Chapter Text
A cloudy, thick haze hung over Bokuto as a distant shrill beeping pierced through his sleep. "Geh," he mumbled, flinging out an arm to the side, causing what sounded like dozens of items to fall to the ground, but not the alarm to stop. He groaned, rubbing his eyes and rolling over.
Finally managing to smack his alarm off, he pushed himself out of bed, immediately shivering. He always slept under countless blankets, but still managed to wake up cold. He couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to wake up next to Akaashi, cozied up against his warm body, but he brushed the thought aside. It hadn't been long since he'd moved in, after all, and the last thing he wanted to do was rush things.
Tugging a hoodie over his head, he padded out of the room in search of his boyfriend. Though he didn't wake up in the other man's embrace, Akaashi had so far always been willing to wrap his arms around him until he warmed up. Bokuto never would have guessed that Akaashi would be so affectionate, but the usually stoic man had told him that he looked too cute to resist in the morning—Akaashi! You're going to make me blush!—and that Bokuto was too sleepy in the morning to make him shy about anything. It was true, Bokuto supposed, that it'd be pretty hard for him to make Akaashi feel vulnerable or embarrassed when he was blundering around and walking into things.
When he got to the kitchen, though, Akaashi wasn't there. Until now, each morning Bokuto had opened his door to find Akaashi sitting on a stool and leaning against the counter as he sipped his coffee, scrolling through news on his tablet. He'd pause, look up, and Bokuto would self-consciously straighten out his boxers as he felt his boyfriend's sharp gaze on him. First, Akaashi's nose would crinkle a bit, trying to hold back, but he'd always give up and smile. This, of course, made Bokuto smile, and he'd blearily stumble over to the kitchen and-
Don't get carried away! Frowning, Bokuto checked on Akaashi's room. The door was wide open, revealing the rather plain room, the bed made neatly and his desk perfectly organized.
But
No
Akaashi.
He checked the bathroom too, then all around the apartment, but Akaashi was nowhere.
A small whimper came out of his throat, and Bokuto cursed his inability to function in the mornings. He started to move for his phone, but then paused. Most likely, Akaashi was just out doing some sort of errand and he'd be annoyed if he got a call from his clingy boyfriend. Bokuto should just leave him be; he'd come back, right?
Right?
Damn it, where was Akaashi?
He stumbled back to his bedroom, only ramming into one wall, which he was quite proud of thank you very much. Opening up his laptop, he Skype-called Kuroo. His best friend always gave the best relationship advice! Well, not always, but he'd encouraged him to pursue Akaashi, so it was at least worth a try!
On the first try, however, Kuroo didn't pick up. Bokuto groaned, dragging his fingers through his hair. If Kuroo wasn't answering, there was no way Kenma would, and who else did Bokuto trust enough to turn to for advice?
Seeing no other option, he hit the call button again. This time, Kuroo appeared on the screen, laying in his bed and looking sleepy and a little disgruntled. "Yes?" he said, voice thick with sleep.
"Kuroo! Thank volleyball you woke up! I need your advice!" Bokuto cried.
"Eh?" Kuroo replied, rubbing at his eyes. "Now? At this very hour? Why are you even awake already, you hate mornings."
"It's after ten..." Bokuto replied with a shrug. He squirmed in his seat a little; he just wanted to get to the point already, but Kuroo always prolonged everything more than necessary.
"Yeah well, Kenma was in the mood last night, like, really in the mood, so I didn't exactly get a whole lot of rest," Kuroo said, his tone a mixture of complaint and appreciation. The camera bounced and jostled as Kuroo rolled over, pulling down the covers a bit. "Say hi, Kenma!" Kuroo's boyfriend let out an indignant shriek, ripping the blanket back over his head.
"Hi, Kenma!" Bokuto said, waving anyway. Maybe if he was extra friendly and nice and good, Kuroo would give extra friendly and nice and good advice. "So, about my problem..."
"Is it really so urgent that you needed to wake me up for this?"
"Yes!" Bokuto cried. Kuroo raised a brow, and a few muffled curses could be heard from that end as the blankets shifted around. "Akaashi...," pause for dramatics "is gone."
