Chapter Text
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDsCNVj72ig&list=PLvBpq6ur-vO5za0B9WdnELyhWQ5e5zd6B&index=6)
Kyle opened the door to his room with his elbow, careful to not drop anything from the plates he was holding.
"Bubbie, i told you we don't eat upstairs!"
"I have to finish my homework, ma! Just this once!"
The boy yelled, making sure he sounded gentle and convincing. It worked, since no one called him back from downtairs.
He closed the door and placed his breakfast on the desk. Well, not his entirely.
Kyle opened the closet door. There it is.
His guinea pig was nibbling on the leftover hay in his bowl. Steve (Yes, he named it that) didn't acknowledge him right until Kyle placed his hand next to him. He sniffed him a little, almost like an approval for petting.
"Hi, dude."
The boy smiled, gliding his hand across Steve's silky fur. He spent every minute of his free time in the past few days on making him a temporary enclosure. Him and Stan glued two big cardboards together, put a blanket over it, got him some bowls and hay, a smaller box to hide in and even a little ball to play with. It wasn't the...best home for a guinea pig, but hey, atleast it was better than one of those tiny cages with nothing in it.
Kyle grabbed one of the plates from his desk and threw it's contents into Steve's bowl. Raw vegetables, each one selected carefully from the fridge. His mom has been ecstatic that her son was eating "healthy" and "nutritious" foods. Not a chance!
"Here is your breakfast. I promise, im gonna get you some real guinea pig stuff, okay? Im working on it."
The rodent didn't reply, now focused on consuming a baby carrot. Steve was suprisingly friendly. In the first day, he was wary of him but quickly warmed up, and even let Kyle hold him from time to time. From his mother's talking, he was sure that having a pet would be a pain in the ass. It was, a little, but in majority, it was fun.
After finishing his own breakfast (a bowl of cornflakes), Kyle got ready for school. He packed his backpack, lunch and dressed up. He shoved his ushanka onto his thick mop of hair, tugging it and adjusting until there wasn't a curl visible. All he could hope for was that this was going to be an uneventful day. These days were getting rarer and rarer lately, due to a very particular individual.
He petted Steve for a goodbye before closing the closet door just enough to leave a small gap for air.
---------
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uw3wGbc7X38&list=PLvBpq6ur-vO5za0B9WdnELyhWQ5e5zd6B&index=15)
Where are the guys?
The bus stop was empty. Not a soul.
He felt stupid when he had to walk into the bus all by himself.
They didn't even respond to his texts. Stan was on "Do not disturb" 24/7, Cartman left him on read and Kenny didn't even have a phone. Sure, one of them would skip school from time to time, but everyone at once?
Kyle walked towards the school entrance, his head low.
"Hi Kyle!"
Wendy waved to him while chaining her KuKirin to the metal poles for parking scooters or bikes. He waved back, hurryingly getting to her side.
"Hey, uh, Wendy, have you heard from Stan?"
"What do you mean?"
She asked, confused. Kyle fumbled with his backpack strap.
"I mean, he wasn't at the bus stop today, and didn't even read my texts or anything...I just wanted to ask if he told you something or whatever..."
God, he sounded so nervous over his friends not being around. Like a loser.
"We called yesterday, but he didn't say anything about being absent...maybe his mom is just driving him to school today? I can text or call him if you want me to."
Right. Wendy was the only person Stan didn't have on mute.
"Yeah, that's a good idea."
Their conversation was disrupted by someone excessively honking their e-scooter. Kyle turned around, seeing no other than Eric Cartman speeding down the pavement, his eyes shooting bullets straight at him. He abandoned his Segway along with Butters, who was apparently riding with him and striked down towards him and Wendy.
Good lord in heaven.
They unsuprisingly went on their usual banter. It shouldn't be anything new, just Cartman being annoying and picking fights. The usual. Then why did it feel like something hung above their heads, un-acknowledged, but very clearly there? Like the air has stopped just to personally suffocate him. Kyle didn't want to show it, but the sinking feeling in his stomach was getting too hard to ignore.
"Cartman...is everything okay? You're being weird. I mean, weirder than usual."
His voice softened, involuntarily. his arms hanged by his sides, making him look more vunelabre than defensive.
Eric looked like time stopped for him for a second. He was just...staring at him, his eyes slowly turning into little slits and his fists clenching. It looked like he wasn't even listening. Then, he spoke.
"What wouldn't be okay?"
