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Chapter Text

Jeongguk is 19; Taehyung is 21.

As soon as Jeongguk entered BigHit's trainee programme he felt like his life had changed for good. He originally had wanted to drop out of school and just focus on his promised career. His family had, of course, protested vehemently but the only reason Jeongguk ended up only switching high school was that there was actually a high school in Seoul that a lot of trainees went to and that BigHit insisted on him graduating there. On top of that Jeongguk moved into the dorms pretty much overnight. He shared a little apartment with four other boys who recently became trainees as well. Again his family wasn't really happy to see him go, but hey knew how much he wanted this and if they were anything they were supportive of his dreams. Also, the boy had promised to come home for family dinners at least four times a week.

To be honest, Jeongguk had thought that the company would put him in a boy band and that'd he'd just play his role as the 'gay one' of the members, but Mr Ahn - who had turned out to become kind of Jeongguk's manager - quickly clarified that they wanted him to debut as a solo artist. It was an overwhelming thought at first. Jeongguk hadn't thought he would have to stand on stage alone and face literally everything that the idol world had to over without other band members. But the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to be the person that made society more open-minded. He wanted people to love him because of his voice or dancing skills - or goddammit maybe even his visuals - even if he was gay. He wanted to colour the world in rainbow colours.

So basically what happened in the next two and a half years could be summarised in only a few bullet points:

Finally, a date for his debut was set (late November) and the week right before the due date, Jeongguk felt like maybe he should talk to Taehyung about the last point on his list of achievements. The easiest way was, of course, to just tell his management that they had broken up but Jeongguk kind of really didn't want to do that because it would be the exact opposite of what he had wanted to gain.

You see, for some reason, his management was scared that his fans and the media wouldn't believe him that he was gay. So just like other gay idols fake dated girls so they wouldn't be seen as gay, the same way Jeongguk was supposed to fake date guys just t make sure everyone knew just how fucking gay he was. Jeongguk had hated that fact right from the start. He didn't want to fake date someone. He didn't even get why people wouldn't believe him. Why would he voluntarily want to destroy his career options just like that - in their eyes at least?

So yeah, maybe he had wanted to prevent the whole fake-dating-debacle, so he had told his management that he was in fact in a relationship, but his boyfriends was studying in the US. Of course, everyone believed him. Jeongguk was their golden boy after all. Even two years later Jeongguk couldn't believe that people still bought his 'sorry, but my boyfriend is very busy in America, he can't visit me right now' excuse.

Now though, everyone was pestering him about how they needed to include Taehyung in a meeting asap because the media would definitely go searching for him and his 'boyfriend' needed to know the boundaries of what he was allowed to say and what not. Jeongguk had had a few pre-debut interviews in which he had never actually said he was in a relationship - but also had never denied having a boyfriend. Despite not having released any official content yet - if one excluded dance practises and a few snippets of his vocal lessons - Jeongguk had built up quite a fanbase over the last year in which he was allowed to have a Twitter account. And a few of those fans had managed to dig up old pictures of Taehyung and Jeongguk from god knows where. As far as he knew, some of the people correctly speculated that they had been a couple, others insisted that they had been very close friends - which was still not untrue - but no one believed they were still boyfriends or even in contact. Which was probably the reason why no one had tried to find Taehyung on social media. (Jeongguk knew from Seokjin and Yujin that Taehyung indeed ran an Instagram blog but it was solely focused on his photography and he never showed his face - Jeongguk thanked the gods for that.)

The boy was sure though that his management wanted to confirm their relationship as soon as possible, so honestly, Jeongguk was fucked. With every day the chance of Mr Ahn emailing his ex-boyfriend about his supposed relationship with an upcoming idol was rising. Basically, Jeongguk's only option at this point was coming clean. With Taehyung though, not his management.

The thing was ... he had not spoken one word with Taehyung since they had broken up. He hadn't even seen his face. Whenever the older boy had visited Korea - which was honestly not that often because plane tickets were pretty expensive - Jeongguk had been busy with his trainee schedule or simply had avoided the Kim's family home. He had also begged his and Taehyung's families to never say a word about his profession to his ex-boyfriend. He didn't even believe that Taehyung ever asked how he was doing but he didn't want him to find out about his music until he was so famous Taehyung just stumbled upon it. (Maybe he wanted to flex just a little bit, so what?)

But ... that plan was now shattering in front of Jeongguk's eyes. At least he wanted to be the one telling Taehyung the news.

To his unbelievable luck, the week before his debut was some kind of holiday in America - something about being thankful? - and Taehyung had proudly declared to his family that he had saved up some money from his multiple jobs so that he was able to come to visit for the week in addition to Christmas as well.

