Chapter Text
“Visiting hours are over now, sir.”
I looked up. The nurse that had been taking care of Jason in the past few days was standing in the doorway, a sympathetic smile on her face.
“Oh,” I said. “Um, okay, thank you.”
She nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her with a soft click.
I turned to Jason, who was lying on the bed, his eyes barely open. “I’ll be back soon, okay?” I whispered. I took Jason’s weak hand and brought it to my lips, kissing it softly.
Jason nodded a little bit. He crooked his fingers, gesturing me forward. I leaned forward and gently kissed Jason, being mindful of the tubes helping him breathe.
“You’re going to be okay,” I promised. I gave Jason a small smile and then stood up. “When you start feeling better, I’ll sneak you some actual food. How’s that sound?”
Jason smiled, almost imperceptibly.
I gave his hand one last pat before leaving the room. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my (Jason’s) sweatshirt as I walked down the hallways of the hospital towards the exit.
When I stepped into the cold night, I looked up and down the street. Cars zoomed by. No one gave more than a passing glance at me. No one knew the turmoil boiling inside me. No one cared about what was happening in my life. For the first time in nearly over a year, I felt invisible again.
Instead of turning right to go back to Jason’s house, I made a quick left and ducked into the alleyway behind the hospital. There, I transformed. I leapt nimbly up to the second story windows and counted the ones to Jason’s room. There, I settled myself on the narrow windowsill so I could watch Jason all night long.
It was cold outside, but I was not about to leave Jason alone. Besides, I was not going to go back to Jason’s house, sleep in a comfy bed, surrounded by the scents of home when Jason was suffering alone and sick in a hospital.
So I settled in for the night.
However, as night turned to day, I left my perch with one last glance at Jason, who was still sleeping. His heart monitor remained a steady beat throughout the night, and the nurse that came to check on him did not seem to find anything alarming.
I transformed back into my human form and grimaced. It was quite obvious I did not go home or sleep the night before. So I quickly ran to the house and had a quick shower.
I put the pile of my dirty clothes into the washer and started to go again.
As I passed the kitchen, I paused. I had not eaten all day yesterday. Eating would mean leaving Jason alone for another hour or so. But I was already looking gaunt and tired. It would not do if I got sick as well. I had to take care of myself. For Jason.
I went into the kitchen and searched the fridge for something quick and easy. There was a box of takeout that had been left in there for who knows how long. I threw it away. There were a few fruits and vegetables in there as well, but they were looking old and a couple things had mold on it.
I threw that out too.
The milk and yogurt that were way past their expiration date also got dumped into the trash. That left the fridge empty.
In the cabinets was a half-eaten package of cookies. I found a lone can of tuna and the cereal I had bought nearly two months ago, still unopened. I had promised Jason I would eat it.
So I sat down at the table and opened the box of cereal. The yellow flakes speckled with white did not look appetizing.
But still, I poured some into a bowl and picked at it with my fingers for a few seconds before trying it.
The taste of sugar, nearly overwhelming the taste of the corn cereal, burst onto my tongue. I chewed slowly. The tiny flake did not really do much. So I grabbed a small handful and tried again.
Surprisingly, I did not hate the taste of the cereal. The crunch was rather satisfying, and the more bites I took, the more it started to grow on me.
I somehow ate through half of the entire bag before I realized what I had done. I sprung to my feet. I grabbed a bottle of water and sprinted out of the house. When I made it to the hospital, visiting hours had begun half an hour ago.
I quickly made my way into Jason’s room in the CCU, knocking softly before going inside.
Jason’s eyes were open. He smiled a little when he saw me.
“Hey… Dickie,” he rasped out. Then, he coughed a violent fit.
I quickly rushed to his bedside. “Jason! You’re- You’re talking? Wait, maybe you shouldn’t. It’s obviously wrecking your throat.”
Jason rolled his eyes. “Stop w-worrying,” he chided, his voice barely above a whisper. I had to lean in to hear him. He reached up and weakly flicked my forehead. “Did you… sleep?”
“A bit,” I admitted. “Sorry I was late. I… lost track of time.”
“’s fine, Dickie,” Jason said. “’m getting… getting better anyway.”
“You are?” I asked, eyes wide. “Says who?”
“The doctors, duh,” Jason said. “They- They said my lung were filled with- with fluid, but I would be… be better by the new year.”
