Chapter Text
Adrien picked at his dinner, completely alone as Nathalie was allegedly sick in bed and the Gorilla was busy with completing some of Nathalie’s tasks. This did give Adrien the chance to have Plagg eating out in the open instead of the usual process of Adrien sneaking cheese into his pocket while Nathalie wasn’t looking. But that evening, Adrien really wasn’t feeling talkative.
“Are you planning to go out at Chat Noir tonight?” Plagg asked from his perch on the wheel of cheese.
“Yes,” Adrien nodded. “I have to see if there’s an akuma around.”
“What if there isn’t one?” Plagg tilted his head.
Adrien frowned tightly, pushing a pea across the plate.
Plagg inhaled a wedge of cheese and shrugged with his mouth full.
“I’m just saying you need a plan B. You ran out of Fencing quite a few times to throw up daffodils. You have vases stuffed with them.” Plagg gave him a bored look. “Why are you keeping them, again? Even cats don’t hoard hairballs.”
“It feels… wrong somehow to throw them away,” Adrien sighed. “I feel like they’re… I don’t know? Special, important. I feel like I need to take care of them.”
“Then don’t throw them away, give them to someone else,” Plagg suggested.
“That’s gross, Plagg.” Adrien shook his head.
“You gave one to the pigtail girl,” Plagg raised an eyebrow.
“That was different,” Adrien put his fork down and leaned against the table. The flower had made Marinette so happy. If a flower—his flower—could bring her that much cheer then he’d gladly give her all the flowers he could.
He wondered if Ladybug would be that happy to receive a flower from him. If he looked back at previous flowers he’d tried to give her, the answer was a hard no.
He swiftly spun away from the table and heaved up thick stalks of daffodils that scratched his throat and mouth.
“Ow,” he groaned after emptying his stomach of flowers.
“Maybe you should stay in tonight.” Plagg frowned. “Just call Ladybug and tell her what’s going on.”
“No,” Adrien shook his head quickly. “No, I can’t do that. I have to make sure it’s an akuma before I call her.” He had to make sure this wasn’t somehow his fault before he told her what was going on. He met Plagg’s large green eyes and asked, “are you ready?”
Plagg tossed one more cheese into his mouth before jumping up.
“Only if you promise a whole wheel after.”
“Deal.” Adrien stood up, clutching his flowers. “I’ll tell Father I’m going to bed.”
On his way to his bedroom, Adrien stopped by Gabriel’s office, knocking on the door before poking his head through. He startled at the sight.
Gabriel was slumped in a chair at the end of the long table. He was drawing on his tablet, intently hunched over. White anemones and crimson carnations were clustered around him and piling at his feet. He had his head propped up on a thin arm that appeared to be trembling under the weight.
Adrien had never seen his father so haggard looking.
“Father?” Adrien asked softly.
“Adrien.” Gabriel straightened, though his head remained propped by his hand. “What is it?”
“I just wanted to say goodnight,” Adrien eyed the flowers. “What are the flowers for?”
“Designs.” Gabriel answered curtly.
There was a moment of silence before Gabriel met Adrien’s curious gaze. Adrien froze, his heart hurting as he noted the large bags under Gabriel’s eyes.
“Goodnight,” Gabriel said, looking back down at his tablet.
“Goodnight.” Adrien slunk back. He paused, pushing his head back in. “Father?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
Gabriel looked up, the coldness in his eyes softening.
“I love you, too, Adrien.” The coldness swiftly returned and he glanced back down at his tablet. “Get some sleep.”
Adrien nodded, wishing he could add anything else to keep his father’s attention but he supposed that was the best he was going to get. He slowly retreated to his room.
Adrien gingerly placed the daffodils into a vase with the others before transforming. He swiftly took off and searched Paris for any stray akuma. After wandering the night for some time with repeated detours to throw up daffodils, he landed on a roof, ready to throw in the towel.
