Chapter Text
When Steve heard about where Natasha and Tony had been, his eyes got very big and he stared at Tony with something was approaching awe and much closer to adoration than Tony was really comfortable with. Thank god the waitress chose that moment to show up with their milkshakes, and Tony was able to push past the awkward moment by informing Steve of the deal he'd made with Fury.
Steve paused at that. "So Wanda won't be an Avenger anymore?"
"Probably not. But let's face it, I'm not sure you'd ever be comfortable with her as an Avenger. And she probably won't want to be once she finds out about Pietro," Tony said. "Someone will be coming to pick her up tomorrow morning. After that, she's no longer our problem."
He realized, somewhat belatedly, that he'd basically made a choice for all of the Avengers and that Steve might not be okay with that. After all, Tony was technically no longer a part of the team. Well, depending on who you asked he was no longer a part of the team. He definitely wasn't the leader of the team. Though the Avengers usually voted on new members, Steve had always had final say on who joined.
"I mean, she can be your problem if you want to," Tony added hastily. "I'm sure that Fury would let her stick around if you really want her to. I just thought she might do better as a SHIELD agent, and I'm sure her powers would -" He cut himself off when Steve leaned forward and kissed him.
"I'm perfectly okay with that, Tony. You've solved a problem that I didn't even know how to start dealing with, and you've done it in a way that will make Wanda happy. You didn't have to, but you did. You're amazing."
Shit. Tony could feel himself starting to blush and quickly buried himself in his chocolate milkshake, taking a long drink. He could see Steve, still smiling at him, out of the corner of his eye, but pretended not to notice. He hadn't done this so that Wanda would be happy, or even so that Steve would be happy. He'd done it mostly to get Wanda as far away from the Avengers as physically possible.
"I'm sure the rest of the team will be okay with it too," Steve went on when Tony didn't answer him. He sipped from his strawberry milkshake. "Now that you and Clint are back, I'm not sure we need Wanda anyway."
Tony sighed. "Does the word retired mean nothing to you?"
"Not when it comes to Iron Man. I need you on the field with me."
Startled by the feel of Steve's breath against the side of his neck, Tony turned his head and found himself gazing into Steve's eyes. "W-What?"
"We're a good team, you and me. I don't want to lose that. And I know how much you love being Iron Man. It's in your blood. I already told you I tore up your retirement papers, but that means nothing unless you agree to be on the team again. Please say yes. Natasha, Sam, Vision and Rhodey are all in agreement."
"Ganging up on me, huh?" Tony said, trying and failing to frown. His heart was fluttering at Steve's proximity.
"If that's what it takes to make you see reason."
That's not what Pepper would've called it. But then, Tony had quit the team and still hadn't managed to save anything there. He couldn't take Pepper's opinion into consideration anymore. He'd known before he even made it back to New York that there was no saving that relationship. He and Pepper wanted different things out of life, and Pepper deserved to be happy.
And really, he hadn't quit because of Pepper - not entirely, anyway. He'd quit because he couldn't trust himself. Not after he'd created Ultron. Not after his best intentions had turned into a monster.
"I could end up creating another Ultron," he said, very quietly.
"We've already established that wasn't just your fault. There were a lot of mitigating factors," Steve said. "I believe that you won't. But if you can't believe that, then believe that I'll stop you next time before anything else can happen." He wrapped an arm around Tony's shoulders.
It was a comforting thought, more so than it probably should've been. Besides, Tony really did miss being Iron Man. Nothing else would help to atone for his mistakes the way that Iron Man did. He sighed and said, "Okay, fine. You wore me down. I officially revoke my retirement. Iron Man is back on the team."
Steve beamed with satisfaction. "I knew I'd wear you down. Natasha owes me twenty bucks. She thought you'd hold out for another three weeks."
"You were betting on me?!"
"Only because I know how much you miss it," Steve said. "I don't blame you. I would miss it too. Being Captain America was all I had when I first came out of the ice. Even though I have a lot more now, I still can't imagine giving that up. I would be... lost."
