Chapter Text
Once Michael and Jeremy finally arrived at Gamerz Paradise ("No, Michael, I'm sure they spelled it like that on purpose."), Jeremy found it unnervingly easy to pretend that it was just another hang out session with him and his best friend. Like Michael wasn't about to go on a date with what had to be the slimiest guy in all of New Jersey, and anybody who's ever been to New Jersey knows how big of a feat that is.
"Hey, there’s my wonderful date!" Matt happily called out, walking toward their table near the snack bar. "How’s it going, baby boy?"
"Oh my god." Jeremy whispered, turning to Michael just in time to see him wince at the pet name.
(Michael and Jeremy had a habit of jokingly calling each other the most cringiest and disgusting nicknames they could think of, bonus points were given on the originality of the name. 'Baby boy' was of one of the most generic, yet commonly used names of their list. Along with 'Daddy', 'Master', 'Naughty Boy', 'Boytoy', and 'Dollface'. The names were typically only used in arguments, as a distraction, or in any situation where they want to be a dick to each other.
Michael has won many-a video games simply by shouting ‘harder daddy’ at crucial moments, causing Jeremy to violently spit out whatever sugar-infested drink he was currently consuming.
Likewise, Jeremy is known to fuel what starts out as a small disagreement into full-on fights after using certain condescending pet names out of a moment of irrationality. So, ‘Michael, Cat In The Hat is garbage and you know it.’ becomes ‘Not that would I expect you to know anything about good content, Dollface!’. And something about the way he hisses it out or wields the phrase like a weapon to purposely harm him, sets off a fire in Michael. Then Jeremy will come face-to-face with a shaking, red-with-anger Michael who snarls out something he’ll later regret, and… You get the point.
There are also the more innocent occasions where a name might be used. Where the two of them are attending any sort of fancy event or family reunion and Jeremy’s trying to be on his best behavior, but then a baby might cry or a toddler will start throwing a tantrum and Michael will whisper just loud enough for Jeremy to hear, ‘what a naughty boy’. So Jeremy will burst out laughing and Michael will join in and soon enough they're getting dirty glares and a demand to exit the premises. At first, Jeremy might get a little upset at Michael for getting them kicked out until he sees Michael with his giant grin and intoxicating laugh, and decides he’d rather get thrown out of every social event in New Jersey then deny himself the look of his closest friend’s beautiful dimples and ruffled hair.
So, yeah, hearing a guy call his best friend of 12 years, ‘baby boy’, in 100% seriousness after Michael has been shown time after time to barely tolerate pet names when used jokingly, was a little bit upsetting.)
"Oh, hey Matt!" Michael replies. "I'm doing great, thanks for asking!"
"Of course, sugar." Matt says sweetly, sitting down directly in front of Michael and leaning in to decrease the distance between the two of them.
“How much do you bet that he’s only calling you these terms of endearments because he forgot your fucking name.” Jeremy said at a volume he thought was quietly, but was unfortunately picked up by Mr. Ears-like-Dumbo.
“I’m sorry, come again?” Matt asked Jeremy, obviously trying to hide the fact that he was offended, but failing. Much like a soccer mom at a PTA meeting who just got told her water casserole was too dry and her tits looked like pancakes.
Michael suddenly stood up, chair scraping against the floor loudly, before nervously yelling, “Hey, who wants to play Mario Kart with me?”.
“Sure, gotta love the classics!” Matt said, going to where Michael was standing and wrapping an arm around him, pulling him in closer. "Allons-y, Michael."
As soon as that name leaves his mouth, Matt turns to glare at Jeremy, unbeknownst to Michael, in a way that clearly says 'did you really think I didn't know the name of the guy I asked out, you dumb krunglefuck’.
However, instead of commenting on Matt’s glare or annoying habit of acting like he fucking owned Michael, Jeremy muttured in a mocking voice, “Allonsy? What is he, a 2006 Whovian? Fucking prick.”
Jeremy was abruptly pulled out of his thoughts by a loud whoop from Michael, who had apparently already won the game.
“Hell yea, suck my ass, Matt!” Michael exclaimed.
“Michael, please keep your fucking voice down, there are kids here.” Jeremy says before Matt has the chance to do that super douchey things guys do after someone they’re into curses in a way they can turn into an unnecessary sexual proposition.
(For example:
Some Unsuspecting Person: ‘Oh shit, I forgot we had a test today, fuck me!’
Brent, An Absolute Cockmonster: ‘Haha, don’t mind if I do!
