Chapter Text
Jaebum feels weary, and the way his body slumps while brisk walking—to the best of his ability—to the nearest airport restroom makes him think he’d melt into a puddle of exhaustion once he reaches his destination. Although all he did for ten hours or so straight was stay still in his seat, it was the unluckiest sensation to have been in considering all he desperately wanted to do was keep moving.
Entering an unoccupied stall, he locks the cubicle door and immediately leans against the wall, trying to regain his consciousness to execute a plan. He could have done so before the plane landed—he had half a day, for god’s sake—but the more he thought about what was to come next, the more his legs started wobbling, his heart almost begging him to breathe normally, and his mind ready to implode.
Jaebum is a perfectionist. Once he feels something going out of his way, he makes it a point that he can’t proceed forward without solving the issue at hand. This diligent attitude of his was helpful at times, especially when the other members deliberately don’t do their best on a particular day of practice—he was chosen to be the leader, after all—but often times, it only creates more of a disagreement than unity within them.
However, right now, he seems to have lost his capability to be perfect altogether. Arriving back in Seoul with no concrete plans on his hands, he’s dumbfounded and, dare he confess, scared.
Sighing heavily, Jaebum lets his mind cool off for a few minutes, relaxing his muscles by stretching them out. He only needs to take it one step at a time, just like Youngjae always tells him.
Youngjae…
Biting his lower lip in concentration, Jaebum racks his brain of a way to communicate with Youngjae—or at least anyone else close to him that isn’t a member of GOT7. The first thing off his checklist was to find out what hospital he was checked into. But how could he know? There are multiple of them just around the vicinity of their apartment which wasn’t really that far off from Youngjae’s brother’s apartment.
Jaebum quickly blinks. Youngjae’s brother.
He finds his phone in the pocket of his duffel bag and searches for a particular name in his contacts list. Praying hard to himself that the person answers his call, Jaebum sends a quick text first then proceeds to dial the number.
After the fifth ring, Jaebum had his teeth clenched. This was his last chance of getting closer to Youngjae—what else was he going to do?
Right after, Jinyoung picks up.
“Hyung?”
“Jinyoung!” Jaebum shouts, his voice echoing in the tiny chamber of the cubicle. “Jin, I need your help,” he says a bit quieter.
“W-what is it? Have you seen him yet?” Jinyoung’s voice was also in a rush, excited and worried for his friend at the same time. Jaebum shakes his head but quickly realizes Jinyoung couldn’t see him so he continues, “No. Not yet. I just got here. I need to know Youngjae’s brother’s phone number. I don’t know what hospital he’s staying at.”
Jinyoung hums in response. “Ah, you’re right. I’ll send you a text with his contact information right now.”
“Thanks, Jin. I owe you and the guys so much for this,” Jaebum replies with a genuine smile he hasn’t produced in what felt like ages.
“No worries, hyung. Just be safe. And say hi to Youngjae-ah for us, yeah?”
“I will. Thanks again,” and with that Jaebum ends the call, and immediately after receives the message with an unfamiliar phone number attached. Without thinking about it, Jaebum clicks on the string of digits and places the phone back against his ear, heart pounding in his chest.
It only took two rings until a deep voice emerges from his speakers. “Hello? Who’s this?”
Jaebum suddenly forgets to speak. “J-Jaebum. This is Jaebum. Am I speaking to Youngjae’s brother? I got your number from Jinyoung,” he manages to spat out in choppy intervals.
There is a slight pause and Jaebum faintly hears another voice in the background. He grips his phone tighter with the hopes of Youngjae present during the call.
“Ah, Jaebum. This is a surprise. Aren’t you in Australia?” Youngjae’s brother asks.
“I am—I mean, I was. I flew back to Seoul and just arrived a few minutes ago. I’m… here to see Youngjae,” Jaebum explains quietly.
“Just you?”
Taken aback by the question, Jaebum doesn’t answer right away. He didn’t think of an excuse of him coming by himself should Youngjae’s brother question it—and question it he does. Even if the roles had been reversed, Jaebum would be just as confused why one member would go out of his way to sneak a plane ticket back to Seoul all by himself.
“Jaebum?”
“Y-yes. Just me. Everyone else had other plans, but since we weren’t given a chance to see him before we left, I thought it would be best to spend my day off with him,” Jaebum stammers, hoping that his reasoning was believable enough.
Another moment of silence passes by with Jaebum straining his ears to hear a glimpse of the background conversation happening without him. Jaebum resists himself asking if Youngjae was there in the room, if Youngjae had been missing him as much as he did, if Youngjae still had a place for him in his heart.
