Chapter Text
John’s birthday was coming up and you only had to hope that his present would get there in time. Rose never actually got to send you whatever she was fabricating with her own two hands, but that didn’t really matter. John sent you shades, but not just any shades - they were the shades of Ben Stiller. The real, actual, authentic Ben Stiller shades that he totally did wear. You totally were not going to wear them because you had a moral opposition to shades in general anymore (you and Bro were still not on easy speaking terms from like half a year ago (Jesus fucking shit was it really that long since you’ve had a real conversation?! (but like at least you were still trying to communicate through ironies and then he pulled out the puppets and you would not give him the satisfaction of winning with that))) - but all that was another whole story, one of which even the most basic of premises was insurmountably complicated and steeped in irony. Also swords. And puppet dicks. But mostly swords. Bro had gotten into the habit of storing various weaponry around the kitchen appliances instead of food which rarely filled them anyway. You didn’t quite understand that level of irony yet but you just rolled with it so that he wouldn’t pick up on that and thereby win again. Fuck that noise.
You have also developed a liking for the phrase “fuck that noise.”
Right! Back to the John’s present deal. He and Rose had been talking, and evidently Jade, too, about playing this stupid game. Sburb. You read the reviews in a stupid magazine and if even a stupid magazine written by a stupid guy called the game stupid, you had subzero interest in playing it. Thus, you sent your copy of the game to John so he could enjoy playing with the girls and you would just mind your own beeswax and further develop your amazing mixing musical talents. (Yes, you knew you were more on the mediocre side, but that’s what practice is for, right? You’d work on it while they waste time playing.) Right after totally kicking Bro’s ass.
…. It could happen soon. You’re getting better.
Chapter 5: Sburb
-- ectoBiologist began pestering turntechGodhead at 17:09 --
EB: okay okay i’m home from school
EB: my birthday is monday
EB: just gotta live through the weekend
EB: and then it’ll be here
EB: the day of incessant cake and fatherly affection
EB: and also hopefully sburb :D
TG: yup
TG: youll be old like me
TG: ill be sure to welcome you to the club with the sweetest and finest of rhymes
TG: composed
TG: in their entirety
TG: specifically for you and your amazing accomplishment of completing another trip around the sun
TG: which actually is p awesome so go you
EB: haha thanks!
TG: not everyone could do it
TG: but yeah buddy youre awesome and you made it
EB: dave oh my god!
TG: what
TG: what i do
EB: you called me awesome!
EB: haha! victory!
TG: nah son thats totally not it
TG: its awesome
TG: youre still a hugeass fucking nerd
EB: thanks man, i appreciate it. *rolling my eyes at you*
TG: youre welcome
TG: all part of the strider charm
TG: shit i think bro is fucking around with my stuff again
TG: might come back later
TG: might not
EB: haha, okay. be safe!
TG: yep
-- turntechGodhead ceased pestering ectoBiologist at 17:46 --
-- turntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist at 17:47 --
TG: by the way those freaks are trolling me now too
EB: aren’t they obnoxious?
TG: damn fucking right
EB: see i told you! they’re like constantly there!
TG: utter incessant and by the way mighty pathetic trolling deserves trolling back
TG: which i do ordinarily do
TG: just sometimes they really piss me off
TG: they all piss me off but some more than others
TG: and
TG: nvm they discomfort me greatly at some points u feel me
EB: uhh
EB: yeah
EB: so like go deal with your bro and come back!!
TG: k
-- turntechGodhead ceased pestering ectoBiologist at 17:49 --
~*~*~*~*~
You never did get to talk to John after that, but you did get an irritating amount of purple and green text at the same time. They want you to play. Everybody wants you to play. You don’t want to. Same old simple argument between interests. This argument would continue until you caught Bro off guard and nabbed something off the counter. It was the same thing you saw him fretting over for like two weeks now, but he thought you weren’t looking. He had a copy of Sburb.
“What the everloving fuck,” you muttered to yourself. Of course you didn’t know it was a copy of Sburb. You really just wanted to know what it was, get under his skin, and win something from him. This seemed to count as a win in your mind. But this huge fucking dork had a copy of the game (probably didn’t know) that you sent away. Great, now you really didn’t have an excuse. Okay, okay. You’d play. Whatever.
You didn’t know that this weekend (the entirety of which you vehemently denied any willingness and capability to play Sburb for very many valid reasons) would be your last weekend as an ordinary kid. Monday came around and John turned 13 (“welcome to the cult, youngun”), and with that, you were finally persuaded to play with the other three (“it’s inevitable, dave!!!! you reeeeeeeeeally have to play it. i don’t really know why, but you do!!!!! it’s important that you do!”).
==> Stop being Dave Strider and go read that shitty webcomic, Homestuck.