Chapter Text
songs of farewell and departure
i need you
to give it meaning
i need you to share the view
or it becomes a time for me to love myself
like every other thing i do.
3 EARTH HOURS LATER
“I just don’t understand why I had to go like that.”
Judy threw a pebble from the shore into the sea, and observed that it made a small splash, and ripples that traveled far, far… then the sea calmed back to its glass being. She tentatively tipped a foot out to touch the water, and it still… felt like water, was cold like it too… but it didn’t cause the water to ripple as the pebble did. It stayed still, a mocking reminder that almost said the fucking rock was more alive than her.
“Well, I-I mean I don’t think any of us understand why,” The fox beside her shuffled his words and played with his paws nervously. “By that I mean me; a-and I assume that other people have their own little places like this.”
The rabbit huffed angrily. “Well, then why am I here and with you then, if that’s what our heavens are supposed to be like?” She saw how his ears pulled against his head, and Nick pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his muzzle sadly, hugging his knees and looking to the water.
“No offense.” She added, but that only seemed to make it worse, as a long heavy sigh escaped his lungs, and he rustled his paws against his baggy khaki shorts.
“None taken.”
Judy cringed at her own nonchalance, and she could easily pick up the lie he timidly let go. She felt evil, almost. “I… I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. I’m sorry.”
Nick shook his head glumly. “It’s okay. If you want me to leave you alone, I can go back into the jungle.” The fox had stood up as he had already made his mind, and his legs quaked in a way that showed the little comment had hurt him; he was obviously sensitive.
Judy tried to open her mouth to say something, but some selfish part of her brain told her to bite her tongue, to let him go into the jungle; what kind of wuss gets offended that easily?
By the time had come that she felt even more stupid and apologetic, the fox was nowhere in sight, and suddenly, a fear edged into her heart that she really hadn’t had time to ponder on, and the realization alone made her gut sink in a way that no horror before had affected her.
Loneliness.
Eternal, cold, black and infinite loneliness.
It instilled enough adrenaline in her belly for the rabbit to shoot up with haste, her eyes darting everywhere, trying to peer into the thick of the jungle. “Nick?” She called out and only felt that sinking feeling deepen when nothing returned. Just unintelligible sounds of feral animal hustle and bustle echoing throughout the world she was trapped in.
“Oh no, no, no, no.” She ran to the edge of the jungle, looking through all the cracks she could, and cried out his name, to the point of near insanity. She found herself with tears rolling down the edges of her cheeks, and she paced, paced and paced, but not dared enter the jungle.
You absolute fucking idiot. Look at what you did! Your only talking partner in this madness is gone and you DROVE him away. You’re alone now. FOREVER.
She gave up and fell on her tail painfully, splashing into the dampened moss beach, sobbing out so loudly and horrifically that her stomach began to double over in pain.
Was this all there was now? Total isolation? He would avoid her, she was sure he would, he’d run, he’d have all of eternity to run and he’d do it forever.
“You fucking idiot,” She sobbed aloud, pressing the palm of her paws into her eyes painfully; she saw stars and colors, a throbbing headache shattered into her skull like liquid fire. “You… stupid… bitch… even in heaven, you’re an idiot.”
Then a hot breath blew down the top of her head, and it smelled like nasty carnivore breath, thick with musk. Her heart stopped, her lips turned numb, and the all too familiar rabbit-fear-o’-death kicked in like someone punched her in the heart.
there is a predator right above you don’t move you are going to die you are going to die life mocks me even in death this thing is going to kill me i am going to die
Judy peeked through the cracks of her fingers, and like an act of the lamb of god, it was just the cheetah that had accompanied Nick earlier. The rabbit huffed from the small of her chest with a sad relief, wiping tears vigorously from her eyes and cheeks. “Oh, hi. Rudolph, right?”
The cheetah grunted, almost professionally, and looked at her with a bored, but guiding look. The big creature turned its head to the forest and made a soft roar that in no way was harmful, if anything it spoke volumes. It looked at her condescendingly but knowingly, and the cheetah’s infinite brown gaze connected with her brain: follow me.
It began to walk without any input from her, but she had no options at this point. The rabbit clutched her paws to her stomach, afraid, nose twitching, but the thought of losing what little she had and knew was far more terrifying than the jungle.
She caught up to the beast and put her paw to its ribs as if she’d lose it at any second. She may have only been touching it, like a child would touch a mother’s side in the supermarket, but she was holding on for dear life.
XXX
Night had fallen (Judy was perplexed why the night existed in this supposed heaven), and the rabbit had only felt her gut and heart wrench more and more into oblivion. The cheetah moved forward with a grace that her clumsy self could not match, as she stumbled over the root and moss floors that shagged the island. She was cold now, but in a way, it was less of a trouble and more of discomfort. She had removed her paw from the cheetah a while ago to tuck her paws beneath her arms to keep warm, chattering and murmuring obscenities towards the ground she was constantly tripping over.