Lost. That was a good way to describe how Tony had felt when he'd first returned to Avengers Tower. Lost. Like he'd been set adrift without a compass. He honestly didn't know what he would've done if Fury hadn't shown up in the tower. He would probably still be there, days running into nights, trying to figure out some new invention that could make up for what he'd done. Bruce would still be in some small town, running away from everyone. Clint would still be at the farm, living in the past. Wanda would still be on the Avengers.
"But you're not lost anymore," Tony said. He cleared his throat, looking down at the remains of his melting milkshake. "Someone else is, though."
"Tony?"
"I know he killed my parents," Tony said in a rush. It was knowledge that had been lurking at the back of his brain for months now, but which he'd never brought up to Steve. Or to anyone. Even Pepper and Rhodey didn't know. It had been Tony's mountain to climb, his own personal demon to come to terms with.
And he had. Oh hell, he had. He'd raged for those first few weeks after Natasha dumped all of SHIELD's files onto the internet, so angry that he'd actually left the tower and taken refuse on a private island in the Caribbean because he couldn't bear to be around Steve. He'd thrown himself into saving as many SHIELD agents as he could, just so that he wouldn't have to think about it, and refused any messages from the team.
Natasha had been his only visitor. She'd snuck in late one night, as only Natasha could do, and confessed. That was when Tony learned that she and Steve had their suspicions, albeit unverified. Tony knew Steve well enough to guess that Steve wanted to find Barnes before dealing with anything else. That was Steve for you: hoping that once he got everyone together, things would magically be okay. That blind naivety was, in Tony’s opinion, one of Steve’s most frustrating traits.
Especially because it wasn't that easy. Even when Tony had come back to the tower, because the Avengers needed Iron Man and no one understood why he'd taken off, Tony hadn't brought it up and neither had Steve. Tony was grateful for that in a way. His initial reaction would've driven more of a wedge between them, and Tony didn't want that – so it was ironic how his own creation had ended up doing that just fine.
Now though, Tony could say he'd forgiven Bucky Barnes. Not the Winter Soldier, no. Tony would never forgive Hydra or their little pet. But Barnes? Yeah, he could forgive Barnes, if only because he knew that Steve was desperate to bring Barnes home. Steve would never be complete unless that happened, and Tony was not going to stand in the way of that.
Steve physically recoiled when Tony spoke. "You... you know? How?"
"It was in the information Natasha dumped on the internet," Tony said, deciding to omit the fact that Natasha had also told him. "You know I read all of it, Steve. I scoured that data looking for Hydra's bases and trying to figure out how much info about Stark Industries SHIELD had. They had a list of the Winter Soldier's kills."
"I didn't know," Steve said, looking stunned.
"No. I didn't tell you that for a reason," Tony said. Partly because he thought there was just no need for Steve to know the full scope of what his best friend had been forced to do. He'd shown Natasha that night, but she was the only other person who'd seen it. The only other person who would ever see it. And partly because he was still a little angry at Steve and Natasha for rashly dumping the info in the first place.
"Tony, I... I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but -"
"But it's pretty hard to figure out how to tell someone how their parents really died?" Tony said, voice deliberately light. He didn't want to make a big deal of this. "I get it. Just... no more secrets, Steve. No more lies by omission. I'm really fucking tired of it."
Steve nodded, eyes still wide. "Of course. I really am sorry. I should have told you."
"Yeah, you should've." Tony pushed his glass away and stood up, attracting the waitress’s attention. He paid the bill and left her a hefty tip, then headed back out to the car. Steve followed, sneaking these little glances at Tony like he wasn’t sure what to say.
“So… you said Bucky was lost,” Steve said finally, when they were on their way back to the compound. He had to raise his voice to be heard over the wind.
Tony kept looking at the road. “Yeah, he probably is. He’s been on the run from Hydra for a long time now. I’m sure he wants to stop running. I had JARVIS looking for him before, but Ultron ruined all of our progress.” He sighed, flipping the turn signal on. “I’ll have to reconfigure all of the search parameters, so it might take a while longer. Barnes is damn good at hiding when he doesn’t want to be found, and JARVIS was just starting to learn his patterns.”
“You were looking for him?”
