Chapter Text
for the wretched of the earth, there is a flame that never dies. even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise.
For the first time in a long time, Seungyoon wakes up in a warm bed.
As the days pass it still feels strange, a little too lucky, that Mino’s path and his own met again like this. With time, Seungyoon learns to stop questioning it, and to enjoy it instead.
He enjoys the way Mino always seems to have a notebook on him somewhere, even if it’s a small one he fishes out of his jacket pocket, a ragged little pencil following suit as he sketches Seungyoon over dinner. It’s nothing fancy and it’s the way they both like it, holed up in the corner of a family-owned eatery, meat sizzling on the hot plate and Mino whining for Seungyoon to please just pose for two minutes, really, the beef can wait.
They re-learn each other, the quirks and flaws that stopped them before, and the ones that they’d never gotten to know.
As they walk together with only the night as their witness, Seungyoon weaving through the streets he knows, he lets Mino see that what he means is real, he feels the warmth of Mino’s hand in his and wonders how he could have ever forgotten it.
When he opens his eyes, the first thing he sees is the slope of Mino’s shoulders, the line of his neck as he stirs against the pillow. Seungyoon barely has time to trace the tattoos he can see, following the curves with his eyes before Mino greets him.
“Watching me sleep?”
Seungyoon leans back on his elbows, shoots Mino a smile. “Don’t flatter yourself.”
Mino laughs and pulls the comforter up over himself, only the top half of his face peeking out. Seungyoon can still see the smile reaching his eyes. Eventually he emerges, an arm hugging the comforter to himself, the other reaching out to Seungyoon.
“At least say good morning.” Mino muses, voice still hoarse from sleep.
Emboldened by Mino’s request, and by Mino’s gentle gaze on him, Seungyoon swoops down to press a kiss to the spot where Mino’s jaw meets his neck, hoping to tickle him on the way. Mino giggles, a hand grasping Seungyoon’s shoulder to keep him there even when he pulls away.
“That’s better.”
Seungyoon gets them coffee from the shop around the corner, his machine finally discarded earlier in the week, after it produced a pitch black goo more comparable to petrol than coffee. Mino sips his slowly, leaning back and holding the cup to his chest in silent acknowledgment of the cooling weather.
In the quiet comfort of the room, of each other, Seungyoon takes a final leap of faith.
“So I figured I should probably ask you,” Seungyoon says, unsure of how to word the question without sending Mino running. “This tattoo- your tattoo. What does it mean?”
Mino looks up at him, throwing his head back a little as he lets out a sigh. “I thought you might want to know.” He extends his arm out for Seungyoon to get a clear view of the tattoo, dark and bold in the middle of Mino’s forearm. “When the dreams got too much to bear, I… I tried to find a way to forget. I wanted so badly to just have one dreamless night, to knock myself out and rest for once, but once turned into everyday, and the dreams always came back, and then it was just. A cycle that I couldn’t break out of.” he pauses to gather his thoughts, and Seungyoon thinks his heart is going to shrivel up and die in his chest. “Not without help, anyway.”
He touches his tattoo, the dark red ink disappearing under his fingers for a moment. “This was… a way to commemorate getting out of my own hell.”
This doesn’t feel right, Seungyoon thinks. He remembers seeing that, hands that once seemed too far away to be his own, but always holding a glass, liquor fueling the embers of a fire that just wouldn’t start up again. The memories are clearer now, and he hangs his head at the irony.
“I think that’s how I used to cope with you.” he remarks.
Mino huffs, fingertips playing against each other. “Guess I picked up your bad habits, uh?” Where Seungyoon expects to hear bitterness in Mino’s voice, there’s only acceptance. “I’m not as virtuous as I used to be.”
“We’ve all changed.” Seungyoon takes Mino’s arm in one trembling hand, relieved when Mino doesn’t pull away. “That’s why we’re here, right? Why were were given a second chance. To move forward.”
He barely recognizes himself in the words he speaks, and Mino smiles, bright and earnest.
“Look at you. Finally letting the world in.”
Seungyoon feels himself blushing to the tip of his ears when Mino sits up to meet him, mirroring his movements as it touches the mark on Seungyoon’s arm. It still feels warm when he does it, but it doesn’t burn anymore. “Letting me in.”
