Chapter Text
Yoon Bum had grown accustomed to death. It was all around him. It surrounded him like a dark cloud over his head- it whispered in his ear. It coaxed him into a false reality. It lured him into the blackness.
At times, it seemed appealing. Its callous remarks so much sweeter than the alternative.
Death always seemed to favour the people around Bum more than himself. Death had taken his parents, after all.
And now it had raked its claws across Sangwoo and dragged him down with them.
It finally settles in when he sees the slab of stone before his very eyes. The man who had once been his everything was now nothing at all. Below six feet of dirt and rocks lay the man who had tormented him, loved him and ultimately- felt nothing for him at all. It was all artificial. Just because he looked like someone from Sangwoo’s past- it may be the reason Bum lives today.
It’s strange, Bum thinks. He’d always assumed it would be the other way around. Sangwoo would be alive and well and Bum would be the one to perish first.
But no, even if that were the case. He wouldn’t have a gravestone, he wouldn’t have anything. He’d be hidden in the forest, alongside all the other victims that Sangwoo had sworn Bum was different from. Perhaps he was, but in the end. There was no other way for a conclusion of such a horror story.
Sangwoo wouldn’t visit him like this either.
Sangwoo would continue being Sangwoo.
“Perhaps this was a bad idea.” Seungbae speaks from beside him, a twitching frown on his face. “I can hear you agonising in your mind.”
Bum shakes head.
He’d expected to break down when he saw Sangwoo’s gravestone. Perhaps finally become heartbroken hat he truly was gone. But in the end, all he felt was a numb sort of relief that this was completely over.
“I needed this. Thank you.” Bum whispers quietly, holding the bright yellow tansy flowers he’d brought along with them. It had taken him five florists to find one that had any of these flowers at all. He’d been adamant about these specific ones. Seungbae didn’t have the heart to decline the request.
He lays the bunch by the stone, kneeling to make sure they went down delicately.
Bum waited there for a moment, looking at the characters that spelt out a very real man that he had killed. A man with a life and aspirations. A man that had loved someone. Just not him.
Guilt wasn’t an uncommon emotion for Bum. But right now. Strangely, all he felt was hope.
Hope for a new life. Hope for once, that death isn’t as enticing as life.
Sure there are days when he can’t get out of bed. Where the storm in his head won’t clear away no matter how much the rain dries up.
But when the clouds do part- it’s a new day.
Bum reaches to grab hold of Seungbae’s hand. Taking one last look at what was once Oh Sangwoo before forwarding away.
You didn’t get to destroy me, Sangwoo.
Seungbae has a boyfriend.
What.
Though it’s been a matter of months, it still hasn’t really set in. He has someone that wants to be around him and wants to spend time with him. Someone he can have a meal together with. Someone that will watch shitty television shows with him. Someone he can fall asleep beside (and hog the covers for the rest of the night.)
And, well, it’s pretty nice.
So when Bum tells him that he’s moving out he all but has a damn heart attack.
“W-what?” He sputters- “Are you breaking up with me?”
Bum’s jaw drops and his eyes widen in panic. “No no!” He shakes his head and moves his arms out frantically.
Seungbae’s heart begins beating regularly again and he clears his throat. Confusion still clouding his chest. “Then… Why?”
Bum sighs, reluctant. “Dr. Choi says that I shouldn’t rely on you for everything. That I should learn to live on my own without anyone to lean on. And I… I agree. I have enough money saved up so it won’t be too much of a problem… I think this is a good idea. I want this relationship… I want it to work.”
Seungbae frowns, he looks at his feet. “I get it, Bum. That makes sense.”
Bum nods along with him. Seemingly calming down from the previous panic as well. “I’m going to look for apartments on my day off tomorrow.”
Seungbae gets it. In a way for Bum to heal, he needs to do this. He needs more independence. He needs to be on his own for a while. And yet…
Yet…
“My bed’s going to be cold without you.”
Seungbae chokes on his tongue when he realises he says that out loud.
He can’t tell who goes more red.
Him or Bum.
Bum place a box down on the counter with a huff. His face, he can already tell, is flushed from the over exertion. He’d never been a particularly… sporty person to begin with. His military service had done him nothing good at all. Not to mention his legs would never truly be healed completely. But the hard work instils a strange sense of achievement in his chest.
He glances around the space, a faint smile on his face.
It’s a tiny one bedroom apartment, three rooms; a bedroom, a bathroom and a kitchenette looking out to the little living room. ‘A cozy look on open plan’ the realtor had said.
Bum loved it. It was his. And only his.
There were no strings attached. No money that he’d scrambled to his family to get. No shady loan sharks, no nothing.
It’s raining heavily outside and Bum takes in a breath. He usually hates being alone, but this type of isolation just makes his chest settle with contentment.
The day he moved away from Seungbae had been hard. Bum had been worried about what the detective would eat without him there to cook.
That’s why, the next time Seungbae opened the fridge door, it would be jam packed full of food for the next few weeks.
Another smile on his face. He missed him already.
He hears a scratch at the door and jumps. The soft sound of the storm only background noise.
Debating whether to answer it or not. Bum decides to ignore it until further notice. Bum was expecting Seungbae to show up at some point. But he had a key… He’d already be in here. And especially not scratching on the door.