He sighed, pulling his knees to his chest as he glanced out at the city. It was his favorite spot to look at Paris. The buildings were tall enough to keep him away from prying eyes and the view opened up to the Seine and Notre Dame. The golden lights from the buildings and silver stars and moon reflected against the water and grey stone. He always ended patrols here to drink in the last precious moments he had as Chat Noir before returning to his heavily structured life as Adrien.
Almost ready to go home, Chat Noir pushed to his feet just as his enhanced hearing caught the creak of a door. He immediately crouched in the shadows, turning as he watched a familiar face poke out of a trap door and climb up onto her balcony. His shoulders relaxed as he watched Marinette tend to her potted plants.
His thoughts drifted to the last time he saw her across the way from his secret spot. It had been the night he felt particularly hopeless about Ladybug ever loving him and he had gone over to sit with Marinette, who had also been broken hearted. He didn’t know who she loved, but occasionally he did wonder what the guy was like.
His stomach flipped and he grimaced. He really needed to get home—or else risk throwing up more flowers and potentially worsening whatever was happening to him—but he also knew that the sooner he went home, the sooner he spent the rest of his night fretting over flowers in his room. He wanted to prolong that at least a little.
He watched as Marinette set the watering pot down before sitting on her deck chair. She procured a sketch book and started drawing. Chat tilted his head, wondering what pictures Marinette was bringing to life.
He couldn’t help but wonder how she would react to him throwing up flowers. He hadn’t wanted her to know when he was Adrien, but if he was Chat Noir, someone she didn’t interact with often, maybe it would be okay.
Before he could change his mind, he jumped across the buildings between them, soon landing with a soft thump on the railing behind her. She whirled in her seat, momentarily startled before she saw who the intruder was. Her gaze immediately softened and Chat felt his shoulders melt with relief.
“Hey,” he remained perched on railing, hoping he would be less intrusive if he remained on the perimeter of her space.
“Chat Noir,” Marinette jumped to attention, “is there an akuma?”
“No, no,” he shook his head, scanning the quiet city one more time. “Or not to my knowledge. I was on patrol and saw you sitting here. May I?”
Marinette nodded and he gave her a smile before craning his neck.
“What are you drawing?”
“New designs,” she lifted the sketchbook to let him see the floral outfits.
He smiled at the elegant flow of petals for skirts. His breath caught in his throat when he saw a headband decorated with a daffodil and a cluster of azaleas.
“Flowers?” he asked, slightly breathlessly.
“Y-yeah,” she stuttered slightly. “I was just hit with inspiration… I guess…”
Chat Noir nodded, remembering that his father had also been using flowers for designs. It must have been an artist thing.
“They look really amazing,” he encouraged, ignoring his churning stomach.
“Thank you.” Marinette tilted her head. “Hey, Chat, is something bothering you?”
“You know, I really love the view of the city from here,” Chat said distractedly. Inwardly, he winced, knowing very well he was changing the subject in the least tactful way he could but he also suddenly felt like maybe telling anyone about his flower thing was a bad idea.
“I do too,” Marinette let the conversation deter. Though, Chat glanced towards her as she looked down at her sketches and saw determination scrunch her nose. Instead of immediately trying to force him back onto the topic of him, like he assumed she was about to do, she added, “whenever I have a lot to think about, I come up here and just clear my head.”
“Do you have a lot on your mind right now?” Chat’s eyes widened in surprise.
Marinette nodded, meeting his gaze for a moment. Her bright blue eyes were vast and open, inviting him to let down his guard. He sighed, turning back to the cityscape, his gaze pausing on Notre Dame.
“I also have a lot on my mind,” he admitted. His brows tightened as he considered his wording. He wanted to mention the flower thing but without mentioning it directly. He tried, “Do you ever feel alone?” and winced. That was a little vague and pathetic sounding but, he realized with slight frustration, accurate.
“Yes,” Marinette answered without hesitation.
