Chapter Text
Jessica and Rachel have been together for a year when the state fair opens up for business.
Needless to say, carnivals and fairs hold a variety of complicated memories for Jessica. It was where her now ex-husband proposed to her, it was where she realized she was a lesbian, and it was where she spent every anniversary as a closeted married woman. But Rachel loves the annual state fair held in upstate New York and Jessica loves Rachel, so they pack up a rental car for the day and make the drive.
The state fair greets them with rows of colorful flags strung up over the entrance sign, a large gaudy piece of metalwork with an array of LED lights meant to flash a cornucopia of light once the sun goes down. The parking lot is more gravel and dirt than real pavement, with patches of grass quickly trampled underfoot by excited children and their watchful parents. It's not too dissimilar from the carnivals Quentin would bring her to in Jersey, but just different enough that Jessica can feel something in her chest loosen. Today isn’t supposed to be about her past, unlike so many other days of her life. She’s here to create new memories with the woman she loves; she looks over to Rachel to find the woman's face lit up in excitement.
Rachel, seemingly unable to contain herself for another moment, grabs her hand and leads her to the entrance where a line of teenage employees are selling paper bracelets and rolls of tickets. “It was just the tickets when I was a kid,” Rachel comments idly while they wait in line. “My parents only ever bought enough for a few game stands and the carousel,” she shudders, “I hated the carousel.”
Jessica smiles, “Then why did they keep buying tickets for it?” Rachel is silent for a beat, enough time for them to move up in the line.
“I don’t know.” Rachel looks thoughtful now more than excited, so Jessica wraps her arm around her girlfriend and plants an affectionate kiss on her head. It garners a few glances, but Jessica has found that people are more willing to believe the relationship between her and Rachel is platonic than make a comment.
They make it to the front of the line to purchase a couple of all access bracelets for a price that’s, frankly, a little astonishing for a fair. Rachel doesn’t complain however, so neither does Jessica. “What do you want to do first?” Rachel asks while fiddling around with her bracelet so it can sit on her wrist in harmony with her watch—a gift from Jessica.
Jessica's eyes roam over what she can see of the fair grounds, her heart stuttering when she catches sight of the ferris wheel. “How about the roller coaster?” Rachel grins from ear to ear.
“It's like you read my mind.”
--
They spend several hours at the fair and most of it seems to be waiting in lines. “It didn’t seem this busy when I was a kid,” Rachel comments, “maybe because if I got bored of waiting around I could just take a nap on my dad.”
“This is the most you’ve ever talked about your parents,” Jessica can’t help but comment. It's true, but probably not prudent to mention. Rachel seems more reluctant even than Jessica to bring up her parents in their relationship and while at first it gave Jessica a great sense of comfort to know that even her more experienced girlfriend got nervous about being out, the closer they got the more curious she became. Jessica had always been close with her parents, in fact she was closer to them than she ever realized once she made the decision to come out. They welcomed her with open arms, all sharing a cry over the fear and hurt Jessica experienced living in the closet and feeling obligated to marry a man. Rachel was even able to come out to Long Island with her a few times for family dinner nights. But they havent discussed the possibility of Jessica meeting Rachel's parents yet, even though they’ve already started talking about moving in together.
Rachel looks a bit surprised by the comment, but not upset, “I guess it is. I'm not used to the thought of my parents being in the equation when it comes to my relationships,” she toes her flats in the dirt, “maybe it's a little immature but I've always kind of thought I would just…. I don’t know, keep it from them until I walked into their house with a ring on my finger and a baby in my hip.” She immediately turns a glowing vermilion. “Not that I'm thinking about us having kids already!” She slaps her hands over her mouth when she realizes just how loud she’s being.
Jessica cant help but laugh. “It’s okay, Rachel, go on.” Jessica doesn’t disclose that she’s also been thinking that far ahead about her future with Rachel, mostly because she’s afraid steam will start coming out of her ears if her temperature raises another degree.
Rachel laughs back a little weakly and clears her throat, “But uh, yeah. I guess I've just always been afraid of not being what they expect me to be. My father's still disappointed that I'm not in law school yet and my mother is better at hiding it but I know she is too. If I dropped the L bomb on them it would either make things infinitely worse or they would just drop the law school thing to focus on this.”
“Do you really think your parents won’t accept you,” Jessica asks sadly, pushing a bit of Rachel's hair away from her face.
She shrugs, leaning into the brief touch, “It might just be all in my head, but I can’t know that for sure and why take the risk?” She looks Jessica in the eyes, “If I want to marry you and have 2.5 kids with you, nobody gets a say in that except the two of us.” Jessica's heart goes wild in her chest.
“Come on,” she says, before she can do something completely insane like make out with Rachel in full view of the tilt-o-whirl. “Let’s go try the ring toss.”
They make their way across the fair grounds to the booth in question, where a middle aged man in a baseball cap and a staff shirt is calling out jovially to passers-by to come try their skill. Jessica shows the man her bracelet and he nods, “Good for three rings, but if you want any more you've gotta pay by the ring,” he informs her.
Rachel leans in to whisper, “That’s how they get you.”
Jessica's shoulders shake with restrained laughter even while the booth worker is handing her the multicolored plastic rings. “How many do I have to get for the bear holding the rose?” she asks the man.
He scratches his stubbly chin, “Normally it'd be five, but that system seems a bit rigged to me,” he winks at them playfully, “so if you can get all three in one shot I'll give it to you.”
Jessica nods and carefully considers her approach. Most of the glass bottles are crammed too tightly together for it to even be feasible to get a ring around one of them, but there’s one bottle off too the side just far enough away that it's possible to land if she gets it just right. So she takes aim and she tosses. The ring goes around the bottle and Rachel can barely contain her excited cheer.
The man in the booth eyes her, a faint smile on his lips, “Alright, but you gotta get three separate targets maam, remember that.” Jessica nods, but after a minute of searching for another opening she finds none. She’s forced to toss her rings into the fray and hope for the best. None of the rest land, of course, but the man at the booth still hands her a palm sized teddy bear for her pitiful one ring score.
Jessica immediately hands it over to Rachel, who seems fit to burst with joy, “I love it,” she declares while they continue making their way through the fair.
“I could’ve gotten you a bigger one if these games weren’t so obviously rigged,” Jessica sighs.
Rachel shushes her, “Nobody’s ever won me something at the booths like that. It's romantic and I won’t hear another word to disparage my present just because she’s on the scrawny side.”
“I love you,” Jessica sighs.
Rachel looks pleased, “Of course you do. What do you want to do next? My vote is for the Ferris wheel.” Rachel starts ambling in that direction and, smitten as she is, Jessica follows. As they’re getting strapped into the carriage via a safety bar Jessica can’t help but think of Quentin, but now what she feels is more complex, peaceful even. Sitting next to Rachel, watching her coo over her pint-sized teddy bear, Jessica knows this is how her life was always meant to be. Because if all the fear and the sadness and the pain was leading her to Rachel all long, it was all worth it. Whatever happens in the future, Jessica knows they were meant to be together.