Chapter Text
When he awoke they were still driving, and the sun was already in the sky.
“Spock?” He murmured sleepily, rubbing at his eyes.
“I am here, Jim,” Spock said in reply, and Jim smiled as he sat up in the backseat. He looked out of the window to try and determine where they were. “I used the map in your glove compartment to navigate to route 50, we’ve been on it for a hour and thirty-seven minutes,” Spock explained, and Jim nodded. He told Spock to pull over so they could switch, considering he’d sobered up.
Spock did so with moderate amounts of protest, but Jim knew Spock wasn’t used to driving for such long periods of time, his leg must be cramping up. His own body hurt all over, and his head was throbbing with his hangover, but he was lucky that he hadn’t drank as much as he usually would have.
The clock on his dashboard told him it was about 10 AM, and his stomach growled. They probably weren’t anywhere near a rest stop, so they’d have to hold out without food for a while. Spock sat down in the passenger seat and Jim put on his seatbelt before heading off again, pulling onto the road and going a little too fast probably. But they’d lost some time due to Spock’s meticulous safe driving, and Jim didn’t want them to catch up to them before they could get to one of the big cities. It was always easier to hide among a crowd. It was tourist season too, which would make it that much easier to blend in.
“I’m sorry,” Jim said softly with a sigh, “If I’d just thought before acting- I could have prevented all of this.” He tapped on the steering wheel, glancing at his bloodied knuckles.
“It came from a good place, Jim,” Spock reassured him, “you saved that girl with your actions.”
“I could have called the police, I could have asked people to help me apprehend him before storming in like an idiot,” he sighed, looking at the long road that stretched before them. It was silent between them for a while before Spock spoke up.
“I could have warded them off more discretely, and ensured that we wouldn’t have to flee, but at the moment they started hitting you I momentarily-”
“It’s alright, Spock.”
“Then it is alright for you too, Jim,” Spock said, and Jim had nothing to say to that.
“I do wonder, what does ‘all I’ve got left are my bones’, mean?”
“It’s what Leonard told me after his wife took everything from him in the divorce,” Jim answered, “he’ll know I had to leave for one reason or another, I’m sure he’ll hear something from Uhura. He’ll probably straight up punch me for all of this when I see him again- if, I see him again,” A solemn feeling gripped at him, and he focused on the hills in the landscape in front of them.
He always realized too late that sacrificing himself cost not only himself but also the people around him.
“You will see him again,” Spock said, voice unwavering.
A smile pulled at his lips and he nodded, looking over at the Vulcan. “Now, are you ready for the most epic road trip ever?” He asked with a grin.
Sure they had no food or water with them and it would be hours until the next rest stop, and sure they had no music since his old car had no radio and he had had to throw their phones out of the window.
What they did have, however, was each other, they had the hum of the car beneath them and they had the view and the nice weather. Jim’s car was an old red convertible from 1962. Ancient, some would say, but he took good care of it, and for trips like this it was perfect. He rolled down the top, laughing as the wind blew their hair in disarray. Spock looked a little less enthused about this fact, but Jim simply cheered and pressed his foot down on the gas pedal, making a race against time the best experience he possibly could.
It was well past noon when they reached a rest stop, and Jim bought more food than he probably should have with their tight budget. He was just really, really hungry. He also got Spock a baseball cap, since the beanie had been lost in the fight. It had a route 50 patch on the front, which made the Vulcan look like a tourist. Which was probably a good thing. Before doing all this, however, he’d pulled a spare shirt out of his trunk to change into, since the mesh tank top he’d worn before wasn’t very suitable in this situation.
Spock was looking at him with vague amusement on his face as he ate, like a starved man. Which he was, in his opinion. Jim needed his breakfast. Spock himself ate carefully, and seemed to need less food than him in general. “I have just about enough cash with me and in my car to get a full tank of gas and provisions for on the way, after that we’re on our own,” Jim grimaced, “I’ll have to puppy eye some food and gas off of people on the way.” He looked up at Spock’s unenthused face.
