Chapter Text
Jeongguk has never been good at holding his emotion, it may be supported by the fact that every single soul that breath around him pamper him and put him first. And while the golden maknae never really exploits the opportunity but it sure does him plenty.
So it’s really unfamiliar to get ignored and avoided by half of the dorm.
First, Jimin avoids him like a plaque, looking all pale and sick whenever Jeongguk tries to talk to him. On some special occasion, Jimin even snaps at him harshly. And Jeongguk may be a tough man at the heart but he’d be lying if he says it doesn’t hurt him.
And from some small part inside him, its suffocates him, at how Jimin treats him colder than ever. Some nights Jeongguk stayed awake until 3 thinking where he go wrong and guessing is this probably what Jimin feels whenever Jeongguk too harsh on him –which is never intended, yet Jeongguk managed to do it frequently-
Some other nights Jeongguk just can’t sleep because his mind keeps rewinding the cold and pained stares Jimin stabs at him these day. Those nights were the worst.
Next is Taehyung, who seems to attached to Jimin by hip these days. Cuddling. Showering. Eating. Practicing. Singing. Jeongguk thought sourly. And no, Taehyung may not as hostile at Jimin but he still too reluctant whenever Jeongguk asks him to play together, always mentioning Jimin this and that, acting like he knows Jimin his whole life and his bestest friend.
Jeongguk pouts and snuggles loudly in the couch. He hasn’t got proper sleep and to be frank, it’s all probably because Jimin has stopped cuddling him in Jeongguk’s room. Jeongguk has tried to pry something –anything¬ at Jimin but yesterday when Jimin shouted, “Just go away,” Jeongguk has to stay quiet in the bathroom to stifles his sob.
“Kookie? What are you doing? It’s 5 in the morning,” Jeongguk snaps from the TV he absentmindedly watches. Jeongguk wakes at 3 and the silent dorm doesn’t settled quiet right for him so he turns the TV on.
“Ah is it too loud?” Jeongguk reaches for the remote, turning the volume down.
Namjoon shakes his head.“No, It’s just very early, why aren’t you sleep?”
Jeongguk bites his nails, sighing before actually turning around to face Namjoon, “Can’t sleep,”. Too much on my mind.
Namjoon looks tired, Jeongguk wonders, whilst he wakes too soon, Namjoon probably hasn’t get any proper sleep. But his hyung smiles gently and Jeongguk gets the same churning feeling he got 8 years ago, when he first met Namjoon.
“What’s on your mind?”
Namjoon startled him. Jeongguk throws his eyes back to the TV before mumbling, “Are you a mind reader, Hyung?”
The leader chuckles, trying to settled himself comfortably next to Jeongguk, “No, you’re just easy to read,”. They fell silent for a moment, Jeongguk trying to watch whatever it is on TV while Namjoon staring at carpet hollowly. “So, what keeps you awake?”
Jeongguk hasn’t meant to sound so childish when he whispers, “Did I do something wrong, Hyung? To anyone? To Jimin-hyung?”. Memory of how Jimin snaps “Just go away,” won’t stop playing in his mind. How his hyung never actually gives him cold shoulders like yesterday.
Not even at his meanest time to Jimin, had Jimin ever told him something so resentful.
Namjoon head is thumping. He spends the whole morning to assures Jeongguk that no, Jimin wouldn’t hate him, if there is anything Namjoon could say, Jimin literally does the epitome of opposite. The poor boy loves too hard with hearts too big for him.
Jeongguk keeps looking at him with those damn bambi eyes and if it isn’t because Hoseok has abruptly encountered their talk, Namjoon would probably already spill half of the truth, despite having no right to do so.
So no, he hasn’t got any proper sleep since yesterday. Because it’s ripping him apart. So no, no one has the right to blame him if he’s being slightly harsh at the practice. He’s tired and it’s making him snappy.
And it happens to be when Jeongguk, who asks for the nth time where is Jimin and why his tiny hyung isn’t present right now. Namjoon growls and may be a little too rough when he’s saying, “I told you he’s not feeling well, Jeongguk. Don’t be a child,”
Jeongguk agapes for whole second before snaps his mouth too fast before yanking back, “What is your problem Hyung? You have been so sensitive this whole practice,” and Namjoon almost spitting a You all are my problem! When Jin pats him and softly stops them,
“I think we all need a break,”. He turns to the coach and speaks politely, albeit a little bit cold and leaves no room for argument, “Can we?”
Their couch nods, looking confused the whole group dynamic somehow messed up today.
Namjoon sloughing next to Seokjin, apologizing softly when Seokjin whispering, “You can’t blame it on Kookie, he must really confused right now,” he sympathizes the leader, knowing how hard it must be to bear every weight alone.
