Chapter Text
Nothing between you and Osomatsu is the same after that. You avoid each other like the plague, and at first you missed his whiny begging, but eventually you grew used to living without him there all the time. Instead, you spent your free hours hanging out with other students-- Atsushi still sticks around whenever he chances upon you, and the others seem to tag along after that.
You've grown a lot closer to his brothers, and you find that they all have their own insecurities and problems. It's easy and hard to forget about Osomatsu at the same time. You don't think of him on the surface, but he's always in the back of your mind. You can't really help it when looking at his five reflections.
Working out with Jyushimatsu and Karamatsu in the mornings, eating out with Todomatsu and Atsushi, and chilling at the library with Choromatsu and Ichimatsu has become a norm for you. Sometimes, when you can't sleep, you wonder if you're a horrible person for befriending everyone who is against him, but you're never able to formulate an answer by the time you pass out.
It was simple, being with other people, because despite being roommates with the guy-- which it didn't even feel like you lived in the same place anymore-- Osomatsu's name was never mentioned unless in the class you shared, which he skipped every single time. Sometimes you stood in front of his door, remembering times when he'd come out pleading for a tutoring session. You wish you had taught him better.
One day, though, against your best wishes, Atsushi points something out.
"_____-kun," he says, his usual lazy smile nonexistent, "has something changed recently?" It was one of the rare moments you were all together in one spot, sitting on the campus lawn eating lunch since the weather was ideal. All eyes turn to you.
"Not really? Why?" You bite into your sandwich.
Atsushi hums, looking unconvinced, "You're not interesting anymore." Now everyone looks at him, shocked and offended for your sake. "Don't get me wrong, I still love you and all," the guy rambles, "but you're not playful. You're so serious now it's almost sad."
"I thought so, too," Jyushimatsu concurs, surprising you.
"You're acting like Choromatsu nii-san," Ichimatsu drawls. The green Matsu shoots him a sneer.
"No, I'd say he's just mellowed out," Todomatsu shrugs, not seeming to mind the change. "Different doesn't mean bad."
"True, but you're missing my point." Atsushi says, looking you right in the eye. "I feel a barrier between us that wasn't there when we first met." The bite you took suddenly doesn't taste good anymore. "I feel cut off from the real you."
"I think you're just imagining things," you chuckle, but it comes out forced.
"No, I've been feeling it too, I just haven't said anything." Karamatsu adds, and you look at him, no longer hungry. "I thought maybe you'd bring it up if it were bad, but you haven't, so I'm a little worried." He takes your hand gently, squeezing it. "You know we're here for you, right?"
Don't say that.
"Is it something we did?" Choromatsu asks, seeming convinced there was something wrong now.
How could they say that?
"No," you reply.
"Is it about your parents?" Jyushimatsu inquires.
Again, "no, I--"
"Is it your grades?" Totty offers.
"No, it's not any of that--"
Ichimatsu cuts you off, "Is it Osomatsu nii-san?"
"I--" Mouth hanging open, you feel dumb and shut it when nothing else comes out. They all glance between each other anxiously. "It's nothing." You finally say, but no one believes it.
"How come he doesn't come to class anymore? Did you two fight?" Atsushi pries, and you feel more and more on the spot. The walls growing higher and higher. You don't want to deal with this.
"He comes to my French class," Karamatsu states.
"Yeah, but _____-kun isn't in that one, is he?" Todomatsu comments.
At this point you've taken your hand away from Karamatsu's hold, using it to pick at the grass beside you. Why did the weather have to be so perfect and contradict the sudden change in atmosphere? You came out to have a good time today, but you're honestly feeling so attacked right now.
"Tell us what happened, _____-kun!" Jyushimatsu asks of you, rolling over to sit in front of you. "Please! We're friends, right?"
"Of course we are. I just..." Geez, were you always this bad at opening up?
...what more have you got to lose?
"Yes, kind of. We fought, but not really." You say vaguely, still having a hard time putting it into words. "I'm not even sure what happened, to be frank." And then it all comes tumbling out. You give them the gist of your relationship, how it all started (save the part where he found out you're a girl), all the antics and the angst, and then finally to the last thing that occured. "I don't even know, I thought I was helping him and he just snapped on me. Again! It was like, no matter what I do, nothing I did could get through that he wasn't alone."