The Same Unsuspecting Person, But Now Significantly More Uncomfortable Because How The Fuck Is Anyone Even Supposed To Respond To That, Brent? What The Fuck Is Wrong With You, Brent? Now You’ve Created All This Avoidable Tension And I’m Not Gonna Be Able To Go Back To This Class Without Being Known As The Person Brent Prefers To Put His Dick In. Fuck You, Brent: ‘I think my dog’s grandma’s having a stroke, bye.’)
“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know…” Michael began, but was soon cut off by his own intense laughter.
“Shut up, dude, people are staring at us.” Jeremy said in a hushed tone.
“Let them stare. I think he looks cute when he’s laughing.” Matt said lovingly, tucking a couple of Michael’s stray strands of hair behind his ear and kissing his cheek. “Wanna play a first person shooter now?”
“Uh, yuh-huh… I mean, yeah, that’d be gre-nice. That’d be nice.” Michael stuttered, flushed from the onslaught of romantic affection.
The rest of the night was spent more or less exactly like this. Matt saying something sweet or lewd, Michael blushing, and Jeremy saying a lot of things under his breath that would make his rabbi pull his hair out. Until (finally) the date was over, and Jeremy sat waiting in the passenger side of Michael’s PT Cruiser for him to finish saying his goodbyes to Matt.
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“I had a lot of fun tonight, Matt. And I’d love to do this again-if you want to, of course! No pressure, but you’re really sweet and hot… Not that that’s the only reason I like you! It’s just-why are you laughing?” Michael asked, stopping his ramble out of momentary confusion.
“It’s nothing bad, promise! It’s just, this whole night I was so worried you might not like me. I know I tend to come off as a bit of a fuckboy with all the flirting and suggestive comments, but I get so nervous that if I’m not appealing 24/7 then people might leave and… I really don’t want a great guy like you to leave. Anyhow, it was really reassuring to know that you’re just as unsure in this whole thing as I am.” Matt finished, scratching the back of his head with a shaky grin.
“Jesus Christ.” Michael said, reaching out to embrace Matt. “We’re both such fucking idiots.”
“Yeah, we are.” Matt chuckled, untucking his face from Michael's neck and slightly pulling away from the hug so that he can see Michael's face more comfortably. “Can I kiss you?”
A pink dust spread across Michael’s cheeks. “Yup.” He answered, grimacing at the awkward way he responded. However, Matt seemed to find his response somewhat endearing, given his quiet laugh before he leaned in and slotted their lips together. Michael’s heart sped up, blood pumping faster to his head, making him a little more than woozy. Michael felt Matt’s fingers thread through his hair, deepening the kiss, and suddenly his whole body was on fire, burning, with the cool summer nights wind creating goosebumps against his hot skin. Michael grabbed a tight handful of Matt’s t-shirt pulling him in closer, closer, closer, and Matt’s hand on Michael’s hip trailed to his back then lower, lower, low-.
HONK! HONK! HOOOOOONK!
“You know, as much as I’d like to sit here watching you grope and tongue-fuck my best friend’s mouth in front of a run-down arcade, me and Michael are about 15 minutes from breaking curfew and I’m not about to get grounded because of your blue balls!” Jeremy screamed from the open window of Michael’s car.
Michael and Matt quickly jumped apart from each other, startled. Michael gave Matt one last closed-mouth kiss, before stepping into his car and starting the engine.
“You might wanna make yourself seem more presentable before we head into my house. I mean, my dad thinks it was just you and me at the arcade, and if he sees you looking like you just had the most mind-blowing sex ever, he’ll have a lot of questions.” Jeremy said, taking in Michael’s swollen lips, mussed up hair, and slightly wrinkled clothes.
“Shut up, at least I don’t look like the twink from The Lorax.” Michael retorted, fixing his hair in the rearview mirror.
“First of all, I do not look like Ted. Second of all, what’s with you and The Lorax? Is The Lorax your fursona or something?” Jeremy said, regretting the word as soon as they left his mouth.
“Don’t talk to me about fursonas when you get off to those weird half-cat half-woman pornos, fuckface!” Michael retaliated.
“Says the guy who used to unironically send love letters to Barney!” Jeremy retorted.
“I was five!” Michael said defensively.
“No five year old should have the amount of thirst you had for Barney.” Jeremy said, shuddering at the memory.
“Besides, who had a crush on the Hamburglar’s wife again?” Michael reminded Jeremy, grinning widely.
“Now hold on a minute-!” Jeremy began, interrupted by Michael’s loud cackling as he drowns out the rest of Jeremy’s defense.