Thankfully Seokjin supported Jeongguk in finally telling Taehyung about what had he had been doing in the last years, which was why he immediately agreed to help the two of the meetup. Since his debut was in a few days, Jeongguk wasn't really able to leave BigHit's building and was stuck rehearsing everything until his vocals and dance moves were perfect. So Taehyung needed to meet him exactly there.

"Appa, you know how exhausted I get from flying, why are we here?" Jeongguk could hear Taehyung whining, while he was standing in the hallway in front of his practise room. "What the hell do you need to pick up? Like, where even are we? I thought-"

Taehyung instantly froze when he nearly ran into Jeongguk. The younger had maybe entertained the thought that he had changed so much that Taehyung wouldn't recognize him immediately, but judging from the look on his face, he did.

Jeongguk had spent weeks crying over their breakup and even months after he had felt nothing but terrible when he had thought of the older boy. They had been in love for quite some time. It was only natural that life didn't just go on. But Jeongguk felt strengthened in the knowledge that he had done the right thing and that Taehyung was so much happier without him in America. So he had picked himself up, had collected all the pieces of his shattered heart and had it put back together. Diving himself straight into rehearsal after rehearsal had helped him as well. It took time but Jeongguk got over Taehyung and his love for the elder. Jeongguk still loved Taehyung, don't get him wrong. It wasn't possible to forget such a big part of his life and just move on. But in a way, his love for Taehyung turned passive. He loved Taehyung like you love your grandmother who you see once a year. He loved Taehyung like you love your childhood best friend even after not seeing them for quite some time - which was coincidently what they were in some way. Yet again, his platonic love felt a lot stronger than his romantic love for him.

The second Jeongguk saw Taehyung he hadn't wanted to run up to him to hug and kiss him. He didn't want to beg him for forgiveness, beg him to take Jeongguk back. He loved Taehyung, but he wasn'.t in love with him.

"Jeongguk?" Taehyung had changed. Jeongguk could feel it in his bones while looking at the young man standing in front of him. This wasn't the 19 years old wearing basketball jerseys and band t-shirts with dark shaggy hair. This was the 21 years old version whose striped sweater was neatly tucked into his black pants. His hair was straightened and bleach blonde now. Of course, Taehyung had changed, Jeongguk had too. Although he didn't feel like his fashion style had changed a lot, he knew that he had matured quite a bit and he had grown out of some of his baby fat. His stylists were thinking about dyeing his hair though at some point in the future - and to be frank, Jeongguk was a little scared of that.

"Hi." The younger gave a little wave and he could already feel the awkwardness seeping into this situation.

Seokjin clapped his hands together. "Perfect. I'm gonna leave you boys to it." He gave his son a quick kiss on the head before he went over to Jeongguk to do the same. The young man rolled his eyes, accepted the smooch and let himself be pulled into a tight hug. "It's gonna be fine, little one," Seokjin whispered into his ear. Taehyung watched his father and his exboyfriend unsure. He didn't know what was going on. Jeongguk had always made sure that Taehyung wouldn't get in contact with him, so something must have changed. He had thought that maybe Jeongguk had excluded his family out of his life as well, but that didn't seem to be the case. It hurt. A lot actually.

"Jeonggukkie, you can drive Tae home tonight. We'll have family dinner at your parents' house," was the last thing Seokjin said before he left the two men standing alone in the hallway.

"Uh." Jeongguk made a confused sound as he had not been informed of that beforehand. He actually had wanted to sleep in his practise room, so he could rehearse as much as he wanted. But now, his father would probably pull him by his ears all the way home, if he didn't attend family dinner. Plus apparently, Taehyung needed a ride. Perfect. "Let's talk in here." He opened the door to his practise room and let Taehyung step in before following him.

"What- What's all this?" Taehyung observed the room curiously. It was quite big with one wall covered entirely in mirrors. On one side of the room were two sofas on which Jeongguk had thrown his jacket and bag, but it also had a refrigerator and of course a sound system including speakers in each corner of the room.

"It's, uh, it's a practise room," Jeongguk explained and looked around the room himself. He had spent so many hours in here that it was almost his second home. Hesitant he turned to Taehyung. "Have you by any chance heard of this solo artist that's gonna debut soon? Golden Rain?"

Taehyung shook his head. "No, I- I'm not really updated on Korean music, to be honest. Why? Do you work with him?"

"Um." Jeongguk scratched his ear, a nervous habit which Taehyung knew all too well. "I actually am Golden Rain."

