Chapter Text
the party
Today 9:24 AM
cleric: max
cleric: max are you queer??
cleric: lucas what happened last night?
stalker: I don’t know!!
stalker: she wouldn’t text me back
cleric: @madtothemax
eggolover: Max is asleep, Will.
eggolover: What does queer mean?
cleric: uh it’s kinda hard to explain
cleric: google it ig
stalker: It means like gay or trans or some type of LBGTQ+
eggolover: does that mean that max likes girls?
cleric: i don’t know
stalker: I mean she's dating me??? So?
cleric: okay yeah but like i pretended i was straight forever so
stalker : Yeah fair
cleric: ill private message her bc like im gay so she might respond to me
stalker: Okay
would the wise to maximumpower
Today 9:26 AM
would the wize: maxxx
would the wize: wake up bro
would the wize: are you queer btw??
would the wize: you know i’m gay so i won’t judge!!
maximumpower: im awake now lol
maximumpower: oh shit
maximumpower: i mean yeah
maximumpower: i am
would the wise: i support u :)
maximumpower: tyyy
would the wize: like wdym by queer tho?
would the wize: if ur okay w sharing ofc
maximumpower: i mean
maximumpower: i might as well
maximumpower: im bi
would the wize: i’m proud of u for telling me
would the wize: ik it’s hard
maximumpower: ty
maximumpower: plus im enby
maximumpower: or something
maximumpower: so
would the wize: okay!
would the wize: do you want me to use they/ them pronouns?
maximumpower: id love that but lets wait until i tell everyone else?
would the wize: :D
maximumpower: :D :D
the party
Today 10:01 AM
madtothemax: hi losers
hotwheels: HEY
madtothemax: haha sucker
hotwheels: imma go cry
hotwheels: so mean
madtothemax: dw i love you anywya
hotwheels: :D
madtothemax: ur still a loser tho lollll
hotwheels: :/
stalker: Max
madtothemax: ?
stalker: You wanna elaborate on what happened last night??
madtothemax: not reallu lol
stalker: Uh
stalker: You know I love you no matter what right
madtothemax: ye
madtothemax: ill tell u later
stalker: Okay
madtothemax: i gtg tho joyce is making us waffels
eggolover: Yes, Joyce makes very good waffles!!
cleric: true indeed
stalker: Aw bye
stalker: All alone
dustbunny: no dw
dustbunny: i have arrived!!!
stalker: Yayyyy
hotwheels: lucas im like next door
hotwheels: u can come over
stalker: Can Erica come too?
stalker: My parents aren’t home and I don’t want her snooping through my room if I leave her home alone
hotwheels: ya sure
hotwheels: she can play w holls
stalker: Okay cool
stalker: We’ll be right over
hotwheels: cool
dustbunny: aw now i’m alone
Harrington Family
Today 5:05 PM
strange little child friend: steve i’m bored
strange little child friend: can you pick me up?
mamasteb: yeah sure
mamasteb: @redrobin cmon
redrobin: ??
redrobin: where’re we going?
mamasteb: dustins bored
redrobin: oh okay
redrobin: lemme put a bra on first oaky
mamasteb: 👍
monster hunters
Today 8:32 PM
dustbunny: Inside a snowflake, like the one on your sleeve, there happened a story you must see to believe. Way up in the mountains, in the high range of Pontoos, lay the small town of Whoville, the home of the Whos!
dustbunny: Ask any Who, and they’ll have this to say, “There is no place like Whoville around Christmas Day.” Every window was flocked, every lamppost was dressed, and the Whoville Band marched in their Christmas-y best.
stalker: two days until christmas lets goooo!!
madtothemax: oh yeah
madtothemax: i lowkey forgot christmas is in two days
dustbunny: wait pause HOW
dustbunny: DID YOU FORGET CHRISTMAS??
madtothemax: idk
madtothemax: i dont usually relly celebrate lol
hotwheels: ????
dustbunny: WHAT?
madtothemax: wow chill
cleric: why???
stalker: WHY WOULD YOU SKIP CHRISTMAS??
eggolover: But Christmas is amazing!!
madtothemax: i mean
madtothemax: what would i do
hotwheels: uh cleelcrate??
madtothemax: yeah but
madtothemax: christmas is a family holiday
hotwheels: ueah thats why i hate the afmily part lol
stalker: Okay ig?
stalker: But like you guys can celebrate with us
stalker: I’ll be with my family for the morning, but I can come hang with you guys after!
nancydrew: Hey, Mike?
hotwheels: ?
nancydrew: I honestly don’t really want to see mom and dad… so I was wondering if you wanted to come to our place? You can do family Christmas with me, Steve, Robin, and Max.
hotwheels: YES
hotwheels: ive honestly just been avoiding them as much as possible
hotwheels: dad especially
madtothemax: lets goooo we get christmas together!!
hotwheels: :D
hotwheels: what about holls tho??
nancydrew: I already talked to her.
hotwheels: oh okay
hotwheels: ty!!
dustbunny: anyyyyyway…
dustbunny: Arbor Day was fine, and Easter was pleasant, and every Saint Fizzin’s Day they ate a Fizz pheasant, but every Who knew, from their 12 toes to their snout, they loved Christmas the most, without a single Who doubt.
cleric: Yes, every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did not.
hotwheels: The Grinch hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season.
madtothemax: Now, please, don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
dustbunny: It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on just right,
stalker: or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
cleric: But I think that the most likely reason of all…
dustbunny: …may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
birdbrain: do they do this every year??
