Chapter Text
Three months.
It's been three months since they got caught in that stupid fucking trap.
Three months since he's gotten a good night's sleep.
Three months since he's been able to look in the fucking mirror.
Three months since they lost Kaminari.
No, scratch that. Three months since he failed to save Kaminari.
Bakugo nearly failed his first year in the hero course at UA. He had been unable to do anything but stare blankly for the last two months of the year, but luckily that hadn't been long enough to completely ruin his grades. He would've blown off quite a few people's faces if it hadn't been for Kirishima, though; It had been hard enough to keep from kicking the absolute shit out of Deku every time he had said "Kacchan..." In that fucking sympathetic voice Bakugo hates so goddamn much.
His entire break was spent at Kirishima's house. He couldn't bear to go home to his mother and listen to her telling him how weak he is, how fucking useless and pathetic he is; Usually he can handle the echo of his internal monologue, but not now. Luckily, though, his boyfriend's parents love him for reasons he can't even begin to imagine, but for once he decides to just be grateful for it and not question the fact that they're fond enough of him to allow him to just lay in bed and mope all day rather than berating him like his mother would.
But now, it's the first day of second year. He's been moved into his new dorm room for a few days now thanks to Kirishima's help, and he had tried (and failed miserably) to ignore the stab of pain whenever one of them would say something that would normally trigger one of Kaminari's stupid jokes. All he can think of is the black marble headstone with his friend's name on it, think of everyone in their class and even a good portion of class B at his funeral. They hadn't been able to find his body, but Bakugo knows he's gone; He and Kirishima watched him get crushed under the rubble as they just fucking left. Bakugo can't count the number of times he's thought that he should've been the one in there instead.
There have been a few rare times when Bakugo has been out in town and he thinks he sees Kaminari, but every time the blond hair disappears when he looks again. The first time it had happened he had about trampled a group of kids, but by the time he got to where he had "seen" Kaminari whatever it was had disappeared. He hadn't been able to sleep that night.
Despite how much mental preparation he's tried to do for today, he still isn't ready to face everyone. He can't face their fucking sympathy when he knows he doesn't deserve it. He knows he deserves to be hated, to be criticized, to be pushed away for getting everyone's favorite classmate killed, but instead they treat him like he's going to fucking shatter if they so much as breathe on him the wrong way; he can't stand being treated like he's fragile. The only person he can fully tolerate right now, funnily enough, is Todoroki. Todoroki doesn't show sympathy, but he also doesn't push him away; he just puts on a mask of indifference and treats him exactly the same as he always did before. So on the rare occasions when he does leave his room, he's usually out eating lunch or dinner with Todoroki. There was one time when the half and half bastard tried telling him to "move on" and that it "wasn't his fault," but he dropped it as soon as Bakugo started getting volatile.
"Katsuki? Hey, it's time to go to class." Kirishima says softly after knocking on his door and opening it just enough to peer inside. Bakugo takes one look at him and throws an arm over his eyes, effectively shutting Kirishima out.
"Shut up. I'll get there whenever the hell I get there. Aizawa can kiss my ass." He growls, turning onto his side so that he's facing the wall. He hears a muffled "I love you" and he just groans in return, waiting until he hears the subtle click of the door shutting before he gets up.
Bakugo thinks back to the day after the building went down as he throws on his uniform and gets his bag together. The police had questioned all of them on several things, but especially about Kaminari. They had asked what his normal habits were, if he had ever seemingly disappeared, if he had ever acted strangely, etc. Once they had all answered the police's questions, they all knew without a doubt that there was no mistake or miscommunication; Denki Kaminari had been the traitor that whole fucking time, and none of them had known. And yet, somehow, the pieces lined up perfectly. His slight fascination with Stain's ideals, the fact that he somehow managed to be liked by everyone, the fact that he acted like an idiot most of the time but would occasionally use the vocabulary of a scholar, even the way his voice would randomly drop when he was fighting someone; It all made so much sense that it fucking hurt.
Despite how broken Bakugo has become, though, the person most effected had to be Jiro. He hadn't spoken to her at all over break, but he knows from Kirishima that a lot of her time is spent screaming, (rarely) crying, or a combination of the two. Kirishima has told him the thoughts that manage to escape her lips sometimes, which mainly consist of her wondering if her boyfriend had actually loved her or not. Hell, for all she knows, he could've just been pretending. And if he was, then... why her?
Unfortunately, they were all victims of circumstance. Even Kaminari, in a way.
But, now isn't the time for those particular thoughts. Right now it's time to go to class.