“You must have a really low opinion of me,” Tony said, exasperated. “Of course I was. He’s important to you.”
“No! I – that’s not what I meant. Bucky is my responsibility,” Steve said. “I wouldn’t expect you or anyone else to spend their time looking for him.”
“Have you not just spent the past month drumming the fact that we’re all a team into my head?” Tony said, glancing over at him. “Seriously, Steve. It’s fine. He’s important to you, so that makes finding him important to me.”
Steve didn’t say anything, but when Tony looked at him again as they pulled into the compound’s driveway, the words that Steve couldn’t say were written across his face. Seeing so much affection and – dare Tony even think it – love looking back at him was overwhelming. Unfortunately, this time there was no milkshake to hide behind. Tony averted his eyes and pretended that parking the car was taking all his attention.
It turned out that there was a better distraction waiting. Wanda was standing there with Natasha and Clint. Her face was streaked with tears. Tony slowly edged out of the car, heart quickening with that weird combination of fight-or-flight that always overcame him when Wanda was around. He was half-expecting her to start yelling at him, but instead she smiled.
Even weirder.
“Natasha told me what happened. Thank you,” Wanda said, her eyes shining.
“You’re welcome,” Tony said stiffly.
“I’ve also told her that she’ll be going with SHIELD for a while,” Natasha added. “She said she would be packed and ready.”
Wanda nodded. “Yes, I will be. I’m going to go pack right now. I just can’t believe…” She trailed off, looking overwhelmed. “Seriously, thank you.” She took off running back into the building without waiting for a response, which was just as well. Tony didn’t have anything else to say to her.
“He’s really alive?” Clint said.
“According to Fury, yes,” Tony said. He wasn’t surprised to see that Clint looked a little emotional too. Pietro had almost died saving Clint’s life. That kind of sacrifice was never easy to live with. Tony knew that for a fact.
“I can’t believe it. Why didn’t Fury tell us?” Clint demanded.
“It’s Fury,” Steve said, walking around the car to join Tony. “He lives for secrets.”
“Speaking of living,” Tony said, knowing it was a shit segue but not caring, “what are you gonna do about Coulson?”
The smile on Clint’s face faded away. “I don’t know. It’s not my choice.”
“It kind of is,” Tony pointed out. “He’s here more for you two than anyone else.”
Natasha and Clint exchanged an unreadable look. Then Natasha said, “I’ve already made my opinion clear.” She folded her arms.
“I guess I have too,” Clint said slowly. “I still want to like, talk to him every once in a while. I don’t want him to go totally off grid. But I don’t think I want him here. It’s too much right now. All I’ve done since he showed up is avoid him.”
“Maybe they can pick Coulson up at the same time as Wanda,” Tony said. “But he won’t go unless you two actually tell him that. He’s trying to make amends.” He’d come to terms with the deception, and he would’ve been okay if Coulson stayed. But he could also see where Natasha and Clint were coming from. He wouldn’t insist on Coulson sticking around if it wasn’t what they wanted. Maybe someday, Coulson could act as a liaison between SHIELD and the Avengers. Tony would like that.
Clint made a face. “Are you saying I actually need to talk to him?”
“I’m saying you need to be a grown-up and use your words. Foreign concept, I know,” Tony said, and heard Steve snort beside him.
“Fine,” Clint said with a scowl. “I’ll do it. But only if our Fearless Leader comes with me.”
Steve blinked in surprise. “I can do that, but why?”
“If Coulson gets mad, I’ll just tell you to take off your shirt. Your abs will distract him long enough for me to run.”
“Clint!” Steve flushed as Natasha and Tony burst out laughing. Clint smirked.
“I’m just saying, it’s an option,” he said.
“It’s not an option,” Steve said, rolling his eyes. He squeezed Tony’s hand and then stepped forward, shooing Clint towards the compound. Clint just laughed and fell into step beside him.
Tony watched them go, feeling strangely content. “Hey Nat?”
“What?”
“Wanna help me search for the most feared assassin of all time?”
“Absolutely,” Natasha said without hesitation, hooking her arm through his. “Lead on.”