nancydrew: yup
hotwheels: “The streets are filled with Christmas cheer,”
madtothemax: “Boy, nothing beats Christmas, right?”
eggolover: What are you guys doing?
cleric: you've watched the grinch, right el?
eggolover: Yes! You showed it to me last Christmas!
cleric: well every christmas eve eve we put the whole script in the gc lol
eggolover: Why?
hotwheels: tradition
eggolover: Oh, okay!
hotwheels: “I guess.”
dustbunny: “You guess?”
cleric: “Well, it’s just…”
madtothemax: “I look around at you and Mom and everyone getting all kerbobbled. Doesn’t this seem superfluous?”
stalker: “Dad! Dad!”
dustbunny: “What happened to you?”
stalker: “It was the Grinch!!”
madtothemax: “Grinch??”
hotwheels: “What do you want? I mean…”
madtothemax: “Grinch? Oh no!!!”
cleric: “Did someone just say Grinch?!?!”
dustbunny: “Hello Mayor Who, sir.”
cleric: “Lou? I don’t need to remind you that this Christmas marks the one thousandth Whobilation.”
cleric: “Whoville’s most important celebration!”
cleric: “And The Book of Who says, very clearly, ‘Every size of Who we can measure “knows that Whobilation is a time we must treasure!’”
nancydrew: Of course now you guys are able to use grammar…
hotwheels: oh fuck off
nancydrew: Wow Mike, thanks.
cleric: “Now, Lou, please tell me that your boys were not up on Mount Crumpit provoking the one creature within a billion bilometers of here who hates Christmas!”
stalker: “But it was the Grinch!!”
dustbunny: “No, no, no, no, sir, the boys didn’t see any Grinch!”
dustbunny: “They just…”
dustbunny: “Uh, I think they were up on the mountain… playing with matches, or defacing public property, or…”
cleric: “Oh, well that’s a relief.”
cleric: “All right, you heard the man! There’s no Grinch problem here!”
The Babysitters Club
Today 8:58 PM
birdbrain: do they seriously do that every year
nancydrew: Yup
birdbrain: why???
nancydrew: When they were little they REALLY liked the Grinch
mom: dear god
mom: i think theyre sanity is even more far gone than we thought…
nancydrew: Hey, don’t insult my siblings like that!
mom: only one is ur sibling bro…
nancydrew: Will and Max for sure count… Will has been coming over nonstop since kindergarten, and I literally live with Max.
mom: okay fine only three are your siblings
nancydrew: There you go.
birdbrain: i love them but this will take like at least an hour
nancydrew: Oh I know.
monster hunters
Today 10:32 PM
madtothemax: wait that was weirdly fun
madtothemax: :D
stalker: See Christmas is great!
stalker: And now you can be in all of our traditions!!
dustbunny: ayayhuahdifusbaodifbajdbf
cleric: what
dustbunny: i said ‘ayayhuahdifusbaodifbajdbf’
hotwheels: uh
hotwheels: oakay then
eggolover: *okay then
madtothemax: lol
hotwheels: 😔
hotwheels: so mean
madtothemax: what am i for
hotwheels: ugh my dad just got home
hotwheels: oh shit i gotta go
stalker: ?
eggolover: Mike, what happened?
nancydrew: My dad is an asshole, so probably that.
madtothemax: can confirm
stalker: Mike do I need to come kidnap u
Today 10:56 PM
hotwheels: k im good lol
nancydrew: What happened?
hotwheels: nothing
madtothemax: 🤨
hotwheels: it was no biggie dw
hotwheels: anyway
hotwheels: one hr and three mins until christmas!!
stalker: Let’s goooo
dustbunny: AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
cleric: dustin WHY
dustbunny: bc i CAN
cleric: so aggressive oh my god
madtothemax: dusty stoppp
dustbunny: aww
dustbunny: okay 😔
madtothemax: THATS MY JOB
madtothemax: >:3
cleric: i’ll be back in like an hr oh god
hotwheels: nooooo will
Today 11:50 PM
hotwheels: TEN
nancydrew: Ohhhh boy…
birdbrain: im so done with you guys istg
stalker: NINE!
mom: how do I mute a chat
dustbunny: EIGHT
nancydrew: Just… let them go ig
madtothemax: SEVEEEEN
madtothemax: :D
hotwheels: :D
cleric: SIX
eggolover: Oooh we are doing a countdown!
eggolover: Five!
madtothemax: yay ellie!!!!
eggolover: <3
stalker: Fourrrrrrr
hotwheels: THREEEEEEEEE
hotwheels: i can SMELL CHRIAHSTMAS EVE
madtothemax: TWO!!!!!!!!!!!
madtothemax: WERE ASO CLSOE
cleric: :D
cleric: ONE!!!!!!!!!
stalker: *watching second hand*
madtothemax: *vibrating in plcaxe*
hotwheels: *screaming interanlyl*
dustbunny: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cleric: YAYYYYYY
hotwheels: LETS GOOOOOO
madtothemax: kdnfkndfoidsfinodbfobdfoik
madtothemax: !!!!
eggolover: Hooray!
dustbunny: [screenshotoftime.jpeg]
cleric gave [screenshotoftime.jpeg] a thumbs up.
madtothemax gave [screenshotoftime.jpeg] an exclamation point.
cleric: okay ily guys
cleric: but gn
hotwheels: gn will!!!!!!!!!