The embarassment from other kids staring at them was drowned out by the worry in Kyle's head. This wasn't the situation being weird. It was Cartman.
"I just...i mean that you've been acting strange all week. Seriously, is something wrong?"
Kyle couldn't tear his eyes away from Cartman. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't pinpoint what was off.
All he knew was that this was wrong.
Eric was wrong.
He should have appreciated these last few seconds of peace.
"You think you know so much, huh Kahl? You think you know every little thing. Well, you DON'T! Get it? You know NOTHING about me, or anything! NONE OF YOU KNOW! Act as high and mighty as you want, but im gonna show you all that im better than that! GET IT?! IM FUCKING BETTER AND I CAN HANDLE THIS! FUCK YOU!"
Cartman exclaming weird, nonsensical or outright disturbing things wasn't anything rare. This was a daily occurence. Some kids were even scared of him.
But Kyle has been dealing with it for years. He listened to these crazy rants or theories everyday, he was as used to it as to breathing oxygen.
Then why did he get goosebumps?
He wasn't scared of Cartman, no way! As crazy as he might act, he was still an annoying piece of shit, nothing more. He was just doing this to put him off, then go on and make fun of him. No way no how!
But...
That dead look.
Light never reflected in Eric's eyes.
His feet grew into the concrete. He wasn't able to say anything, not even when Cartman dragged Butters to the school entrance, stomping angrily.
All he could do was stare, right until they left his eyesight.
-----------
After 3 rounds of circling the entire school, Kyle accepted the fact Kenny was absent. Maybe he was going to show up after the 1st period.
He started considering his options.
He could go find David. Pretty good idea.
He could tag along with Craig and those guys. Not a pretty good idea.
He could hang out with Butters and...Cartman...horrendous idea.
He could call Stan and hope to god he was actually on his way to school and was just late because his dad did something stupid or whatever.
The last option won. After finding a secluded spot in the school's cloakroom, Kyle dialed his friend's number.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
"...sup..."
From his voice alone Kyle could decipher Stan was snug in his bed.
"Where are you?"
"...at home..."
"Why aren't you at school? What, you're sick?"
A prolonged silence settled between them. It was long enough for Kyle to think he hung up or something.
"I can't get out of bed."
Oh. That. Again.
"What do you mean you can't?"
"...i don't wanna get into it."
Oh yeah, here it goes. The "I don't wanna" card.
"Oh, yeah, you don't wanna. Just like you don't wanna do anything! You're so damn lazy!"
"Can you stop yelling in my ear?"
Kyle grit his teeth.
"Im yelling in your ear because we have a fucking project to finish, dumbass! It's due today, remember? I can't do it without you!"
Stan sighed.
"...im not coming to school today."
"Damn it Stan!"
If he was there, he would drag that douchebag out of bed in seconds.
"Dude, can't you like...pair up with someone else? I don't know, Cartman?"
"No, he's with Butters. And im not talking to him today."
Kyle could picture Stan pinching the bridge of his nose in resignation.
"I'll try and be there tomorrow..."
"OK."
...
"We'll just have to wait."
It felt akward even through the phone.
"Kenny is taking care of his sister today, so he's not gonna show up either..."
"Mhm, i figured it out."
"...im sorry dude..."
"Well it's too fucking late now. Bye."
He hit the hang-up button with a bit too much force. The black screen of his phone reflected his face.
His shoulders dropped in remorse. He shouldn't be so hard on him over something so trivial.
Especially with how Stan was.
"We don't sit in the cloakroom! And we don't use our phones in school!"
The old janitor approached him, probably trying to kill him with his gaze alone. Kyle slid his phone into his pocket, throwing a half-assed apology at him before hurrying to the stairs. He could swear he heard someone else running right in that moment.
------------
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_SiACwQHGw&list=PLvBpq6ur-vO5za0B9WdnELyhWQ5e5zd6B&index=41)
Ever since the bell rang, Kyle has been pointlessly walking around the school.
If he was with the guys, he probably wouldn't bother. They would just tell him to ignore it. Now, he was alone, the only company he had were his thoughts. It felt like someone was contantly knocking on his head.
"Something is wrong with him. Do something. What, you're just gonna watch? Seriously?"
And so, Kyle decided to watch Cartman and Butters, which was no use. These two were like shadows, constantly passing him by, but vanishing everytime he looked. Stil, he couldn't just let it go. Something was off, and he had to know what and why.
There must be some other way.
Two boys walked by, consumed by their conversation.
It clicked.
