Chapter Text
"Well, that was probably the weirdest coming out of the closet. Ever." Shawn winced and rotated his arm. "Well at least no one will be coming into my apartment again ever without asking me."
Lassiter smiled. "You're a dick."
"Yo, I needed pain meds and you had obviously just been wooed by me. What was I supposed to do? Anyway I get this stupid shit off my arm Monday, so expect the whole rose petals on the bed, dick in a box routine." Shawn paused and let out a small laugh. He scratched his head uncomfortably.
"What is it?"
"I've actually never, uh." Shawn waved his arms. "Never, uh, with a dude." Lassiter started laughing. "Don't you laugh! Have you ever..." Shawn sighed. "Have you ever canoodled with a guy?"
Lassiter snickered. "Canoodled?"
"I can't say the word ok!" Shawn blushed.
"Well, I have. Not in a while, but yeah." Lassiter thought back to the SBPD picnic. That was a crazy picnic, especially after Woody spiked the punch. And the sandwiches.
"Great, you can teach me-- that was the corniest thing I've ever said. I'm gonna go to the bathroom."
"Does that mean I get to top?" Shawn froze for a second, and then ran full sprint to the bathroom.
That Monday, after Shawn got his sling off, he spent the entire day avoiding him. He knew he had promised his... Boyfriend? Boyfriend, The whole rose petal routine, but he couldn't go through with it. At the moment he was hiding out in a cafe, drinking his fourth cup of coffee.
"Shawn?" His dad meandered through the gate of the cafe. "What are you doing here?"
Shawn searched for an answer. "What... What are you doing here?"
Henry rolled his eyes and plopped on the chair across from him.
"You know, I drink coffee too," he drawled. Shawn huffed and pursed his lips. "Relationship trouble?"
Shawn nearly fell out of his seat. "Yeah, how'd you know? Did Gus tell you? I swear--"
"No! It's actually 'cause you get this stupid look on your face, sorta like you just ate a lemon. Or like you lost your favorite toy."
Shawn mentally reminded himself to not do that. "Anyway, yeah, I've got 'relationship problems.' Well, only one really." He sighed loudly. "What do you do when someone wants to move your relationship to the next level, and you want to do that too, but you think it might hurt you?" Shawn winced and hoped his dad took that metaphorically, not literally, which is exactly what Shawn meant.
Henry shrugged. "Just tell them. If they really love you they'll get it. They'll be disappointed but they'll get it. Is a girl asking you to move in with her?"
"No dad!"
"Right, I'd've met her." Henry looked around and leaned in, dropping his voice to a whisper. "Is a girl really into... You know... Kinky stuff?"
"Dad!" Shawn sprang up. "No dad. Bye. Ugh!" Shawn ran away from the cafe as quickly as he could without breaking the laws of physics. However, he did take out his phone to call Lassiter.
"Hey, Lassie!"
"Shawn!" Lassiter whispered into his phone and smiled. Juliet giggled as she saw the dumb look her partner got on his face every time he was talking to Shawn. "What's going on?"
"We need to talk. It's not serious, just weird. And personal. Can anyone hear me?"
Lassiter furrowed his brow. "No, why?"
"Well, uh. I can't do it. Not tonight. Nope. The stars aren't in position."
"Are quoting El Dorado to tell me that you can't--" Lassiter looked around the department.
"Yes. Yes I am."
"You're freaked out, aren't you."
"Am not."
"Yes you are. Yah baby."
"Babies don't quote El Dorado."
Lassiter snorted. "They do now, apparently."
Shawn searched for a comeback, but was only able to mutter, "You're a baby."
"Fine, we don't have to, but you're missing out."
Shawn bit his lip. He was just passing by a drugstore, and he slowed down. Keeping with El Dorado, there was, on one hand, painful, painful pain. On the other, there was sweet, sweet bliss. "Okay." He huffed into the phone. "But I am getting so much K-Y that we can coat a slip-n-slide with it." Lassiter smirked.
"Detective!" Chief Vick called from the door of her office.
"Gotta go." Lassiter hurriedly closed his phone.
"Who was that?" She walked over to the desk.
"My... Significant other, ma'am." Lassiter sprang up, cheeks burning.
"Your girlfriend?"
"Yes," Lassiter mumbled.
"Get back to work. Call her after work." Chief Vick walked away. "Of all people," she muttered. Juliet, meanwhile, was barely keeping in a barrage of laughter.
"You." Lassiter pointed at her. "Shut the hell up!" She giggled some more.
***
"Wow." Shawn whispered. He and Lassiter were lying sprawled across the first's bed. "That was a lot less painful than I expected." He sat up. "I get to top next time though."
"No you don't." Lassiter grinned.
Shawn fell back. "Fine. Whoever solves the next case gets to top."
Lassiter thought for a moment. "Are we allowed outside help?"
"Only Gus and Jules. And whatever resources we normally use." Shawn thought about his dad. Oh God. His dad. His ultra-conservative dad. "How am I gonna tell my dad?" Shawn groaned and shoved his face into a pillow.