“I’ll send you the address of the hospital. Text me when you’re by the entrance so I can come get you. We don’t want any publicity now, do we?” Youngjae’s brother’s voice interrupts his own line of thinking, and Jaebum is grateful he did.
Nodding his head, Jaebum quips back, “Yeah, gotcha. I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Alright, bye.”
Bracing himself for what’s to come, Jaebum sprints outside the airport with as much discretion as he can. He didn’t have a choice but to take a taxi to get to his destination, and luckily the driver seemed to be old enough not to be aware of his celebrity status in the country. Jaebum directs him to the hospital location, and before he knew it, the cab drops him off as he pays for the ride without waiting for the change.
Standing near a lamp post away from the crowd of people coming in and out of the hospital entrance, Jaebum texts Youngjae’s brother informing him of his arrival. It didn’t take too long before Jaebum spots a familiar looking guy he’s only seen in a few photos that Youngjae once showed him, and the descriptions he had given him of his features and such.
Jaebum was still wearing the oversized cap and mask he had on even before his flight, and he suddenly feels conscious of what he probably smelled like by now.
Youngjae’s brother stands in front of him, opening his mouth to speak but closing it almost immediately. He turns his head both sides and Jaebum chuckles behind his mask. “It’s me,” he says, muffled. The man before him nods his head with a scratch behind his neck, and signals for him to follow.
They didn’t say much just because they both worried that Jaebum’s tone of voice can easily be detected by an adolescent present in the hospital who, most likely, would be aware of who’d it belong to. Surprisingly, the hospital wasn’t as packed as Jaebum had imagined, but he didn’t want to think of it any further as his main purpose of being there was something else—someone else.
Reaching the designated floor, they both walk along a path of white corridors and white floors. People in white coats and pants pass them by like a breeze, and Jaebum oddly felt out of place and fitting well at the same time—what with his “edgy” clothing together with his mask covered face, it was a contradiction on its own.
Finally, Youngjae’s brother speaks in a low tone, “This is his room. It’s a good thing you got here during visiting hours or else you would have waited until evening.” He gestures to the door with the windows next to it covered by sky blue curtains. “Would you mind if I leave you to it as I haven’t exactly eaten lunch yet…” he trails off sheepishly.
Jaebum uncovers his mask but remembers to look down—it doesn’t hurt to be extra cautious. “No worries. You should go eat.”
Youngjae’s brother nods as he waves a dismissive hand. “Take care of my brother,” he says with a tone Jaebum couldn’t recognize. He only manages to reciprocate his actions. Once he was out of sight, Jaebum turns to the door and inches his hand onto the doorknob. It feels cold to the touch, but Jaebum’s warmth quickly transfers from the metal as he twists it around, hearing a lock click out of place.
The room wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t too crowded either. Jaebum was thankful that Youngjae was sent to a solo room just so he can have his privacy, and that whatever scandal can arise—which is what he’s doing right now—can be avoided.
Jaebum looks back at the door he previously closed with a soft thud and his head seems to be stuck in place. He was in denial that he’s finally here—just a few inches away from the man he so desperately wanted to see. And yet, why can’t he bring himself to look at him?
It’s a good thing the room was filled with the low hum of the air condition for Jaebum would have tugged at his hair furiously because of how loud his thoughts were getting. This was his chance to make things go back to how they were—or at least, mend the broken pieces to start all over again.
Why is he stuck in denial?
“I’m right here, hyung.” There it is. The voice he had been yearning to hear and his heart immediately breaks at the undoubtedly worn out tone it emitted. Although he had heard him speak through that apology video he had to excruciatingly sit through without releasing the waterworks, hearing Youngjae’s tired voice in person gave much more of a grave effect on him.
Slowly turning his head, Jaebum takes miniscule steps towards the hospital bed. He breathes in the minimal decorations placed upon the cream colored walls and stale looking furniture. It makes him feel antsy, being in a room that looks and feels the opposite of the person occupying it.
“Any time now, hyung,” Youngjae croaks out, a tiny laugh escaping his dry throat. Jaebum swiftly lifts his head up, reddened eyes with tears threatening to escape on the brim. He stops at the foot of the bed and sees Youngjae adjusting himself against the headboard. His strawberry blonde bangs covered his eyes, but Jaebum sneaks a peek at his lips pressed together—as if he had trouble sitting himself up.
