Chapter Text
the supermarket is stranded as doyoung browses through the aisles, much to his relief. the christmas crowd has long dissipated, and everyone is back home with their families, huddled under warm blankets and hands clutching cups of hot seasonal beverages.
everyone except for doyoung, at least. his parents are currently enjoying their time in the cool mountains in switzerland, and his brother, well, has his own family. doyoung doesn’t really mind, albeit it does get lonely being alone during christmas. thankfully, he also has his appointment with his lovely psychiatrist, who is always there to listen, and maybe even to grab a cup of eggnog with him.
doyoung sighs in relief when a familiar box of cereal stares back at him. the corny cartoon character on the package seems to be teasing him with its creepy, unwavering smile, probably making fun of his lone self during the festive season. he quickly grabs the cereal and adds it into his basket.
doyoung turns around a corner of the shelf to head to the green grocery section, but bumps into a wall of flesh instead. blushing, he quickly ducks his head and murmurs a soft apology to the stranger, expecting a gruff reply in return. to his surprise, a familiar voice greets him. “doyoung?”
upon hearing his name, doyoung looks up from the tile floors. “kun!” he exclaims excitedly, recognising the friendly soloist from jaehyun’s dinner.
kun brings a finger up to his lips, “i’m supposed to be in a disguise today. even though the supermarket’s empty, i don’t want to risk anything.”
“oh, right. sorry,” doyoung sheepishly rubs the back of his neck.
kun smiles, “it’s alright. how are you? any plans for christmas tomorrow?”
doyoung shakes his head, “i’m afraid not. my family’s away and my friends are all busy with their own things.”
“so you’ll be spending christmas alone? that can’t be right,” kun frowns, carding his fingers through his blond locks.
“nah, it’s alright.”
“say, why don’t you come to sicheng and i’s engagement party tomorrow? you’re considered a friend of ours now,” kun cocks his head to the side.
doyoung smiles apologetically, “no, it’s really fine. i have things that i have to settle tomorrow alone too, i’ll be alright.”
kun’s lips curve down again, but he says, “if you say so.”
doyoung nods. it’s not the first time he’ll be spending christmas alone, and there’s a very special something he has to do tomorrow, something only taeyong and yuta know.
sunday arrives sooner than expected for jaehyun, and it rolls in with a dash of sunshine and a blaringly loud alarm that snaps him out of his sleep.
“right, sicheng’s engagement party,” he mutters, hoisting himself up from his bed.
soon enough, he finds himself standing awkwardly at the corner of angel restaurant, holding a flute of champagne. sicheng and kun are still at the doors, greeting their guests warmly and jaehyun can only linger alone miserably at the side of the buffet table.
jaehyun glances around boredly, humming a little under his breath. he sees a few familiar faces, like chenle, a teen idol from china, luna, donghae, all celebrities or reowned people well-known in their fields. it’s pretentious, but jaehyun wonders if kun and sicheng’s social circles consist of normal, non-famous people.
he spots a cotton pink haired man leaning against a wall at the other corner of the room, and a equally good looking man with bobby pins in his hair stands straight in front of him. jaehyun recognises them as taeyong and yuta, doyoung’s friends. he raises his eyebrows, never knew sicheng or kun knew them.
jaehyun supposes there’s nothing for him to lose, and he leaves his place to walk over to where the duo are. upon hearing footsteps approaching, taeyong instinctively straightens up, seeing him. the model arches an eyebrow at him, and nudges yuta. yuta turns around, eyes turning steely when he spots jaehyun.
“jung jaehyun?” yuta greets him, not even bothering to shake his hand.
jaehyun isn’t dumb, and he knows he’s not necessarily welcome. nevertheless, he graciously smiles back, “yuta-ssi, taeyong-ssi, nice to meet you two.”
taeyong beams, seemingly friendlier than the japanese. “jaehyun-ssi! fancy seeing you here.”
“sicheng’s my best friend,” jaehyun hums. “we’ve known each other for a long time.”
taeyong nods, “that’s nice. i’m under the same agency as sicheng, and yuta here was sicheng’s photographer once.”
“so you’re a model?” jaehyun takes a swig from his champagne.
taeyong shyly fiddles with his cufflinks, “yes, i am. not a very famous one, though.”