There’s barely any space left between them, but Seungyoon lets Mino play the game, lets him take the time to come to him. He’s guarded himself for too long. This is something he wants to enjoy, every second of it rekindling the flame inside.
When Mino finally kisses him, Seungyoon melts into him, exhales all the pain and the grief to breathe in new oxygen. He doesn’t remember how long he’d chased something like this, stopped counting somewhere along the way. It doesn’t matter anymore.
Somewhere, halfway between Mino’s lips and his own, Seungyoon hears something, a melody winding its way through the back of his head, around the butterflies in his stomach. He pulls away to find Mino breathless and unrelenting, as beautiful as he was that day against the setting sun.
Only now, something starts.
“What’s gotten into you?” Mino quips as Seungyoon nearly faceplants off the bed, reaching for his guitar.
The scratches where it fell give it character, Seungyoon decides, running his hand over them before his fingers find the fret. He strums a few chords, feels Mino’s eyes on him and his smile as he finds the right ones.
“Tell me what you think of this.”
***
“Stop squirming.” Bobby says, trying to remain serious as he traces a gloved finger over the stencil. “Do you want this or not?”
In the corner of the room, Mino hides his smile behind his hand as he surveys operations. This is the first time Bobby’s ever going to tattoo someone, after all, and his client couldn’t be more important.
Bobby adjusts his seat and revs up his machine, a few pushes of his foot on the pedal enough to make Hanbin almost jump in the chair. “Just breathe. The more nervous you are, the more it’s going to hurt.”
“Are you sure this spot is ok?” Hanbin asks, trying to mask the anxiety in his voice and doing a terrible job of it. “For a first time?”
“It’s a tattoo, man.” Bobby shoots him a look that says, ‘you know what you signed up for.’ “It’s going to hurt regardless of the spot.”
Hanbin swallows hard. “Right. Right.”
“As long as he hasn’t started,” Mino calls, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re welcome to back out. No refund on your deposit, though.”
Hanbin whines, fully aware that the two tattoo artists are having a laugh at his expense. He wants this, he’s sure of it. He’d brought the idea up to Bobby a week from the day they’d all gathered here to lay out the map to their own lives, seven days that had been enough to make up his mind.
He wants this, and he wants Bobby to be the one to do it.
“Just… go ahead.” he sighs, gripping the chair’s armrest. “I trust you.”
Bobby smiles and he starts the machine, buzzing filling Hanbin’s ears as it gets closer to his skin. He tries to breathe in deep and thinks about Jiho’s advice when he exhales, keeps a slow, steady rhythm as the needle breaks through.
“Fu-” Hanbin whimpers, but he stops himself, concentrates on inhaling, exhaling, one after the other. No rush.
He’s not going to lie, this hurts . The first few strokes of the needle feel like someone is cutting him open, setting fire to his flesh. There’s a knot stuck in his throat and he’s starting to see white from how tightly shut his eyes are, but he doesn’t say a word.
Still, the buzzing stops.
“Hey.” Bobby nudges him with his shoulder. “You holding up OK?”
Hanbin wants to grit his teeth and tell Bobby to keep going, but he cracks an eye open and sees the look of genuine concern on Bobby’s face. So he exhales, tries to stop himself from shaking.
“You’re doing good. It’s me, I think I didn’t prepare enough.” he says, a pitiful little laugh escaping him.
Bobby leans back, still holding his machine. A drop of black ink drops from the tip of it onto his jeans, but if he notices, it doesn’t seem to bother him. “That’s fine. I know it’s shit advice but, keep breathing like you’re doing, try to concentrate on that. And I’ll be as gentle as I can. Okay?”
From where he’s watching, Mino doesn’t say anything but he gives both of them a nod and a thumbs up. Hanbin knows he’s closely watching how Bobby is doing, and he wants to tell Mino that Bobby is doing everything he can, that Mino should be proud of his apprentice. He figures Mino already is.
“Okay.” Hanbin says, his eyes locking with Bobby’s for a moment. Bobby smiles at him, warm and bright and reassuring as always, and then he starts the machine back up, puts it to Hanbin’s skin.
It doesn’t hurt any less, but somehow, it feels more bearable. Bobby soothes him every few seconds with cold water on a tissue to wipe the ink away and help with the inflammation, and soon Hanbin falls into the rhythm of his own breathing, stealing glances at Bobby. He looks deep in concentration, tongue caught between his teeth as he inks line after line, leans back to make sure he’s doing well.