"Wait, you mean he's missing?" Kuroo jolted forward in bed, eyebrows furrowing. "When was the last time you saw him? Or heard from him?"
"When I woke up this morning, he was gone!" Bokuto wailed, flinging himself back in distress. "He's always drinking coffee at the counter in the morning, but today he wasn't!"
"Wait... have you tried contacting him?" Bokuto sat forward again.
"No," he pouted. "I don't want to seem clingy."
A shaped launched upward from underneath Kuroo's blankets, and Bokuto let out a high-pitched yelp. "You dared to disturb my slumber?" the angry blob that was Kenma shrieked. "And you didn't even text him?" Bokuto trembled; never before had he seen such displays of emotion from the shy, stoic man.
"Dude," Kuroo muttered, staring somewhere off camera as Kenma stormed out of the room, muttering curses under his breath. "Just. Text. Him."
"But-" he cut off as Kuroo's gaze cut to him, unusually intense.
"So? Be clingy. If he's bothered that you care about him, he isn't the one," Kuroo muttered, dragging a hand through his hair. "Now if you excuse me, I have a terrifying ball of unmatched fury to deal with, so do me a favour and learn how to communicate with your partner."
A small involuntary whimper came from Bokuto's throat, and Kuroo's gaze softened. "Look, Kou. I know you're scared, and you know that I am here for you whenever you need me. But things like this? I can't solve this for you. So if you're thinking maybe you're not ready for a relationship right now, then you're of course welcome back here. But if you want this, then relationships take communication, and I can't be that for you. Text him."
Bokuto nodded, steeling himself for texting Akaashi, when he heard the distant sound of the door opening. He sat up, eyes widening. "I think he's back."
"Good." Kuroo sent him an exhausted smile. "Talk to him. And address the problem."
"Thanks." Bokuto took a deep breath as he heard footsteps getting closer. "For everything."
"Of course," Kuroo said simply, before pressing the end call button. Bokuto let out a deep breath. Kuroo was right, he couldn't hide from everything if he wanted this to work.
Pushing himself up from the bed, he launched himself out of the room, skidding to a halt when he almost ran into his boyfriend. "Akaashi! You're back!"
He threw his arms around the smaller boy, inhaling the plain, clean scent he always had, the scent that smelled like home long before they'd moved in together. "I missed you," he breathed, nuzzling the skin on Akaashi's neck where it met the collar of his.... yellow hoodie? "What? I didn't know you owned anything this bright."
Akaashi pulled out of his embrace, brow creased. "I- I don't," he said, and Bokuto frowned at the thick emotion in his voice.
"'kaashi?" His hand reached out to catch the tears just before they fell from his boyfriend's face. "'Kaashi, what's wrong?"
A sob racked through the smaller boy's body, and Bokuto crushed him against his chest, mind going at a mile a minute as he tried to figure out what was wrong. "I- I ran into Terushima again today."
Bokuto stiffened, a million thoughts racing through his head at once. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you? Did he force himself on you?" Bokuto wasn't one to get angry quickly, but if that jerk dared to hurt Akaashi again...
"No, no, he was fine," Akaashi mumbled, and then he was laughing through his tears, giggles bubbling up as he scrubbed the wetness off his face. "Sorry, this isn't funny. I don't know why I'm laughing."
"It's alright," Bokuto said, tugging him over to the couch. "Kuroo does the same thing." Akaashi let out a shuddering sigh, slumping against his chest. "But you're sure Terushima didn't hurt you?"
"Yes," Akaashi said, sighing again. "He's- he apologized. For everything. And he explained and told me everything, and I... don't think I need to worry about him anymore. I think... we're good."
Bokuto frowned. "But the last time we saw him- I don't trust-"
Akaashi squirmed around in his arms, staring him in the eyes, and Bokuto's voice trailed off. "It's hard for me to fully believe it too, Koutarou. I have a lot of bad memories, and he's one of the worst of them. But it's hard to be afraid all the time, and if I can let go of even a small part of it, I want to. Maybe he'll be a problem again later, maybe not. But for now, for today, I'm grateful to have this one bit of relief, and I'm going to try to let go as much of him as possible. I understand your concern, but please support me."