After a minute of lurking by the lockers Kyle approached Tweek and Craig, his hands crossed over by his chest in a display of confidence. They greeted eachother, and the two boys waited for whatever their classmate wanted to say.
But what could he say? He wasn't even sure if he wasn't imagining things. Maybe it was just Cartman being Cartman. Whatever it was, he couldn't word it and every passing second of him staring at Tweek and Craig with an open mouth made things worse.
"Guys, uh...have you noticed...Cartman?"
Craig's deadpan face didn't make the situation any better.
"What do you mean."
"I mean that he's been acting kinda...off lately. Like, i don't know what it is, i just...i think something's up with him."
Kyle put his hands into his pockets.
"What isn't off with Cartman."
Craig muttured, problably sarcastically. It was really hard to tell.
"I-i knew it! So im n-not the only one!"
Suprisingly, Tweek joined in on the conversation, nervously looking around like he was expecting someone to jump him every second. Kyle nodded with newfound enthusiasm.
"You noticed it too?"
"Y-yeah! Since like, last f-friday he's creeping me out! Super creeping! I-it's like he's, i don't know, dissociated or s-something!"
The boy's shirlly voice could easily be compared to a little chihuahua barking. He generally looked like a small, scared dog, but what he was saying wasn't some made-up bullshit. Probably.
"Yeah...like he's somewhere else all the time!"
More things were clicking. Craig pulled away Tweek's hand from his hair and held it.
"Maybe he is kinda weird, but i don't think he's planning anything. Probably just something going on at his home or whatever."
Kyle nodded, taking mental notes of what his classmates said. Now, he knew that he wasn't reading too much into things. Tweek looked at both of them, trembling.
"W-whatever?! D-dude, do you know what w-were dealing with!? This is n-not just "something at home"! I-i saw what he did this morning! I w-was about to run because i thought h-he was -NGH- gonna kill you or something!"
"Let's not go that far..."
Maybe Tweek wasn't the best person to go to.
"N-no, no, you d-don't get it! He's always watching! Y-you can't tell if he's looking through or -GAH- at you! L-like he's snapping in and o-out of his body! You have to do something!"
He placed his hands on Kyle's shoulders and started shaking him.
"Babe, stop..."
"STOP WHAT?! W-WE HAVE TO STOP HIM, B-BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! HE S-SEES EVERYTHING! EVEN IN YOUR OWN HOUSE! GAH! H-HE KNOWS TOO MUCH! IT'S THE DAMN PIGEONS!"
"Babe, that's enough..."
The frequency with which Tweek was shaking him has turned up a 100. Kyle started seeing stars before his eyes.
"SERIOUSLY, Y-YOU NEED TO FIND WHAT IT IS! I-IT'S JUST GONNA GET WORSE! T-TRUST ME -NGH- I KNOW! H-HE'S A MADMAN! HE'S CRAZY! DO SOMETHING!!!"
Craig's attempts to free him from his boyfriend's steel grip were futile. Then, a blink. Tweek's expreession changed as he looked to his side, accidentaly. Someone at the end of the hallway.
Tweek pushed Kyle away, grabbed his boyfriend and was gone before anyone could fully register what happend.
Ouch.
----------
Kyle tapped his pen against his head. The...unpleasant encounter with Tweek and Craig didn't discourage him from investigating. You could say it led him in the right direction.
During the previous break he caught Wendy and tried to get some gossip. Not for the sake of gossiping of course, but for the sake of learning something more about Cartman. The issue didn't have to be just Cartman being Cartman. It could be Cartman being Cartman for a reason. The boy complained about his homelife for a while now, and Kyle was pretty sure there could be some other issues adding up. He just needed to look deeper into it. Of course, that fatass wouldn't tell him a thing, so he had to rely on...less ethical ways. Still, gossip spread through South Park Elementary like wildfire, and whatever you wanted to know, it was guaranteed someone in this school would have info on it.
His attempts to get something out of them during the break were failed. The bell rang, plus, Bebe said she wasn't going to tell him "right now", whatever it meant. He was running out of options. As loud and obnoxious Cartman could get, he was damn good at keeping his life private, for the most part. Talking with him wasn't an option unless he had something strong to hold onto. God, why did this have to be so...
"Kyle!"
Someone poked him in the back. He turned around, discreetly. it was...Nelly? She held out a small note for him.
"It's from Bebe!"
She added before leaning back into her seat. Kyle nodded, relived. So she didn't just leave it be. He could actually get some info now.
