Chapter Text
Timmy sunk down in the beanbag and clenched his eyes shut. The past few days had left him feeling exhausted, tired in a way that had nothing to do with how much they’d been shooting, and he hadn’t slept well last night. He and Armie steadfastly never spoke about what he’d done, but they also didn’t hangout anymore except at Luca’s, with everyone. He missed having the movie nights, missed kicking back at Armie’s with a couple of beers after the shoot, missed biking to the duomo just in time to catch the sunset and have an espresso, missed their friendship .
He hadn’t realized just how much he hung out with Armie till they stopped. They were perfectly friendly but there was an undercurrent of wrong, wrong, wrong that buzzed under his skin every time he saw how the smiles never quite reached Armie’s eyes, or how Armie’s hand would hover a second more before touching him, as if he couldn’t do it anymore. He let out a long breath, and tried to convince himself they were going to be okay, but he couldn’t, because of how acutely aware he was of the fact that he’d managed to fuck it up. He was sure even Luca had noticed, he was too perceptive not to have and he was sure Luca was going to bring it up if it continued much longer.
Timmy looked at his watch and got up, he needed to leave if he was going to make it in time. He grabbed his phone and wallet and shoved them in his back pocket, before shutting the door. He made his way to the set and saw that Armie was already there, going over his lines.
“Hey,” he said, aiming for nonchalance.
Armie smiled at him, “You ready?”
“I don’t know man, I’m a little nervous.”
Armie huffed a laugh and a me too and for the first time since he kissed him, Timmy felt like they could survive this, that they could move past it. He’d leave it to Armie to decide the pace of their friendship, he’d done enough, he’d take what he got and no more.
Six takes later, Timmy was ready to be done with this. For some reason, they just couldn’t get it right. By the fourth take they were pretty tipsy and Timmy thought they did alright, but Luca wasn’t happy with how the kiss turned out. The kiss of a lifetime . He felt like he didn’t know how to bring that to life. Two more takes later, and Luca still wasn’t happy. It was chilly, he was tipsy and it was becoming harder to keep Armie and Oliver separate.
He reached for Armie, and tried to kiss him but their coordination was off and Armie moved his face away. Timmy punched the wall, trying to convey Elio’s frustration, when Luca yelled “Cut!” again.
“Timmy, that’s not what we’re going for, Armie, don’t move away. It needs to be more organic,” Luca insisted, both hands on his waist. Timmy leaned against the wall and dragged his back down to sit on the floor and dipped his head between his knees. He didn’t know what to do, this was all his fault, he had managed to undo everything they’d achieved in the last few weeks, all because he hadn’t thought things through.
“Can we take five? I want to go over a few things with Timmy.”
He heard Armie walk towards him and looked up, wondering what this was about.
“Can we talk?”
Timmy glanced at him, eyes darting over Armie’s face, trying to figure out where this was going, but all he could see was concern and it ate him up even more. He nodded, and followed Armie a little further.
“Listen Armie-”
“Can we-”
Armie huffed a laugh and waved his hand, asking him to continue.
“I just-I wanted to apologize. Obviously, I crossed a line, and um, it won’t happen again, so I’d really like it if we just-”
“Timmy, listen-”
“No just, let me get this out,” he insisted, “I’d like to go back to being friends, if that’s okay.”
He looked at Armie who was watching him with an unreadable look. Timmy swallowed nervously, “I miss hanging out with you,” he confessed.
“I’m not, Timmy, I’m not mad at you, okay? I miss hanging out with you too. But I-”
Armie stopped talking and looked over Timmy’s shoulders. He turned and realized Armie was looking at Luca tapping his wrist in a gesture that said hurry up .
“Let’s talk after the shoot?”
“Um, yeah sure.”
“I’ll bring food over.”
Timmy acquiesced and they made their way back. He didn’t know what more there was, to talk about but he was glad they were on the same page about things, he didn’t want to fuck things up again. Maybe Armie just wanted to hang out again, he thought.
