hair a few days before. He'd never dreamed of living long enough to see himself grow old. He wasn't quite there yet, but he treasured the gentle crows feet forming in the corners of his eyes all the same.
"Forever, then." Simon didn't fail to notice the hitch in Ryland's breath as he said it.
"Forever. Till we're wrinkly and grey, with saggy asses-"
"Excuse you, my ass is not saggy-"
"Not yet, it isn't, but I'll love it when it is," Simon grabbed a handful of a (definitely not yet saggy) asscheek. Ryland yelped and yanked himself back from Simon with a glare that would have been intimidating if it had been on anyone else's face but his sunshine's. "And since when did you say 'ass'?"
"Since I apparently married the worst influence in the universe."
"Adrian not gay enough for this, statement."
Ryland turned on one foot till he was facing the newly arrived tall, teal Eridian. "How do you even- you can't- I know I didn't teach Rocky that one," he turned back to Simon, a dangerous look in his eye, "I want a divorce."
Simon finally broke, clutching his stomach and howling with laughter. He managed to wheeze, "No take backs, baby, sorry." Adrian offered a leg for him to hold as he got himself back together, wiping tears from his eyes. So maybe he'd taken to teaching Rocky and Adrian memes he'd found on the internet. What was the point of learning everything Earth had to offer if he couldn't be a little shit about it? It wasn't his fault Ryland trusted him too much for his own good.
"Nobody help Rocky in this house, statement. Have to do work all by self, statement. Haul nice nice nice leg brace for Grace many step plural, find mate Adrian and Grace mate Simon start stand comedy instead of help." Rocky trudged the final few steps and set down what did look like two very nice xenonite leg braces on the bottom step where the stairs met sand.
Ryland's face was nearly purple with indignance. Simon and Adrian collapsed onto the sand, busting out into wheezing laughter, any chance of keeping it together entirely lost. Rocky huffed and ambled over towards Grace.
"If mate plural finish bully Grace, all family plural get fucking move on, statement. Not have all day."
"Rocky!"
"Grace not get panty in twist, statement," Adrian managed to get out the sentence before they devolved back into tinkling laughter. Simon was fully laid out on the sand, his laughter all but silent with the occasional wheeze, reminiscent of a tea kettle. Teasing his sunshine was just too easy, he did it any chance he got. Not his fault his best friend was an equal opportunist.
"Why am I always the one getting bullied?" Rocky shrugged one limb while he lifted Simon's back off the sand with another two. Simon got both feet back under himself and intertwined his fingers with Ryland's.
"You make it so easy, baby," Simon kissed his cheek, "but we'll stop." For now. "You got your cane?" Ryland nodded. "Okay good. Oh! And you remembered the new sand attachment?" He paused for just a moment too long. Simon pressed one last kiss to his temple before jogging up the stairs. "I'll get it, sunshine, you try out the new braces."
~~
Simon grabbed the new end cap for Ryland's cane off the table, reaching for the front door. Armando whirred sadly. Simon sighed and turned back toward the robot arm.
"Fine you lil fuckin' gremlin," he gently pat the middle of Armando's main limb, earning himself happy jazz hands. Simon waved his hands back. He would never, ever admit it to Ryland, but he always did jazz hands back. So maybe he didn't want to make Armando sad. Not that a robot could be sad. Definitely not. Simon shook his head and made his way back down the stairs. The door stayed open, Simon's cloak draped over the chair. He'd be back for it later, after they came back from the cave. Their own private oasis with plants and soft towels to dry each other off when they'd had their fill of resting their aching joints in salty ocean water. When they were ready to come home.
The End
Author's Note
Okay I'm aware that this is entirely too sappy for having finished writing fanfiction on AO3, but oh well. Not necessary to read, but I wanted to say a few things anyway. Never in a million years did I think this is where I'd be when I finished writing this fic. I didn't think I'd even start. For reasons I'm not gonna get into, I thought I'd never write like this again. But then I found myself in this batshit fandom, and I found three chaotic assholes I'm proud to know and love (and be loved by in return). Robbie baby, thank you for making a safe space on the internet for people to play in the sandbox and write their own AU's (or even works inspired by yours). Vi my love, thank you for listening to my never-ending yapping about anything and everything, for letting me have a channel in the AU server to keep yapping your ear off, and for encouraging me to be even more evil than I was planning (smiley face of death forever, baby). Cryptid, my firefly, thank you for cheering me on through a truly insane amount of chapter notes and making me turn on more lights when my eyes got blurry from eye strain (and thank you for some of the most diabolical bricks, you're evil and I love you for it). Tibbs you rat bastard, you were right. You owe me the biggest I told you so, I know. Thank you for pushing me to post my writing, and for reading fic for a fandom you're barely even in just because you wanted to support your sibling through something new and scary, you're the best big brother I could ever hope for. And to all my server gremlins pebbles, thank you for chasing me with many many knife emojis and allowing me to write you into my fic (you little shits…love y'all). And to all the folks who probably stumbled across this fic and decided to read anyway, thank you. Every comment and kudos made my day, and I plan on being even more diabolical in future fics, I hope to see y'all there.
Until next time,
sixraccoonsinatrenchcoat