Chapter Text
It’s been seven months since Youngjae decided to separate ways with Jaebum.
Seven months of trying to move on and forget those 2 years filled with passion.
Seven months of figuring out what really happened.
Seven months of blaming themselves.
Seven months of watching the beauty of each other from afar.
Seven months of gazing the moon, alone.
It was Youngjae’s decision, he knew ending things with Jaebum is the only way to stop his pain.
Ending your pain isn't selfish right?
But of course, breaking up with Jaebum didn't stop the pain.. but at least it lessened..
He loved Jaebum with all his heart, with all his might, with all his patience...
But he was smart enough to end things he that knew will eventually tear him apart.
Not eventually, but continuously..
Letting go is never easy, Youngjae thinks. Anyways, people come and go.
But letting go of someone you want spend your forever with is different.
Acceptance is part of letting go, and for Youngjae, it probably won't happen.
No one understands how painful it is, how it crushed the whole him.
Youngjae believed they were in love. They were both in love.
At least that's how it feels, and it feels real.
And trusting how you feel may sometimes be wrong, but not always.
He felt he loved Jaebum more than the older love him, but isn't that what every lover should feel?
You should love him more than he loves you.
At least that's what he thought.
Jaebum loved every second with Youngjae. He loves the younger, no other words can explain how he feels. Except for love of course, just love.
And if he can only find a word stronger than love, he would use it to describe how he feels for the younger.
If he can only express his love for the younger more than what he's already doing..
As if taking care of him isn't enough.
As if soft kisses, cuddles, and making love isn't enough.
He cherished him and made sure to let the younger know he loves him to the moon and back.
But there's this feeling Youngjae doesn't deserve him, and he thinks he's just extremely blessed and lucky Youngjae loved him back.
He often thinks Youngjae is too innocent and just feels safe around him, that's why the younger decided to reciprocate his feelings...
He felt guilty on feeling and thinking these things, he just hopes these insecurities will soon be gone..
It's 1:31am, Jaebum can't sleep, and really can't contain his feelings anymore. It's so strong and full of passion..
He feels numb, can't hear anything, and the only thing he wants to do now is to let Youngjae know...
How he loves the younger, how he likes to touch his cheeks and tell him he's everything to him..
It tortures him. He hates it.
Three years of containing his feelings for Youngjae, just because he thinks what he feels is wrong..
He knows cuddling is normal to both of them, but at this moment, Jaebum feels extremely different. The butterflies in his stomach won't stop, and he thinks telling the younger how he feels is the only way to calm him down..
He doesn't expect the younger to understand him immediately, but he can't hold it in..
Nervously, if not excitedly, unsure of what to say,
"Jae~~, I... I want to take care of you. I... I want to make sure you're always feeling great.. and safe.." Jaebum whispered while stroking the younger's soft hair.
Youngjae was awaken by the older's shivering, but kept his eyes closed..
He whispered while smiling,
"Hyung... you're already making me safe.. and I always feel great with you hyung.."
Jaebum made the younger faced him, moved even closer to him, holding the younger's face nervously..
"Jae-yah.. look at me... no... you don't understand... this hyung.. I... I want to take care of you... it pains me seeing you with anyone.. being so close to them.. I know it's normal.. but... I just want you to know... I.. this hyung will do everything for you.. will make sure the smiles on your face never fades... I.. I want to part of your happiness.. of you..." Jaebum sobbed as his stubborn tears start to fall..
He kisses the younger's lips softly, nervously but fulll of longing and thirst..
Tears fell down as he kissed the younger's cheeks and whispered,
"Jae, I love you.. I love you so much.. more than anyone.. I'm sorry, it just happened that..
I love you"
Jaebum allowed himself to be a mess infront of Youngjae..
He allowed himself to expose his feelings, and how he strongly feels for the younger..
Jaebum's sobs filled the their room, but the younger stayed calm..
Youngjae was still in shock on what he heard.. but didnt speak a word..
He closed his eyes for few seconds..
He made Jaebum face him, and tears fell down as he held the older's head on his neck..
Youngjae thinks Jaebum is worth the risk, realized his feelings for his hyung is as special as how Jaebum feels for him..
He pressed his lips softly against Jaebum's while stroking his back carefully.. with tears in his eyes..
Youngjae accepted his feelings, and the love for each other gets stronger everyday..
Jaebum was happy, he felt he can do all things and surpass all trials because there's Youngjae by his side, supporting and loving him in every way the younger can..
Jaebum knows the younger gives all his attention to him. He's sure the younger loves him and will continue to love him. But his stupid insecurities won't go away and disappear, they just won't..