Instinctively does Jaebum come to the rescue, allowing his hands to firmly but gently push Youngjae’s shoulders up, as well as elevate the headboard to a comfortable angle. He almost turns it up too steep as he hears Youngjae grunt in pain but the younger reaches his ghostly hand on top of Jaebum’s trembling one, reassuring him that he did a good job.
“Thanks, hyung. It usually starts hurting after a good hour so I have to stay in this position again,” Youngjae explains the sudden change in form, placing his hands on his lap. Jaebum gulps, not knowing what to respond with the information given to him, and instead, stands awkwardly behind the newly angled headboard.
“You can sit if you want, there’s a chair over there you can pull out.”
“Oh,” Jaebum manages to utter softly, finding the object in question to his left. He carefully slides the wooden furniture just a few inches away from the bed and gingerly takes his seat upon it. Jaebum intertwines his fingers with a tight grasp as he believes they might just find themselves buried under Youngjae’s messy hair, and soon his lips somewhere—anywhere on his face.
Youngjae turns his body slightly towards Jaebum’s direction, officially looking at him eye to eye since he entered the room. His dark circles didn’t quite contrast Jaebum’s similar looking ones, and this worried Youngjae. His eyebrows furrowed, Youngjae’s hand reaches up to touch the air in between Jaebum’s cheek. It stays there, floating, not wanting to invade Jaebum’s space.
Jaebum’s lips are in a thin line, terrified that if he lets go of the pressure, they’d just gasp in anticipation of Youngjae’ touch on his. He can’t bring himself to verbally tell him to go for it—caress him with the iciness of his fingertips. He wouldn’t care. His cheeks were warm enough to embrace them in. He just wanted Youngjae to do it himself.
Youngjae’s tongue protrudes in between his dry lips as his slender fingers graze ever so lightly on the older’s cheekbones. The latter sucks in breath, overwhelmed at how fast the spark traveled between them. Youngjae’s hand travels upward, now imprinting soft fingertips along his under eye, the bridge of his nose, then downward to his cupid’s bow.
Jaebum feels as if he was in a dream. After countless nights of sleeping terribly, he’s finally getting something good out of his slumber.
But he’s not sleeping. And Jaebum realizes it’s reality, and he can do whatever he wanted and know that he can’t be a coward anymore.
Snatching Youngjae’s hand, he guides it along his jawline to his lower lip, and eventually resting them on the crook of his neck. Their eyes continue dwelling themselves in their presence, absorbing all and every emotions swimming in the depths of their orbs.
“You don’t look so good,” Youngjae whispers, hand gradually massaging the tense nerves present on the older’s neck. Jaebum smirks slightly, tilting his head to the side to give the younger better access on his weak spot. “Tell that to yourself, Jae,” he counters.
Another weak laugh emerges from Youngjae’s lips and Jaebum fights hard not to entangle himself into him, give life back into his system—just like he did whenever Jaebum felt the world stealing his own light away.
“I miss you,” Youngjae mutters shakily, and they both knew it meant more than just the two days they haven’t seen each other. It meant more than the few instances they rarely got to converse in between rehearsals for their upcoming tours. It meant more than all of that.
“I miss you too, Jae, so much,” Jaebum lets out hoarsely, suddenly grasping Youngjae’s hold onto him.
“I’m sorry for being such an idiot. I shouldn’t have been so sensitive. You needed your space, and I overreacted,” Youngjae explains, mouth trembling with every word. He runs his free hand through already messy locks, and tugs on a few strands of hair in frustration. “If I wasn’t such a crybaby, we wouldn’t have fallen apart in the first place,” he whines, droplets of tears cascading down his full cheeks, already producing a warm shade of pink.
“No, Jae,” Jaebum starts but is unable to compose a coherent sentence afterwards with his stare fixated on Youngjae’s crying figure. Blinking his own hot tears away, Jaebum guides Youngjae’s hand into his, gripping onto them with much desperation.
Youngjae doesn’t stop sniffling, and so Jaebum brings their entwined hands close to his face, pursed lips gracing light kisses on each knuckle. Jaebum hears Youngjae’s faint sobbing coming to a stop, and the corners of his mouth turn into a small smile.
Jaebum continues to hold their hands together while Youngjae keeps to himself by looking down on the bedsheets. Tugging onto their fingers to get his attention, Youngjae avoids Jaebum’s stare. The older utters a playful ‘tsk’ sound before saying, “You really can be a crybaby sometimes, and I have to admit to that.”