“nonsense, babe. you’re acting like kibum-ssi just offered you a contract with his upcoming summer line. don’t forget your face was plastered at the train station yesterday,” yuta rolls his eyes, but not without affection.
taeyong blushes as pink as his hair, and swats his boyfriend’s arm. “we’re in public, don’t call me that.”
jaehyun clears his throat, “so, where’s doyoung?”
yuta and taeyong look at each other simultaneously, both faces carrying a worried expression. taeyong reaches up on his tiptoes to whisper into yuta’s ear surreptitiously, and jaehyun can only hear strains of their conversation.
“didn’t tell...don’t...secret...tell eventually…”
yuta’s features slowly relax, mouth morphing into a solemn line instead. he nods after taeyong hums in question and pecks the latter’s forehead. taeyong blushes again, but manages to regain his composure before turning to jaehyun.
“doyoungie is...busy today. he has a few things to take care of for now,” taeyong clasps his hands together.
“during christmas? surely he has enough sense to relax today, out of all days,” jaehyun furrows his eyebrows.
yuta and taeyong share another look, the kind that only couples can telepathically communicate with, and the latter silently groans. “he just has small errands to attend to, don’t worry!” taeyong grins, one that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but it’s still there.
yuta nods, “don’t worry about him, now. that’s our job.” he cracks a small smile.
“he’s my assistant. i have the right to care about him,” jaehyun quips, taking a swig from his champagne.
jaehyun misses the knowing look taeyong shoots yuta, raising an eyebrows and a smirk gracing his lips. the japanese also smiles slightly, glancing at jaehyun surreptitiously as the latter turns back to the couple.
“so what projects have your company been up to lately?” taeyong asks, clasping his hands together.
jaehyun shrugs, “an update, i guess. the design team has already created a new character, its skills are still under way, but it’s better than nothing. we are planning to have a charity gala though.”
“nothing that will stress doyoung out too much, no?” yuta raises an eyebrow.
jaehyun shakes his head firmly, “i’ll make sure he’ll be okay.”
the smile that breaks out on taeyong’s face is enormous and his eyes shine when he pats jaehyun on the shoulder. “good to know that, jaehyun-ah,” he says.
“-see you next time, doyoung,” dr byun smiles at him warmly, but with an air of professionalism.
doyoung nods, and gets up from his chair to grab his bagpack that’s dangling off the hook behind the office door. before he walks out the door, dr byun calls out cheerfully, “merry christmas, doyoung!”
“merry christmas to you too, hyung,” doyoung drops the formalities.
doyoung shoots the nurse at the counter a small wave and walks out into the frigid weather. the wind still zips by harshly, the cold air making him wince and he pulls his jacket tighter. he walks along the pavement, eyes darting around to find that familiar neon sign that he knows will always be turned on, no matter the weather.
soon, the telltale neon blue sign appears in front of him and doyoung sighs in relief. he pushes the heavy glass door, huffing a little when it finally gives way and stumbles into the florist. the hefty aroma of lavender fills his nose and he smiles.
seokmin, who’s just coolly sitting behind the counter, looks up from his phone. “doyoung hyung!” he exclaims, excitedly scrambling to get up.
“seokmin-ah, what are you doing lazing around. i’ll tell you off to taeyong hyung if you keep this up,” doyoung pinches the younger’s cheek.
seokmin grins, “it’s a slow day, after all. a little laziness won’t hurt anyone today.”
doyoung chuckles, finding himself agreeing. taeyong’s cousin has always been a ball of happiness, always smiling and filled with cheer, never failing to make everyone around him smile with him, or at him sometimes.
“it’s christmas, so i’m guessing you’ll be getting the usual?” seokmin softly asks, tone dropping into something more serious.
doyoung just nods, patting seokmin on the head gently. seokmin shoots him another small smile back, before running off to another corner of the store to arrange doyoung’s bouquet. doyoung waits by the arrangement of roses and lilies, inhaling the fragrance of them and rocking on the heels of his feet.
soon, seokmin reappears in front of him, this time holding a fresh bouquet of carnations and chrysanthemums. he hands it over to doyoung, smiling again. “be careful on your way there, okay hyung? tell him i said hi.”
doyoung swallows harshly, “i will. thank you, seokmin-ah. merry christmas.” he ruffles the younger’s hair.