He already knew this was going to be a continuing struggle ethics wise.
The diner they were currently in had a rich atmosphere, and was bustling with tourists who’d clearly stayed in the motel close by. The red interior made it a classic American diner, probably designed this way to draw in tourists. The whole place looked quite worn, however, especially the seats. Jim paled considerately when their faces appeared on the news on the little TV screen hung up near the bar. “Shit,” Jim cussed, ducking his head down as he peered up at the screen. There was no mention of them being wanted for being an alien and an accomplice, of course, instead they were murderers on the loose.
Jim felt anger rise in his chest, fist clenching. The bastards. Their faces were probably all over the news through all of America. They needed to get back on the road before they were recognized. For him they’d taken the photo in his official documents, for Spock they luckily only had a pixelated photo from security cameras at the club. Thank god no one was paying special attention to the TV at the moment. He finished his plate as quickly as he could and chugged his water, Spock doing the same after having noticed the TV. He got up after leaving money on the table and headed for the exit with a bowed head, and quickly bought a baseball cap of his own in order to hide his hair and eyes. He filled the car with gas and paid with his last money before hurrying back to his car. Soon everyone would have seen their faces on either the news or social media. He wondered bitterly what crime they’d made up for them to have done.
The thought of his mother watching the news and seeing him as a wanted man for a gruesome murder made him sick to his stomach, but he tried not to dwell on what the look on Joanna’s face would be once she scrolled down Facebook on her phone that morning. Leonard’s daughter was a good kid, and had looked up to him. He hoped the doctor would tell her that murder wasn’t what he was wanted for. They had probably already searched their apartment, and he hoped that they would leave Leonard alone. They would be able to make no sense of his text to the doctor, and considering they hadn’t had any more contact the night he’d left.. He was suddenly incredibly glad he hadn’t told Leonard about Spock, it would have only endangered him.
He felt a hand on his arm, which made him snap back into reality, and realize he needed to switch gears under the throttle of the car. Spock’s hand didn’t leave, but instead, his thumb rubbed soothing circles into his skin. A sense of calm washed over him, and his tight grip on the steering wheel relaxed somewhat.
“It’s good you took your PADD with you to the bar, it would have been trouble if they’d gotten their hands on it,” Jim said, trying to avoid the silence.
“We would have not been able to communicate without it, since it holds the universal translator.” Spock replied, logically.
Jim rolled his eyes, he’d figured Spock wouldn’t get his attempt at small talk.
“Talk to me,” he prompted, finally, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.
“About what?”
“Anything, Metaphysics, those weird sonic showers Vulcan apparently has, your mom, just talk to me.”
Spock must have heard the desperation in his voice, because he complied.
“My mother, she was human.”
Jim nearly slammed on the breaks in his surprise, pulling over to the side of the road to look at Spock with wide eyes. “ What? ”
Spock seemed surprised by Jim’s outburst, tilting his head.
“You just now figured you should tell me that?” Jim asked in disbelief.
“I did not think it was of any importance,” Spock admitted.
Jim sat back in his seat, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you. Only you would think telling me that humans have been off earth before isn’t of any importance.”
“There’s a few dozen humans in space, most of them abducted or taken on accident,” Spock elaborated, “my father fell in love with my mother- even though he will deny this fact, and my mother became pregnant with me. The high council allowed her to have me before erasing her memory and sending her back to earth.”
Jim frowned, starting up the car again as he digested that information. “That’s cruel,” he said eventually, to which Spock had no reply. “Do you know where she lives?” Jim asked as he started driving again, and Spock shook his head.
“I only know she was called Amanda.”
“If only you’d told me sooner, I could have helped you find her,” Jim said softly. Now, now he had nothing, and absolutely no means to help Spock find his mother.
“I have accepted that I will never meet her, Jim, do not feel burdened,” Spock’s voice was barely loud enough to carry itself to him over the roaring of the wind. Jim was silent as he watched the scenery fly by, going way over the speed limit. It really was a good thing that this was the loneliest road in America.
