Chapter Text
15 December 1984 - Day 399
Mike was playing with his Super Comm in the fort when Nancy found him.
He was flipping from channel to channel aimlessly when Nancy knelt down and ducked her head under the blanket. “Hey,” she said gently.
“Hey.” Mike looked up at his sister. Her hair was still curly and pinned back in an updo, but she’d scrubbed her face clean of makeup and switched her dress for pyjamas.
“I think your friends missed you tonight at the dance.”
Mike just shrugged. “I didn’t really see the point in going. We didn’t go any of the previous years.”
Nancy refrained from reciting a list of reasons why he should have gone to the Snow Ball as his parents had during dinner last night. She just watched her brother closely.
“Are you ok?”
Mike frowned in confusion. “Me? I’m fine, what about you? Barb’s funeral was yesterday.”
Nancy shook her head. “I’m fine. It’s really her parents that are grieving. It happened a year ago for me you know? But for them...I guess when she disappeared they still had hope, but now...it’s like they’ve lost her all over again.”
Mike listened to her intently, taken aback by the fact that Nancy was telling him all this.
“You know,” Nancy continued, “I was just…sad for so long after it happened. Then all I felt was angry, angry at myself, angry at Steve, angry at Mom and Dad. I felt like I needed someone to blame. But yesterday at her funeral…all I felt was…peace. Like wherever she is…she’s ok, you know what I mean?”
Mike nodded. He could definitely relate to the feelings of anger and the powerlessness Nancy had just described.
“Yeah, I mean, sure. What you and Jonathan did, getting the lab shut down.” He smiled at his sister, “It was ballsy, and brave. What you guys did for Barb…and Will, it was good.”
Nancy looked at him seriously, “We did it for El too,” she said.
Mike stared at her.
“I’m really sorry I haven’t been around much for you this year Mike. I know it’s been hard on you, I should have made more of an effort to be here for you. It didn’t really hit me until tonight. I was watching Dustin, Lucas, and, Will, dancing and goofing off and I realised that it wasn’t just me who lost Barb, you lost someone last year too.”
Mike didn’t say anything, he couldn’t. He looked down at the Super Comm in his hands, desperately trying to stop the dam that was building in his chest.
Nancy didn’t say anything. She sat there on the basement floor next to him and waited patiently.
Finally, Mike raised his head and said tearfully, “I used to get this feeling…she was with me. All year, at random moments, I’d get this prickling feeling on my neck or this funny feeling in my stomach, like she was right there in front of me. Sometimes I thought I could see her. I thought I was going crazy. But now I can’t feel her anymore. Ever since that night the thing came out of Will and Hopper said that somehow forced the Gate shut. I’ve…I’ve lost her. She’s really gone.”
As soon as the words came out of his mouth he burst into tears. Huge, gulping, painful sobs tore out of his chest. Mike realised he hadn’t cried at all since that night when his mom had arrived at the school in a panic and pulled him into her arms.
All this time, he’d been holding onto hope that El wasn’t truly gone, that she would find her way back to him somehow.
A long time later, he realised that he’d crawled into Nancy arms. She clung onto him tightly, tears slipping silently down her cheeks.
“She’s really gone isn’t she?” Mike asked Nancy fearfully. “I don’t know if she’s at peace or not, how do I know?”
Nancy sniffled and brushed her brother’s messy hair away from his forehead like she had done when he was much younger.
“Maybe...El really was with you, this whole time. Maybe she was too scared to move on….but… now the Gate’s closed, and she knows we’ll all be safe from the monsters. And she doesn’t want you to feel sad for her anymore so she decided to move on.”
Mike rested his head on her shoulder, listening to his sister’s steady heartbeat and her words. He wanted it to be true but at the same time he was also frightened she was right, that El had left and walked by herself into the dark, some place he couldn’t follow.
He asked Nancy something he’d been turning around in his mind for over a month, but too afraid to voice in case it sounded insane.
“Nancy…do…do you think it was her that stopped those demodogs outside Will’s house that night?”
Nancy didn’t say anything for a while. She considered it. “You mean…like her ghost?”
Mike sniffed and wiped at his face, “Yeah.”
“Maybe. It could have been. I mean…with all the crazy shit we’ve seen…who knows right?”
Mike laughed, “Yeah, right.” He felt a bit better, cleansed somewhat by his tears. “Thanks Nance.”
Nancy smiled at him, “You’re welcome. I just want you to know I’m here for you ok?”
“Ok.” She squeezed him in a tight hug and then she left.
Mike stayed in the fort by himself a while longer. Then, he stood up slowly, and he started taking apart the blanket fort bit-by-bit.