Youngjae’s signature pout returns on his visage, and Jaebum couldn’t help his smile converting into a full blown smirk. Before the younger protests, Jaebum continues, “…but it’s not the reason why we got hurt. You’re not entirely at fault for what happened to us, Jae, so stop blaming yourself, okay? Can we start off with that?”
Youngjae sniffles away his tears and sheepishly nods. Jaebum feels his insides tingling in utter relief—his body felt more connected with his mind, and he couldn’t thank Youngjae enough for even accepting his presence right now.
“I have to apologize for my own behavior,” Jaebum begins, kissing Youngjae’s knuckles the second time around. Youngjae’s cheeks burn at the sensation, but he doesn’t let go and patiently waits for Jaebum to finish. “I have a history of acting out, and I’ve been improving on that but it doesn’t excuse the moments in which I still show excessive anger especially towards you.” Jaebum scoots closer as his forehead rests itself against Youngjae’s. Their eyes close simultaneously, drinking in the solemn embrace their bodies shared with one another.
“I was too selfish, Jae. I thought by isolating myself in my own world would help me become stricter and more capable in leading the group. I didn’t even think twice of letting anyone in as I thought it would prove me weak,” Jaebum discloses with a heavy breath. “Instead, refusing to let you in made me weaker, and thus even less competent than before, and that’s not on you.”
“You did what you thought helped the group, hyung,” Youngjae defends.
Jaebum shakes his head gently. “It was wrong and I didn’t realize it until it was too late.” His fingertips are now tracing the outline of Youngjae’s palm, digging into every pathway in a soft caress. Youngjae hums at the touch, plopping his head back down on the pillow for support.
They bask in the silence, Jaebum lingering on the last words he spoke and Youngjae contemplating whether to open his eyes and glance back at Jaebum but he decided against it. He wants to enjoy the innocent connection they were having at the moment without mistaking Jaebum’s intentions as anything but pure. He wants to recall the memories he occupied himself over the course of the few weeks him and Jaebum had parted ways—sort of—in which made him feel the same exact feeling he was having now.
This is what he longed for—just to be loved by the person he did. He does, still. So much.
“Is it still too late?” Jaebum pleads in the quiet. Youngjae is caught off guard as his eyes shot open and see desperate eyes staring back at him.
“I understand how much I’ve hurt you,” Jaebum confesses, eyes forcing themselves to keep in contact with Youngjae’s confused ones. “But I’m willing to turn it all around, Jae. I want to prove to you how much I appreciate you, everything about you. I want to feel you close to me again, breathing next to me in bed again.” It was Jaebum’s turn to avoid the younger’s gaze, eyes fluttering to the concrete floor. He feels his voice trembling and if he intakes one more second of Youngjae’s angelic glance at him, his whimpers would start escaping from his throat.
Gulping hard to restrain himself, Jaebum mumbles, “I want… to come back home to you, Jae.”
“You rebel,” Youngjae blurts out, somehow breaking the serious mood of the atmosphere. Jaebum doesn’t falter, but his ears perk up at the odd word emitted out loud.
“What were you thinking flying back here to Seoul all by yourself, hyung? Why did you risk it?” Youngjae continues to ask in a flurry.
“What do you mean, Jae?” Jaebum interjects in a mellow voice, holding Youngjae’s hand and placing it upon his cheek making him feel comfortable and at ease. “Being able to hold you like this again, it’s already worth it from here.”
“You really can be corny more so than your usual chic persona, huh, hyung?” Youngjae teases, the ends of his smiling eyes brimming with leftover tears. Jaebum chuckles shortly, silently in agreement with the statement. Youngjae always knew how to poke just the right buttons in order for Jaebum to release his inner emotions—ones that were definitely not considered “cool” to his fans.
But that’s what he liked—love—about Youngjae. With Youngjae, it was easy to break away from standards.
With Youngjae, it really does feel like home.
“You’re the only person ever capable—and allowed—to bring that out in me,” Jaebum reminds him. Youngjae shoots a smug look and counters, “I’m glad, then.”
Youngjae delicately takes his hands away from Jaebum’s grasp and before the latter can interject, Youngjae takes control this time. Placing Jaebum’s hands on either side of his face, Youngjae slightly hesitates leaning into him, but Jaebum seizes the moment as his lips immediately close in.
They take their time—not like they had anywhere else to be. It felt scary, at first, as Youngjae was not expecting himself to go through kissing Jaebum again, but Jaebum was not going to waste another minute of being in the same room with Youngjae and not feeling his lips back on his.