He opened the note.
Okay so basically i do know some stuff i just dont think it will be useful to u
So sometimes cartman listens in on when me and the girls are talking and last time he actually joined in and it was weird bc he kept asking weird stuff
And he kept bringing up something from last year, like he kept saying if we remember this or remember that idk
I dont really remember what he was saying but yea
Also Clyde told me he saw him near the church last sunday and then he saw him walking around that one house thats for sale
He said he was talking to himself the whole time and that was weird but like idk
Thats it, im not close to Cartman so idk, u can talk to Butters someway but i wouldnt do that
xoxo Bebe
Underneath was a drawing of a kitten. Kyle looked at Bebe and nodded at her as a silent "thank you". She reprociated.
-------------
"Move, you're holding up the line!"
Someone pushed Kyle forward, who has been blankly staring at the ceiling for the past minute.
"Jackass"
He hissed but moved anyway. He handed the school chef the tray, watching him place a clump of watery spaghetti into it.
Wait, that's not right. Today is Thrusday.
"Excuse me!"
He walked closer, his voice clear through the chatter that filled the cafeteria. The chef looked up at him.
"Wasn't there supposed to be salisbury steak today?"
The man sighed.
"Yea, we moved it. We're gonna have the salisbury steak next week, the principal ordered it as a memorial for a late faculty member or somethin'..."
"What?"
"Yea, it's their birthday and we're gonna serve it on that day...move, you're holdin' up the line!"
Kyle grabbed his tray and moved along.
A memorial...
It's March. End of it, to be exact.
He stopped in his tracks, watching the table where they usually sat by from afar. Cartman was already seated in his usual spot, seemingly arguing with Tolkien. Just up to his usual bullshit.
This whole time, he's been looking for something big. A huge secret, a revelation that would totally change his perspective. Not that this didn't change his perspective - it surely did - but it was so simple, he couldn't believe it. This damn thing has been presented to him on a silver plater for the past few months.
Who else had his birthday in March other than...
----------
The children spilled like a tsunami into the school playground. Everyone ran to get the best spot, the girls taking their seats at the merry-go-round, the 1st graders occupying the sandbox, the goth kids by the stairs.
"Who has the ball?!"
Clyde yelled, running down the free area where they played football, all the other guys following, Kyle included. The ball was nowhere to be found.
"Butters was supposed to get it!"
Craig pointed at him.
"I had to help Mrs. Strong earlier!"
He shook his head. He walked up to the rest of the group alone, ignoring Cartman glaring at him. Kyle furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.
"Well someone has to go get it!"
"Not me!"
Craig crossed his arms, and the rest followed until Kyle was voted out to go get the ball without even realizing it. He looked around, confused.
"What? Why me?"
"Just go get it asshole!"
Cartman waved his hand off as a sign to scram. That son of a...
No.
Kyle left the playground, grumbling but hurrying. He didn't want to waste more recess.
-----
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgRUaVHq1Hs&list=PLvBpq6ur-vO5za0B9WdnELyhWQ5e5zd6B&index=12)
He pushed open the heavy door, revealing insides of the giant gym hall. How could their in the-middle-of-nowhere school even afford a gym this big? He looked midnlessly around the hall, not focused on anything else other than his thoughts and getting the ball. That was until he spotted a...familiar figure sitting high up on the bleachers.
Heidi Turner. The girl was sitting by herself, hunched over. She fumbled with something in her hands, seemingly caressing it, yet she didn't seem focused on anything.
"Heidi?"
He said out loud before he could catch himself. She jumped in her seat. The two stared at eachother for a longer while, neither knowing what to say.
I can walk away.
I can just go get the ball and then walk away.
I can...stay and...
She patted the spot next to her, gently, but noticably. Well, there was no running now. Kyle reluctantly started climbing up the bleachers before he ended up in the same compartment as her.
There was silence after both of them were seated.
...
"What are you doing here?"
Ultimately, he lost the silent game.
"Hanging around, i guess."
Cool.
No, not cool, you're alone. Don't blow the conversation like that.
"Alone?"
Heidi didn't respond. Maybe that wasn't the right choice either. He mentally facepalmed.
...
"Listen...i wanted to thank you. For defending me back then. It means a lot to me."
She turned her head towards him, just briefly.
