Chapter Text
When it comes to every other high schooler on the planet, Fridays are chill. They’re a thank-God-we-made-it day, a homework-can-wait day, a spill-the-tea-and-top-off-the-coffee day.
For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till graduation does she depart, Lup is not every other high schooler.
By the end of the day, she’s had to all but mute her phone, which hasn’t stopped buzzing since sixth period and doesn’t seem intent on shutting up any time soon. She loves Lucretia with all her heart—she really does—but their president can’t text for shit, especially when it comes to getting them organized. Lup’s notifications are new every time she steals a glance at them.
Luce - 2:41 PM
Remember, don’t come to the meeting!! We’re meeting at the library after school today for our late-nighter
Luce - 2:41 PM
The Neverwinter library
Luce - 2:42 PM
On Silver & 2nd
Luce - 2:43 PM
At 5pm
Everyone else has just stopped responding at this point, and honestly, Lup doesn’t blame them. It’s been so long that they’ve all forgotten what the 24-hour crunch is like, but the more she thinks about it, the more she remembers that this is pretty much par for the course.
At any rate, Lucretia’s made it agonizingly clear that they don’t have a meeting today, so for once, Lup leaves school with everyone else. Getting to the main doors is like fighting to hold her own in a tidal wave of vape smoke and stale lip gloss. Taako meets her in the parking lot, and he’s got his phone out—texting two-handed instead of one, which is how Lup knows it’s serious. His expression is softened into a tiny, lopsided grin that she’s just started to get used to.
“What’s crackin’, Romeo?”
“Test me,” he drawls, without missing a beat. Lup snickers and nudges him gently in the shoulder before climbing up into the driver’s seat.
Apart from the white-noise notifications from their group chat, the drive home is surprisingly uneventful. So are the next few hours, as Taako warms up a frozen pizza (because of the late-nighter, he insists; it’s the only reason he can’t be bothered to whip up some real food) and Lup slogs through a few scholarship applications. Tell us about your family history, says one of the prompts. How would you solve world hunger? says another. In 500 words or less.
With all due respect to academia, she’s really starting to wonder if the people who come up with these essay questions have ever tried to answer them. She’s halfway through a long-winded, deeply tragic retelling of her and her brother’s childhood when she highlights and deletes it all on an impulse, then stares longingly at the blank document in front of her. Student debt is looking more appealing all the time.
Fuck family history. These universities aren’t looking for a novella, and they definitely aren’t looking for real talk. Lup devours a few slices of pizza as she outlines her seven-point plan for eliminating world hunger, and at some point Taako probably says he’s going to change and wait for her in the car, but she’s too deep in the implications of international political alliances to process it. And then it’s 4:45. She tosses her laptop onto her bed, scavenges her comfiest pair of sneakers from the closet, and scrawls a note to leave on the kitchen counter—Debate stuff. Back late. That’ll have to do.
When she slides into the driver’s seat, Taako has his feet up on the dashboard, bobbing his heel to a song crackling through the radio. His braid is loose and unkempt, and he wears mauve leggings under a large, dark sweatshirt that Lup doesn’t recognize. She pokes him as she buckles her seatbelt. “Where’d you get that from?”
“Krav,” says Taako. “I think. I probably left with it on or somethin’, but he doesn’t care.”
“Is he coming tomorrow?” She throws the car in reverse and backs out of the driveway. The tires screech as she jerks the wheel and sets off down the street.
When she looks back over, he’s not looking at her, but at the road ahead, shaded with overgrown trees that are just now starting to wilt. “Uh, yeah,” he says, and his voice is way too soft. “Pretty sure.”
Lup’s mouth curls in a massively satisfied smirk. “Somebody’s got it bad,” she sings, and promptly takes a punch to the shoulder. Taako settles back in his seat, completely blasé. “I’m not taking shit from your sappy ass, nuh-uh,” he says. “Besides, one of us is dating a guy with style.”
“Kravitz is a fuckin’ dork, Taako. Doesn’t he know how to do the Charleston? Am I remembering that right?”
“At least he’s heard of something other than denim.”
“I’m not doing this with some goth boy’s gaudy-ass trophy boyfriend.”
