Chapter Text
You are is DEL’FI, WHO ACHES TO BE. Something is wrong with you, and nothing is going to fix it.
Some days are worse than others. Some days, your mind is so occupied by the scythe in your hands and the rush of blood in your mouth that you hardly think about it. Some days there just isn't time to think about being anything but what you are between sketches and panel composition and scrolling through your endless inbox. Some days you almost forget, and some days it's all you can feel. You never see them coming. They aren’t like the hollow nymphs that shuffle towards you, whining from afar, practically begging to die. They come without warning. They take you by the chest and pull at your throat like a curse bestowed upon you. It certainly feels like one.
Today is a bad day, and you can feel it from the moment you wake up. You can feel the hollow ache crawling up your stomach to your ribs. It coils around your body before you even move. So, today, you don’t move. On bad days, you try to distract yourself. You try and you fail, over and over, because no layered shirts or slaughtered nymphs or anything else you do can fix the problem. It can’t change who you are. You won’t be anyone today, you decide. You’ll stay here, and you won’t be anyone at all. You float through it easily. You lay, cloaked in the sheets, eyes squeezed shut as tight as you can. You sleep and wake up and feel the ache deep inside your bones and plunge yourself back into darkness before you can feel anything else.
It doesn’t change anything. When you surrender, the day is already gone, but the feelings haven’t left with it. All you’ve done is pull a bad day along further than its lifespan, deep into the dead of night. Nights can be bad days too, it seems, and on bad days, there’s only one person you want to talk to.
cloisteredConnoissewer began hazing championsTirade !
CC: u awake??
championsTirade is now online!
CT: the mountain exists in a state of perpetual online activity
CT: his screen time is twenty four seven three sixty five motherfucker
CC: dat doesnt mean ur awake!!! (//.9)
CT: the mountain as awake as fuck
CT: trust
CC: even tho u hav early training e~very weds
CC: haow queer…….
CT: HUHUHUHUUHU
CT: look at you investigating the mountains plans when youre the one who cried his name into the night
CT: all hes done is answer your call
CC: i wuz just bored zomg
CC: *crossez my arms n looks away all tsundere*
CT: *The Mountain places a tender hand upon the noble Tsundere’s shoulder.*
CT: for real though
CT: you good
CT: you know mountains always down to talk
CC: im gud
CC: jus a long day
CT: do you wanna talk about it
CC: not rlly
CT: mountain gets it
CT: he hates talking about his shit too
CC: lolz
CC: u talk abt it w me
CT: duh
CT: youre different
Sometimes, you think about killing him.
CT: its stupid but youre
You think about his throat between your hands, mask abandoned, all that’s left of him out before you. He loves the thrill of a fight, of training, of anything that pushes him to the brink.
CT: like
He’d love you, too.
CT: special
He’d be smiling.
CT: bluhhg
You think about how his blood would taste in your mouth when he kissed you, all teeth, unpracticed and desperate because you’re his first and final everything. You think about his face and yours and his smile and his heart and you wonder if swallowing it whole could make you shine like he does.
CT: theres just shit nobody else gets the way you do
He’d let you. He’d let you cut him open and run your claws along whatever makes a Satyr a Satyr. There are a million pieces inside his chest you can never understand, no matter how hard you try. You think about him taking your hand, weak and calloused and bleeding and still guiding yours to whatever fills up his chest. He’d give you every piece of his life if you won it from him.
CT: not that swiss and bo are bad dudes theyre fucking top notch when you get to know them
You’d take it all, and that’s the worst part.
CT: they just arent built the same way we are
You’d take anything he gave you and still reach for more. Something sick in your blood makes you selfish enough to want all of him to be yours. To be his everything right back. You’re just like her, in that way. Maybe that’s why she chose you.
CT: dagger?
You stare at the name on the screen. It isn’t yours. Nothing about Dagger is the real you. T knows nothing about you, and he still knows you better than anyone. He has you, in all the ways you wish you had him, and that’s why you can never stop. No matter what, this has to stay the same. Your fight that never ends. A double ouroborus.
CC: soz
CC: zoned out lolz
CT: its ok mountain gets it
CT: if talking to him isnt helping you dont have to stay
CC: dont u even start
CC: talking to u always helps
CC: u know that
CT: huhu
CT: yeah
CC: but u gotta get up early 2 train tho rite??
CT: pshhh
CT: all nighters are fucking nothing
CC: nuh uh u freakin dummy
CC: go back 2 bed (\\_U)
CT: really man
CC: zzz
CC: dats da sound of u snoozin
You are DEL’FI, WHO ACHES TO BE. Something is wrong with you, and nothing is going to fix it.
CT: id rather stay with you dagger
So what choice is there but to lie?