Chapter Text
It really is Theon’s fault that he’s on the Lannister’s shit list with Robert Baratheon informing him that he expects him to put a ring on his daughter’s finger for tarnishing her reputation, only to burst out laughing afterward and confusing Robb on whether he’s being serious or not.
If he hadn’t accompanied the Greyjoy a week ago to the bar so he could meet this Marg he kept mentioning (only for them to find out that Marg was not working that night and Myrcella was the one on shift) then the numerous phone calls and texts from his family would not be happening. He would have never received a call from Tyrion congratulating him on his catch and that the lions were keeping an eye on him.
Everywhere he went the picture of him reaching over the counter and kissing Myrcella Baratheon (a drunken kiss that he can vaguely recall, that night was still a haze to him. He doesn’t even remember how he got home) was printed on almost every magazine and newspaper with the headline reading somewhere along the lines of “The Young Wolf Strikes!” Robb wanted nothing more than to bang his head repeatedly on the closest flat surface he can find.
He’s pulled out of his dark musings when JT’s SexyBack begins to play on his phone. Robb does his best not to glare at the people who turn to stare at him as he continued to storm down the sidewalk and pulled out his cell phone. “When in the seven hells did you get your hands on my phone?” There’s a reason why he never let Theon touch his cell phone after that one incident that involved him switching all his ring and text tones to sex tones and his father coming in at the wrong time. He still finds it hard at times to meet his father’s gaze with Theon in the same room especially when the Greyjoy can’t seem to hold his laughter.
“The night you were busy sucking lips with Myrcella.” Theon said in greeting.
“Screw you,” Robb growled. “You were supposed to be my wingman.”
“Actually you were supposed to be my wingman that night.”
He rubbed his temple when he came to a crosswalk and had to wait to cross the street. “Why didn’t we leave?”
“Because you were having fun talking with Myrcella and I was busy sexting Marg all the while trying to convince her to come to the bar.”
“You know she works there.”
“Who?”
“Marg.”
“Yeah and?”
“Why in the name of the Old Gods would she want to go to the place she works on her day off?”
“You know what Stark. I don’t appreciate your tone.”
“I didn’t know you could use such big words.”
“Haha really funny asshat. It’s times like these that I don’t know how were best friends.”
“You took the words right out of my mouth.”
“Okay now if you’re done being mean we can discuss our plans for tonight.”
“I didn’t know we had plans for tonight.” Robb sighed crossing the street and slowing down his pace, reluctant to go back to work for the day.
“We should go back to the bar—”
“No.”
“I already spoke with Marg and she’ll be working tonight.”
“Theon, I’m not going back there.”
“I even invited Myrcella.”
“What?!” Robb faltered in his step and bit back a curse as he straightened himself quickly casting a quick look around to see if anyone caught his misstep.
“I thought it only made sense since you need to talk to her after stealing a kiss from her. You know get the tension out of the way—”
“This could have been avoided!”
“Hey in my defense I was sexting Marg, but you could have also said no when she offered to refill your drink. It’s not my fault you can’t say no to a girl with a pretty smile.”
“Theon.”
“You should really learn to say no. My uncle Aeron was like that. He married a woman with a pretty smile. I’ve seen photos of her,” Theon let out a whistle. “She was a beauty. Before he knew what happened she gave him the best lay he ever had and the next morning she left him broke.”
“Theon.” Robb could he swear he felt a headache coming.
“After that uncle Aeron was never the same. He’s now devoted his life to the Drowned God. Uncle Euron used to say that the lay the woman had given him must have been a religious experience, but that was before we found out that he had slept with her and was the one who made the plan to rob uncle Aeron of his money and wife.”
“Wait what?”
“I know, right? That’s screwed up, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Uncle Euron didn’t even want the woman. It was all a game to him and uncle Victarion would have gone after him if it wasn’t for father stopping him.”
“Theon!” Robb yelled not caring that he was attracting looks again.
“What? Why are you yelling?”
“I don’t care about your uncles.”
“That’s a bit har—”
“I don’t care if it sounds harsh! I have a headache! The Lannisters are breathing down my neck! Robert Baratheon has practically told me that I should marry his daughter for what I did! My family will not stop calling me about this and I don’t know what to do!”
“Robb breathe. It’s not the end of the world. All you have to do is talk to her.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Of course it is! Her family loves her. They want her to be happy. If they see you make her happy then they cannot touch you.”
“I don’t want to seduce her.”
“Who said anything about seducing? Take your head out of the gutter Stark.” Theon chuckled. “Befriend her, make her see what a wonderful guy you are and then later if you want ask her out or whatever floats your boat.”
“Where do I begin?”
“Just explain to her that after a certain amount of drinks you tend to turn into a freaking octopus and latch onto anything that is warm and smiling.”
“…”
“On second thought that sounds weird even if it’s the truth.”
“It’s not! I’m not like that!”
“You can sugar coated it by saying you’re a very very very very–––”
“Now you’re going too far.”
“very very very affectionate drunk.”
“I hate you.” Robb sighed entering Stark Corp.
“I love you too.”
Robb didn’t have to see him in order to know he was grinning.
“And since I’m a very good best friend I am warning you that your mother is waiting for you in your office.”
“Shit!” He pressed his forehead against the closed doors of the elevator.
“Good luck!” Theon said a tad bit too cheerful. “I’ll pick you at nine.”
Robb didn’t bother to voice a farewell before hanging up and pocketing his cell phone. He took a deep breath and schooled his expression into a blank slate as the elevator stopped and the doors slid open.
“Mr. Stark!” Roslin Frey, his assistant greeted him with a forced smile. “Your mother Mrs. Catelyn Stark is waiting for you in your office.” She lowered her voice when he approached her. “I tried to stop her, but she wouldn’t listen.”
A part of him had hoped that Theon was messing around, but even he knew the Greyjoy would never be so cruel. “It’s fine Roslin.” His shoulders fell. “Not even father can once she has set her mind on something.”
“You can do it Robb.” She raised her hand curled it into a fist. “Courage.”
He mimicked her movement. “Strength.” There was about a dozen good reasons for having Roslin as an assistant. The first being they had gone to university together and so they already had a bond formed. She has also seen him at his worst and vice versa and having a close friend around made work more bearable. Then one must never forget that Roslin Frey was freaking amazing at her job and it was the sole reason his father had hired her in the end. Robb steeled himself mentally as he walked to his office.
But no amount of prep talk could have prepared him for the cool look his mother directed at him the moment he stepped into his office.
Old Gods have mercy on me.