Chapter Text
“I’m gonna need some kind of strength to rebuild everything up again.” -Love, Robot
An unspoken agreement formed between the two friends. Sasuke found himself walking Sakura to the hospital less but walking her home from it instead. After carrying her home from her mission with Naruto, Sasuke had found the Sakura at the hospital not two days later, working a double. After harsh words from Tsunade and a lot of stubbornness on his part, Sasuke was able to convince her to head home. Sasuke watched as she stumbled beside him, while trying to keep a conversation. It was that point that Sasuke decided if no one could convince her to stop overworking herself, he could at least make sure she made it home after.
It had a been a few months from that day. Sasuke had trained with Naruto on countless occasions, eaten a number of team meals with his teammates and old sensei, and spent many moments in the company of Sakura, whether walking her home, meeting her for tea, or some other excursion. And while everything should have felt wonderful, there was still something wrong. Guilt continued to consume him for his crimes, and while he should have been enjoying the new chance he was given with his friends, he couldn’t quite bring himself to trust Konaha just yet or forgive himself for what he had done when he had fallen from the path. And while a part of him wished he could enjoy himself and all the new feelings taking root in his heart, Sasuke was wracked with guilt whenever he began to feel that happiness.
This line of thinking was consuming him as he took out his frustrations on the training field. It was one of the days when Naruto was busy preparing for his future with Kakashi and Sasuke found himself frustrated that he didn’t have any way to push himself further to pull himself away from the thoughts eating away at him. He had just managed to wreck another tree with chidori when he heard a familiar voice.
“I’d hate to see what that tree did to you,” Sakura teased as she walked over to where he was standing.
Sasuke scowled. Usually he welcomed Sakura’s teasing, in fact he found it quite endearing, however with how dark his thoughts were becoming it just wasn’t the right time. He ignored her and turned his attention back to his training.
“You alright, Sasuke-kun?” Sakura asked as she continued to approach Sasuke.
“Aa,” was his only reply as he pulled his kusanagi from the demolished tree. There was a moment of silence before he heard the sound of rummaging behind him.
“Liar,” she muttered as Sasuke turned around to find Sakura pulling her gloves on.
Sasuke simply raised a questioning brow as she planted a hand on her hip and glanced at him with the same questioning look.
“Well, it looks like you don’t want to talk, and Naruto isn’t here, so I’m guessing you need a sparing partner. Might I suggest we just work on some taijutsu?” Sakura said all of this without missing a beat. Sasuke continued to look at her with the same confused look. The two of them spar? Even when they trained back when they were a team, Sasuke never actually took the time to spar with her, but now she had caught up. She stood on even ground with the boys and didn’t back down from a challenge. Her skills were formidable and Sasuke had witnessed this new outstanding strength firsthand. This could be interesting, especially in terms of just a taijutsu spar. Sasuke rolled his shoulders and sheathed his sword. Despite the guilt and despair, he was feeling, an entertained smirk tugged at the corners of his lips.
“Okay then,” Sasuke replied as he got into position.
“I’m not going to hold back, so don’t you dare hold back, either,” Sakura taunted.
She moved more quickly than he remembered her being able to move and in a split second she had closed the space between them and had a fist aimed square at his jaw. Sasuke brought up his arms to block just in time, but the force of Sakura’s punch pushed him back a few feet and his whole body could feel the impact. He couldn’t afford to allow her to land many blows.
Sasuke found himself more on the defensive than he wanted to be, but the fight was keeping him on his toes; distracting him from the very thoughts that pushed him into such an aggressive state in the first place.
Their dance lasted for quite some time. They matched blow for blow and pushed one another farther. They were reaching their limit when both landed a well placed hook on the other’s jaw. The two shinobi fell to the ground in a sweaty heap. Sasuke turned his head when he heard Sakura begin to chuckle.
“I guess that’s a draw. I gotta say, I’m a little disappointed I didn’t win. I guess I’ll just have to get you next time,” Sakura grinned.
Sasuke lay peacefully for a second, the only sound their heavy breathing. If only for a moment, his head was clear of guilt and the torment that it caused. He turned his onyx eyes to hers and let a rare soft smile appear.
“Aa. Next time.”
In the following weeks, Sasuke continued to spend time with Naruto, Sakura, and occasionally Kakashi. As much as he found himself enjoying the time, he was getting more restless. His guilt at sitting comfortable in the village after his brother’s sacrifice and all the atrocities he had taken a part of. The inability to participate in missions or do much other than train or read left Sasuke to his thoughts much more than he wanted. When he was in the dark, even with the horrid memories, he had a goal and drive that pushed guilt and other such thoughts away. Then, of course, when he was completely gone, he had not cared for his bonds and so the thoughts didn’t really matter or surface. Now, even with warmer feelings beginning to fill his existence, Sasuke had a hard time accepting them with all he had done. He didn’t deserve the forgiveness he was so easily given by his friends. The rest of the world still looked down on him, but his team so easily forgave him for his sins. He just couldn’t accept it. He needed to earn it, just as he needed to earn the forgiveness from the world around him. He just needed to figure out how. Until then, no matter how he felt around his friends, he couldn’t enjoy it, not until he had truly earned it.
Surprisingly, the person who seemed to quiet his thoughts the most was Sakura. However, the more time he spent with her, the more warmth he felt, and with that warmth his guilt seemed to grow. If there was one person he truly did not deserve forgiveness from, it was Sakura. Lately, his nightmares seemed to focus on her and the terrible things he had done to her when he had fallen from the path. The conflict of wanting to spend time with her, but the remorse that followed was truly frustrating. In fact, after their spar and a couple other occasions with her, Sasuke felt himself consumed by the feeling. She was so damned kind and caring all the time, as though he had never done anything. As if, not just a few months prior, he had not trapped her in a hellish genjutsu that plagued her with nightmares for weeks after. Trapped in this internal struggled, Sasuke had unconsciously started to isolate himself from her. He slowly stopped walking her to the hospital and barely left his apartment, even for training sessions with Naruto. He simply absorbed himself in research about the council, Kaguya, and all the other shadows that lined the ninja world.
He shouldn't have been surprised then when Sakura found him with an annoyed look on her face as he was researching in the archives of the Hokage Tower. It had been about two weeks into his isolation at that point and while there was a trace of hurt on her features, it was mostly frustration in her expression
