Chapter Text
March 1998
Mike was worried. His brain told him not to be, but who ever takes advice from that particular organ? He was subconsciously clicking his pen and looking at the the two pictures he had on his desk. From the picture of him and Stan on one of their birding expeditions at the Broadmoor sanctuary,
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to the one of all the Losers at the Quarry as juniors
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in high school. As he looked at the Broadmoor photo a smile crept across his face. There were times that Mike couldn’t
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believe that he and Stan had been an official item for almost 7 years and
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unofficially an item since the Summer 1989. Not too long after,
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killing that stupid clown. Now, he was staring at the Losers again, when had that happened.
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Their undergrad graduation was rapidly approaching. His mom, Stan’s parents, Donald and Andrea, Bill and Audra would be in town to see them both graduate. Stan would be done with school, graduating with an accounting high honors degree, while he would be getting his own high honors degree in public history. But Mike knew he still had two years left to get his masters in library science. He didn’t want to hold Stan’s career back, nor did he want Stan to have to totally support him while he completed his masters degree. They hadn’t really talked about what would happen post-grad. It kind of went against how he had been raised to not accept charity, but is this what that really was, charity? Oh god would that make him a kept man?
Mike looked at the
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clock opposite the reference desk, only one hour
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more and he could head home.
“Mike… MIKE.” Claudia, the other library assistant on duty, stage whispered across the desk.
“Huh, sorry Claudia. What’s up?” Mike answered with a distracted smile.
“You know I love you. But if you keep clicking your pen I’m going to throw it and you into the copier room and lock you in.” She chuckled at him in response.
“Lord, I didn’t know I was doing it.” He answered honestly putting down the pen like it was on fire.
Claudia asks with genuine concern, “I gathered. Is everything OK?”
“Yeah. It’s ok. I just can’t wait to get home. Been a long day with classes and then work.” Mike said. Claudia let it go. She liked Mike and Stan they were a sweet couple, having met them at staff parties and outside of work at “real” parties. They almost made her jealous of how much they cared for each other.
A librarian’s salary was Mike’s contribution to their household, hell not even a librarians salary. The pay of part time library assistant, you could make a living off of full time pay, but part time was just barely enough to get by and then only if you had help. Yes it got him the experience he needed, but at what price? He passed the remaining hour telling students where the bathrooms and photocopiers where located as well as a smattering of answering research questions from students, and talking with Claudia who had to stay until Midnight. Finally the slowest clock in Boston finally hit 9pm and he could pack up and go home, to Stan.
He and Stan shared a small 1 bedroom, 1 bath apartment in Brookline. It was close to school, and work but most importantly it was theirs. The walls were covered with photos of the two of them, the Losers and their parents. Photos from the quarry, the Barrens, Loser camping trips, their couples bird watching expeditions and quiet moments spent with the people they loved and quiet moments alone. Mostly taken by Mike. All the good things they wanted to remember from Derry.
As Mike opened the door, he could smell something delicious, he scanned the room and saw the most stunning man sitting at the only desk in the room. While closing the door, in one quick look, he took in Stan’s sandy brown curls, long lashes, his very kissable nose and lips, and his sexy long legs and arms. He knew Stan was concentrating on the book in front of him because he was silently mumbling at the book, while simultaneously squinting at it like the book was willingly refusing to offer up it’s stored knowledge. He smiles and says, “Hey Will! How was your night?”
Stan looks up, tosses a curl out of his face and flashes his lover a smile, “Pretty good Shep. How was work? Dinner’s waiting for you.” His studying instantly forgotten at seeing Mike.
In the summer of their Junior year of high school Mike and Stan were out birdwatching, of course, and Stan had been waxing sentimental about a bird. He mentioned that he loved whipporwills because of their unique call, “whip poor will”, and how that bird was featured quite a bit in New England folklore. The same stories that his dad would tell him while they were out birding when he was a kid. Later that day, as they were walking back to Mike’s truck, Mike called Stan “Will”. When Stan asked why, he told him, that the nickname just fit because of how much Stan loved that particular bird. Stan’s response was to immediately call Mike “Shep” explained that Mike’s favorite part of farming had nothing to do with crops, but the animals he shepherded at the farm. He partially fell in love with Mike because of how much he cared for and loved them.
Mike drops his bag by the door, walks over, and bends down and gently kisses his boyfriend of many years. “Did you eat already?” he asks.
Stan shakes his head, “Nope. I wanted to wait for you.” He gets up from his chair, grabbing Mike’s hand and leads him to the kitchen.
Once in the kitchen they quickly work on laying out the meal that Stan had prepared earlier, one of Mike’s favorites from Jessica. Both were very experienced in the kitchen, getting training from both of their mothers before the left Derry for college.