Burying your face in your hands, you will the tears to go away, not wanting to start crying in front of the guys. Guys don't cry, even if Karamatsu did it openly sometimes. Wiping your face, you look at all of them for a reaction.
"I didn't realize Nii-san was trying so hard," is the first thing that's shared.
Then, "I wouldn't have been as strong as you were, _____-kun."
"Was it strength, though?" Atsushi ponders, and the attention is switched from you to him again. "You two kind of sound dependent on each other, not just one way or the other." You open your mouth to object, but... maybe he had a point. "I don't really like the guy, but he's not all in the wrong, and neither are you." He shrugs, letting out a sigh and stretching his arms in the air. "It's kind of a huge mess, to be blunt. I'd just keep acting like strangers or confront him if you want something to change."
It made sense.
"I actually feel really horrible right now," Choromatsu chides, chancing a glance at the rest of you when you look. "Osomatsu nii-san has been beating himself up over and over because we dropped him." The green bean actually tears up. "We're monsters."
"Don't be like that," you huff, touching his shoulder. "It's all in the past and hopefully things can still be mended." Your own words made your chest hurt with realization, the others nodding.
It's a unanimous agreement that you each owed him a sincere "I'm sorry."
At one point, Osomatsu knew that he had you from the beginning, and that was probably the only whole version of you he ever got. Everything after the first tutoring session, when he decided to be a lazy ass piece of shit because he wanted to, you were reaching out to him, being so, so persistent and encouraging, even though he didn't deserve it.
It was partly why he started picking up his slack a little, even if just a bit, because he did feel guilt, as much as his brothers thought he didn't. How could he, to them, when he was the oldest, the strongest, the one who's supposed to have it all together?
He used to have all, then most of you, some, and now...
...none of you.
Osomatsu is lying on his bed, having finished all his homework for once and was wishing he had more of it, to keep his mind from thinking. He's done so much thinking that his brain hurt, every hour of the day, or maybe that was because he didn't get much sleep, because he was thinking, or since he didn't drink enough water or eat enough food, since he was thinking.
Thinking, thinking, thinking; always thinking.
Even though you'd only met this semester, for some reason the Matsuno understood that you were just as important to him as his family was. And that meant a lot.
But what exactly, DID it mean?
How come he cared? Did he? Did he just like the attention you gave him? The unconditional-- well, he guesses it's conditional now-- love you shared, which he's never received before? Was he too forceful? Too selfish? Of course he was, but he didn't think it would change anything. Not like this. His actions only ever meant that much the day he was deserted, and who would have thought you'd actually play such a huge role in his life and do the same?
Not him.
After your fight, once he'd cooled off, he wished he could rewind time. He wished he could take it all back. ALL of it, until the day you met. Maybe then things would be different, if only he had been better.
Eventually, though, he stopped caring so much. As strongly as it tore him apart, after breaking down out of nowhere in the shower, he decided it was time to move on. To stop moping around and hating himself, because if he wanted things to change, then HE needed to. So he started studying. Actually studying, signing up online for tutors and getting lessons almost daily. He stayed in his room a lot because of that, save for the moments he left it for campus classes and snacks.
He dropped the lecture hour he had with you. He told his counselor's he'd make it up over the summer. He didn't want to interact with you, and he wasn't sure yet if it was because he was still upset or if he wanted to prove you-- and everyone else-- wrong. Being a NEET wasn't the only thing he could do. Being lazy wasn't all he was, and his perverse thoughts didn't define him.
In fact, he doesn't fap all the time anymore. Of course, he's still hella horny without end, but he's able to somehow focus a lot of that energy on school. When he doesn't, well, his hand is in his pants.
Osomatsu's stomach growls, and he gets out of bed in relief of the situation, happy for the excuse to put his mind somewhere else. Heading to the kitchen freely since he knew you were out, he takes his time eating three bowls of cereal consecutively, before taking a much needed seat on the couch and turning on the TV.
He's zoning out, enjoying the lack of effort to be awake, when his eyes instinctively catch sight of the tasteful side boob of a woman on the show that was on. Ahhh he was even feeling resentful towards this side of him now, but not enough to stop when he yanks down his pants and grabs his rising hard-on.
Gosh, abstaining to jerking off just once a day has made him moresensitive, and he wonders why he didn't try this before (then he remembers it's because he had no self control). Pressing his thumb over a vein, he rubs himself into a full erection, breath picking up a minute or two later. He didn't have to look at the television anymore now that he's started, his imagination much more arousing.