Soon, Hanbin feels like there’s nothing left in the world but the buzzing, the sound of their breathing, dueling rhythms meant to find each other, and Bobby’s capable hands on him.
If someone is going to burn eternity into his skin, he’s happy Bobby is the one.
***
The intercom rings right as Jinwoo pulls his shirt over his head.
He gives himself a quick look in the mirror, fixes a few stray strands of hair, and wonders why he feels so bothered by them all of a sudden. When he pushes the button and Seunghoon’s voice comes over the speakers, there’s a flutter in his chest that helps Jinwoo remember.
“You ready?” Seunghoon calls, in the sing-song tone Jinwoo knows is his default.
In any case, he has to be. He hasn’t done this in years, not since his professional life seemingly swallowed any hope he had of a personal one. And yet, here he is, a few days before the biggest event he’s ever organized, letting a man he’s barely starting to remember sweep him off his feet.
Maybe he does need the fresh air, but the truth is, Seunghoon could be taking him anywhere and Jinwoo would still be along for the ride.
“I’ll be down in a minute.” he says, and Seunghoon happily hums as the connection cuts out.
Right. No more time for existential questions, wondering if it was also like this back then, with Seunghoon taking all the risks that Jinwoo desperately wants to. Maybe revolution made them bolder, but the thumping against Jinwoo’s ribcage feels new too, a feeling that he wants to follow.
When Jinwoo gets to the ground floor of his building, Seunghoon is out front leaning against a black motorcycle, a smile on his face as he turns a helmet around in his hands.
He must see the anxiousness that Jinwoo was trying so hard to not let show on his face, because Seunghoon takes a few steps towards him, helmet hanging from one hand while the other takes Jinwoo’s. “Don’t worry, I’m a safe driver.” His thumb smoothes circles into the back of Jinwoo’s hand. “I’ve only ever gotten into like, two accidents.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Jinwoo spits, pushing Seunghoon away until he hits the bike. He’s trying hard to be serious but the grin that takes over Seunghoon’s features is too hard to compete with. “Just get us there, will you?”
“Yes, my liege.”
The wind blowing past them erases all of Jinwoo’s fears. He’s got his arms clenched around Seunghoon’s waist, watches the city roads expand in front of them over Seunghoon’s shoulder. Jinwoo never wants it to stop.
They drive past the park, to somewhere safer and smaller, where the world can’t reach them for a moment. There’s another at the edge of the city, surrounded by a ring of trees that are turning red and gold, setting fire to the grey sky. It’s not so cold yet, but Jinwoo pulls his jacket tighter around himself when he has to get off from the bike and away from Seunghoon’s warmth.
He doesn’t have to miss it for long, because Seunghoon slings an arm around his shoulders and pulls him in close, right at the edge between the street and the pebble path in the park. Jinwoo hears dry leaves cracking under their feet as Seunghoon gets closer.
“Walk with me?” he says, and when Jinwoo looks up at him he finds the same softness in Seunghoon’s eyes that he saw that day when they’d met again, finally led to each other because that’s what was always supposed to happen.
Jinwoo sometimes wonders what would have come to pass if he hadn’t started feeling this way about Seunghoon, if he’d just remained scared and helpless. He’s happy he’ll never have to find out.
His own arm winds around Seunghoon’s waist, keeping him close like this. They both know the universe isn’t going to separate them again, but they’ve got so much lost time to make up for, so many things they want to live now that they have the chance. Seunghoon’s hands aren’t as rough as they used to be, and Jinwoo’s mind is sharper somehow, but they both fall back into each other, easy as breathing.
There’s no one around to keep them on their toes, just the autumn breeze making leaves dance at their feet, a whirlwind of color, red still like the days they lost. It seems like the only thing that hasn’t changed, but if it comes with peace of mind rather than the sound of gunshots, Jinwoo will gladly take it.
“Hey.” he calls for Seunghoon, the other man seemingly also lost in thought. So Jinwoo decides to play a little, twists his hand to poke Seunghoon’s side and get his attention.
Seunghoon looks at him, and there’s still a flame in those eyes that Jinwoo wants to fan. “I’m here.”