“What?” Chat turned to meet her calm gaze. “But you’re Marinette. Everyone loves you! Or—” he quickly amended, considering he was Chat and not supposed to know Marinette as well as someone in her class like Adrien would, “—I just mean you always seem to have so many friends fighting for you. Like that time when your grandmother got akumatized? All of your friends sacrificed themselves for you.”
“They did,” Marinette’s features dropped.
Chat Noir’s heart ached for her, immediately recognizing the sorrow weighing down her shoulders.
“What happened?” Chat asked softly.
“It’s no big deal—” Marinette shook her head, “—It is a big deal. Or, it was. I’m learning to live with it. I guess I just—I know what it feels like to be lonely.”
“Marinette?” Chat whispered urgently. “Tell me.”
Marinette looked up, meeting his eyes with a tiredness he had never seen in her before.
“Do you know Lila?” She leaned forward, propping her chin on her hand.
“Yes,” Chat Noir nodded. “She’s been akumatized.”
A few times, he recalled.
“Well, she’s been lying to my whole class. They eat it up. I don’t.” Marinette rolled her eyes and Chat momentarily hid a knowing smile behind his hand. Marinette glanced down and shrugged helplessly. “I think she hates me because I try to call her out on her lies. She’s been threatening to turn the whole class against me ever since she came back.”
“What?” Chat Noir’s eyes widened.
He knew Lila was a liar. He did not know that she was actively threatening Marinette.
“Yeah,” Marinette slouched. “I’ll handle it,” she shrugged. “I’ll just have to do my best to trust my friends. To my knowledge, she hasn’t tried anything beyond trying to scare me, but I’ll just have to… I don’t know, face whatever comes with confidence.”
“Why haven’t you told anyone?” Chat asked, his mind still whirling. Why hadn’t she told him? As Adrien?
“I tried to tell Alya and Nino but they didn’t believe me when I told them she was a liar.” Marinette shrugged. “Adrien knows she can’t really be trusted and he helped. I know I’m not alone since he knows too.”
Chat Noir frowned.
“But it’s not easy because Lila is still threating to turn him against you too?” he guessed.
Marinette didn’t respond, taking a moment to absent-mindedly add to her sketches. Chat saw a slight glisten of wetness in her eyes.
“I know that won’t ever happen,” Chat Noir promised firmly, already calculating ways to spend more time with Marinette in school, promising himself that he would stand up for her if he ever suspected of Lila picking on her. “Your true friends won’t be tricked into forgetting how kind and amazing you are.”
“Thanks, Chat,” Marinette smiled sadly. She cleared her throat pointedly. “But, ah, why do you feel lonely?”
“While it may seem like I live a charmed life, it’s not easy being an alley cat,” Chat Noir tried to joke, though her unimpressed look made him clear his throat. “I’ve been having a rougher time than usual.”
“Alter ego stuff or superhero?” Marinette asked slowly.
“Both,” he responded with a sigh. “Okay, this might sound bad. I’ve never told anyone this before, even as my usual self, but I feel pretty isolated from everyone when I’m my alter ego.”
“Chat—” Marinette started quietly.
“But it’s okay.” Chat gave her a weak smile. “I’m used to it as A—ah, as myself. But when I’m Chat Noir, I feel like I don’t have to try so hard. I can just make puns and be silly. I don’t mind being alone all the time as long as I can be Chat Noir.” He frowned. “I once told you that I love Ladybug and… honestly she’s been rejecting me a lot. I guess, it hurts to be alone as Chat Noir more than it hurts when I’m my not superhero self.” He winced. “Does that make sense?”
“Your superhero side is the part you want people to love?” Marinette offered sadly.
“Yes,” Chat nodded, feeling his stomach flip dangerously. “But lately it’s just felt hopeless. I’m thrilled to know Ladybug—no matter what—but she’s so amazing and kind and brave but she loves someone else.” His voice began to waver and he started to feel sick.
