Chapter Text
The three trudged wearily into the bunker after returning home. Castiel hadn't felt this run down since he had been using stolen grace. He knew that the wound he had taken with Michael's Lance, though completely healed, had really taken a lot out of him. And then there had been the various drugs and implements the Men of Letters' scientists had tested on him that his body was still fighting off. He didn't think any of them would do lasting damage, but he was still going to have some recovery time. He felt woozy, and some of his skin was raw from where they had tested an acid on him. It hadn't been fun.
Mary met them as soon as they came inside the bunker. Sam had called ahead once they had gotten on the road to tell her that they were all fine and on the way back. Mary had been angry at the radio silence, but they had a good excuse since their cellphones had been taken with their weapons.
"I'm so glad you boys are back safe," she told them, giving Sam and Dean a hug before surprising Cas with one as well.
"We're sorry for worrying you, Mom," Sam apologized.
"You're safe now, that's all that matters," Mary said, giving them a once-over. "But you're all a mess. Why don't you go clean up and I'll make you something to eat?"
"You don't have to…" Dean started to protest but Mary folded her arms over her chest and glared at them.
"No arguments; go."
The three of them went meekly, though not before Mary shared a smile with Castiel. He smiled back before following the others.
He had a set of sweat pants and a hoodie and t-shirt that Dean had given him for when he was recovering from injuries, and Castiel took them out of his drawer to replace his normal clothes, which were still crusted with blood. He would be able to repair them once he got his strength back, but he didn't think that would be happening for the next couple days.
He felt better once he got into the hot shower, and was able to wash the blood off of his body. He traced his fingers over the spot Ramiel had stabbed him and shuddered in memory of that agonizing pain.
It seemed to hit him all of a sudden. He hadn't had time to really think of it with everything that had happened after, but he had almost died. His insides had been rotting, and he'd only had minutes left at best before Crowley broke the lance and stopped the curse. It horrified him to think that if Sam and Dean hadn't showed up when they did, he would have died down there in Ramiel's basement alone, without ever being able to apologize to them for what he had done.
But the Winchesters had stayed there with him, comforting him, holding his hand, making sure he wasn't alone in his agony, and that memory warmed the dark thoughts. Even if he had died there after all, it would not have been so bad, dying with the people he loved most.
And Crowley.
But he was so thankful that he had survived, because now he got to experience the love of family, and their forgiveness, even after everything he had done. And now his trials were over and he was allowed to live his own life again.
Castiel took a deep fortifying breath as he stepped out of the shower and dried off. It was amazing how having a family could truly make you realize how much you had to lose.
Once he had dressed, he joined Sam and Dean in the kitchen where Mary was at the stove watching over grilled cheese sandwiches. She looked up as they came in, and smiled.
"I have grilled cheese and tomato rice soup," she told them. "I hope that's okay—it's about the extent of my culinary abilities."
Dean grinned. "That's perfect, Mom, thanks."
"Go sit down then," Mary shoed them off and served them all with steaming bowls of soup and toasted sandwiches.
"Thanks, Mom," Sam said with almost an awed smile on his face. Castiel figured he was thinking about the novelty of having his mother around to feed him dinner, something Sam had never gotten to experience. Castiel smiled on his behalf as he picked up his own spoon.
"Don't thank me yet," she said with good humor. "You haven't tasted it."
Castiel started to eat. The sandwich was crisp on the outside and gooey on the inside and the soup was warm and comforting. His power was so low he could barely taste molecules at the moment. It was nice to be able to eat food sometimes, especially when he was exhausted.
"This is delicious, Mary," Castiel told her.
"It's just soup and sandwiches," she replied with a shrug.
"Yeah, but everything tastes better when someone else makes it," Dean told her.
"Especially when it doesn't taste like molecules," Castiel added.
Dean shot him a worried glance, spoon halfway to his mouth. "Is that a bad thing?"
Castiel shook his head. "It just means I'm tired, worn down. It's nothing that I can't recover from with a bit of rest. In the meantime, I will enjoy this meal."
"Alright." Dean didn't sound completely convinced, but Castiel felt good for the fact that he wasn't lying to them this time. That he didn't have to lie to them again. It was freeing.
After they finished eating, Sam hurriedly cleared the table and insisted on washing up, until Mary practically shoed them out of the kitchen.
"You three were kidnapped tonight, I think I can handle a few dishes for you," she insisted. "I want you to rest—all of you." She swept them with a firm gaze, and Castiel saw the true caring behind it. Mary's return may have been rocky, but there was no doubt in his mind that she truly loved and cared for her sons.
Perhaps she even truly cared for Castiel too, and that was another thing that made him reel at the enormity of everything he had gained since meeting the Winchesters. Of course they'd had their differences, but they were still family, and he would always be so thankful for that.
"Hey, Cas." He turned to see Dean and Sam standing further down the hallway leading toward the dormitory ward. "You okay?"
Castiel nodded. "I am."
"I mean, you were being used as a lab rat, dude, you sure there's no lasting damage?"
Castiel instinctively took stock of himself, but shook his head. "They didn't have much time to do anything too extensive. I have some burns, but it's nothing that won't heal by itself."
"You sure you don't want us to look at them?" Sam asked.
Castiel couldn't even feel annoyed. He just smiled and shook his head. "Thank you for your concern, Sam, but I would really just like to rest." He noticed they still lingered as if not wanting to leave him, and Castiel realized he didn't quite want to leave them yet either, before he said what he had to say. "I…I would like to thank you for being there for me. For coming for me. I was afraid I would never get the chance to apologize to you."
"Cas, man, we already said there was no need to apologize," Dean said. "We've worked that out, right?"
Castiel nodded. "Yes, I know. But I…I haven't felt like I had a place for so long, and recently I have realized that I do. I know my place is here with you. My family." His heart warmed at Sam and Dean's genuine smiles. "And when I thought I might lose that after finally finding some peace…it scared me." He swallowed hard, trying to get his thoughts together. "But I want you to know, that even if I did…if I did die tonight, I would have been grateful that you two were there with me."
Sam and Dean shared a look, emotion shining in their eyes.
"Cas," Dean said, then cleared his throat before continuing. "I promise that we will always endeavor to be there for you, no matter what. And I will be damned if either of you ever has to die alone."
"Yeah, me too," Sam agreed firmly.
"I feel the same," Castiel told them.
"Alright, may as well make this chick flick moment official," Dean said gruffly and stepped forward, dragging Castiel into a firm embrace. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean in return, and when the elder Winchester released him with a form slap to the back, Sam took his place, repeating the gesture. When the embracing was over, Castiel felt the lingering warmth of his surrogate brothers' love, and saw it in their eyes.
"Family always comes first," Dean told him firmly. "No matter what."
Castiel and Sam nodded in agreement. "No matter what," they echoed together. And there really wasn't anything else to say.
Dean cleared his throat. "Well, I'm bushed, so I am out for the night. Goodnight, guys."
"Goodnight, Dean," Castiel told him.
"Goodnight, Cas," Sam told the angel with a smile.
"Goodnight, Sam," Castiel replied and watched the brothers close themselves safely into their rooms before he strode down the hall to his own room.
He turned the lamp on by his bed, and pulled off the hoodie he had been wearing, before slipping into bed. The soft mattress against his aching body made him sigh in relief and he curled up happily around a pillow.
Despite everything that had happened, Castiel could only feel warmth inside of him at the fact, the confirmation even, that his family was always going to be there for him, as he would be in return.
Because as long as they stood together, there was no one who could defeat them.
With those thoughts, Castiel closed his eyes and fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.