He stays right where he is when Jinwoo leans up, breathing fire into his lungs when their lips meet, a warmth that spreads through Jinwoo’s body. They let themselves linger, Jinwoo’s fingers tracing the lines of Seunghoon’s face, committing all of him to memory.
Now, he has time to remember.
***
Mino stays over most nights, but Seungyoon still finds it hard to deal with the loneliness when he doesn’t. Maybe because he’s not used to suddenly having so much movement and so much warmth in his life, too used to coming home to an empty apartment and deafening silence. Thankfully, as he seems to have one for everything, Mino promises he has a solution for that.
“I know you’re going to find what you need.” he says, early afternoon, the winter sun high in the sky. He’s got Seungyoon’s hand firmly held in his, leading the way as always.
Seungyoon can’t do anything but let himself go with it. “I’m not even sure what you’re talking about.”
Mino just squeezes his hand and walks closer to him, through a deserted street - everyone’s already done with lunch break, it seems - and to the end of it, where a red brick building stands proudly, as if it knows how much it stands out in the grey landscape.
When he sees Seunghoon behind a counter, smiling from ear to ear, Seungyoon is even more confused than he thought possible.
“Is this a matchmaking situation?”
Seunghoon stifles a laugh and leans over the counter to greet Mino. “Jinwoo’s already a handful and a half, thank you,” he says, the fondness of his smile betraying his attempt at snark. “But I suppose you could think of it this way, just, not with me.”
This time, Seungyoon definitely has no clue what Seunghoon is talking about. Still, he moves forward as Seunghoon beckons them behind the counter and opens a door Seungyoon had barely noticed was there.
Behind it, there’s a large yard, doghouses and feeding bowls lined up all around it, and then there’s all the animals, a wider variety of dogs than Seungyoon has ever seen, happily playing around, some napping, some curiously trotting up to the three of them. Seunghoon saunters down the few steps leading into the yard, playfully roughhousing with a few of the bigger canines before he stops near the fence, kneeling down to greet a small brown poodle on four shaky legs.
“Hey buddy.” he says, and then turns around to call for Seungyoon and Mino, a sign of his hand telling them to be careful. The dog bows its head, pushing timidly against Seunghoon’s knee. “I want you to meet someone.”
Seungyoon stays behind, watches as Mino pets the dog’s head and his back, small touches that seem to put the animal at ease. He really has a hand for everything. The dog relaxes under their ministrations, eventually, and Seunghoon turns back to Seungyoon, nodding at him to come closer.
“His name’s Thor. We welcomed the little guy a while ago. He was... worse for wear, to say the least.” Seunghoon says, a dark veil falling over his eyes for a second. “Used to be kept in one of those fucking breeding mills. They were going to put him down but we had a bed open, so we took him instead. Thankfully.”
It’s evident in the way Seunghoon speaks that the situation would have torn him apart, and Seungyoon also feels his heart aching for the dog, a skinny body wobbling back and forth between Seunghoon and Mino.
The dog’s small eyes are staring up at him, asking Seungyoon when he’s going to come and give him some love too. Even with the strangeness of the situation, Seungyoon doesn’t have the heart to deny him. He joins Seunghoon and Mino on the ground, extends a hand, and Thor immediately rests his head there, nuzzling into Seungyoon’s palm.
Now, he understands what Seunghoon said.
“He was lost… kind of like me.” Seungyoon says without thinking, scratching Thor’s throat.
Seunghoon smiles. “Now you get it. What do you say about adopting him?”
He knew the question was coming, but Seungyoon is still taken aback. He hasn’t known how to take care of himself for years, and isn’t sure he could be left in charge of another living being. But another part of himself is pushing him to say yes, to welcome the animal into his life and make the effort to give him the home they’d both been denied.
“Of course,” Seunghoon continues, as if he’s reading Seungyoon’s mind. “We’re going to do a trial run first. See how you two get along, how things go at home. Though, I have to say, you seem like a promising match already.”
“I’m jealous.” Mino adds, sitting cross-legged on the ground and touching Seungyoon’s hand where it isn’t petting Thor. “But I’m ready to make sacrifices.”
Seungyoon feels like he’s holding the whole world in his hand, fragile but ready to grow. “We’ve made enough of those already.”
***
The grey skies outside don’t seem so sad from here.