The time spent between takes, the cold and their little talk afterwards had sobered him up, so when Armie raised his eyebrows and grinned at him, he grinned back before downing another shot, face scrunching up at the burn in this throat.
“We good?”
He nodded at Armie, and gaveLuca a thumbs up, feeling a lot better about things. They were going to be okay . Maybe not today, maybe not this week, but they’d be fine and he let the knowledge of that carry him through, hoping they’d get it right in this take.
They walked down the stairs, as Elio and Oliver, drunk and happy even as he pretended to throw up. Armie’s hand felt warm through his t-shirt and he grounded himself to the touch, while his other hand stroked through Timmy’s curls. He let himself be loose-limbed and pliant as Armie supported him, his palms cradling Timmy’s face. They stumbled towards the tunnel, his hands holding Timmy’s, not taking their eyes off of each other. Armie gave him a soft, dopey smile that he couldn’t help but return and this take felt right in a way none of the others had.
He leaned on Armie and backed him up against the wall. Timmy looked at him through hooded eyes and they shared a breath as Armie brought his hand up, buried his fingers in Timmy’s unruly hair before initiating the softest of kisses. Timmy kissed him back, letting Armie support his body. The kiss was soft before it turned into something more urgent as Armie cradled his neck, brushing his thumbs over Timmy’s cheekbones, as he kissed Timmy just a little deeper, a little longer, a little more insistent.
Timmy arched into the kiss as Armie’s hands trailed down the column of his neck and he kissed back with more abandon. He understood now why Luca had plied them with alcohol, he’d never have been able to be this pliant, give this much of him and let go the way the scene demanded. They broke apart for a second before Timmy leaned in to capture his lips and Armie wrapped one of his arms around Timmy’s shoulders, pulling him closer still, his palm trailing down Timmy’s back.
They hear Luca call cut, and pull apart. Timmy looked at Armie, his lips spit slick and his hair disheveled from when Timmy had buried his fingers. He probably looked the same. He felt oddly naked and cold for some reason, as if the temperature suddenly dropped a few degrees. The kiss of a lifetime . He’d seen those words on the script months ago, but they’d always felt far away, nothing he had to worry about at the time. Now, having finished shooting the scene, knowing that the movie was almost over, knowing that this was coming to an end, whatever this was, left him with a lump in his throat.
He watched from a distance as Armie spoke to Luca, who was happy with the shot and asked everyone to pack up. Everyone around him wrapped things up and he waved at them absentmindedly, as they left. He wanted to go talk to Luca but he also didn’t because he wasn’t buzzed anymore, and all he felt was drained, like he’d used up all that he had, like he’d given everything to Elio, to Oliver, to Luca, to Armie and he didn’t have much left. He felt strangely empty as he shot a quick text to Luca before grabbing his things and walking back. He knew Armie had said he’d come by, and if he did, he’d cross that bridge when he got to it. Right now, it felt like somewhere in Crema, he’d lost Timmy , or at least the Timmy that left New York to come halfway across the world for this movie.
The walk to his room wasn’t too long and he exhaled sharply as he shut the door behind him. The bed looked inviting, but he was too anxious to actually sleep, so he decided on a shower, and then netflix till he felt too sleepy to continue. The shower helped with his nerves and he was decidedly less stressed when he settled in bed and hit play on a crime show he only paid half his attention to, while scrolling through his messages.
He only got through one episode, before his stomach growled and he groaned. He absolutely did not feel like venturing out for food. Armie said he’d bring food over , he thought and proceeded to kill that train of thought right there. Armie probably wouldn’t show up. It was late, and he hadn’t come yet, he probably just forgot. Probably. Timmy threw on a hoodie before slipping into his slides. He might as well get takeout, he wasn’t going to sleep on an empty stomach.
He’d just locked his room and turned around when he saw Armie walking up to him with takeout bags.
“Oh, were you...were you going somewhere? I thought we-”
Timmy thought it was unfair how crestfallen Armie looked, and how it made him feel guilty for literally nothing .