“Okay, you—you said that like it’s something to be ashamed of. I thought you knew me better than that, Lulu.”
“Test me,” says Lup, and slams the brakes in front of a red light. She cracks a grin, and out of the corner of their eye she can see Taako doing the same. He breaks first, and then they’re both giggling, which is more a result of sleep deprivation and stress than anything else, but it feels good. Cathartic. The stress of those fucking scholarships is driving needles through her skull.
Finally, Taako regains his composure, and says, “Besides, if anyone’s the arm candy, it’s him.”
He’s joking, but Lup can’t shake her grin. She sighs as the light turns green and says, “You two are so fucking good. You know that, right?”
That earns her an odd look. “What’s with the feelings all of a sudden?”
“Nothing,” says Lup, as casually as she can. She swings their car around the curb and speeds towards the library. That’s the truth—it is nothing, isn’t it? There’s no reason for her to be getting real.
It’s quiet for some time. Longer than Lup is comfortable with.
She’s about to say something asinine—about the weather, maybe, or the latest lab report—when Taako says, “Something’s up with you.”
“What? I’m fine.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t bullshit me, Lu. I got—I know when something’s going on. You worried about the competition? Because you know you’re gonna fuckin’ crush it, right?”
Lup takes a turn a little faster than she should, which is saying something, and narrowly avoids the curb as she maneuvers the car through the parking lot. “Duh.”
“So what’s this whole vibe for?”
She pulls into a space and yanks the parking brake a little too hard. They sit for a moment in more silence, which she really doesn’t like—she’s so fucking sick of silence, it’s boring as hell and it doesn’t accomplish anything. But she can’t make herself say anything.
It’s like she’s just frozen up.
“How d’you feel about college?” she says.
“Like I’m gonna smoke those fools,” says Taako. “Why?”
And that does it.
Maybe it’s the competition, maybe it’s the prospect of the late-nighter, maybe it’s the scholarship applications and their prompts that want her to fix all the world’s problems and then some. She’d compare it to having a blindfold lifted if it hadn’t just been her kidding herself this whole time. Taako’s supposed to be the one with denial issues, not her. Lup is better than this. She’s supposed to have it together.
She’s supposed to be ready for this, and yet—
“I’m not okay,” she blurts. “Okay? I just… I changed my topic at the last minute, and I’ve been putting off these applications, and cutting my fucking hair, and it’s all because something feels wrong. It’s college. Or the idea of leaving, I don’t… I don’t know. I don’t wanna be one of those people who never graduates, y’know? But the NSDT is my family, Taako, Jesus. And this is the last year I’ll have with them, and Barry, and…”
The brake feels ready to snap under the pressure of Lup’s foot. “I know we’re always gonna have each other,” she says. “I get that. All of this just means too much to me. It’ll never be enough to preserve in some fucking yearbook.”
More silence. She’s going to find whoever is responsible for silence and punch their teeth out. The car is parked now, but it’s still running, and she’s gripping the wheel hard enough to turn all her knuckles white.
“Yeah,” says Taako, finally. “I get that.”
Her gaze snaps to his. There’s not even a hint of judgment or sarcasm in his face.
“Really?”
“Yeah,” he says, and drums his acrylics against the windowsill. “I mean, I didn’t, but then Krav and I were talking about uni, and it was something really dumb, y’know? Like—like that his high school had some clubs that his college didn’t, and he was thinking about starting one of ’em himself… and I just kinda realized we won’t be here next year. And that it was kinda, uh… it’s a trip.”
That’s one way of putting it. “A trip,” Lup echoes, and sighs.
They sit in another lull, and then she says, “I didn’t know you thought that far ahead.”
“Neither did I.” Taako turns and raises an eyebrow in her direction. “You’re not, like, bottling this shit, right? You know you can, uh… you can talk to me about. Uh.”
He waves his hand vaguely, and Lup cracks a smile. That’s what she gets for opening up to her emotionally constipated baby brother. Still, her emotionally constipated baby brother is making an effort, for her sake, and that’s not nothing.
“I know,” she says, and nudges him again. “And y’know you can talk to me about uh , and all the other stuff. Including your love life.”