“merry christmas, hyung,” the smile seokmin shoots him is a subdued one, a little sad but still laced with merriness.
and doyoung grips his bouquet tightly in his hands, making his way to the graveyard slowly in the midst of the white snow and soft carols from the church opposite.
jaehyun has long finished talking with taeyong and yuta, the couple excusing themselves from the party with sheepish smiles and ducked heads. he can’t blame them for leaving the place, it’s mostly full of stiff personalities and sparkly jewellery, courtesy of sicheng and kun’s parents. the business world is a harsh one, even harsher so when you don’t know how to suck up to people and sweet talk them.
the couple of the hour are talking merrily with other guests, hands intertwined with each other’s and rings shining on both’s respective fingers. jaehyun decides it’s time to finally approach them.
“jae!” sicheng calls as he makes his way over. “i thought you didn’t come!”
jaehyun chuckles, “well, since both of you were so busy mingling around, i couldn’t get a chance.”
kun smiles, “well now you got it, eh? how’s everything?” it’s been a while since jaehyun has seen kun, much less spoken to him. the two aren’t exactly very close friends, but they’ve bonded over their love for music a while back.
“everything’s good at the company, if that’s what you mean,” jaehyun answers. “i’m okay too, sicheng. i know what you’re to ask.” sicheng hides a rueful smile with the back of his hand.
kun rubs his thumb over sicheng’s knuckles subconsciusly. “it’s a shame doyoung couldn’t come, no?” he muses, sicheng nodding.
jaehyun chokes on the champagne he’s swallowing. “you met doyoung before this?” he asks, puzzled.
“kun saw him at the supermarket yesterday and asked him to come. too bad he had something else to do,” sicheng hums.
“did he mention what it was?” jaehyun tries his best not to sound too curious but judging from sicheng’s growing smirk, he’s doing a poor job.
kun shakes his head, opting to dust a stray hair from sicheng’s suit. jaehyun raises his eyebrows. weird, he thinks, why does no one know what he’s up to? other than taeyong and yuta, at least.
suddenly, a loud pop resonates throughout the room. sicheng and kun give each other furtive looks and dash to the doors quickly, towards the source of the sound. what they find, is a silver-haired woman in her wheelchair smiling wildly, holding a bottle of expensive champagne that’s now gushing out of the bottle quickly.
“kun! there you are! sicheng! it’s been a long time!” she shouts when she sees the couple.
kun breaks out into a grin and goes forward to hug her. “it’s been too long, po po.”
“damn right it has been,” she whispers into his ear, patting his back and eyes glistening a little.
doyoung finally arrives at the gates of the graveyard, exhaling loudly before stepping in. he walks along the familiar stone path before straying to the grass and walking to his two o’clock.
“doyoung!” mr park calls from his resting place. “this time of the year again, eh?”
doyoung nods, “yes, i’ve come to visit.”
“you wouldn’t happen to have any smokes on you, buddy?”
doyoung reaches into his coat pocket and throws a box of cigarettes to the old man, smiling. “i know you too well, ahjussi.”
mr park just grins at him, lacking of teeth and gums prominent, and turns back to reading the paper. “just cleaned him last week, spotless and not a scratch,” he says, not looking at him.
“thank you, ahjussi. merry christmas!” he wishes the old man and walks towards the gravestone he’s been acquainted with for so long.
doyoung stops in front of the monotone, grey slab and squats down. he traces the carvings on it, smiling softly to himself.
lee hongmin
1993-2007
doyoung places the beautiful bouquet gently on the stone, careful not to move the offerings. “hongmin-ah,” he whispers. “it’s christmas, your favourite time of the year.”
“i never really understood why you loved christmas so much. it’s just a glorified day where people spend more than enough money and submit to the capitalism agenda, nothing special. then again, i was always the skeptic between the two of us.”
doyoung sits down on the grass, wincing a little when his butt tingles against the cold. “i still miss you, you know? there’s not a day that goes by without me thinking about you. it’s better for me now, you’re a memory now, a piece of my life that i’ll cherish forever.”
“i got a job. at neo culture technology. shocking, i know. clumsy, technology inept doyoung getting a job at a gaming company? a miracle! my boss is nice, he’s a bit of an arse, but he’s got some issues in his past. almost like me, actually.” doyoung chuckles dryly.
“dr byun says i’m better now. my anxiety’s still there, of course, but i’ve gotten a lot better at coping with it. i haven’t scratched my arm in weeks! the meds are a bitch to take, duh, but they help, just a little. just enough.”
“hongmin-ah, i wish you were here. i’d tell you all about my infuriating boss, about taeyong and yuta, how they’re still so cheesy with each other. they miss you too, y’know? they wanted to come today, but they had a friend’s engagement party to go to. i told them you would understand. i know you would. you’ve always been the most forgiving one between us all.”