I smiled, relief filling me. “You will?” I asked. I slumped in the seat by his bed. I grabbed his hand and pressed his cool skin to my lips. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Wh-Why?” Jason rasped.
“Because… it’s my fault you’re so sick,” I said. “You were out every night looking for me.”
“It’s ’cause I love you, Dickie,” Jason slurred. “Don’t you be thinking stupid thoughts.”
I gave him a weak smile. “It’s not stupid,” I said. “You’re stupid.”
Jason laughed, but his laugh quickly turned to hacking coughs. “You’re… right about that,” he managed. He laid back, his eyes closing briefly. His forehead was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. “’s hot, Dickie,” he murmured. He started to push his blankets away.
“No, no,” I said gently, pulling the blankets right back up. “You need to keep it up.”
Jason let out a soft huff. “Dickie… you’re so good to me.”
I gave him a tentative smile. “You okay, Jay?”
“Think the… drugs’re kickin’ in,” he said. “Claudia said… ‘bout half an hour. ‘s been half an hour.”
“Oh, okay. Then maybe you should sleep.”
Jason shook his head and groaned.
“Okay, um, just talk to me then. What are the drugs for?”
Jason smiled dopily. “Breathin’… hurts,” he said. “Throat hurts too.” He giggled and coughed. “Everythin’ kinda hurts.”
“Ah, I see,” I said. “Hey, Jay, I think some of your friends from work are going to be coming in to visit you today.”
“They are?” Jason asked. “But… why?”
“Because they’re your friends and they care about you,” I answered. “I’ll just step outside when they come, okay?”
“Nooo...” Jason whined. “Gotta stay with me, Dickie.”
“I’ll just go eat lunch. But I’ll be back, okay?”
Jason pressed his lips together. “Okay… you need to eat,” he slurred. “More.”
I laughed quietly. “I know. You tell me every day,” I whispered. I leaned in to kiss him, but Jason put a hand on my mouth.
“Bad,” he said, frowning. “You… could get sick. Claudia said.”
I opened my mouth to argue, then decided not to. “Okay, fine,” I said. I had to be careful with my last life after all. “Just the cheek then. Is that okay?”
Jason narrowed his eyes at me. “Only the cheek.”
I nodded and he removed his hand. I pecked his cheek softly, lingering a second. “I love you, Jason.”
“Love you… too,” he said with a silly smile on his face. “My fluffy kitty cat.”
I laughed softly. “Yeah, okay.” I pulled back. “You should really sleep. Need your strength while your friends visit, yeah?”
“Mm, okay,” Jason agreed. He coughed again, the sound painful and wet. It made me grimace. It did not seem to bother Jason as much though. “Wish… you could stay and sleep with me,” he said. “Miss you.”
I gave him a sad smile. “Yeah, I miss you too,” I said. I did not tell him that I barely even slept at all without him.
~
Jason’s condition improved slowly in the next few days. On the 30th of December, Jason was sitting up, and was able to talk for longer periods of time. He was moved from the CCU to the general floor.
He was still not allowed to eat dry foods yet, having to stick with stews and thick purees.
All he did was complain about the food.
“I would kill for a chili dog right now,” Jason groaned, stirring his tomato soup miserably. “Look at this, Dickie. It’s inhumane!”
I smiled at him fondly. “Just eat it, Jay. It’ll help you get better soon.”
Jason scoffed and let his spoon drop. “No, you know what will make me better? Cuddles and kisses and maybe some action from my boyfriend, but no. I can’t.” Jason groaned and let his head fall backwards into the pillows. He pouted. “Life is unfair, Dick.”
I sat down at the edge of his bed and picked up his bowl of soup. “How about I feed you?”
“I’m not a baby,” he grumbled. But he settled himself into the pillows. “I’m not eating that grilled cheese sandwich though. That is not real cheese. It’s cancerous plastic.”
I rolled my eyes. “Duly noted. No sandwich. But eat your soup.” I dipped the spoon into the soup and held it out to him.
“It’s hot,” Jason said flatly.
I took the spoon back and blew on it gently for a couple seconds before giving it back to him. He ate it this time. I dipped the spoon back into the soup.