He folded up the bed sheets carefully and laid them on the chair. He, rolled up his sleeping bag, placed the cushions back on the couch and took the heavy books he had used as weights and stacked them neatly back on the desk.
“Goodbye El.”
***
Mike was just stepping out of the shower when he heard his phone ringing. He dashed out of the bathroom clad only in a towel to grab his phone. “Hello?”
It was Lola.
“Hey, did I wake you?”
Mike checked his watch. It was 3 am in the morning in San Francisco.
“No, not at all.”
“How’s the tour? Where’d they put you up?”
Mike looked out the window of his hotel room onto 58th street which was already teaming with people at six in the morning. “The Plaza.”
Lola gave a low whistle. “Jesus. What I wouldn’t give for four walls and a private bathroom.”
Mike had started dating Lola about a year ago. She was the lead singer of a rock band that was on tour 8 months of every year so she spent most of her time on the road in a tour bus with five of her bandmates.
They’d met at a mutual friend’s party where Mike had been intrigued by her tattoos and she had made fun of the way Mike wore his shirts; buttoned up and tucked neatly into his jeans.
“Did you just finish up? How was tonight’s show?” Mike inquired.
They spent a minute catching up.
His dinner with Will had been postponed until tonight, they were going to a sushi bar in the West Village.
Lola was frustrated with the gigs their manager was booking for them.
Mike was probably going to head to Indiana for a few days after New York.
There was a lull in their conversation and Mike stared out his window at the city feeling strangely unmoored.
He could have blamed it on exhaustion and the long tour, he hadn’t slept a wink last night. But it wasn’t that, ever since his candid interview on the radio, he’d felt like he was slowly unravelling.
“Mike, are you ok? You sound...distracted.”
Mike tore his eyes from the window. “No, no, I’m fine. Sorry, just got distracted.”
Lola paused for a moment. “Is...is there someone there with you?”
Her strange tone didn’t register with Mike immediately. “What?”
“Am I...calling at a bad time?”
“What?” Mike was startled. “No, no, of course not, I’m just...I’m tired that’s all.” Then the full meaning of Lola’s question hit home. His confusion morphed to anger.
“Why would you think that I was with someone?”
“Are you mad? It’d be cool with me you know. It’s not like I own you. We’re both adults. We haven’t even been in the same state as the other these last three months.”
“What? I...have you slept with someone else in the last three months?”
“Jesus, no. I’d tell you if I had, why are you so angry?”
“Because you just accused me of cheating on you-”
“You can’t cheat on me Mike, we’re in an open relationship.”
Mike blinked. He plopped down on the edge of his bed trying to process the bombshell his girlfriend had just dropped on him.
“What? We’re what?” He was getting tired of saying that. “We’re in an open relationship?”
“Of course we are honey.”
“But I didn’t know...we never talked about it.” Mike was bewildered. “Is this a new dating rule I haven’t been told about? You’re presumed to be non-exclusive until proven otherwise?”
Lola laughed, “No, no it’s just the way it is. If I tried to slap a label on our relationship then we probably wouldn’t have made it past two months.”
Mike was stunned. “I...I always thought of myself as a conventional guy Lola. Too old fashioned for something like an open relationship. I barely even understand how that works. What are the rules?”
“There are no rules Mike. We see each other when we’re both in town. We have a good time together, then you’re off working and I’m back on the road.”
“Have most of your relationships been...open?”
Lola paused. “No, you’re the first one.”
Mike processed this for a minute. “So the problem is me. Am I….do I come off as a commitment-phobe, or am I too much of a nerd to be full time boyfriend material?”
Lola sighed, “No sweetie. You know exactly what the whole intense broody author thing does to us ladies. You being really good in the sack helps too.
You’re just obsessed with your work. You don’t leave much room for anything else. And you like your space. Be honest, what is the longest relationship you’ve had with a woman?”
Mike didn’t want to admit to her that theirs was the longest running relationship he’d had at that moment.
“It’s not that easy to build a relationship when we’re separated all the time. Maybe when we’re back home we could try making more of an effort? Maybe I’ll even go on tour with you in July. I’ll help JJ out at the merch stand.”
Lola laughed lightly, “Well that I gotta see.”
***
Mike had a book signing and an appearance at a small event at the Brooklyn Art Museum that day before he caught a taxi to the West Village around seven that evening to meet Will for dinner.
Will kept apologising profusely for having to postpone dinner so many times.
Mike had to assure him it was fine. Usually he would have stayed at Jonathan and Nancy’s apartment, but his sister and Jonathan were currently away on assignment and Mike would have felt strange sharing the small space with Mrs Byers.
“She’s invited Hopper to spend Christmas day with us this year. How weird is that gonna be? Not weird-bad but weird blast from the past you know? Anyways I’m flying the next day to Hawkins the next day but it’s kinda a big deal. Next thing you know they’ll be moving in together...”