“I was just-just grabbing food, I wasn’t sure if you’d come,” he mumbled as he opened the door to let them in.
“I said I would.”
He looked at Armie, wondering if he’d misheard the edge in his voice. Ever since they’d kissed it felt like he kept mishearing things, misreading situations, like they were out of sync. He didn’t respond to Armie, and set the table instead.
They were quiet and while this wasn’t unusual, he also felt the silence was tense and wondered if Armie was going to say anything.
“Do you want to watch something?” he asked, not knowing what else to say.
Timmy looked at Armie and was startled when he set the food aside and turned around, looking decisive.
“Can we talk?”
He sat on the couch and swallowed nervously before nodding. Armie followed suit and sat next to him, their sides pressed into the couch so that they faced each other. It seemed like Armie was gathering his words, so Timmy kept quiet, he still wasn’t sure what this was about. A long moment passed before Armie narrowed his eyes at him.
“What? Do I have something on me?”
“Is that my hoodie?”
“What? N-”
He was about to deny it when his eyes fell on what he was wearing. Oh shit. Fuck . He couldn’t believe that not only had he forgotten to give Armie his hoodie back, but also that he’d somehow managed to wear it in front of him . While he was probably here to ask him to back off with his feelings. Great. Just, fucking great, he thought as his face flushed with embarrassment.
“I’m sorry, I guess I just forgot to give it back to you? And I didn’t notice? I-I’ll give it back. Once I wash it, I mean,” he finished lamely, cringing internally. This couldn’t get any worse. Armie didn’t say anything and he felt his nerves kick in as the silence stretched between them.
“Listen, Armie I’m-I’m sorry, okay? I’m just going to say it. I have feelings for you. I’m sorry, I know you don’t feel the same way and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and I value our friendship so, I really just wanna move past this? And go back to being friends? If you want to, I mean” he said, playing with his fingers in a nervous gesture.
“No.”
Timmy looked up at him, hurt, only to find Armie smiling softly as he shifted closer to him.
“I don’t want to go back to being friends with you,” Armie said.
“No?” and he didn’t know why his voice was slightly hoarse but Armie was still smiling at him, like they were the only ones in on a joke, except Timmy didn’t dare to assume anything this time.
“No. I have these feelings for you,” he teased, wrinkling his nose at feelings and oh god Timmy was going to die, because he wasn’t equipped to handle this. Having feelings was one thing, but to have them reciprocated? He’d never thought that would happen, not in a million years. He could feel himself smiling back like a total dork, but it didn’t matter, because Armie was smiling too, and leaning in, and cupping his face and-
“Can I kiss you?”
And oh . “Yes, please,” he joked, recalling his lines.
“I can’t believe you just-”
Timmy swallowed the rest of his words with a kiss and he thought he’d be used to this, to kissing Armie because they’d already done it. Armie was still Armie, with the same slightly chapped lips, and warm hands that left pockets of heat wherever they touched him. But kissing Armie as Armie and not Oliver was new. Armie kissed like he did everything else, softly, and with the kind of focus that left him breathless and wanting more. His hands found purchase in Armie’s hair, as he shifted closer to Armie. He tugged at Armie’s hair softly making him lean into Timmy and oh he liked that , he thought.
He pulled back when his stomach growled, and his heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest as he looked at Armie.
“I guess I did promise you dinner,” Armie said, huffing a laugh. He held out his hand and Timmy took it, getting up and following Armie towards the table. They heat the food in the microwave and it felt different. Different in the way it felt more deliberate when Armie touched him casually, different in the way Timmy had no self control and kissed him twice already, different when Timmy slipped his freezing feet between Armie’s and found himself pressed against Armie’s side as they ate dinner, different when Timmy realized he was allowed to pause the movie and kiss him senseless.
They only made it through half the movie when Armie nodded off, his head against Timmy’s shoulder, one arm draped across Timmy and Timmy couldn’t help but smile fondly, because it was different, but it was also the same .