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I just caught her laughing with another man.
Are you sure they weren’t just…. kissing or something?
No they were laughing. I’m gonna lose the girl and the case all in the same week.
--
He’s been uncharacteristically quiet all evening, picking absentmindedly at his food, and Liz is starting to think that something is wrong. She wonders if it’s just the case – the one he has been working so hard on, but which he is ultimately bound to lose (she’s seen the file, knows someone who has worked on it, actually. It’s not looking well). Or maybe something else has happened, maybe Denny is getting worse again.
Whatever it is, it has clearly upset him. And it’s starting to worry her, too.
“Alan,” she begins, a bit hesitant. “Tell me what’s wrong?”
It takes him a few moments to look up, but when he eventually does his eyes shift around the room before he finally drags them back to meet hers. They’re darker than usual and slightly lidded; it looks as if he’s trying hard to appear disinterested, indifferent. But Liz can see right through him, can see the pale-red that’s rimming his eyes and making him look as if – well, as if he has cried.“Everything is fine, Elizabeth.”
“It’s obviously not.” She snaps, irritation rising to the surface. Why won’t he just tell her what’s wrong? She can’t make it better if he doesn’t trust her, dammit!
Still, he doesn’t say anything. Just keeps silent until Liz forces out an annoyed huff and returns her attention to her salad. She’s stabbing one of the tomatoes (a bit too forcefully, maybe) when he shuffles uneasily in his seat.
“You were laughing.” He finally says, but somehow the admission is less helpful than she’d have thought.
“What?”
“Earlier, with Reddington. You were laughing at something he said.”
“Well, yeah.” She says, shrugging her shoulders. “Sometimes there are these rare moments where he’s not being an insufferable pain in the ass. I actually like him then.”
Alan nods gravely as if she’s just confirmed something he had long suspected. But somehow all of this feels a bit off, and the silence that stretches over them is too tense, too suffocating in the suddenly stuffy restaurant.
Still, she hopes that he’ll continue, that he’ll lead her to the base of the problem so they can work it out. Together. Because right now her thoughts are running around in circles, desperately trying their best to figure out just why it should matter to him if she laughs at Reddington’s jokes.
But then it begins to dawn on her, and oh.
Oh, Alan, no.
Suddenly there’s a big, fat lump sitting right in her throat, blocking up her airway and making it hard to squeeze any words past it without choking on them.
“You know,” she begins before breaking off, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth before trying again. “You know that I’m not just with you because you make me laugh, right? There are… other things I like about you as well.”
And the way he keeps staring at her, for once seemingly at a loss for words, is all the confirmation she needs. But god, the mere thought that he has somehow gotten it in his head that he hasn’t got anything else to offer but a few jokes and witty comments – it’s enough to break her heart.
“Alan,” She says, her voice soft. “I kind of really like you.”
There, she’s said it. Liz couldn’t possibly have anticipated just how vulnerable saying it would make her feel, as if she’s just told him a terrible secret that has lived in the dark for too long, afraid of light, and too vulnerable and raw to survive on its own.
With a forced smile – overly cheerful; she’s just trying to be brave enough for both of them – Liz lowers her gaze back to her food. At least her salad won’t look at her with rejection or pity. Picking up her fork, she begins to shuffle her tomatoes around her plate, left and right and left again.
But then Alan shuffles around his seat and before the worrying void inside her chest can fester any longer, Liz can feel his hand – nice and warm – wrap around hers, his thumb rubbing reassuringly across her knuckles.
When she finally drags her eyes away from the sight of their clasped hands to look up at him Alan is smiling brightly, his eyes suspiciously shiny in the dim candlelight.
“I kind of really like you too, Elizabeth.”