As seniors they announced to their families that they would be attending the same college after graduation. Jessica and Andrea decided that they each had to know how to cook. Andrea had Mike come over and learn how to make Stan’s favorite meals and Jessica did the same with Stan. Jessica and Andrea then held a joint training session at the Hanlon farmhouse on general cooking skills much to the boy’s chagrin. The Uris’ and Hanlon’s got along wonderfully, each going over to the others home for holidays and BBQ’s during the summer. When William took ill, Andrea and Donald were were there for Jessica. When he passed Andrea stayed with her at the farmhouse, while Donald took the boys to their house to be closer to the Losers for comfort and companionship.
They plated their meal while talking about their individual days. Stan was talking about a new client the office had gotten, “So anyway I had to tell this one lady that she should have had those receipts before submitting her taxes. Finding them now may not be enough, the IRS would still probably want to call her in for a talk about some of her write offs. She’d been warned by the other firm, but you know. ‘You can lead a horse to water but sometimes you still have to shoot it’.” Stan stopped suddenly and reached out and took Mike’s left hand into his right. “Mikey, babe are you OK? You’ve been pretty quiet.” Stan asks with concern coloring his voice. “And don’t lie. You know I can see right through that shit.”
Mike clears his throat which worries Stan even more. “Will... I don’t know how to say it, so I’m going to just say it ok. Let me get it out, then we can talk about it.” Mike pleads. Usually Mike wouldn’t have a problem talking to Stan about anything. They had that kind of relationship, open understanding, willing to listen. They have been together for so long they knew the other’s nervous tells, and Mike knew he was throwing all of them off. Was his nervousness due to the fact that maybe he thought he was being silly. Stan wouldn’t care about him not “pulling his weight” for the household expenses, but what if this one time he did. What would they do then?
In response Stan flips a curl off his face, and looks Mike dead in the face, giving him all of his attention.
“Uhhhh you know that look is unnerving, Will.” Mike says biding his time. In response Mike gets more of the look and a go on motion from Stan. “I know you have a pretty nice job lined up after graduation at your firm and I still have two years left before I get my masters and… well, honestly how do you feel about having to shoulder the majority of the household expenses for the next two years? I know we’ve never really talked about this. We’ve never really talked about how little pay I would actually be making. If it’s too much or not what you signed up for I understand if you want to take a break so I’m not a burden…” The reality that his chosen profession just wasn’t what you would call a step into high finance was coming home to roost.
Stan holds up his hand, “Mike, stop. Where is this coming from?”
“I don’t want to be a burden.” Mike confesses.
“Why would you be a burden?” Stan asks genuinely confused.
“You’ll be moving on, with a full time job, no, career. And I’ll still be in school, working part time… as a library assistant. I won’t exactly be raking in the cash Stan.” Mike says despondently looking everywhere but at Stan, wiping suddenly sweaty hands on his pants, the stress making his heart beat like crazy.
Stan gives Mike one of his patented sighs, rolls his eyes slightly and smiles. “Have you been asking Richie for advice again? Because this sounds like something that idiot best friend of mine would suggest. Mike… Shep… babe, you’re not a burden. I figured years ago that your degree would be 6 years while I would be done in 4. This is what couples do, we take care of one another, we’ll be fine. I’m surprised we haven’t had this conversation earlier. I guess I should have brought it up earlier, like dad told me to. My bad. Honestly, I’m more offended that you thought I would want to separate from you so you wouldn’t be a burden. Of all the damn fool ideas.” Stan has always been the calm, cool and collected one. He just shakes his head and takes a deep breath. He stands up and takes Mike’s head in his hands and pulls him in to his stomach for tight hug. Then cooing at Mike he begins to rubs his hands over Mike’s head and neck. “Mike I’ve loved you since a certain summer afternoon in 1989. This is nothing. Finish school, I’ve got the rest.”
Mike looks up, smiles apologetically at Stan and says, “I’m sorry... I don’t… I wasn’t thinking…” HIs eyes suddenly glassy with unshed tears of relief.
Stan stops him, “Exactly. You weren’t thinking. Also, you’d never hear the end of it from your mom if you broke up with me. Jess loves me to pieces.”
Mike pushes him away, playfully punches him in the stomach and says, “Yeah well, Donald and Andrea love me. So they would…” Again Stan interrupts him, “Hate you if you broke up with their only child. Babe, you were screwed from the outset. Shep you can’t break up with me, you're stuck with me.”
Mike stands and gently moves a stray curl from Stan’s face, smiles at him and says, “There isn’t anyone in the world I would rather be stuck with. I love you, I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok. Just don’t do it again. We need to remember talk to each other, Shep.” Stan warns.
Mike crosses his heart, “I won’t, promise.”
April 2000
Mike has prepared Stan’s favorite meal. Everything was perfect. Now all he had to do was wait for him to come home from the office.