Namjoon holds out his hand and Seokin takes it wordlessly, squeezes it softly.
Seokjin doesn’t miss the way Namjoon voice trembling when he says, “I know, I am sorry,”
“No,” Taehyung snaps harder than he intended to, refusing to move nor looking at Jimin because he is weak for his best friend’s eyes. He could hear Jimin puffing next to him. The moment their coach let them take their break he sprint to the dorm, but not before making sure Seokjin knows where he head to.
“Hyung, is it okay if I go see Jimin now?”
Taehyung fidgets, peeking through his corner of eyes to making sure that Jeongguk is now completely absorbed in talking to Hoseok and Yoongi.
Seokjin watches him thoroughly and Taehyung is getting more restless now, “I I me-mean, to make sure he’s o-okay, Namjoon Hyung said that h-he –“
Seokjin cuts him with a shush and smile, the genuine one. “Sure Tae, just be quick, okay? Let Hyungs handle Kookie,”
Taehyung stares at Seokjin Hyung and leaves, but not before murmuring a, “Thank you Hyung,” for understanding.
“I feel better already, Tae,”
If Taehyung had knew this would lead to his stubborn best friend insisting to join them on their practice while literally coughing petals and leafs, Taehyung would have stayed in their practice room.
“It’s just pretty unfair, I get to lay here all day while you guys sweating your ass off learning –“
Taehyung is still not looking at Jimin when he cuts him, sharps, “But all of us are fine, Jimin,”unlike you.
The room goes silent and Taehyung wonders if he says wrong thing. Jimin clutches his sleeve, voice shaking, “It’s just,” don’t cry, please don’t, Taehyung prays, “I don’t want to be useless,”
Taehyung likes to boar himself as a strong man with strong will, but when Jimin whispers, “Please?”, he knows he lost.
Jimin tries not to wince at the judging stare him from his members, worried carved between the line of their face. Taehyung walks away from him to fetches some water and Jimin starting to regret his stubbornness to join the practice.
“Eum, Tae lets me join the practice,”
Taehyung chokes on his water and spurting a, “Hey, don’t drag me on this,”. When Yoongi stares harder at Taehyung, he stutters a bit, “Jiminie says he, he feels better,” and his eyes were practically begging me, try to tell no to those eyes!
Namjoon gives him the most unapproved glare and Taehyung sighs, giving up, defeatedly says, “I couldn’t say no,”. The rest of the band nods, seeming understand that it does nearly impossible to say not when Jimin pout his way.
Still, Jin looked like Jimin is about to shatters and worries his lower lips, “But he still looked so pale,”. He steps closer and put the hand in Jimin’s forehead, “And sweating a lot, I don’t think he could catch up with practice, he might worsen his fever again,”
“But I feel better,” Jimin clears his throat, refusing to looks at some particular maknae who bitterly stares at him from the corner of the room. “The coughs have stopped,” He says softly, now refusing to looks at anyone, looking at the wooden floor, “And my fever has gone,”
No one says anything, but Jimin isn’t too stupid to see that they are not buying anything that comes out from his mouth. He stares at the top of his shoes harder, clenches his hands and prays that his voice isn’t cracking.
He fails, as always, and ends up whispering a frail, “Please, I insist.”
Jimin holds his breath briefly, head buzzing at the pregnant silence that fills the whole room.The silence and suffocating atmosphere only break when Hoseok softly utters, “Okay, Jiminie, let’s practice,”
The practice ends smoothly, only one or two time Jimin has to dash to bathroom and coughs, so Taehyung only begs him to stop and take a breaks one or two time. The teacher looks pretty pleased, even though everyone in the room is aware of the tension due to previous event.
They are sitting around in the dance room. Taehung chats animatedly around Jeongguk and Hoseok, while Yoongi sits next to Seokjin, looking too tired to move yet still let Jin plays with his hands.
Jimin has been laying in the floor for the whole 10 minutes, breathing slowly and mentally praising himself because just this one, he finally does something right.
“Jimin-ah, you shouldn’t sleep here, it’s cold,”
Namjoon crawls and dump his ass next to him, yanks his shoes and wipes his sweat-beading forehead. “If you want to rest, go to your room,”
His hyung looked tired, and Jimin wonders how big his part in it. “Talk to yourself Hyung, you looked exhausted,”
Namjoon sighs, smiling sufficiently yet still not looking at Jimin, runs his hand through his hair and closing his eyes. Jimin isn’t too naïve to guess what Namjoon really want to say. I am.
“I am really sorry Hyung,”
Namjoon snaps his eyes open, looking at him, still not moving. “Why are you apologizing?”
Jimin smiles bitterly because Namjoon still has the audacity to pretends he doesn’t understand, when the truth is they both perfectly aware what he’s talking about. “It’s probably because of me, right?” Because I am a much too twisted baggage and you are responsible for me.