All of them have invaded Jinwoo’s apartment, animals included, peaceful even though Jhonny is already trying to impose her rule. Thor and Haute tentatively play, pawing at each other’s sides while the cats just stare, lounging in a corner of the room. There’s a ridiculously big bouquet of flowers sitting in a corner, a present from an overly self-satisfied Seunghoon, who had thrust the bouquet in Jinwoo’s hands before using it to hide behind as he kissed him.
Everyone had seen, and no one had said a word, save for Bobby’s hushed hollering.
“I’m so happy this is finally behind you.” Seunghoon says, fiddling with a souvenir Polaroid from the Kwon-Choi wedding that Jinwoo had attached to his fridge. “And that it went well, of course.”
As expected, the wedding had made headlines everywhere possible, with several outlets praising the organization and decor. Jinwoo’s flower arrangements had made their way to the pages of the magazines, his name in small print next to them, the newlyweds posing against the picturesque backdrop.
Now that it was over, Jinwoo could finally breathe, his cheeks filling up again already, his eyes regaining their sparkle. Seungyoon watches him move about the party, tending to the guests and almost slipping into work mode until Seunghoon catches him around the waist and whispers something into his ear that makes Jinwoo go several shades redder than Seungyoon has ever seen him.
The intercom rings and two minutes after Jinwoo answers it, there’s a knock on the door, Hanbin, Jiho and Jihoon tumbling into the apartment one after the other, all of them greeting Jinwoo with a tight embrace and congratulations.
It would have been such a surreal scene, just a few weeks ago, but now Seungyoon just revels in the fact that their group came together again like this, around drinks and candles, just with the certitude of another day coming.
They have so many things to look forward to.
“Sorry we’re late,” Jiho says to anyone listening, rummaging through his bag. “Had to pick these up from the press.”
He brandishes a small stack of CD cases, and Seungyoon’s heart jumps in his throat at the sight.
They’d spent a week holed up in the studio, Hanbin dropping by to offer a pair of fresh ears from time to time, until finally Jiho played all the songs back to Seungyoon and he’d sat there, eyes closed, his music finally complete.
“Is this what I think it is?” Bobby calls from his seat on the couch, Hanbin stealing a sip from his drink.
Seungyoon looks back to Mino, who lifts his glass of sparkling water in encouragement. He knows the songs have come a long way since he’d first heard them, sitting on Seungyoon’s bed.
When he holds the CD in his hand, fingers tracing over the cover image, Seungyoon can’t help the way his throat tightens. “Thank you.” he whispers, trying to force his voice past the incoming tears.
“I think the pictures came out really well.” Jihoon muses.
Seungyoon touches the image of his own face on the front of the case. He's never liked seeing himself in pictures, but somehow Jihoon's lens seemed to have found something in him he thought he'd lost for good. “They did. And I don’t say that often about myself.” He lets out a small laugh, presses the CD to his heart. “Really, I can’t thank you enough-”
“No problem, man.” Jiho interrupts. “I can’t wait for the world to hear it.”
There’s a round of quiet cheers and “me too”’s, Mino walking up to Seungyoon to press himself to his back and wrap an arm around his chest. “It's all in your hands now.”
“Okay.” Seunghoon’s voice echoes through the room. “A toast! If anyone has anything else to celebrate, say it now!”
Bobby jumps from the couch, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. He brandishes a small, brand new ID card, the laminated plastic shining under the overhead light. “I finally got to change my name!” he announces, his face splitting from ear to ear into a wide smile.
Cherry on top, Seungyoon thinks, as Mino ruffles Bobby’s hair.
“Well done.”
It doesn’t take much more for Seunghoon to take the bottle of champagne out of the fridge. Jinwoo takes the occasion to refill Mino’s glass, jumping a little as Seunghoon pops the cork off the bottle and foam comes spilling down his hand.
“Seriously…” Jinwoo shakes his head, bursting out laughing a second later and bringing Mino down with him.
When he’s got a glass in hand, Seungyoon lifts it in the air along with everyone. He looks around the room, sees Bobby in Hanbin’s lap, Jiho and Jihoon leaning against the wall, Seunghoon and Jinwoo tangled together.
He sees Mino when he turns back, close and real. It takes only a step to meet him, in the center of the universe.
Seunghoon clears his throat, waits for everyone to be ready.
Something passes through the air.
They hold their heads high.
“To the future!”