They take it slow—like it was the first time they began showing their affection through lips touching lips. This time, however, it wasn’t electric, per se, but more welcoming and nostalgic. Jaebum opens his lips for Youngjae to purse his own even deeper. Jaebum’s hands find their way down the younger’s body, trapping his fragile being in between sturdy arms. It seemed uncomfortable, but as long as Youngjae’s lips connected with his, he didn’t mind the strain he’d get in his muscles afterwards.
They explore each other with great care—like one of them would break apart if one wrong move is made, but Youngjae’s putty hands find comfort onto Jaebum’s chest; not necessarily pushing him away but places his firm hold onto them, enough to keep both their bodies in unwavering. Jaebum’s tongue is the first to slip through his lips, wetting the outer vicinity of Youngjae’s plump mouth. The younger acquiesces, worried he might not be able to deliver at the same pace as before, seeing as they haven’t been this intimate in a while.
Jaebum notices his discomfort and decides to lead his tongue carefully into Youngjae’s open mouth. He didn’t want to overwhelm the boy, but he also couldn’t let the hot sensation pulsating in the pit of his stomach rest any longer. Slick tongue explores ticklish cheeks, Youngjae accidentally slips his own into Jaebum’s mouth as clumsy tongue meets a ticklish rigged roof. They feel themselves smiling at how familiar it all felt to them, and they didn’t stop.
The kiss seemed to last at least a few hours until Jaebum’s hand starts crawling up on Youngjae’s shirt, and the younger detaches himself with a loud gasp of air. With half-lidded eyes, Jaebum grins at Youngjae looking at him in embarrassment.
“Hyung!” Youngjae reprimands quietly, the redness of his cheeks transferring to his ears. Jaebum chuckles, still out of breathe from their previous intimacy, and lifts his hand away in a dismissive wave. “I’ll be good,” he mutters in a sing song tune.
Nodding his head, Youngjae pouts with a huff and lays back down on the bed. He grunts, twitching his lower back as Jaebum looks at him with concern. “Did I let you strain it too much?”
“No, it’s alright. It’s just annoying,” Youngjae groans outwardly. “I can’t believe how convenient it is for the doctor to tell me I should be released the day you guys return from Australia,” he complains, rolling his eyes in the process. Jaebum pats his hair twice, giving into the cute protest Youngjae was demonstrating. “You just need to be patient, my otter Jae.”
“Your otter Jae? Didn’t Jackson hyung come up with that nickname for me?” Youngjae taunts.
“Sure, but he doesn’t get to kiss you—“ Jaebum’s lips are once again connected with Youngjae’s parted ones, “—like this, does he?”
“Okay, slow down there, defsoul. We literally just made up two minutes ago.”
“And made out, don’t forget that.”
“Jaebum hyung!” Youngjae whines out loud and it’s a sound Jaebum will never get tired of hearing. They continue with their playful banters and eventually settles down with Jaebum retelling some choice moments that had transpired during the fan meet.
“Ahh, that sounds really amazing,” Youngjae comments with a sigh, sinking further back down on his mattress.
“It really was, Jae. You’ll come with next time,” Jaebum says reassuringly, hand hovering over Youngjae’s with his thumb lightly grazing over the smooth skin.
“I already miss being on stage with you, and everyone else,” Youngjae admits. “I wish I didn’t get sick so easily.”
“Nonsense, Jae,” Jaebum contradicts him. “What matters now is that you’re recovering, so focus only on that. Please?” Youngjae nods in agreement, and Jaebum places a chaste kiss on the side of his lips. Youngjae indulges the sensation, before asking, “Did you really mean it, hyung?”
“Mean what?”
“Everything,” Youngjae quips. “Everything that you told me today.”
“Of course.” Jaebum doesn’t skip a beat. “And everything I did and say before I came off as an asshole.”
“Then tell me again,” Youngjae inquires in a small voice. Tilting his head in confusion, Jaebum asks back, “Tell you what specifically?”
Youngjae purses his lips, obviously shy to repeat what he wanted to hear from Jaebum himself. But he musters up the confidence and whispers achingly soft, “That you love me.”
And it was so innocent, so endearingly Youngjae, Jaebum just had to lean in closer again, put his lips even deeper into his and make Youngjae lose his mind in a matter of seconds with their tongues in fiery synchronization with each other.
They let go for air, but as soon as Youngjae tries to come in again, Jaebum mutters, “I love you, Youngjae. So much.”
Youngjae smiles from ear to ear, his happiness uncontainable inside him and thus influences Jaebum to grin wider. They share a sweet kiss before Youngjae answers with a soft sight, “Welcome home, Jaebum hyung. Welcome back home.”