Twenty minutes later, the soup was done, and Jason had a lazy smile on his face. “You know, you should be my nurse. I mean, Claudia was great, and Lucy, my new nurse, is really sweet, but they don’t give me the special attention I deserve.”
“You get better, come home, and I’ll play nurse for you all day,” I promised.
Jason laughed. He still coughed a few times after laughing, but it did not sound as bad as before. “Promise?”
“You can even get me a nurse costume,” I said seriously. “Whatever you want.”
“Aw, Dickie, don’t make promises you can’t keep. There’s no way you’ll wear a dress.” Jason stared at me for a second. “Will you?”
I shrugged. “I’ll do anything for you, Jay. You know that.”
Jason smiled sweetly and shook his head. “Aw, I don’t deserve you, Dickie,” he said. “You’re too good to me.” Then he immediately grew serious, and he gave me a sharp look. “Don’t you give me any of your self-deprecating BS now.”
I swallowed my next words back. “I wasn’t,” I said instead. Then, I stood up. “It’s getting late. Visiting hours are nearly over. I’m going to go now.”
Jason nodded. “Okay. See you tomorrow?”
I smiled. “Of course, Jay.”
That night, I decided that it would be safe if I went back to Jason’s house and get a proper night’s sleep. I would also prepare the house a bit for Jason’s return.
I cleaned well into the night, and then, I just flopped down onto the couch, exhausted, and I fell asleep.
I woke up in the morning, took a shower, and finished off the box of cereal I had worked through in three days. I had gone grocery shopping the day before, so I had milk to put in the cereal. It should have been a very strange thing – crunchy and wet at the same time, but it was good. I made a note to buy more cereal next time.
I went to the hospital a little later than usual, extremely excited to tell Jason about my newfound love for cereal.
However, when I got to Jason’s room, I found it empty.
I ran to the front desk, panic surging through my veins.
“Jason Todd,” I told the nurse. “Where- Where is he?”
The nurse clacked away at the keys for a second. “He was moved to the ICU early this morning.”
“ICU?” I asked. “But that means-” I tried not to think about it. “Can I- Can I see him?”
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry,” she said. “He’s not allowed visitors at the moment.”
I was shaken. “Okay,” I heard myself say. I stumbled off in a daze.
Jason was fine the day before. Jason was okay! He had been talking, laughing, eating! What had gone wrong in the short time I went home?
I stumbled and had to catch myself on the wall. I had gone home. I had let my guard down. I assumed Jason would be okay if I left for a while. It could just be a coincidence. But was it really? Jason had been getting better, and his health suddenly crashes when I leave?
There was no way it had nothing to do with me.
I wandered into the hospital gift shop. I walked past a display of stuffed animals, and I stopped.
Most of the animals were teddy bears of all sizes and colors. There were some other animals too – dogs, cats, birds.
There was one animal in particular that caught my eye. It was not very big and it was hidden behind the other larger stuffed animals, but I reached for it and pulled it out.
It was a black cat with large blue glass eyes. It had a blue collar around its neck and a little plastic tag that said “Get well soon!”
Without a second thought, I purchased it.
Then, I went to the ICU and slumped down in the waiting room. I sat there through lunch. I could not find the will to get up and go get something to eat. I just wanted to see Jason.
Thankfully, Claudia, Jason’s old nurse, kept me updated. She would pop out every once in a while to tell me how Jason was doing.
Early that morning, Jason’s condition suddenly dropped, and he had been rushed into intensive care. They had to put him under to keep him from coughing and wrecking his delicate state.
He was stable at the moment, but that could easily change. I pleaded with the nurses and doctors to let me see him.
Finally, Claudia took pity on me (or maybe the stuffed cat I was strangling to death) and let me in.
“You have one hour,” she warned. “He’s not going to wake up, so don’t try to wake him up.”
Claudia led me to Jason’s room and left me alone there.
Jason was hooked up to several machines again. He had an oxygen mask over his face, and he looked extremely pale.
I dragged the chair that was in the corner of the room next to Jason’s bedside. Then, I sat down.
I touched Jason’s hand. It felt frail and cold. Just by touching Jason, I knew. Jason was not getting better. Quite the opposite, he was dying.
I grabbed the stuffed cat and stared at it, stroking its short black fur. “It’s for you,” I whispered, even though Jason could not hear me. “I know it’s not quite like the real thing, but… he’ll probably hurt you less,” I said with a soft laugh. “Hug him when you miss me, ‘kay?”
