Chapter Text
Bernie had been gone for almost 4 months now. A five-month deployment was nothing compared to her last nine month one, Serena attempted to justify in her head. When Bernie left for her long nine months in Afghanistan, Cam was only three months old. Serena certainly worried that Bernie wouldn’t be there for the birth, but she had kept her promise and was by her wife’s side through every contraction, yell and insult. Serena worried that Baby Cameron would forget his mother, her voice, the way he nuzzled into her chest as he relaxed after being fed, the little whispers and promises exchanged between the two – but Serena found that with better technology and constant string of telling her son that his mama loved him and their weekly video calls, by the time Bernie returned from the nine months, the two of them were as thick as thieves and splitting them up for a second time was one of the most heart-breaking things Serena had ever had to do. Of course, Cameron was still young, he didn’t understand but Serena knew that with the way Bernie clung on that little bit tighter, he recognised something was different.
---
‘It’s not as long as last time, remember? You’ll be home in no time’ Serena said as the two of them sat in the car, her hand resting on her wife’s thigh, slowly drawing circles with her thumb.
They had decided to leave Cameron at his Grandmother’s before heading towards the base – both his parents knowing ultimately one of them would cry. This was always a difficult time – saying goodbye.
They had done in plenty of times over the past 15 years they had been together.
‘I know,’ Bernie smiled back. She knew her wife was putting on a strong face. She had to. She had their son, back at home, to care for whilst she was away in a war zone.
They pulled up to the base. Parking outside. This was as far as Serena could go. They had travelled most of the journey in silence, both with tears glistening in their eyes but eventually they got out of the car for the inevitable.
‘Right then, Wolfe. Go and make us proud,’ Serena said to her wife, cupping her cheek before pressing their lips gently together.
Bernie couldn’t help but reciprocate, her arms wrapping them as tight as they could around Serena whilst their lips met over and over again. God, even after all these years, I’ll never get tired of these!
Bernie thought. A stray tear crept down Bernie’s face, her wife pulling back and brushing it away. It was harder this time. She had already missed nine months of Cam’s life – she didn’t want to miss anymore yet she knew she was heavily needed on the front line.
‘Stay safe, promise us?’ Serena spoke as their foreheads touched.
‘Always. I love you.’
‘I love you, too… Me and Cam… we love you so much, Mama Wolfe,’
Bernie sniggered – it has been Bernie’s name ever since finding out they were expecting – it may be the cheesiest title she had and not quite ‘Major’ but she loved it.
‘Don’t forget to give Cam a kiss from me at night, okay?’
‘I promise,’
---
Cam had been learning to talk more. Within the year in which Bernie was at home, in between tours, Bernie was able to help him learn to walk, begin to feed himself, mumble a variation of ‘Mummy’ and ‘Mama’ and play together. He understood who his Mummy and Mama were, that sometimes his Mama had to go away and that they both loved him undeniably. In particular, he loved that sometimes at night he would see his Mama through Skype calls. He stumbled over words and tried to have conversations with her. They would lay in his mothers’ bed, Serena watching the two of them interact, stroking her son’s hair before falling asleep.
The only bad thing was when Bernie couldn’t call them. Cameron would become grumpy, clingy and would call out for his Mama. Sadly, it has been three weeks, Bernie constantly in and out of camp, around the clock paper work. Serena and Bernie had exchanged a few words of love between themselves, letting Cameron briefly listen to his Mama’s voice – yet it still wasn’t quite as soothing as seeing her face as well. Serena saw the shift in attitude, he was weepier and would call out for his mother more often. She had tried everything: words of comfort, distraction but none of them seemed to work.
It had just gone midnight in the UK when Serena heard whimpers from the next room followed by shouts for ‘Mama’. She had never known cries like this before, she thought they may pass but Cameron grew louder and louder before Serena had no choice to see what was wrong with him. His night light was on and she saw the utter sadness and longing for his Mama in his eyes. She pulled him from the cot, squeezing him tight, promising that his Mama loved him. She walked back to her bedroom hoping he would quieten down.
‘Hey… Shhh… you’re okay,’
The noise just grew and grew.
‘Why don’t we go on Mummy’s phone. I’m sure we’ve got some pictures on there.’