“if you hadn’t done it back then, maybe we’d be together now, under the mistletoe. i still think about the possibilities, what we could have been. obviously, i don’t blame you. fuck, the world was evil back then, they couldn’t accept us for who we are.”
“it’s better now, of course. america legalised same-sex marriage couple years back, kinda impressive for such an oppressive country. thailand might be the first asian country to do so too. almost everyone big in the corporate world belongs to the lgbtq+ community now.”
“hongmin-ah, i still love you, so much. i’ll never stop loving you. but at the same time, i’ve moved on. you’ll always hold a piece of my heart, you know that? you taught me how to love, and i am forever grateful for that.”
doyoung looks up to the sky, “i love you, you dipshit. hope you’re still playing basketball up there like you used to.”
the snow swirls prettily in the graveyard. the wind has died down now, settling into a gentle breeze that sways the bare branches. doyoung stands up from where he is, and reaches down to pat the snow off hongmin’s gravestone. he presses a kiss from his lips to his fingers, resting them on the head of the stone.
“goodbye, hongmin-ah. merry christmas,” doyoung smiles one last time and walks away.
doyoung bids mr park goodbye before leaving the graveyard gates, walking towards his apartment. he needs a cup of hot chocolate and marshmallows now, exhausted at the end of the day. there’s barely any cars on the road, only a stray car driving by on the snow-covered roads slowly.
the warm, yellow lights given out by the streetlamps follow him home, and he feels a little better. maybe he isn’t so alone on such a merry christmas after all.
that night, doyoung finds himself sprawled on the couch, wrapped in multiple layers of fluffy blankets and hands gripping a bowl of popcorn. taeyong and yuta are cuddled on the couch beside him, envelopes in each other’s arm. doyoung silently whines at the display of affection.
they’re well into home alone when doyoung’s phone chimes, and he startles. who would text him on christmas night?
from : jaehyun
hey
you okay today?
why didn’t you go to kun’s party?
just asking
doyoung smiles, a little touched by his boss’ concern. something in his heart warms a little, and he feels a bit jittery, the good kind. he convinces himself jaehyun is just curious.
to : jaehyun
hi!
i was just hanging out w/ a kid from home today, nth much
his name is jeno and he’s 19 rn!
wbu?
from : jaehyun
”wbu?”
what’s that?
is it a sports brand?
doyoung can’t help but let out a small giggle, and he smiles. so jung jaehyun doesn’t know modern internet slang, huh? guess the ceo finally has a weakness.
“what’s so funny?” taeyong asks, turning his head towards him, cocking an eyebrow.
doyoung shakes his head, gesturing to his phone. “just texting a friend,” he says, without thinking much.
he stops in his tracks. friends? doyoung supposes they’re friends, on basic terms. they talk outside work, drop honorifics, are texting each other casually now, and jaehyun buys him food. that qualifies as friends the very least, right?
taeyong just nods and goes back to watching the movie. doyoung goes back to his phone, texting back a reply.
to : jaehyun
it’s an acronym hehe
”what about you?”
jaehyun replies, fast.
from : jaehyun
oh
never knew that
i was at sicheng’s engagement party and met taeyong-ssi and yuta-ssi
to : jaehyun
oh, that’s nice!!
doyoung locks his phone after that, muting it to focus on the movie instead.
jaehyun is convinced doyoung is lying right through his teeth, or in the case, his keyboard, but his curiousity has to remain unsatisfied for now.
if doyoung really just visited a kid from his hometown, why the suspicious looks yuta and taeyong shot each other? why the everlasting mystery on his whereabouts?
jaehyun shakes his head. he should really stop thinking about his assistant. they’re just friends, anyways. barely even that, he thinks. they’ve only spoken to each other outside of work a few times, mostly out of boredom. sure, they’ve dropped honorifics occasionally, but it’s just that. nothing else.
yet, jaehyun can’t deny the feeling of butterflies in his stomach whenever he sees doyoung in his office, working. the latter looks incredibly serious in his work, face always tense and focused. jaehyun has half the mind to talk to him sometimes, but he’s too fixated on admiring doyoung’s face, how his nose slopes prettily, how even his cupid’s bow is so elegant, how his eyes are always so bri-
jaehyun, no.
jaehyun groans and covers his face with his hands. no catching feelings for his assistant, not ever. strictly business, and only friends. just that, he tells himself. keep everything in your pants and heart, no acting on your stupid emotions.
after all, you’ve hurt enough of the people you care about before.