Things had been good in the Hanlon-Uris household. Stan had rapidly moved up the ladder at his firm and had added financial planning to his repertoire of skills. Mike had excelled at the library and gotten a promotion. He was top of his class and was on time to walk in less than a month, with honors, again. All of the Losers would be in town for his graduation. The last time they were all together was last Christmas in California being “hosted” by Richie and Eddie. But Mike had a problem and he was afraid he was about to break a promise he had made with Stan a couple years back.
They might be headed for a break up.
Mike knew without a doubt that after graduation he had to move back to Derry. He felt there were too many things pulling him back that he couldn’t ignore. His mom was getting older and needed help on the farm. He had been in contact with the librarians back in Derry and there was a job waiting there for him, if he wanted it. There was also the need to set up a watch for Pennywise, they had to be sure IT was dead. Mike assumed Stan knew all of these things but they had yet to talk about any of it. It seemed like they always left the hard decisions for the last minute. Mike felt selfish, he couldn’t ask Stan to pull up stakes and move back to the town they all had happily left in the dust. Stan had a burgeoning career going at his firm. Mike couldn’t make Stan give that up, that was his dream. Maybe they could make a long distance romance work?
Mike looked up at the clock and exactly on time he heard the key in the lock and in walked Stan. He hadn’t been late coming home, without notice, in almost 2 years. His precise Stanley.
“How was work today Will?” Mike asked his boyfriend from the kitchen, “Dinner’s ready.”
“Oh man that smells delicious. Is that mom’s recipe?” Stan asks as he gives Mike a hug and a kiss.
“Of course, with my own twist, of course. Go get changed so we can eat.” Mike shoos him to their room with a swat to his behind. Stan throws him a grin over his shoulder as he walks to their bedroom. “Keep it light and playful, Mikey, light and playful. Until I have to drop the bomb.” Mike muses as he notices his hands beginning to sweat a bit.
A few minutes later Stan is back in sweats and a t-shirt that says “Someone at Simmons University Loves Me”. Stan literally only wears stuff like this around the house and then only with Mike. They start talking about their respective days. As their meal is starting to wind down, Mike takes a deep breath, wipes his hands on his shorts, and decides that now is the time.
“Stan. We need to talk.” Mike starts, his voice harsh with seriousness.
“About?” Stan responds putting down his fork and taking another drink from of the red wine.
“After graduation I have to move back to Derry.” Mike plunges ahead. Why spare the agony.
Stan looks confused, “You do? You have to?”
Sighing and slightly exasperated at the situation, not at Stan, “Yes I do. Mom needs help on the farm and…”
“Wait. You, no we’ve, spent all this money on an excellent education, just so you can go back home and be a farmer?” Stan responds clearly irritated at being blindsided.
“No Stan. It’s more than that. There is Pennywise to consider, someone has to keep a watch out for that fucker.” Mike says hotly. Frustrated at not being able to coherently communicate why he has to go back to Derry. Deep down, in a place he doesn't like to look, he’s always known he was the one to have to go back to Derry. It’s been like a low level tugging pulling him back home. Maybe he’s mad that the wonderful life he and Stan have been building could be broken by this tug back to Derry. He’s always hoped that their love would be stronger and THEY would be the ones setting up the watch. Make Derry their happy ever after.
“Fuck that clown Mikey. Let Bill and Audra move back there. It’s his fault that any of us got involved in the first place. I know you’ve been job hunting and haven’t bothered to tell me. What the hell, Mikey we have a good thing going here. Why can’t we be happy? Everyone else is! We deserve happiness too.” Stan pleads.
Mike sighs, “Stanny, I know you don’t want to remember this, neither do I, but if it wasn’t for Pennywise we never would have met, as fucked up as that shit is. I get it, I should have told you about the job. But I haven’t been job hunting I just kept in contact with the librarians in Derry and one thing led to another. Look you have a great thing going here, I can’t expect you to give that up. You’ve worked too hard. I can move back to the farm and set up watch and we can work on a long distance relationship, can’t we try that, and still find happiness?” Mike pauses, takes a deep breath and with dread in his eyes, “Or we can take a break.”
Confusion, anger, sadness all rapidly flash across Stan’s face. His entire body goes stiff and he calmly, quietly says, “Break up you mean, right? You promised, Mike.” Those words hit Mike like a baseball bat. Just as emotionlessly Stan continues, “You know that I need time to think about all of this. This is a lot to toss at someone. Do you need an answer tonight? You know what, I don’t want to know if you do or not. I know one thing, I don’t want to lose you, but I… I... This is a lot and I don’t know what you want me to tell you. I know what my heart says, but my brain… well it needs some time.” Stan gets up, kisses Mike, goes to their bedroom and quietly closes the door. Leaving Mike alone in the kitchen.
Mike let’s him go, what else can he do? He looks at the table and begins to clear the dishes and cleans up. His eyes begin to burn as bitter tears well up in his eyes. Will there still be a Stan and Mike or is that be a thing of the past? What will their parents say? What will he tell the Losers when they come for the graduation? Fuck.