“D-do you even know where he is?” Judy shivered, looking above the canopy at feral monkeys eyeing her curiously from their huddled families and clans. Meerkats appeared from around trees and eyed the cheetah with a respect that was apparent from their lack of fear for him, but they eyed Judy as a rather scary thing, a threat. Judy had never felt so alien.
The cheetah stopped abruptly, and Judy ran face first into the hear of it, falling painfully to the ground, holding her nose, groaning painfully but more out of pity for herself. “You could have tried putting on your brake lights,” She tried to make herself feel better by joking, but all it made her feel was more unnecessary pity linger in her gut. Judy checked her paw a few more times for any blood (she felt like she rammed into the beast hard enough to draw blood, hell she felt like she was bleeding), but there was none to be found.
Judy found only awkward silence after looking back up, to see the cheetah was stopped before the base of a tree, and it stared her dully in the eye, bored almost. The rabbit cocked a brow. “What?”
The creature grunted slowly at her painfully oblivious nature, and seemed to guide all her being to look up, just by simply deadlocking with her eyes, and moving its own up.
Sitting on a tall branch, was Nick, shuffling with his fingers, a few meerkats surrounding him that had aquatinted him on his shoulders, or just on the branch. The fox had been found, and an almost unspeakable amount of pressure was let out of the rabbit, like a stressed coil slowly released from its strain. She looked to the cheetah and had a tear of relief in her eye roll away, and she mouthed to it: thank you.
The creature nodded, and gave a little nod of approval, before it spun in slow circles a few times, giving itself a comfortable position for it to lie down by the tree, watching over the two of them.
Judy shivered as a breeze for the cold ran up her back, and she knew he was aware of her presence at this point.
you should have watched where you were going moron now he might get so anxious he’ll fall out of the goddamned tree wait can i say goddamned here or is that like disrespectful—
The rabbit rubbed at her forearm and coughed to get his attention, but his ear only seemed to flick at her attempt. “Hey again,” She felt her insides wither awkwardly. “I—uh, believe I owe you an apology. I’m sorry for being so brash with my words. We—We’re the only mammals here and you’re the last one I’d want to drive away. Can you forgive me?”
Silence ensued, and she looked back down to the cheetah, hoping for some validation some message, but its eyes just told her to look up to Nick again. The tweeting and ethereal chips of a few stray, faraway birds echoed throughout the dramatically lit starry sky, and beneath the canopy of a tree, the fox still sat in a nook that overlooked the ground. His shoulders were sad and his ears still pulled back against his head, but he rose and sank with a heavy breath that Judy swore she could feel too. He motioned timidly with his paw for her to join her, still facing away.
With a sigh of halfway-relief, she gently toed around the gnarled and messy roots of the tree, gripping up nooks the fox seemed to have carved into the tree a while ago. The notches were smooth, as if they had been used for years and years. Lonely years; Judy grew sad.
you still realize you’re dead right you’re dead and you’re in heaven or whatever this is you’re dead oh my god you’re dead back on earth your corpse is probably still on the bottom of the stairs oh MY GOD JUDY YOU’RE DEAD YOU HAVE DIED
“This is a long climb,” She looked down from where she was and gauged she was twenty feet in the air. Small talk didn’t seem to do anything, and he stayed quiet. “You cold up there?”
Nothing.
Eventually, Judy reached the nook where he was, and where he sat, it looked like he carved a ledge, like a couch, for two people that overlooked the jungle floor, and a large pond that was a few hundred feet away. It glimmered, and bioluminescent… salamander-like creatures swam around, crawling in and out of the band gently and quietly.
The rabbit didn’t push time (she had infinite amounts of it), so she took it slow, sitting down beside him, paws between her legs, submissively almost. They sat for a good while, in a silence that was shared with a gentle sadness, one that was slowly alleviating in each other’s company.
he doesn’t want to talk to you what the hell are you doing you’ve ruined everything wait is thinking of hell up here bad or evil or—
“I’m sorry for overreacting,” The fox’s voice was so brittle and quiet it cracked in the middle. “That was stupid. You’re just frustrated and that’s okay and I understand.”
Judy didn’t know how to feel. He was apologizing instead of her, and some selfish bit of her said to back away now, she didn’t have to apologize. No, she thought. No, I do. This isn’t earth where I can just get away with things and being disingenuous. This is, well, whatever this is. I have to be the best I can be, and I have… eternity to work on it.
“No,” She shivered, and huddled into herself. A breeze blew through the trees. “I have to apologize too. What I said wasn’t an accident, I was being mean and I wanted to direct my frustrations towards you and I apologize sincerely. I hope you can forgive me, I was stupid and you have every right to be upset.”
