Chapter Text
“Alexander.”
Alec paused for a moment before replying. It was strange hearing from Magnus again, after nothing but radio silence for almost a week. “Hey. What’s up?”
“One of my fellow warlocks just called me, she said that there was something wrong with her clearance – she wanted to trade potions this morning in Central Park just as she always does, and apparently she got in trouble with some shadowhunters. They said that she didn’t have the clearance or something to do that. She’s been doing this for years. How can there be a problem all of a sudden?”
Alec frowned, trying his best to make his voice sound as professional as he could. “Uh…that might be because the Inquisitor has recently extended the restrictions on potion trading. But as far as I know, those restrictions are only about the stuff that is already prohibited. There shouldn’t be any problems. But I’ll have someone from the security department look into it.”
Magnus’ voice sounded nothing but polite and professional when he answered. “That would be great. Thank you.”
“No problem. Is that all or do you need anything else?”
“No…uh…actually, I meant to ask you something. Even though that is no longer of my business.” Alec heard Magnus take a deep breath on the other end before he continued speaking. “How are you doing?”
Alec sighed. “Depends…do you want the standard answer or the actual one?”
The polite, distant tone in Magnus’ voice was all gone when he replied. Instead, he sounded “I know I have no right to request anything from you right now, but…an honest answer one would be great.”
Alec ignored the slight ache in his chest as he listened to Magnus referring to him and the issue of honesty all over again. To distract himself, he reached over to his nightstand and picked up the silver bracelet Magnus had left there a couple of weeks ago. While he ran his fingers over the metal and the intricate patterns engraved into it, he thought of how to word his answer.
“Look…I guess there is no good way to say this, but…I don’t feel good. Not at all. I’m sorry if this is more information than you wanted, but you asked for it.”
That last sentence came out way harsher than Alec had intended it to be, and despite everything, he felt bad. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so rude. I guess I’m just…tired”, he said and rubbed his hand over his eyes.
“It’s okay, Alec. I wanted to know and you’re being honest. I guess you could be a lot harsher to me and I would still deserve it”, Magnus responded.
There was another moment of silence and Magnus sighed. “This is way more awkward than I expected it to be. I should go...this was not a good idea after all, I- “
“I miss you”, Alec blurted out before Magnus could hang up. “You probably don’t want to hear this, but I do.”
Another few seconds silence followed, no less awkward than before. When Magnus spoke again, however, his voice didn’t sound as strained as earlier. There was still a cautious tone to it, but he sounded softer, like the words were coming from his heart rather than from his head.
“I miss you too.”
The only thing Alec could hear after that was his blood rushing through his veins and his rapid heartbeat. He stared at the wall across from his bed, totally at a loss for words. He’d been expecting many things, but definitely not Magnus missing him too. Not after how he’d looked at him during the council meeting.
“Look”, the warlock continued, “this is weird on the phone. I don’t know if you want to but maybe if you have time…we could meet up and talk about things? Of course you have every right to say no, but…I would really appreciate it if we could talk in person.”
Despite his head was yelling at him that he should know better, Alec let his lips pull into a cautious smile. “It really is weird. Are you at home?”
“I am.”
“Good. I’m on my way.”
+++
Over time, Alec had memorized the way to Magnus’ apartment by heart. Usually, his walks from the Institute to Brooklyn were filled with happiness and excitement. Today, however, he just felt weird – hopeful and terrified at the same time. After all, Magnus agreeing to talk to him was more than he had gotten for the past week. But with everything that had happened between them, Alec was dreading to face Magnus again.
Hands stuffed into the pockets of his jacket, he stepped into the elevator of Magnus’ apartment building and ran through the sheer countless possible scenarios of what could happen – from Magnus forgiving him to something going terribly wrong and making their situation even more complicated. Although, as he had to admit himself, things could hardly get any worse than they already were.