He hasn't gotten a good look at...well, let's face it, his ex-girlfriend since a few months. He couldn't even bear looking at her after what has gone off between them and Cartman. He couldn't stand looking at him either, but he was kinda forced to everyday. Even look at himself. Maybe it wasn't that serious to his friends, or parents or any other adult - everything was overshadowed by Eric going to juvie after batshit threatening to kill her and himself, but it still stung.
Heidi's features were soft. She had round, droopy chestnut-brown eyes, accentuated by her thick eyebrows. Now they had poofy eyebags around them too, something he didn't remember her having earlier. Her snub nose and fuller-upper lip made her look so warm and snuggly. Even her pudgy cheeks. She created this look of baby-doll innocence only so few could achieve.
She kinda resembled Cartman.
Oh hell no.
"Ah, it's nothing."
Kyle waved his hand indiffrently.
"No, no, really. You didn't have to do it, not at all but...you still defended me. It's really important."
Heidi shook her head. Silence settled between them once more, like an invisible barrier existing only in their minds.
No, she didn't resemble Cartman. Not anymore. How could he even think that? That was just degrading, especially in her case.
Maybe it was some leftover grudge. Maybe it was something he hasn't gotten over with. It was stupid. There were more issues in this world, issues like Eric Cartman and the thing Kyle has discovered that he didn't know how to adress. It sucked, it sucked balls. He avoided looking in her direction until she held her hand out to him, a ruler-shaped object in it.
"I...i didn't know how to thank you, so i just made you this."
She muttured. Kyle grabbed a made out of felt bookmark. To be exact, it was a piece of green felt glued onto a stripe of thin cardboard. There were multiple mini felt flowers sewn into it, along with a big sun in the upper corner, and a tiny fox in the downward one. He moved his fingertips over the dense, fuzzy texture. Heidi kept glancing at him hopefully.
"It's..."
"I know it's not much, but im kinda out of money right now, so you know..."
He wanted to say cute. He was glad she cut in though, that would be way too far, way too soon.
"No, it's great. I'll make sure to use it."
Kyle smiled weakly, carefully sliding the bookmark into his pocket. The girl nodded in relief.
...
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpq59FkY2aQ&list=RDcpq59FkY2aQ&start_radio=1)
"So, uhm...how are you doing?"
Kyle, deciding it would be good if he lead the conversation this time, tried his best to make the question sound casual.
"Okay, i guess...not much has changed. And you? And the...guys?"
Swift escape from the topic, he had to give her that. He tried to figure out the response without bringing up him.
"Good, good. They decided to leave me on my own today though."
"Awh...what happend?"
"Well, Stan "can't get out of bed", Kenny is taking care of Karen and...Cartman is just doing some bullshit today! And what am i supposed to do?"
His overdramatic tone pulled a giggle out of Heidi. Like little bells jingling.
"They sure are lucky though..."
"Mhm. If i could just bail school if i felt like it..."
The conversation slowly but surely eased into ligher topics. School, Kyle's friends, their day. Nothing special. The conversation flowed smoothly when he didn't have to put in the effort. Still, just looking at her caused a gentle ache in his chest. That feeling when you look at an old photo, or re-watch your favourite cartoon. Kyle felt like he recognized her, but at the same time, he talked to a whole diffrent person. Did he actually know her?
This thought kept creeping on the back of his head. Each time he looked into her eyes, he saw that hopeful glint. Relief of someone who expected nothing but anger and dissapointment.
I know you're lonely. You don't have to pretend.
Did other people even approach her at school? Who does she sit with at lunch? Or ask for homework?
Does she even have anyone to talk to?
Was there anyone to comfort her after what happend? Sure, you could say she fucked up equally, but you couldn't entirely blame her for it. She just had to suck it up and continue. Keep it to herself. Maybe these assumptions were wrong, maybe he was just conspiring for no reason. But the thought of having to deal with all that without a single person to ask "you good?" made him wince.
That scenario felt oddly familiar.
Eric Cartman was, undeniably, an asshole. The biggest asshole in the whole town. But he was still human. A kid at that. His friend. He couldn't just let it be. He couldn't just let it go, pretend he didn't know what was going on. He had to do something, and that something was to be there for his friend in a time of need. Even if that friend was the biggest douchebag in America.
No one else would talk to him. The guys wouldn't care enough, he wouldn't listen to his mom and...who else he had, really? In reality, no one else would consider giving Cartman any sort of empathy. Maybe Kyle was just as insane as he was. Maybe he wanted to feel better than everyone else for being soooo empathetic, maybe he wanted to believe in his friend again. He didn't care anymore, because this conversation has set his damn priorities straight.