“Ugh,” says Taako, emphatically, but he’s not back to factory default just yet. “Just… I dunno. I get where you’re coming from. And shit’s crazy right now, but if you want, we can—we can talk feelings sometime. Y’know?”
Damn, he loves her. It’s not always at the forefront of Lup’s mind, but Taako really loves her.
“I know,” she says. Then she arches her back, releases her hands from the wheel, and pushes open the door. “C’mon, babe. Let’s fucking do this thing.”
Late-nighters are practically a staple of NSDT culture at this point, which means everyone’s got expectations. Lucretia shows up with a cooler of black coffee. Barry arrives with fifty tabs open on his laptop and a stack of archived research papers. Magnus goes straight to the front desk and trades gossip with the librarians until Taako remembers to drag him away.
Immediately Lup commandeers a table. She loves the library—there’s something about the green glass lamps and lofted ceiling that makes her feel like she’s slipped out of time. Granted, she can never admit it to anyone, because that’s some next-level nerd shit, but the instant Lup settles into a stiff wooden chair and puts her feet up, she starts to feel like herself again.
Maybe she was overreacting in the car, she thinks, as she opens her laptop. She’s too young for existential crises, and besides, she’s acting like she’s the only high school senior in the world who’s ever lost a few of their marbles over the prospect of university. Maybe everything’s fine, Lup thinks. Maybe she’s just blowing it all out of proportion.
And then Barry sits next to her, arms overflowing with papers and looking just slightly out of breath, and Lup realizes that, fuck, she’s really not.
“Hey,” he says. “You ready to burn the midnight oil?”
“Idiom of the day?”
“It’s a cool app!” says Barry, defensively. “You get points if you use it in normal conversation, and then you can buy shit for your little avatar dude.”
Lup brings up a blank document and squints dubiously at him. “Can’t you just lie?”
“I mean, yeah, but it’s an honor system, and I’d feel really bad—”
“Hey, Buzzfeed Unsolved!” Taako lets go of a protesting Magnus’s collar and collapses into the chair across from Lup. “We crackin’ the books or what?”
They end up four to a table. Lucretia takes a desk nearby, which is probably for the best, because she’s got enough notebooks and reading material to drown a small child. Lup doesn’t even want to know what she’s reading in those dusty, leather-bound volumes. She has the distinct feeling it’ll end up with her dead in a magical glade in West Virginia.
So instead, she does her research, and it’s agonizing. That’s putting it nicely. She’d forgotten how much concentration it takes to read through guides to improvisation and silently outline, rehearse, and execute a few extemporaneous pieces of her own, and around 11:00, Lup’s lost herself in her own little world. She goes to add another topic to her list of possible subjects and knocks Barry’s coffee thermos, which wobbles and almost makes an earth-shattering noise before she catches it.
“Rad,” Lup whispers to herself.
And then she looks around, because all of a sudden she’s back in reality. Magnus is facedown in a book, which Lup is guessing isn’t some hot new reading technique, and Taako has his head cradled in the crook of his elbow. Next to her, Barry is snoring softly. Lucretia’s curled herself around the edge of the desk and what is definitely not a spellbook.
Lup cracks a smile and tastes saltwater on her upper lip.
She’s crying. Shit. Why is she crying?
Well. Fine. She knows why she’s crying—because it’s the middle of the night, and she’s exhausted, and surrounded by people she loves, and she’s just spent the afternoon worrying about the fact that they’ll never have anything like this again. Who wouldn’t?
Across the table, Taako stirs and disturbs a small mountain of books. Lup swallows a knot of emotion in her throat and swipes a hand across her eyes.
“Hey, dumbass.” She pokes him, and he startles awake. Two of the books go toppling to the floor. “We gotta go home and get some sleep.”
“I don’ sleep,” Taako slurs, which is followed promptly by an enormous yawn and a catlike stretch. He fumbles for Barry’s thermos, which has to be empty at this point, and says, “I just need some fuckin’ caffeine.”
She rolls her eyes. If they’re red, Taako will mistake them for exhaustion and nothing else. “You really wanna fall asleep in the hallway again?”