When the elevator stopped with a high “ping” noise and the doors slid open, he took a deep breath before heading towards the polished black door of penthouse number 1. Alec raised his hand and knocked at the door, then took a step back and waited for Magnus to open. He heard shuffling steps inside the apartment, moving slowly towards the door and then the lock clicked and Magnus stood right in front of him.
The warlock looked tired, incredibly so. His eyes, usually the first hint at how Magnus was feeling, seemed darker than usual, toned down and dull. Judging from his shiny blue silk shirt, the silver necklaces and matching eye shadow, Magnus was trying his best to hide that, but Alec had always been able to see right through his many façades and coping mechanisms. And although they had broken up, that had not changed.
This Magnus was nothing like the proud, confident warlock Alec loved so much. He seemed empty, burned out – and hurting just as much as Alec.
Instinctively, Alec wanted to reach out to Magnus, to pull him in and hug him until all his pain vanished. But then he reminded himself that he was the reason for Magnus feeling so bad in the first place and held himself back. Instead, he looked at Magnus and tried a careful smile. “Hey.”
“Hey”, the warlock responded, voice somewhat soft and eyes no longer as cold as they had been back at the Institute. “Come in.”
Alec walked past Magnus and then paused – under normal circumstances, he would have left his boots and jacket in the hallway and then joined Magnus in whatever the warlock was doing. Today, he hesitated. Entering Magnus’ apartment usually felt like coming home. Today, Alec felt like he was a guest walking into the place of a stranger.
The shadowhunter tried his best to ignore that feeling, waited for Magnus to close the door and then followed him inside the living room, where Magnus motioned for him to sit down on the couch. Alec sat down in his usual spot, the warlock taking a seat across from him.
“You want a drink? I could use one.”
Alec shook his head. “I’m good.”
“Just one for me, then”, Magnus said and with a wave of his hand, a glass appeared on the coffee table. Alec watched Magnus pick up the glass, take a sip and then stare into it, as if the solution to all of their problems lay in a glass of whiskey-rocks.
Neither of them said anything, the silence wavering between them like an awkward barrier. To avoid staring at Magnus and make this even more unpleasant, Alec started to play with the fringes of one of the expensive couch cushions.
That didn’t help much though, if anything, it made the quiet even more suffocating. So Alec took a deep breath, tried to pull himself together as best as he could, and approached the gigantic elephant in the room.
“You know you could have just called the Institute general office this morning”, he blurted out. “Someone from the ops center would have picked up. They would have been able to help you much faster than I did. You didn’t have to call me.”
“I know that”, Magnus said slowly, absentmindedly swirling his drink in his glass. “But I wanted to.”
Alec frowned. “Why?”
“Because I wanted to talk to you.” The warlock took a deep breath, almost as if he had to brace himself for something. “And because I need to apologize.”
Alec rose his head and looked at the warlock. He didn’t quite believe what he’d just heard, and didn’t want to let himself build up hope. Not after having his heart shattered by the very person sitting across from him just a couple of days ago.
So he didn’t say anything, just looked at Magnus, who had now placed his glass back on the coffee table and was looking straight at him.
As if he were sensing Alec’s distrust, Magnus breathed out shakily and scooted a bit closer to Alec before he continued speaking.
“I know I broke things off between us, and it’s all my fault that we are like…this.” He motioned to the distance between them – both the literal and figurative one - and sighed. “I thought…that if we both went into all those decisions level-headed, if we didn’t have to worry about our people and each other, that all of this would be easier.”
“As if I would stop worrying about you just because we broke up”, Alec interjected and watched as Magnus cringed. But he didn’t feel sorry for his words. They were the truth.
Magnus smiled sadly at the shadowhunter. “I know that now. But after everything that happened with the Soul Sword I was so mad and disappointed, it seemed like the only way to move on. And I am deeply sorry for that, you have to believe me, Alec”
Now it was Alec’s time to feel guilty. He reached out and gently took Magnus’ hand, smiling tentatively as the warlock’s stern features softened.
“You had every right to be mad about the sword. I should have told you right away, not keep it a secret from you. I’m sorry too, for betraying your trust like that.”