The atmosphere had only grown heavier, and Jim cursed himself for his lapse of judgement. He wished they had music to drown out the silence, but there was nothing but the wind and the engine under them. Jim shifted in his seat, his back already sweaty under the sun.
Another day of driving lead them to the side of the road, not having enough money for even a cheap motel, Jim settled for a particularly soft patch of sand. He didn’t want to sleep in the car, not this night. He yearned for the comfort of the stars, which were shining brightly with the lack of light around them. Barely any cars had passed in the time they had lied there, they truly were alone.
He’d told Spock he could take the backseat if he wanted, but the Vulcan had insisted on staying by his side.
Jim had a hard time falling asleep, even with how exhausted he was. The stars above him blurred from time to time, but always managed to sharpen again. He could hear Spock’s even breathing next to him, barely audible above the sound of the cicadas. He sighed softly, and could hear Spock shift next to him. “You are unable to sleep?”
Jim looked over at the Vulcan's concerned face, giving a tired smile. “Just have a lot on my mind, is all.”
Spock took some time to speak up again, simply looking at him as if he was a puzzle he couldn’t quite crack. “Jim, I do not want to leave you behind.”
The words were like a punch to the gut, and he quickly looked back at the sky in an attempt to hide the emotions showing on his face. He didn’t know what to say to that, he didn’t know what he could say that would fix this.
“I know,” he said eventually, hoping it would provide Spock with at least some comfort.
“Jim, look at me,” Spock’s voice was gentle but firm, leaving no room for arguing. He closed his eyes briefly before rolling onto his side, looking at Spock. Their faces were close, and it took Jim by surprise for a moment. He hadn’t realized how close they had been until now.
“I have never really belonged anywhere, I was always too human for Vulcan, even my own father disapproved of me,” the vulcan looked to be having some problems talking about this, so Jim stayed silent.
“It was only when I met you that I felt like I had found a home. That the emotions that I, even if I am reluctant to admit they exist, have felt my whole life are not wrong.” The alien took a deep breath, and Jim could see the turmoil swirling in Spock’s brown eyes. His own heart was beating faster, never having thought he would hear these words.
“What I am trying to say is that, should I not be able to take you with me into space, I wish to remain here with you on earth.”
Jim’s breath hitched, and for a moment he was convinced his heart had stopped. His head was telling him why it wasn’t possible, why he shouldn’t agree, why he should say no. But his heart, his heart seemed to not be listening.
The next few moments were a blur, and Jim was almost convinced his rational mind had left him. The next thing he knew the breath was knocked out of him as their lips met halfway, his arms around the Vulcan as they kissed, half on top of him. Spock’s lips moved with precision, but Jim could tell he had never done this before. It somehow made the moment even sweeter. His hands bunched up in Spock’s shirt, pressing as close to him as possible. He never wanted this to stop, he didn’t want Spock to leave, not without him.
The truth was that Spock was home for him, too. He had never belonged on earth, not really, he’d always felt out of step with everyone. But when he met Spock things just seemed to fall into place, like this is what he had been made for. And there was nothing he could do to fight it, not really.
“I will never take that away from you,” Spock said softly once their lips parted.
Jim flushed, having forgotten the fact Spock had been able to hear his thoughts.
The Vulcan's lips twitched in amusement, a rare display of emotion. He took Jim’s hand in his, before pressing two fingers to his own. “This is a Vulcan kiss,” he shared, and Jim looked at the gesture with a smile on his face. He was sure it didn’t have the same effect for him as it did for Spock, but it felt warm.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while,” Jim admitted, raising a hand to brush along Spock’s jaw and cheek.
“I have to admit I’ve also felt these.. Attractions, to you, for a while.”
Jim couldn’t help but laugh at Spock's choice of words, laying his head down on Spock’s chest and closing his eyes. His mind was still full of worries, but to know that Spock was willing to stay with him, even through the danger it might pose, was enough to ease him into a sleepy lull.
“Sleep,” Spock said softly, a hesitant hand moving up to rest on his head, “we will talk more in the morning.”