He realized that him and Heidi were silent once again, but it wasn't as suffocating anymore.
Kyle's gaze skimmed over the chubby girl beside him, a white string going from her pocket to her ear catching his attention.
"Hey, were you even listening?"
He asked, sounding a bit resentful.
She turned her head to him abruptly, and upon noticing he saw her earphones, she pulled one out.
"Of course i was. I lowered the sound so i can hear you."
"You...always have them in?"
She shrugged her shoulders.
"Not...always, but often. Music really helps with distracting yourself from the stuff around you..."
Just like Stan. Always with earphones in, blasting music all day long. Heidi did listen to what he said though, unlike a certain someone... He snickered at the comparison.
"Something's wrong? Im sorry, i can..."
"No, no, it's okay! It just reminded me of Stan."
The boy shook his head frantically, which was reprociated with an understanding nod. She glanced at the earphone in her hand.
"You want to listen?"
"Huh?"
"I mean, it's okay if you don't want to! I just...uh...nevermind..."
Heidi immediately started backing out with her proposition. Kyle shook his head and scooted closer to her.
"No, no, it's okay! I'd like to listen."
His attempt at not making the situation awkward worked. Heidi nodded, then handed out one earphone to him.
What rang in his left ear was...not what he was expecting. It wasn't the usual death metal or alternative rock Stan had put on. It was similar, in a sense, but it felt gentler. Kinda like these little melodies that would play from your phone when you're waiting for the insurance company to call you back. The man's voice was clear and strong, but it also left a sense of longing with each passing word, marked with passion you could only hear from a singer. Kyle quickly picked up on the fact the song was in Spanish, but just the delivery of the lines made him feel like he understood every damn word. He didn't admit it, but-
the door to the gym opened. Kyle jumped away from the girl, the earphone falling out along the way. He turned his head around, terrified to see no other than Butters standing in the doorway. The boy looked suprised at first, but then his expression turned into something unreadable.
Kyle ran down the bleachers, not sparing Heidi a single look. He grabbed the ball along the way and rushed out the gym. The sound of the door shutting was like a nail in the coffin.
"Kyle?"
"What?!"
He walked down the empty hallway, trying his best not to look back.
"What were you doin'?"
"Nothing! What were you doing there?!"
"Well, you were gone for 10 minutes so the guys told me to go..."
He didn't respond. Godammit. He should have just grabbed that damn ball, he was in enough trouble as it is! He tried shutting out Butters talking and failed.
"Kyle, you know what Eric told us..."
"Cartman can say whatever he wants! He doesn't rule here! Just...just let it go, okay?! God!"
He sped his pace up.
___________
Dandelion
A gust of wind in my face
The single flower in my sight
I watch it sway in all it's grace
Your puffball imitating light
I used to have it memorized
Your sunshine yellow petals
Now it's like you're in disguise
You reflect light like metal
I wish to pull you out your root
So i can hold you by your stalk
I don't want to seem like a brute
My only wish is for us to talk
Instead i bow down
Being right beside you
I recognize your puffy crown
I try to sway with the wind too
And so, i blow the dandelion.
------------------------
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIHUK68L9qQ&list=RDQIHUK68L9qQ&start_radio=1)
The sun slowly cast over the rocky mountains that towered over the town of South Park.
The gentle sunrays covered everything in a soft, golden hue, mixing with the usually cold appearence of the town and creating a painting-worth contrast.
Eric couldn't pay it much mind though. What he was more focused on was the boy sitting next to him, his arms crossed, focused only on the book he was reading.
That son of a bitch wasn't even pretending anymore. Kyle deliberately sat down next to him on the bus just to taunt him. No, no no, he wasn't going to let him intimidate him that easy. He had all the info he needed on him, he just had to wait for him to make the next move. How dare that stupid asslicker underestimate him like that?
He didn't even say anything! Ha, he didn't even listen to Cartman when he asked what he was doing! He was playing one of his jew mindgames...
The bus came to a stop, and the 2 boys got up from their seats. The muddy snow mushed under his shoes.
Silence. Birds chirping, the sounds of tv coming from an open window. The bus driving off.
"Hey, Cartman?"
That son of a bitch wasn't even going to wait...
"Yes, Kahl?"
He turned around, his voice confident. He knew what was coming, and he was prepared for it.
"I...i wanted to talk with you."
Kyle stepped closer, holding his backpack straps. He wasn't avoiding any eye contact, looking directly at him.