Magnus just shrugged. “We both made mistakes, did things we’re not proud of. But we can’t change that. But if there is anything good about mistakes, it’s that we can learn from them. And what I learned over these past few days is that I miss you terribly, Alexander.”
Alec felt his heart flutter at the sound of the name he’d hated so much growing up, but that sounded so beautiful coming from Magnus. Warmth started spreading in his chest and throughout his entire body as he realized where this conversation might be going. “I miss you too.”
Magnus reached out and grabbed Alec’s free hand, running his thumb softly at Alec’s knuckles. “Being apart from you also taught me another thing – that making decisions completely on my own doesn’t work so well for me anymore. Not since I met you. So I was wondering…if we promise each other that from now on there will be no more secrets between us, that we will always be honest to each other, no matter what – maybe you’d want to give this, us, another try?”
For a moment, Alec couldn’t do anything but stare at the warlock. It was only when he saw Magnus’ amused smile that he realized that he was supposed to say something. “Yeah”, he muttered, unable to hide the smile that was pulling at his lips, “I’d love that.”
The warlock let out a beautiful, soft laugh. “Great. So…does that mean that you and me, we’re good?”
Alec chuckled. “We’re good.”
And then he couldn’t help but close the distance between them. He pulled Magnus into a crushing hug and buried his face in the warlock’s shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of fresh laundry and expensive cologne. As he felt his boyfriend relax into the embrace, the tension stored up in Alec’s body started to slowly fade away, making room for fluttering, bubbly happiness. And that happiness only multiplied when he felt Magnus’ fingers brush over his hair and his lips press a gentle kiss to his temple.
“I love you so much, Alexander.”
Alec lifted his head, so he could look into Magnus’ eyes. The warlock had dropped his glamour and as always, the sight of Magnus’ natural eye color in the soft lighting of the loft left Alec completely in awe.
“I love you too”, he murmured and then leaned in to finally kiss Magnus.
That kiss was like so many kisses they’d shared before and yet felt like their first kiss all over again. It started out slow and gentle, a question that was quickly answered as it turned more passionate and loving. Magnus’ arms were steady around the shadowhunter, holding him and keeping him as close as they possibly could be. Alec gave back with everything he had, he poured all the love he had into the kiss as well as all the hurt and tears from the past few days, making the warlock shiver.
That kiss was making up for lost time as well as promising so much more for the future. It was giving and taking, remembering and promising, apologizing and forgiving – and it was everything Alec needed.
When they broke apart, both slightly out of breath, Alec hugged Magnus once more, leaning their foreheads together and relishing the feeling of having Magnus back in his arms.
“No more secrets”, Alec breathed.
Magnus leaned away so he could look at Alec and then nodded, his cat gleaming like molten amber. “No more secrets.”
Alec moved back towards Magnus, but the warlock stopped him with a hand on his arm. Alec frowned and searched the warlock’s face for any clue what was going on, but Magnus just averted his gaze and bit his lip. “Actually, there is something I need to tell you. It’s about the Seelie queen. I spoke to one of her knights the other day and - “
Alec reached out and put one finger on the warlock’s lips, successfully shushing him. “Can we maybe not talk about the war right now? I know this is important, but I just got you back and…I don’t know, if it’s not about life or death, can we just save the work talk for later?”
Magnus beamed, his hand wandering up from Alec’s arm to his face, cupping his cheek. “That is completely fine by me, Alexander.”
And when they kissed again, Alec knew that even though this would not have been their last argument, they would never let something like this drive them apart again. Whatever came next, they would face it together. As a team and as a couple.
Naturally, it would never be easy. Alec knew that that there would always be times where they would not be on the same page. Especially when it came to decisions that effected both of their people. After all, both of them were leaders who had to look out not only for themselves, but for others as well.
The High Warlock of Brooklyn and the Head of the New York Institute would always have their differences. They would have opposite goals. Their interests would conflict. They would argue.
But Magnus and Alec? They would be okay.