There was that silence that set in again, and this time, it seemed more relieving, refreshing…
…and cold. Judy shivered.
The fox looked to her with vulnerability in his eyes that Judy had never seen in her life. “Are you sure? You don’t have to spare my feelings you know…”
She shook her head, teeth chattering. “No. Honestly. Nick, I’m sorry.”
The fox looked to his lap, and his brows furrowed in analytical thought, he seemed to loathe something deep within himself that was preventing him from allowing her to take the blame.
“It’s okay,” He finally admitted. “I forgive you. I’m sorry I ran away and scared you.”
Judy was grateful and quick to forgive what she passed off as him being polite in apologizing. “I forgive you too.”
From below, Judy could hear an almost condescending, but humored and pleased snort from the cheetah below. She heard it walk away from the base, looping carefully over the tangled ground to sit and lay on a rock by the pond she and Nick observed. The cheetah kept a watchful, parental look over the two.
Nick forced a cough after longer silence sat in again, wishing to alleviate the default noise level the two always seemed to fall into. Judy looked to his face for the attention he asked for, noticing then just how… cute, or dare she say, handsome. The russet of his fur was painted a pale, glowing light blue from bioluminescence radiating from the pond. His eyes were infinite, looking at her with that vulnerability that took her back beforehand. The glow of blue skidded across his glasses and deep green eyes, and his gaze was cautious, shy and timid.
“So…” Judy turned away, looking to the pond, containing her head from spinning off. “We’re dead.”
nice job buzzkill you just ruined the whole moment you’ve literally—
The fox chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck, needing to do something with his paws. “Yeah, I guess so. It’s pretty okay, at least now. I was going crazy with how lonely I’ve been here. It’s been… oh god, a long time. I can’t gauge time here, so…” He bit his lip carefully, staring into the pond. The blue light radiated off of his eyes now, glowing like the skies of heaven above—
wait i'm already in heaven well whatever his eyes just look nice they look like infinity they look pure i like pure i like pure a lot—
“How long ago, when you passed, did Gazelle’s “Try Everything” come out?” He asked, turning those wholesome, delicate eyes back at her—
--pull yourself together judy
The rabbit had the answer to that one easy, and she looked up at the canopy and starlight above to avoid staring into his eyes like a gawking moron. “Oh, like a year ago. I love Gazelle.”
Nick suddenly had a warming smile, and a steady flow of humor radiate through his lungs, as he started laughing like a crazy person, and the meerkats that surrounded the two were scared away by his eruption of laughter.
“Oh, Lamb of God, time passes very slow up here, if time even exists at all. I remember it was literally bombing the radio the day I passed because it was the day that stupid song came out,” He spat jokingly. “I genuinely do not like Gazelle that much. I never was a pop boy.”
She loved how he said boy instead of guy.
“Oh man, I’ve only been dead a year. I’m not lying to you when I’m saying it really has felt like… a decade.” His humor dropped away, and back came the timid fox. “It’s been really lonely here. And I miss my flower garden, I loved it so much.”
Judy giggled a little, at the mention that the fox really was in love with his flower garden. “I can’t believe you don’t like Gazelle. I wasn’t really a music nut, I just liked stuff that was easy to play to.” She shivered again, and her paws quivered between her lap.
The fox looked at her carefully and hacked a cough for her attention again. “You cold?”
She nodded.
He gestured for her to sit right by him, patting the wood with his paw gently. “You could come here if you want, I have more fur than I know what to do with.”
god yes i want to cuddle with you—
She gladly accepted and quickly scooted over to her, snuggling into the crook of his side.
The silence set in again, but it was enjoyed as an ethereal serenity, as the sounds of the wild yet incredibly eternal afterlife relaxed her while she listened to his heartbeat; powerful, strong, much bigger than hers.
She huffed and rubbed her cheek into his shirt.
this is okay.
XXX
They talked of things they enjoyed back on earth, with Judy learning that Nick used to play bluegrass and sappy sad heavy rock music (that was how he described it?) on his old steel string acoustic guitar. He learned of her rather boring monotonous office job, boredom and day to day depression of life before she passed (she noticed he hated hearing of her being unhappy) but that she relished the simple pleasantries of her childhood farm home. Catching fireflies with her brothers, making lemonade and smelling the sweet scents of freshly cut grass; she yearned for those days again.
They laughed and they cried, and Judy watched with pleasant entertainment when the meerkats came back to perch themselves all over Nick, and then when they grew comfortable with her, they too crawled all over her, and they were warm and they lulled Nick and Judy to sleep.
Nick dreamt of something strange, and Judy dreamt of falling down the stairs, but only broke her toe. In the dream, she was sad that she thought she would never see Nick again, that he was just a dream.
In the dream, she realized that she valued this life in death… as life itself.