Mike couldn’t really reconcile the fact that Will’s mom was dating Hawkin’s former police chief. He had mixed feelings about the man.
Hopper had moved away so suddenly in ‘85, after everything that had happened, Mike couldn’t help but feel a bit abandoned by the guy. But Mike couldn’t ever blame him, he had saved his and his friends’ lives countless times.
And really, who could blame the man for not wanting to live in a town where kids got possessed by shadow monsters and there were creatures going around eating the townspeople?
Will must have noticed Mike was unusually silent during dinner. He nudged his elbow against Mike’s. “Hey. What’s up with you?”
Mike looked over at his best friend. Nobody in Hawkins would have recognised the handsome man sitting beside him as the Zombie Boy who had been picked on by bullies his entire adolescent life. He was tall and broad shouldered, the California sunshine had left him with a healthy golden tan. His light brown hair was well-cut and styled so that it didn’t hide his startling blue eyes or his sharp cheekbones.
Mike felt like a lanky, pasty vampire sitting next to him.
“Nothing.” He picked at his seaweed salad listlessly. “Apparently I’m in an open relationship with Lola because I’m afraid of relationships.”
“Huh?”
Mike explained the morning’s telephone call with Lola to Will. When he finished, Will didn’t respond immediately, he just took a long drink of his beer. Mike felt a sinking feeling in his stomach.
“You agree with her don’t you.”
Will sighed and gave Mike a wary look.
“I just don’t think you’ve met the right person yet that’s all.”
“You think I have problems with being in a committed relationship?”
“You have control issues.” Will stated plainly. “But so does Nancy, it’s fine.”
Mike didn’t feel like arguing the point with Will. Maybe he realised, deep down, that they were right.
He’d always known something was a bit broken inside him, a little bit skewed, but he’d always thought he was in good company amongst the party.
But he hadn’t realised how everyone had really moved on and how desperately he was still clinging on to the past.
***
Mike decided to take the subway instead of sharing a cab with Will after dinner.
He wanted to walk.
He wandered aimlessly through the city for a while. He got a drink at a tiny hole in the wall jazz bar and listened to the band playing for a while. Then he bought an overpriced coffee from a tiny diner across the road.
It was almost midnight when he decided to catch the last train back to his hotel.
There were only a few people waiting for a train on the platform. There were a few tired looking shift workers on their way home and a group of noisy teenagers and a young woman sitting on a nearby bench.
The woman’s glossy brown hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and she had a large pair of thick black glasses slipping down a cute button nose which was buried inside a worn and well-loved book.
Mike realised with a start that she was reading his first novel. It was a rare first edition. His publisher had only printed a conservative 500 copies. There had been a printing issue and fthe raincoat on the small figure on the cover had turned out green instead of yellow.
The sounds of a train approaching caused the woman to look up from her book.
Mike’s breath caught in his throat.
He couldn’t take his eyes of her as she closed the book and placed it carefully away in the handbag she was carrying, her movements precise and careful.
She stood up, she slipped the straps of her handbag onto her shoulder and caught Mike’s gaze and froze.
They both stood there on the platform unable to move or do anything else but stare at one another.
Mike wondered if he was dreaming.
He had been thinking about El so much these past few days that perhaps his mind had somehow conjured her to appear before him.
But...she was El, but she wasn’t.
The frightened little girl with a shaved head was gone. In her place was a beautiful woman with long brown hair, but those eyes, those eyes that were staring at him behind those black wire frames.
El’s eyes.
Mike felt his mouth stretch into a smile, and then he was beaming at her.
She’s alive.
She’s ok.
She’s back.
He needed to touch her. He needed to hold her.
He took a step towards her.
The spell broke. El started like a frightened doe and bolted towards the train.
“El! El!”
Mike started after her but the train door slammed shut in his face with more force than was usual.
“Shit!! Shit!” Mike slammed his fists against the train doors, barely noticing when the other passengers turned their heads to stare at the madman pounding on the side of the train and screaming.
He tried to make a break for the next train carriage, but all the automatic doors were already closing.
Mike pressed his frantically hands to the glass window where El was staring at him. “El! El! It’s Mike! Mike!”
The train started to move. He moved with it, staring at her, desperately trying to take in every detail and commit it to memory, her sweet face, her wide eyes, the tears slipping silently down her pale cheeks, her pink sweater and the name-tag clipped to the front which read, ‘Jane.’
“I’ll find you El! El! I’ll find you!”
She shook her head, he watched her mouth form the words, Mike. No.
Then there were two pairs of hands on his arms, pulling his hands away from the glass and heaving him off the side of the train.
The train sped past him and disappeared into darkness.
And she was gone.