“One time, Lulu. You fall asleep in the hallway one time…”
She ignores his sleepy mumbling and reaches over to nudge Barry. “Get up, boys. We got a competition tomorrow and I’m not gonna get either of you a triple-shot if you don’t get up.”
Barry stirs. “Whassat boutta triple-shot?”
“Yeah, you heard me,” says Lup, tantalizingly. “Just get up.”
He stumbles to his feet, and Taako groans, yanking Kravitz’s sweatshirt over his head. At the other table, Lucretia sighs and pushes her hands through her hair, then starts loading books into her backpack. “Everyone remembers what time we’re meeting at school tomorrow?”
“Six-thirty,” Lup replies, automatically, and this time Taako’s groan is accompanied with a muffled curse.
Their president raises an eyebrow at Lup, who crooks her fingers in the Okay symbol. Stifling a tiny yawn behind her hand, Lucretia pulls the backpack over her shoulders and hoists it up. “Fucking hell,” she says. “This may not have been a good idea.”
“You need a ride home, Luce?”
“I’ll be fine,” she mutters, even though she looks more exhausted than finals week Lucretia, who is a being of raw energy and caffeine and a force not to be reckoned with. “Is he alive?”
“Mmh,” says Magnus, from the pages of a suffocated-looking book.
Lucretia sighs again. “I’ll take him,” she says to Lup. “You just get these two home, okay?”
Lup nods and starts gathering her things. The heap of fabric formerly known as Taako reluctantly shifts and fumbles for his bag, and Barry rubs his eyes like somehow, it’ll make the dark circles disappear. His desktop is covered with PDFs and bullet-point outlines. The most recent bullet point says Migration of cultural stigmaaaaaaaaaaaddddhsjhfjhffhfhhhhhhjkkkk99989fdhfjfj, which Lup guesses is around when his head hit the keyboard.
Eventually they all make it to the parking lot, although Magnus looks like he’s ready to fall asleep on the next available surface, and Taako’s braid is just about beyond repair. “Six-thirty,” Lucretia tells them, again, and very gently starts to drag Magnus to her car. Lup has to fish around in her backpack for a good thirty seconds to find the car keys, and when she finally gets them in the ignition, the engine’s roar is enough to temporarily startle her out of her research-induced stupor.
The radio plays on low during the drive back to Barry’s. Taako is asleep in the passenger seat, sunken down into Kravitz’s sweatshirt, and Barry isn’t out just yet, but if his head-nodding is any indication, it won’t be long. Lup blinks and tries not to focus on the weight tugging on her eyelashes. She pulls clumsily into Barry’s driveway, shuts the door as quietly as she can behind her, and closes her eyes against the warm night air.
She’s missed this—the liminal peace right after their late-nighters, when sleep is a thousand miles away and the competition is even further.
“Hey,” says Barry, softly, and she opens her eyes to see him at her side. “I gotta go in. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, right?”
“6:15 on the dot, babe.” Lup grins when he groans, and then, because Taako is asleep and the neighborhood is suspended in a dream, she leans in and presses her lips to his. Barry stiffens and then relaxes just as suddenly. He feels like home, and even when she pulls away, they’re standing close enough to be each other’s center of gravity.
That's how it's always been, isn't it? They keep each other grounded.
“ ’Night, Bear,” she says, and adjusts his glasses as he’s trying to compose himself. It’s very, very adorable. “Get some rest for me, okay?”
“You too,” says Barry. He’s still sounding a little dazed, and almost walks into the rearview mirror as he heads up the driveway, sending Lup headlong into a small fit of giggles. She catches her breath and blows him a kiss when he reaches the door.
When she climbs back up behind the steering wheel, Taako yawns and slumps in her direction.
“Hey,” he says, drowsily. “You good?”
“Can I make you a promise?” she says.
“I don’t like those.”
“I know you don’t, but let me make just one. Okay? You trust me, right?”
“Fine. Okay. What’s the promise?”
“I promise we’ll be okay,” she says. “Wherever we go, we’re gonna be okay.”
“I dunno,” says Lup. “But I think I will be.”
He nods—that’s evidently enough for him—and lets his head knock back against the windowsill. Lup puts the car in reverse and backs them onto the street. She sings quietly along with the radio as she drives them home.