"Well, go ahead."
That's right, keep the sentences short. Throw him off. They started walking down the pavement with slow steps.
"I know what's going on, and i think we should talk about it."
The sentence came out rushed. Oh, he was just waiting to get that off his chest, huh?
"Well, what could possibly be going on Kahl? Suprise me with your inside knowledge!"
Cartman snarled, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Kyle fixed the green ushanka sitting on his head, slowing his pace down momentarily. Eric kept walking forward.
"Chef's birthday is coming, right?"
He stopped dead in his tracks.
Chef?
What?
Where did he even...
He wasn't supposed to say that! He was supposed to know about the whole break-in, he was supposed to try and give him some douchy talk or intimidate him not...
Not mention Chef!
"Haha...you're really gonna stoop so low just to get an reaction outta me? Low blow, jewboy."
Cartman turned his head around like an owl.
"Im not trying to get an reaction out of you! It's...fine, im just worried, okay? You're acting strange and i want to know why because-"
"Acting strange how?! Im acting fucking normal! You're just looking for a problem, like always!"
Here it goes. He saw that familiar crease form on Kyle's face, his mouth turning into a thin line. The insults were on the brink of his tongue, he could feel it. He wanted to feel it.
But instead, Kyle's face softened. He took a deep breath, then sighed.
"You know what im talking about. Cartman, i know that something's wrong, and you better tell me what it is."
He wants to play cat and mouse.
"Tell you about what?! Everything is fucking okay, you're just bringing up old shit to...to get a rise out of me or whatever!"
"Tell me what's going on or im gonna make you fat-...Cartman!"
That rumble in his chest.
"There's nothing to talk about! You really have nothing else to do, just, pry on random people!?"
"You're not "random people" imbecile!"
His vision got sharper. For a moment, he felt like he didn't need to squint his eyes to see properly.
Cartman, seeing that Kyle definitely wasn't backing out anytime soon, decided this wasn't the right approach. That asshole can pry and poke all he wants, he's not getting ANYTHING out of him anytime soon. So, he sat down on the side of the sidewalk, not minding his pants getting wet, pouted and crossed his arms like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing. Im not telling you anything, so you can just go play with yourself, fruitcake!"
Kyle, instead of going away like Cartman requested, sat down beside him. Which was weird. He pulled his knees up to his face and just...sat in silence. Didn't even say anything. Like he wasn't even there, though Cartman felt and knew he was.
He's close.
Closer.
Close to what?
he stared at the two ants crawling under his feet.
"We're sorry to inform you that Jerome McElroy has been found dead on the suburbs of the town."
He remembered that day so clearly. Policemen coming into his house, his mother bawling her eyes out, being questioned. The whole town was shocked, the news spread in a flash.
He remembered the smell of the cheap beer Kenny gave him. The sound of television from the house while they sat outside. That was the first time he tried alcohol.
That date was approaching and he didn't even realize. It's like his mind has been spring-cleaned! Not a mention, not a passing memory. Not a dream, and he had these often. Maybe his convicing that he has already forgotten all about it worked.
He remembered the smell of buttermilk pancakes coming from the kitchen on Sunday mornings. Seeing his mom and Chef cuddle on the couch at midnight. Pretending he didn't want him to stay over for a while longer. Getting a piggyback ride and laughing at the other guys for being under him. A promise of normalcy he yearned for his whole life.
He remembered feeling...normal.
Complete.
"How did you find out?"
Eric stared into nothingness, his voice coming out unusually calm despite the turmoil inside him.
"It kinda popped into my head. You're not that mysterious, y'know?"
Even though it sounded like a jab at him, it didn't come off that way. Kyle stayed serious the whole time, not a hint of sarcasm or mockery in his voice.
...
"It's like everyone got over it in a snap. The school had some...shitty memorial and then they just hired some fag to take his place a week after! They go around in their little black clothes and...say their stupid condolences but they don't even stop to think about it!"
He felt a familiar sting in his eyes. Crying wasn't something alien to him - to be honest, Eric cried quite often. More than a normal person should. Whether he was faking or being genuine, the tears came right on cue. But he didn't think about crying now.
He didn't want to. The water just rised into his eyes.
The rumble in his chest got deeper when he felt Kyle's gaze drilling into him. He opened his mouth, then closed it. Then opened it again.
"Cartman, life isn't just...good things coming to you one after another. It's a fight. It might give you something unfair, or stupid, it can take away from you...but you just have to push through. You have to fight for your life to be yours! So when you realize that and put on a challenge, you can have you cake and eat it. Get it?"