Serena grabbed her phone, still bouncing up and down in her arms. He was getting heavier and she didn’t know what to do. She attempted to unlock her phone, getting the passcode wrong a few times under pressure.
‘Cameron… come on. Mummy’s tired. Please quieten down. Shh… shh’ Serena began to get teary.
Eventually she unlocked her phone, scrolling to the pictures she had of Bernie. Some from when they were younger together, some with her and Cam as a new born and even one of her and Cam snuggled up together on the bed, the last time she came back from her deployment. Usually they would calm him down. She begun to think that there might be something else the matter with him, but she looked him all over and he seemed fine. Just longing for his mother. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to call her mother or Sian, they didn’t deserve to be bothered. She did the only other thing she thought she could.
She dialled the number for her Wife’s phone – hoping that she’d pick up – it was a long shot. The time difference meant it must be nearly half four in the morning, but she needed a familiar face to help their baby. She was about to give up, Cameron’s wailing still dominating the room. Until she heard the voice of her wife.
‘S’rena… what’s up?’ Bernie spoke sincerely with a husky voice full of sleep.
‘Bern!’ Serena spoke, the tears beginning to fall, with a sigh of relief.
‘What’s wrong, love?’ Bernie heard crying. Was it Cameron? Why is she ringing at this time?
‘It’s Cam – I can’t settle him… he… he keeps calling for you. I don’t know what to do, B. I just needed to hear your voice and I think he does too. He misses you. I’m so sorry, I…’ Serena spoke quickly still
cradling Cameron.
‘One sec, give me a minute… It’s gonna be okay, love’
No more than a minute later, Serena heard her iPad from the side of her bed begin to ring. Cameron may still be young, but he could recognise that sound in a heartbeat. His cries slowed – his eyes still puffy and red and a constant stream of sniffles whilst his mum walked over to the side of the bed to accept the call.
Cameron saw his Mama straight away. She looked tired, was dressed in an oversized hoodie yet to him she was there, and she was perfect.
‘Mama! Mama!’ he called out yet this time it was in excitement.
‘Hey, you, what’s all this noise for? Why aren’t you letting your Mummy sleep, eh?’
Cameron was contempt in just watching his mother’s presence. Serena pulled them both over to her bed, both laying down whilst the iPad lay where Bernie would usually sleep, Serena wrapping her arm around her son as Cam and Bernie spoke lightly. They spoke for a small while. Bernie telling him his favourite story, one in which she could remember from putting him to bed when she was home. They were all becoming tired. It has been a long night. Bernie had moved her laptop from her desk to a chair beside her bed so that she too could get comfortable. It felt like they were all in the same room still, not thousands of miles apart. She would give anything to be with the actual thing though – not just a picture of her wife and son. She watched Serena fall asleep first. Her nose nuzzled into their son’s hair. Eventually Cam grew tired and fell asleep too. This was her perfect picture.
‘Serena… Serena’ A voice whispered from the device beside her.
Serena couldn’t remember falling asleep. She saw her soldier on the screen and couldn’t help but smile at her face.
‘Hey. Sorry, how long have a been asleep?’ She asked quietly, trying not the wake the sleeping child.
‘An hour or so, I didn’t have the heart to wake you,’ Bernie smiled.
‘Did you sleep?’ Serena questioned, a pang of guilt washing over her.
‘A little.’ Bernie spoke. She was no longer in her nightwear and looked as if she was ready for another hard day in the field.
‘I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner. I didn’t know he was that bad.’ Bernie said, a hint of sadness in her voice.
‘It’s okay. I didn’t think he was that bad either. I’m sorry I woke you, I just didn’t know what to do,’
‘Hey, it’s okay. I’ll call you gain this evening, yeah? When you’re home from work. We can talk a bit better.’
‘Okay,’ Serena replied. A smile masking her face despite the eventful night all three of them had undergone.
‘I have to go now but I love you and I’ll speak to you soon… don’t forget to give him a kiss from me when he wakes, yeah?’
‘I will, and I love you, too,’ Serena promised before smiling one last time and ending the call.
The room strangely was peaceful, Cameron’s snores still filling the room and Serena finally could fall back to sleep. Despite her wife being thousands of miles away, she still was still the best mother she knew. Only one month to go.