He vaguely reminded himself to keep it together. He did not want to throw up in front of Marinette. But when he met her large, concerned gaze he just wanted someone to hear him. He wanted her to hear him.
“And I can’t help but think maybe I deserve to be alone if I’m not good enough for her.” His voice cracked and tears dropped down his cheeks.
“Chat,” Marinette pushed to her feet, closing the distance between them and opening her arms but he immediately turned away and coughed up green leaves frosted white around the edges and yellow petals.
He heard Marinette gasp and he felt shame heat his cheeks as his coughing became more forceful. He hacked out full daffodils choked by sprigs of white ivy. Each tendril scratched against his insides while the petals tickled his lips.
He gripped the railing as he threw up, almost losing his grip with one wracking cough. Marinette, seeing his unsteady lurch, gently grabbed his arms and guided him onto her balcony, where he finished coughing up a string of flowers and ivy. Once he found he could breathe again without throwing up, he shakingly lowered himself onto the ground.
There was a moment of silence as he avoided her stare. He felt ashamed and tired and his throat hurt so bad.
“You too?” Marinette whispered, breaking the silence. She gingerly sat by his side.
“How did you—” Chat asked hoarsely—assuming she must have seen him as Adrien throw up daffodils if he wasn’t the first case of vomiting flowers she knew of.
“I threw up azaleas earlier,” Marinette admitted. She slowly lifted her hand to his cheeks and then his forehead, as if she were instinctively checking for a fever. He leaned into her cool touch.
“You did?” He blinked in surprise.
She nodded as she pulled her hands away. He let out a short, exhausted, and relieved bark of laughter, causing her to give him a questioning look.
“I guess we’re both less alone than we thought,” he answered, rubbing the corners of his eyes.
“I guess so,” she pressed her back against the railing, considering him. “Chat, do you know why it’s happening? I wondered if it could have been an akuma…”
“I looked but I haven’t found anyone.” Chat shook his head. “Hawkmoth usually isn’t sneaky about them. He makes the akuma go after mine and Ladybug’s miraculous as swiftly as possible.”
Marinette nodded, scrunching her nose thoughtfully.
“Something has to cause it, right?” She muttered more to herself.
“It happens when—” Chat paused, looking upwards as he tried to remember all the times he had thrown up that day. He frowned. They had all been times when he was thinking about Ladybug.
“When you think about the person you like?” Marinette asked, her eyes widening with revelation.
“Yeah,” he breathed out.
That’s right. He had almost forgotten that Marinette also liked someone. He had no idea who. He had once wondered if she liked him as Adrien when he had seen the pictures of him all over her room, but the longer he thought about it the less likely it seemed. She was into fashion which would explain all the pictures and besides, it was hard to think a girl would love him. He was so used to being locked away from the world and not getting any attention beyond fans begging for autographs or pictures. But, he also found the idea a little scary. If a girl proclaimed her love for Adrien, it felt like it was just one more person to disappoint, like his father.
“Chat?” Marinette said gently, pulling him out of his thoughts. “I lost you for a second there.”
“Just thinking,” he said, suddenly feeling exhausted. He met Marinette’s questioning eyes and said, “I think I’m going to head home. But I’ll keep an eye out for any akuma and let you know as soon as I find anything else out, okay?”
“Sure,” Marinette agreed. “I’ll let you know if I find anything else out, too.”
He nodded a thanks as he pushed himself up. His mind was whirling but all he wanted to do was collapse into his bed and just sleep.
“Hey Chat,” Marinette said as she stood. He met her large, endless blue eyes and she gave him a confident look. “We’re going to figure this out. It will be okay.”
He smiled.
When she said it like that, he believed her.
“I’ll see you later, Princess,” he saluted before vaulting off across the city.
He repeated her promise as he got ready for bed that night and until he snuggled under the covers with Plagg curled up by his head.
They were going to figure this out.
It would be okay.