"You-" Taehyung interrupted himself to stare at his ex-boyfriend in surprise. "You're- what? You're gonna- You're telling me, that you're gonna debut as a solo artist?"

"Yeah," Jeongguk breathed out. "Debut's this Saturday."

"This Sat-" Taehyung looked like his eyes were going to fall out of his head. "When did you even-"

"I auditioned when you left." Jeongguk avoided Taehyung's confused glance. "I told everyone to keep it a secret from you. I really don't know why I just ... I don't know, it felt like if I would tell you, you'd come back and I just wanted you to live your life in New York."

"Jeongguk." Taehyung sighed, but Jeongguk interrupted him before he could say anything else.

"But now I kind of have to tell you because we really need to talk about some stuff."

Taehyung raised an eyebrow. "And?"

Jeongguk opened his mouth but the second he wanted to talk, his brain went blank. He had thought about what to say for weeks, months, maybe even years but now that he was standing right in front of Taehyung - who still looked shockingly handsome - nothing came to his mind. Nothing except- "Do you still love me?"

Taehyung almost choked on his own saliva. "What?"

Jeongguk cringed. He really hadn't wanted that to slip out. "I-" The younger ran his fingers through his hair. "I didn't mean that in a 'let's get back together' way. I asked because ... After Saturday ... If I really make it at some point, there's gonna be so many people trying to befriend me and I'll probably don't even know who to trust and ... I mean, I don't think you're the person who would only love someone for their fame, but I just. I need to-"

"I get it." Taehyung smiled gently at Jeongguk, a light blush covering his cheeks. "I do, uh, still love you. It's hard to forget someone like you, you know? And when you get famous and let's face it that's definitely going to happen, you don't have to worry about me wanting your money or fame. You're still family, right?"

"Right." Jeongguk nodded and scratched his ear again. "There's also ... umm, how do I explain this? I am openly gay now? So like I have a twitter already and stuff like that, management has been promoting me for a few months now. And yeah, I didn't want to hide and then have to come out, so I just- This has to do with politics as well, but the bottom line is: I am now some kind of gay wunderkind and as far as I've noticed, everyone either loves or hates me."

"Wow, that's- I mean, in this world you're always gonna get some kind of hate for being gay, but that they even allow you to come out before debut? That's amazing because it means, they're willing to protect you, right?"

Jeongguk nodded. "Yes, I'm so thankful, but there's something else. They wanted me to fake date someone, to prove the media that I'm really gay. I really don't want that because ... I mean, can you imagine how many fans are gonna leave me if this comes out? So I ..." The younger let out a nervous laugh. "I kind of told them I was dating someone? And when they wanted proof I might've shown a picture of the two of us?"

Taehyung blinked at him in confusion. "You what?"

"It was almost two years ago," Jeongguk whined. "They were already planning who I could possibly date and I panicked. I still had all of our selfies together, so I just-"

"You showed them one picture and they believed you?" Taehyung asked with raised eyebrows.

"Well firstly, I'm a very trustworthy person, okay?" Jeongguk could feel himself slipping into the comfortableness that he had always felt when he was with Taehyung. "And secondly, I have more pictures and my family helped me convince them, kind of. Since I didn't debut yet my personal life wasn't the most important topic but now they told me, they'd get in contact with you soon. So that's why I'm jumping this on you now. I'd rather I tell you personally and you can be angry at me than my management emailing you and you blowing my cover. Which, by the way, I am not asking you to play along with this. Just say the word and I'll tell them we broke up. But please don't tell them I was lying when they contact you. I'm begging you."

"Oh." Taehyung looked at the younger, feeling a bit dumbfounded. "Please don't beg. I think-"

Before Taehyung could even finish his sentence, someone knocked on the door to the practise room and immediately entered. Jeongguk felt like he saw his life flash before his eyes as his manager Mr Ahn came into the room.

"Jeongguk-ssi! I wanted to see how you were doing!" The man greeted Jeongguk enthusiastically. "You're finally taking a break?"

"Ahn Hajoon-nim." Jeongguk bowed politely. "I was practising the debut performance, but I just took a very small break. I'll be right back to practice in a minute."

Mr Ahn shook his head laughing. "Oh, Jeongguk-ssi, don't worry about that." The man turned towards Taehyung, his eyes widening just a little bit when he recognised the face. "Ah, is this the famous Kim Taehyung? Can't believe I finally meet you." Jeongguk felt like dying. At least he had gotten to telling Taehyung about his lie.

"Ah, yes, Ahn Hajoon-nim." Taehyung bowed as well, before putting on a bright smile. "I'm Kim Taehyung." He stepped closer to Jeongguk and suddenly wrapped an arm around his waist. "Jeongguk's boyfriend."