The further notice is a meow.
Bum’s head perks up.
Ah, that made sense.
Yoon opens the door of his new apartment to see an old back cat, soaked to the bone. Meowing continuously at him. No collar, no anything. It must have been a stray. Its overgrown black hair covers a portion of the feline’s eyes and its claws are overgrown. Definitely a stray. Probably abandoned.
Before Bum can even do anything next, the cat scuttles past through Bum’s legs and runs straight into the apartment.
“H-hey!” Bum cries weakly. “You’re all wet!”
The cat meows in response.
“Well, yes, I know it’s raining out there but that doesn’t mean you get to intrude.” Bum continues scolding the cat. Regardless of whether or not the thing could understand him.
Another mewl. It jumps up on to the kitchen counter and peers into the box Bum had just placed down. A single box, full of all of his possessions. A bit sad, really. But to be truthful. Without Seungbae- he wouldn’t even have that box to begin with.
Bum notices with a faint realisation that the poor thing is shivering and his expression softens immediately.
He reaches out a hand and the cat retracts. Hissing at the movement. Its fur standing on end as its tail raised in caution.
“I won’t hurt you.” Bum whispers, moving his arm slightly closer. Speaking in a soothing voice.
Another hiss.
“Shhh…” There’s a sense of satisfaction settling in him the moment his hand meets with the top of the cat’s head. It doesn’t scratch or bite at him.
Yoon Bum, the cat whisperer.
Seungbae walks into Bum’s apartment, holding a bag of groceries with him. (That was what you brought people for housewarming gifts, right? He agonised over it for ages so he picked up something else as well…) He kicks off his shoes and soon notices that Bum hasn’t realised he’s here yet.
The man is sitting on the lone lounge sitting in the middle of an empty space with a cat on his lap. The animal licks the tip of his nose and Bum giggles, pushing the animal’s face down gently.
The scene is so cute that Seungbae nearly keels over.
He can’t believe that that is his.
Yoon is his and he is Yoon’s.
“You replaced me so quickly?” Seungbae says from the front entrance.
Bum makes a little squeak of surprise. The cat in his lap jumps from the noise.
“Seungbae!”
The detective smiles, approaching the man. The cat on his lap hisses at him.
“I see even mangy little strays can’t help liking you.”
Bum’s ears redden just the slightest bit. “Don’t say that about fluffy.”
Seungbae looks upon the animal. Seemingly the least fluffy looking thing in the world. If anything, it looked more like a scruffy.
“Flu-Fluffy? You already named it?”
Bum looks dubious. “Maybe…” He looks upon the bags Seungbae holds in his hands and raises a fragile eyebrow. Petting ‘Fluffy’ softly.
“I thought you’d probably forgotten to get dinner before it started raining. I was gonna come over anyway…” Seungbae rambles awkwardly.
Bum still looks confused. “What are you hiding behind your back?” He asks timidly, lifting the cat off his lap very lightly and standing to meet the detective.
Seungbae groans. “This is still just as embarrassing as the first time.”
Bum tilts his head- hell Seungbae’s pretty sure he’d just seen Fluffy do the same thing. Maybe Bum truly was a cat.
Seungbae brandishes the bunch of flowers from his back.
Sunflowers.
Bum’s eyes widen- and so do Seungbae’s.
What were once vibrant yellow petals are now frail, wilting flowers.
“The rain…” Seungbae whispers in horror. He’d been rushing to get out of the storm without an umbrella that he didn’t put into account the fragility of the flowers.
They slump over, defeated yellow sunflowers that looks about as exasperated as Seungbae feels right now. “Oh…”
Bum looks like he’s about to say something.
His face breaks out into an enormous smile.
His laugh echoes throughout the empty walls of his brand new apartment.
Who could have seen him in this situation? Bum, one year ago, wanted nothing more than a quick and painless death. But now- though not everything was perfect. Nothing would ever be picture perfect for him. But it’s never perfect for anyone. He’s got issues. He’s always known that. Yet the dark doesn’t seem quite as bad anymore.
Perhaps it’s because he can see light at the end.
Not the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, no, death was no longer anything he looked forward to. The light of life that he can now see through the scars on his wrists. The life that flowers through his body and his heart.
Bum smiles so wide he hurts his cheeks. He wraps his arms around Seungbae, which is a rather arduous task. He’s so much taller than Yoon that he had had to practically jump up and cling onto the man like a koala.
“Bum, I’m sorry, they’re dead flowers.”
Bum shakes his head against Seungbae’s shoulder. Not perturbed in the slightest.
“No…” Yoon smiles, softer, more gentle now. “Dead flowers are better than none at all.”
Because they were.
It wasn’t the flowers. It never was about that. It was the thought behind them. The meaning. The love.
“I love you, Seungbae.” Bum whispers, so quiet that the only person in the world that can hear him other than himself is the detective right beside him.
“I love you too, Bum.” Seungbae pulls him closer. “If you keep this up though I’m dragging you back to my apartment.”
“And fluffy?”
Seungbae sighs. He fears that in his absence Yoon will only adopt more and more cats.
“And fluffy.”
Bum lets out a content noise, breathing calmly against Seungbae.
“Thank you for being there when I woke up, Seungbae.”
“Thank you for waking up, Bum.”