His thoughts wander to his ideal type, to his favorite color of hair, to the sweet scent that's stuck in his head, and before he can stop himself, he creams at the inappropriate images behind his eyelids. Panting, he peeks an eye open to stare at the cum dribbling from his crown, nesting in the palm of his hand.
Sneering slightly, he realizes he's done it again. Thinking. He was thinking. About you.
Did he like you or something? You were cute, obviously, and hot, and pretty, and beautiful... gosh, was he gay? You dressed and acted like a guy, too. If he hadn't found out you were a girl from early on, he probably would've been fooled like everyone else.
With a feeling of sickness, he takes pleasure in the fact that he had the chance to know something so intimately about you.
But, there wasn't really much else he knew. Something else he realized whilst thinking those first few weeks away; he barely spent time getting to know you and instead took advantage of getting ON you, if that made sense.
Geez, he sounds like an absolute dick when he thinks of it like that.
He guesses he kind of is.
Laughing ironically while looking at his own dick, now limp, he doesn't have the right state of mind to react fast when the front door swings open, and he yelps in surprise, falling off the couch and grabbing at the sofa to help catch him. It doesnt, though, so he hits the ground anyway with a grunt.
"Aw, shit!" He exclaims, temper flaring at whoever thought it was a good idea not to knock first. He's swears if it's the RA again asking about the water pumps... Now the cum from his hand was smeared on the couch, and he'd have to do something about it before you arrived home.
Lifting his head to peek over the side, he realizes it was too late, as there you were, staring at him wordlessly. Unsure of how to react to your attention, he reverts back to his bad habit of snapping.
"Fucking warn me next time you wanna walk in on me wanking," he growls, shooting you a glare.
"Oh... sorry, Matsuno-san," you reply awkwardly, but maintain eye contact. Something about the situation felt oddly familiar, and it wasn't until he recalled the same moment happening during your initial meeting does he understand why you suddenly start laughing. Your poker face cracks, a small smile at first, and then you lose it-- that light hearted song was his favorite kind of music, he realizes as he watches you in disbelief, as if he were gazing at an animal doing a backflip.
Yeah, it was that unusual for him.
It had been so long.
"Deja vu," you giggle, covering your mouth with the back of your hand to stop any more from coming out. Osomatsu blinks, before feeling a smile turn up on his own lips. When a snicker bubbles up his throat, you start laughing again, making the situation less tense. He relaxes, having enough strength to fix his pants before trying to stand up, but when you bend over guffawing, he loses control and falls back down, throwing his head back.
Nothing about this was funny, but the sheer fact that the two of you had relived probably the most mortifying part of your relationship served as a good ice breaker. He was both relieved and hateful for it when your laughter died off, and the weird yet not feeling settling over his shoulders pushed him into saying something-- anything.
"I only laughed because you laughed," he shifts the blame, before feeling bad and trying to make a joke out of it, "it wasn't THAT funny."
Smiling awkwardly still, you shrug your shoulders and finally break the eye contact. Holding up your thumb and index finger, you make a small smidgen space between them, saying, "It's a little bit funny."
"It really isn't, though," he retorts, a teasing lilt in his tone.
"It IS, because you have a milk-stache..!" Giggling again when he flushes red, he vigorously wipes at his upper lip, wishing he didn't eat so ravenously earlier. He didn't even notice it, curse him.
"Shut up," he mumbles, and he sees you recede slightly at his words. He's not looking at you, but he feels his heart pound faster, fear and anxiety slamming into him out of nowhere. No, you can't leave him again. This interaction was more needed than he could ever have understood before getting it. He didn't want you to leave, so he says, "Alright." It's soft, and a little more meek than he wanted it, but you glance at him now. "It was a LITTLE funny," he confesses, knowing he'd lose his shit too if he caught someone else doing that.
"Yeah," you chuckle, and, for a moment, there's a small smile shared between you two. A questioning one, asking if things were okay, if they needed to drag out longer, if you had to be wary. Osomatsu still saw your walls up, but when you ask him, "So, I'm planning on making dinner tonight... if you're still hungry, you could join me," he sees it. You lower your walls for a second.
For him.
"As if you had to ask!" Really, you were so silly sometimes! He wouldn't pass up your cooking for anything! Even though the cereal made him full and fapping made him spent, he wasn't going to let this golden opportunity go. Not when you willingly invited him to dinner. Back into your life.