Namjoon shifts closer to him, this time, looking at Jimin right in his eyes. “No. It’s never because of you,” he adds hastily,
Jimin couldn’t stop himself from being petty, “Liar,”
“Jiminie –“
“Namjoon Hyung? Jimin Hyung? Are you guys okay?”
Namjoon drawls himself away from Jimin while Jimin tries –and fails miserably- to sit. Both looking at the confused Jeongguk standing between them, face looking unreadable yet his eyes is spitting anger and resentment.
Jimin holds his breath in case he starts coughing, voice wavering when saying, “I’ll go to my room,”
Jeongguk jolts up next to him, not saying anything when he is grabbing Jimin’s upper arm and steadying him, “I’ll go with you,” eyeing Jimin’s trembling legs.
Six of them jolt a sudden, “No,” and Jeongguk almost drops Jimin, making the smaller yelps pretty loud.
Namjoon stands and reflexively catch Jimin’s other arm, “You must be tired Guk, let me go with Jimin,”
To everyone surprise, Jeongguk barks a solid, “No, what is wrong with all of you?” to Namjoon, yanking Jimin with decent power and put his arms around Jimin. “Why can’t I take Hyung to his room?” he dares everyone with his big eyes briefly only to shift his glare back to Namjoon, spitting a “And no, Hyung, I am not tired,”.
Taehyung almost lungs forward to snatches Jimin because his best friend looked seconds away from bursting, yet when Jimin shakes his head subtly, Hoseok manages to grab his hands and stills him on his place. The room is suffocating and Bangtan is aware that their managers and crews are watching the scene, yet no one shifts from their ground.
So they are eternally hopeful when Sejin coughs loudly and states that it ‘Looks like Bangtan need some time on their own’ and excuses –while implicitly dismiss the crews- the whole room.
Leaving Bangtan and the enormous tension hanging in the air.
They stay quiet for a whole minute. And Jimin thanks the heaven for that because now his breath is even and he’s not so shaking anymore.
Jeongguk huffs loudly and stares hard at his hands in Jimin, noticing that his hyung is shaking, “D-Did I do something wrong?” he rambles confusedly, eyes shifting unfocused the way he does when he’s holding back his tears. “D-Did I-I messed something up? B-Because if I-I did, I am sorry, b-but why d-does hyung d-despise me this much,”
Everyone could hear the practically bleeding wound in maknae. While the others shift their features from worry to sympathetic, Jimin now knows what it feels like to have your lungs on fire. And even though his throat is burning, he can’t hold the feeling to soothe Jeongguk.
Still, when Jimin opens his mouth, he can taste the petals on his mouth, the sticky texture and its sharp sweet smell. So he snaps his mouth close and swallow the whole unpleasant glob, tightening his throat when a cough threatening to burst.
When Hoseok eyed him worriedly he managed to smile and shakes his head.
It’s Yoongi surprisingly starts talking, “No, Jeongguk, You didn’t do anything wrong. Hyung are sorry for being mean,”smiling softly while squeeze his shoulder gently.Putting the scene to end with, “Let’s just go back together,”
They are then dismissed with confused stare from Sejin. Jimin walks too slowly and lets Jeongguk walks next to him, smiling tightly when his hyungs glancing worriedly, asking soundlessly whether he is okay or not.
And Jimin answers it with brief nod every time.
Jeongguk hands is still latching into his, if Jimin has any power left in him, he would just shoves the maknae away, but still he realizes that those two hands really do help him to walk. So when he stumbles and Jeongguk grabs him tighter and closer to him, Jimin, ignoring the way his throat clenches for the nth time, smiles weakly and says, “I can take care of my self, You don’t have to do this,”
Jeongguk doesn’t respond and keep walking slowly while guiding him. Jimin thought that the maknae ignores him again.Why Jimin thought it would be different is beyond him.
It's a while before Jeongguk mutters, not looking at Jimin
“Ggukie,”
Jimin blinks confusedly while Jeongguk turns his head to look at him, “You didn’t say my name,”ever, again, Jeongguk bitterly adds, “I” miss it, i miss you “have a name, Hyung,”
When Jimin says, “You don’t have to do this, Jeongguk,” Jeongguk’s chest tightens and their spacious dorm strangulate his heart all of a sudden.
It’s another long night for Jeongguk.
It happens quite often that Jeongguk can’t sleep in his own bed. Because his mind is busying, running, every other frightening thought.
Sometimes its nightmares, about his parents, about himself and his brother, about Bangtan. Sometimes its unbearable homesickness. Most times its extensive worries about their future, about falling apart and scandals. Most times its loneliness.
This time, its Jimin, looking at him distantly and calling him “Jeongguk,”.