The boy gestured forward, taking short breaks between each sentence to shape them in his head. He could hear the passion in his voice, the genuine emotion and belief in what he just said.
Kyle loved lecturing people, that was certain. He always had something to say. Always had to offer his two cents, to show everyone how wordy he was.
You're so special. Diffrent.
"Like you know..."
Cartman folded his arms over his tucked up knees and buried his face in them. His eyes still stung, and after a moment of his face being downwards, he felt a single tear drop down onto his pants.
"Fine, maybe i don't understand you! I don't know what's going on in your head, whatever you're planning or whatever you did, but i know you as my friend. And as your friend it's my responsibility to look out for you! I can't just let you sulk and go crazy!"
Eric lifted his gaze for a moment.
Hazel-green eyes, sparkling, as if the sun itself reflected in them. Voice dripping with sheer seriousness, because Kyle Broflovski was a believer. He believed in God, he believed in people and he believed in what he said. He believed in every tear that dripped down the other's face.
Suddenly, Cartman felt a warm touch on his back. Kyle carefully placed his hand over his spine and rubbed it in a comforting manner, the same way he saw him comfort Ike. The touch send a tremor over his whole body and a jolt straight to his heart, causing him to bristle like a cat. But he didn't move away. He stayed there, trying to control his racing heart and the overwhelming warmth that caused his skin to prickle.
He wondered on what to say, and so did the other boy. No words came out. Soaking in silence.
"So what, you're gonna watch me all the time now?"
He sniffled.
"Oh, you know that's not what i meant..."
"Well, what did you mean? Enlighten me."
"I mean that...ugh, i know we don't get super along and stuff-"
"Wowie zowie, man, didn't realise that."
Kyle laughed at the use of "Wowie Zowie". Referencing any show that Kyle has watched (In this case Young Sheldon) would make him giggle. What a dork.
"Okay, okay, seriously. I mean that i know we're not like...super friends or whatever, and that you're an asshole but...i just want you to know that if you really need to talk to someone, or something is bothering you, you can talk to me. Call me, text me, whatever."
Cartman watched him for a moment. Observed how the sun casted a thin halo around him, creating this beautiful contrast against the otherwise cold and unwelcoming shadows over them.
Im inside. On the outside, there he is, a saint.
He wished he had his camera with him.
"I already call you when im in trouble."
Eric added, tying his shoe lace. Kyle rolled his eyes.
"Yea, you call me about losing your toys, or some bullshit from school. I mean serious shit."
"Yea, yea, serious this, serious that...why so serious?"
That crakced a smile from him. Kyle hit him in the arm (not like usually, but like in this total "bro" manner)
"Stop! God, you're unbelieveable..."
The two of them snickered to eachother. And deep down, Eric had the same wish he had since that night - he wished it could be just the two of them forever.
...
"Alright, that's enough. Come on, our pants are gonna get all soaked."
Kyle got up in one swift motion, reaching his hand out to help his friend get up. Their hands touched for a few more seconds.
"Awh, sick! I sat on some fucking mud!"
Cartman started rubbing the wetness off of his pants, which the other boy remarked in a stupid grin.
"Too bad, fatboy!"
Kyle circled him before slowly heading towards his house.
Stop. Not enough, not yet.
"Wait! Uh- Kahl, you wanna come over for dinner?"
He reached out for his hand.
"...No? I have coding classes in an hour."
"Oh, yea, yea. Good. See you around, uhm, jew!"
Kyle's expression changed, and this time, he was the one to reach for Eric.
"No, no, that was-...if you want to, we can go do something fun in the weekend with the guys. To get your mind off of things, hm?"
"...well, fine then! We can go do...fun stuff."
"Yeah. Bye."
"Bye."
Cartman stood still, not daring to move a muscle as he watched Kyle go towards his house. He could go with him, their houses were literally in front of eachother.
He was convinced this day would end in some epic fight. Kyle losing his marbles over the break-in. Some revenge or prank on him.
Instead, he reminded him of Chef's birthday and set up a hangout in the weekend.
Nothing today was going as he expected, nor as he wanted.
Maybe this was for the better. The more lost Kyle is, the better. For both of them.
"Goddamit, what the fuck is going on here..."
Cartman mumbled to himself, rubbing his face roughly.
...
"Y'know, sometimes i think your head is more interesting to you than the whole fudging world out there!"
Shut up.