"Really, Shawn?" Lassiter snorted. "Let's not talk about your dad. We just had sex."
"No, but, my dad. Your mom is a lesbian! One day my dad prohibited me from going to school because we had to go through the gay pride parade."
"Just don't tell him." Lassiter shrugged.
Shawn snorted through the pillow. "Yeah, like that's gonna work. Gus is a terrible liar, I might accidentally spill the beans, he might see us in public. There are so many things that could go wrong."
"Hey. It's going to be okay. Now, goodnight." Lassiter kissed Shawn, and fell asleep nearly instantly, leaving Shawn to ponder his problems.
The next morning, Shawn made pinecakes, and he and Lassiter drove to their separate work places. For the first time, Shawn was actually in the Psych office before Gus, and was able to surprise him.
"What the hell?" Gus nearly dropped his things when he saw Shawn throwing a ball at the wall, casually waiting for him to come in.
"Yup. Hey, Gus, is there a separate v-card for the same gender?" He threw the ball again.
"Yeah, probably, why?" Gus plopped down on his chair, wondering why Shawn wasn't sitting down yet.
"Well, I just lost it." Shawn cackled maniacally as he saw the look of disgust spread across Gus's face.
"No. Stop it Shawn. I swear--"
"Yeah, you wanna hear the details?"
"No! Shawn!" Gus threateningly pulled out the water gun he kept in his desk.
"So, basically what happened is that I was gonna do it, but then I chickened out, and in the end it was--" a splash of water hit his face.
"Shawn. Remember the 'no details' rule?" Gus raised his eyebrows.
"Fine. But I do need your help. Telling my dad."
"Why do you need me for that?" Gus put away the gun.
"Human shield."
"Buy me Bojangles?"
"If you stand between me and my father as I say that I'm bi as fuck, I will buy you the entire restaurant." Shawn threw the Blueberry's keys at Gus and ran out the door.
"Have you planned what you're going to say?" Gus got in the car.
"No." Shawn bounced nervously. "Well, something along the lines of 'please don't hurt me.' Oh yeah and then running."
Gus frowned. "I'm sure your dad will be okay with it. I mean, you and Lassiter are pretty obvious."
Shawn snorted. "What? No way. We're as inconspicuous as we can be."
Gus laughed. "Mcnab, the Chief, Dobson, and at least five other officers have a betting pool on when you guys are gonna go public."
"Shit," Shawn muttered. "You wouldn't happen to know who's betting for what time?"
"I can't let you favor anyone Shawn. Jules and I are in it too." He looked knowingly at Shawn who huffed and pouted for the next five minutes of the drive.
"Okay, so, what I want you to do is go in there, say 'Shawn is bisexual, don't hurt him,' then give me the signal so I can peak in, go 'yup' and run away."
Gus rolled his eyes. "Uh, no Shawn. You should do this face to face."
"Uh, no Gus, I shouldn't do this face to face. My dad has a gun."
"Shawn." Gus got out of the car, and dragged Shawn out.
"No, no, nope!" Shawn tried to scrabble away, but Gus hauled him to the door.
"Mr. Spencer?" Gus called. "It's us!"
"Whaddya want?" Henry wrenched open the door. "You know, I have better things to do than give out relationship advice." He looked around. "Shawn, are you introducing me to your new girlfriend?"
"No." Gus elbowed him and turned him around.
"While you were pouting, I texted Lassiter, so he's coming here." Gus smiled maliciously and turned around. "Sorry, Mr. Spencer, he's just getting cold feet."
"Ha, ha, ha, Dad!" Shawn put his arm around the older man and led him inside. "We need to... talk."
"What. Why?" Henry blinked in confusion.
"I'm going to be straight with you." Gus laughed in the background. "No pun intended. You might want to sit down." Henry sat down, but immediately sprang up again with a guffaw.
"Shawn, I can't do this anymore." He put his hand on his son's shoulder. "I, and everyone who has ever met you, knows that you're bi. Everyone, Shawn."
It was Shawn's turn to sit down. "Oh."
"So I assume I'm meeting your boyfriend then?"
"Yeah." Shawn nodded in a daze. "Wait. You don't know who I'm dating?"
"No. I'm not psychic like you." Henry rolled his eyes.
"Oh, shit. I don't think you're going to like this." Shawn bit his lip.
"Hey, boy, watch your tongue." Henry sat down next to Shawn. "We'll just have to wait then." And so began the longest five minutes of Shawn's life, until the fateful knock at the door.
"I'll get it!" Shawn raced toward the entranced and pulled in a befuddled Lassiter. "Ok, Lassie, be careful. My dad apparently knows that I'm queer, he just doesn't know that it's you--"
"Hi! I'm Mr. Spencer-- Lassiter?" Henry stopped short when he saw the familiar detective. He stared for a minute, mouth gaping open. "Oh. Okay. I wasn't -- oh." Henry scratched his head and walked back into the living room.
"Okay, Gus, let's go, give him time to adjust." Shawn dragged Lassiter out the doorway, and they piled into the Blueberry, riding off into the sun, with Henry's shout of "Shawn!" echoing behind them.