I tucked the cat into the crook of Jason’s arm.
“You’ll probably hate me for doing this, but I have to,” I continued, taking Jason’s hand in mine. “Even if I did not owe you my life, I love you too much to let you die. I- I just can’t… watch you die,” I said, feeling tears well up. “This is me being selfish, Jay. I’m so sorry, but I can’t lose you.”
So he’s going to lose you instead. Some boyfriend you are.
I love him.
And yet you hurt him. He won’t forgive you for it.
I don’t need him to forgive me. He can curse me to the ends of the earth if he wishes. I won’t be around to hear it anyway.
My hour was up too quickly. I let myself be ushered out of the hospital. However, right after, I transformed and snuck back inside.
I leaped up onto Jason’s bed, curling up on his chest, listening to his weak heartbeat. He did not have very long left.
I hid under his bed when the doctors came in to check on his condition. When they left, I transformed, for the last time.
I hovered over Jason, trying to memorize every single detail about him. I wished he did not have to use an oxygen mask to breathe. Then, I could at least kiss him one last time.
Instead, however, I kissed Jason’s forehead.
I sat down next to him and rested my head against his stomach, turning to face him. I took a deep breath and thought back on the past year, about everything that had happened to me.
~
I am just the descendent of a cat god.
But I am different from other cats. I am special because I have him.
I promised I would not leave him until I fulfilled my life debt to him. And I received so much more than that. I had been given the chance to stay by his side until my final life. But what I am doing now is more than fulfilling the life debt. This is me being selfish because he is my everything.
The one I love more than anything in the world.
I will save him.
I am happy.
Jason’s eyes flutter open, and he inhales sharply. His nose fills with the harsh smell of the hospital. He groans softly and turns his head to the side to glance at the digital clock by the side of his hospital bed.
12:04 AM
January 1, 2019
Jason laughs weakly. He glances down, where Dick had fallen asleep on Jason’s stomach, his head turned towards Jason. There is a small smile on Dick’s face, and silky black hair had fallen in front of his eyes.
“That can’t possibly be comfortable, Dickie. You’ll be complaining about a sore neck later,” Jason whispers. “It’s a new year now, love. A new year, a new slate, free from all the mistakes and worries of the year before,” he continues. A small smile eases onto his face. “This will be a good year for us, I know it.” Dick does not seem to hear him, but Jason finds quiet confessions to a partner’s sleeping face something romantic.
He realizes that Dick must have been so tired sitting by Jason’s bedside, worrying and waiting for Jason to wake up.
He is glad Dick looks so at peace now. He looks ethereal, and so, so beautiful. Jason’s heart skips a beat and a loving smile graces his own face. He knows he should let Dick sleep, but it has been a couple days since he has seen Dick’s blue eyes and sweet smile. He supposes that Dick must have a lot to tell him. He would not mind having Dick’s soft voice lull him to sleep.
He reaches over and rests his hand on top of Dick’s head. He gently strokes Dick’s hair, feeling the silky strands. He brushes the hair out of Dick’s face.
Dick looks so peaceful, Jason feels bad for waking him.
He touches Dick’s cheek.
It is ice cold.
A sharp spike of fear stabs into his heart. “Dickie?” Jason asks, his voice trembling slightly. Jason pats Dick’s cheek a couple times. Dick does not move. Dick is a light sleeper. He wakes to the slightest touches. “Dick!”
Jason can hear the heart monitor going crazy, but he does not care. The nurses will come running in here soon enough. They may be able to help Dick because he is not waking up.
“No, no,” Jason says, struggling to sit up. He grabs Dick’s hand, sobbing aloud to find it cold as well. Dick has never gone cold before. Previously, when Dick died, he had not been dead for more than an hour or two, not long enough for his body to lose all its heat. “Please wake up, Dickie. Please, not now. It’s a new year, darling,” he whispers, pressing Dick’s cold, pale hand to his trembling lips. “Dick, no. You promised, Dickie, you- you promised me,” he says, his voice cracking in the end.
Dick does not answer. His closed eyes and small smile remain frozen on his face.
Even after the nurses and doctors confirm it, Jason finds himself unable to accept it.
His love, his light, his darling with nine lives… cannot possibly be dead.