Letting out a breath, Bokuto kissed him on the nose. "Of course. You're perfect, Keiji, and you deserve all the happiness in the world."
Akaashi smiled at him softly, then kissed him on his nose back, and Bokuto felt his heart just positively melt. Then he sat up, tossing a crumpled piece of fabric to the floor that Bokuto hadn't noticed and peeling off the yellow hoodie. He opened his mouth to ask a question, but Akaashi interrupted him with the answer. "I accidentally spilled coffee on my shirt, and Terushima gave me his hoodie for the trip home. I'll probably donate it or something."
Bokuto nodded, feeling like maybe Akaashi would tell him more one day, but that he'd said as much as he was comfortable with for today. He slumped back down, and Bokuto tried not to stare too much at how beautiful Akaashi was. They lay in comfortable silence for a few minutes, Bokuto rubbing the other's bare back as his breathing slowly evened out.
Suddenly, Akaashi pushed himself up from the couch, scooped up his clothes, then headed for his bedroom. "Sorry. I wanted to chill with you on the couch, but I really can't let my dirty laundry lay all over the floor in good conscious." Bokuto cracked a smile, glad that Akaashi was feeling good enough to joke lightly.
He followed his boyfriend into his room, hovering by the doorway and watching Akaashi toss his things into the laundry basket. His boyfriend looked up, eyes flitting to meet his, shooting him a small smile. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up," he said softly, staring at Bokuto through his eyelashes. "I know how much you hate mornings."
"Yeah, but it's alright. I know how much you love coffee," Bokuto teased back, inwardly yelling with satisfaction when he got a tiny laugh out of his boyfriend. "I was a little worried though."
Akaashi frowned. "Worried? I'm sorry. I didn't get any messages, though. Maybe my phone ran out of battery."
"Oh, um, I never actually texted you," Bokuto admitted, not meeting the other's gaze. It sounded idiotic now, and he wished he hadn't brought it up.
"Why not?" Akaashi said, furrowing his brow. "Did something happen to your phone?"
"I, um," Bokuto exhaled, reflexively spiking up his hair. Staring at the ground, he admitted, "I was worried you'd think I was clingy or something."
A beat of silence.
"Koutarou." And then long arms were wrapping around him, pulling him close, and Bokuto's eyes flitted upward in surprise. "You never have to worry about being clingy. I'm honoured how much you care, and you can always feel free to message me. I won't be annoyed."
"Keiji," Bokuto murmured, clutching him even tighter to his chest. Tuggin him over to the neatly made bed, he swung them both down onto it, nuzzling the top of the smaller boy's head. "My 'Kaashi is perfection."
And then Akaashi was smiling at him, and Bokuto couldn't tear his eyes away from those lips until he captured them with his mouth instead, feeling the curve of the other's grin against his own mouth. And damn, maybe mornings weren't so bad after all.
-
Bokuto's lips slid over Akaahsi's, warm and soft, and he was holding him like fragile glass. His large hands gently gripped his waist, lips hesitant, almost shy.
"I'm not so breakable," Akaashi whispered onto his boyfriend's lips, trying not to gasp for breath. He dug his own hands into his boyfriend's hips to emphasize his point, proud of the resultant gasp.
Bokuto's eyes were wide, and his pupils were so big and black he looked more like an owl than ever. "You're the toughest person I know, Keiji. I just don't want to give you a reason to need to be."
Akaashi felt a pang in his chest, a sudden feeling of rightness that he'd never felt in any of his previous relationships. He pushed closer to Bokuto until their bodies were flush, their heaving chests colliding with their irregular gasps. His mouth was warm and hot and inviting, and Akaashi tentatively slid his tongue inside.
"A- kaashi," Bokuto breathed, and a second later his hands were on his arms, gently pushing him back. Akaashi tried to keep himself from panicking, but he couldn't help being ambushed by a thousand worries all at once. Had he been pushing Bokuto to go farther than he was comfortable? Had he forced himself on him? Was Bokuto realizing that Akaashi was too cold and distant to ever be fulfilling in a relationship?
Bokuto must have seen the panic in his eyes, for a second later he was saying, "Shh, shh, it's okay. Nothing is wrong. You're okay." He wrapped his thick arms around his torso, and Akaashi felt his muscles relax within Bo's firm grip. It seemed wrong to feel more at ease when he was trapped instead of when he had an escape route, but he didn't want to escape Bokuto. He wanted to stay for Bokuto, for himself, for Kuroo and Kenma and Shouyou and all of the memories he had with these new people. The need for escape that he used to have was gone, and that comforted him more than anything. "Keiji," Bokuto said, and he let himself fall limp in his warm and comforting embrace.
"I am sorry I forced myself on you. Please forgive me." Akaashi whispered across the silence.
"What? No!" Bokuto said, and the loudness of his voice didn't ruin the mood like it should have. "I'm just... nervous. Not about you! I love you. I'm nervous about me."
"About you?" Akaashi repeated, sitting up enough to watch the expressions shifting across his boyfriend's face.
"You're so experienced," Bokuto said, one hand going to re-spike his hair. Akaashi didn't bother to fight off his smile, instead lifting up his hands to drag through Bokuto's hair with him. He tangled their fingers together, gently rubbing the stray hairs off of his forehead with his thumb. Bokuto's breath caught. "And I- I'm not. I've never even dated anyone for this long, you know."
Akaashi leaned back, pulling his hands down to smooth circles against Bokuto's wrists. "You know there is never any pressure to do anything, right? If you don't want to have sex, okay. If you don't want to kiss or hug or touch at all, that's okay too. It's all about what your comfort levels are."
"But I do want to!" Bokuto said, biting his lip in a telltale gesture that he was frustrated that he wasn't able to put his emotions into words. "It's just that, um, I don't want to mess things up. You have all this experience, and I don't know what to do."
Akaashi shrugged in his arms. "So? No one's born knowing what to do, and I learned from someone, too. And besides, if anything I'm the undesirable one. I've been in and out of beds for the past few years, and I don't even remember how many or who. I'm used and discarded." The words were heavy and bitter, burning his tongue, but Bokuto deserved to know what he was getting into. Experience was only so enviable, and Akaashi was nothing special.
"Keiji," Bokuto whispered, then let out a small whimper. Akaashi glanced up in surprise, not sure what could have caused such a noise. "You don't really think that about yourself, do you?"
Akaashi hesitated, and that was enough for Bokuto to yank Akaashi to his chest. "Keiji Keiji Keiji Keiji Keiji," he chanted, vigorously rubbing his back. "You're not discarded. You are loved and valuable. You are treasure to me, and I don't care how many people you slept with as long as they had your consent. You are worth the entire world to me, and having had sex does not undermine any of that."
Letting out a shuddering gasp, Akaashi clung to Bokuto. He could barely believe the kindness of the words, but his boyfriend's eyes had been as open and honest as always. Bokuto's chest was warm and firm, and Akaashi felt that if he could just stay in this spot forever, he could dismiss all of his worries. Shifting his head over slightly, he positioned his ear over Bokuto's heart and listened to the gentle, steady beat as it pumped blood throughout his body all the way up to where his fingers were carding through Akaashi's hair, the other warm hand wrapped around his waist. His breathing gradually slowed, and he pressed his lips against his shirt to the rhythm of his heart.
Moving his head up, he started laying kisses up Bokuto's neck.
"I love you."
Akaashi had whispered it against Bokuto's ear, the words out before he could even think about it. It shocked himself to hear, but he realized that the words hadn't been wrong. He did love Bokuto. "I love you," he repeated, then starting laughing softly. Large hands wrapped around his waist, lifting him up. Wide eyes gazed at him, and Akaashi felt himself blush.
"I love you too, Keiji!" Bokuto said, pulling him back to his chest. "I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you, and I want to stay with your forever." Akaashi laughed again, fondly amused at Bokuto's earnestness.
"I want to stay with you, too," Akaashi said, smiling as he felt how fast Bokuto's heart rate was, then blushing as he realized his was pounding just as hard. "I love Bokuto Koutarou."
And if they stayed like that for just a little too long, murmuring I love you's and trying to bury impossibly deeper into the other's skin, well, that was no one else's business.