Jeongguk actually stopped breathing for a few seconds and he really hoped that Mr Ahn didn't notice how his whole body clammed up at Taheuyng's touch. He had never actually believed Taehyung would play along with his lie. He had dreamed of it and hoped for it, but that didn't mean he thought it was going to happen. To be frank, he was too overwhelmed by the situation. Thankfully Taehyung seemed to notice and gently ran his fingers over Jeongguk's rips. Mr Ahn's eyes glanced down to the little gesture before looking back at Taehyung.

"Taehyung-ssi, would you mind joining a meeting with Jeongguk's management on Friday? We've been meaning to plan your relationship confirmation for quite some time but Jeongguk told us you were very busy."

"Of course, I'd love to." Jeongguk's 'boyfriend' nodded enthusiastically. "And yes, my studies have been keeping me very busy but how could I not support my boyfriend shortly before his debut?"

"That's the spirit," Mr Ahn smiled and patted Taehyung's shoulder.

"Shall I go back to practising then?" Jeongguk looked at his manager questioningly and furrowed his brows when the man shook his head.

"Jeongguk-ssi, of course not. I expect you haven't seen your boyfriend for quite some time, right? You've practised enough, you can take the day off and come back tomorrow." Mr Ahn winked at the two boys.

Jeongguk put on a fake smile and wrapped his arms hesitantly around Taehyung's middle. "Thank you, Ahn Hajoon-nim. I'll be well-rested."

"I sure hope so, Jeongguk-ssi." With one last wave, the man said goodbye to Jeongguk and Taehyung. As soon as they were alone again, Jeongguk jumped out of Taehyung's grip.

"I am so sorry, hyung. I didn't know this would happen. I should've locked the door. I didn't want to pressure you into this lie. Really, I didn't. I'm so-"

"Hey, hey," Taehyung laughed and gripped both of Jeongguk's shoulders gently. "Remember when we were little and promised each other we'd be there for the other forever and ever and ever? This is exactly that. It doesn't matter what happened between us, we'll figure that out at some point. But we're best friends above everything. And if you need me to fool the whole world, I'm in."

Jeongguk let out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding. "Thank you, hyung. So much."

Taehyung smiled gently at him. "You don't have to thank me. But you do have to give me a ride home. Since you have a day off, after all."

Taehyung did indeed end up attending a meeting at BigHit and if someone were to ask Jeongguk, he handled it better than anyone else would have. The younger man often times caught himself watching Taehyung with wide eyes as he discussed how their relationship would be portrayed to the public eye. It almost seemed as if he had been in on the lie for years - or as if this whole thing wasn't a lie in the first place.

It was decided that Jeongguk should be as reserved about his relationship as he had been before - which meant he did confirm that he had a boyfriend but never really elaborated - but that the couple should go on a date in public. BigHit would make sure that one of Jeongguk's fansites at least would catch them, so the media could have a field day about it. Since Taehyung was to fly back to America on Sunday evening, it was quickly decided that they would spend that morning - the one after Jeongguk's debut - at a little café in the middle of Seoul.

When the day of Jeongguk's debut came, he felt oddly calm and nervous at the same time. He was calm since he knew he practised so much that he was simply ready. Everything from the choreography to his vocals, everything would turn out perfect. It was the reaction of the general public and the media that he was afraid of. Of course, he had already caused a little discussion online when the media realised that BigHit's upcoming solo artist was not only openly gay but also sang songs that were dedicated to boys. But since he didn't debut yet he hadn't caused a big ruckus. What if he woke up the next morning to everyone hating on his songs? What if no one bought his mini album that he had worked so hard on? What if the most famous he would ever be would be tonight?

"Stop worrying so much, Jeonggukkie," his paps said when he caught Jeongguk staring at a wall blankly. His whole family, including Taehyung's, was with him to support him, but only one person was allowed to be backstage. It had been easy to decide that it should be his paps rather than his appa by his side. His appa had been running around fussing over him the whole morning till he got to the debut stage. Jeongguk was sure that they would both just continue to grow anxious if they spend the last minutes before his performance together. His paps, on the contrary, had given him his space and just silently watched while makeup staff worked their magic.

Jeongguk turned his had towards his father. "What if they hate me? What if this turns into school just on a way bigger scale?"

"Everything will turn out fine." Yoongi put a hand on Jeongguk's shoulder and squeezed gently. "Society has changed so much since I was young and yes, there are still a lot of people who are homophobic. But there are also so many young people like you and I, who need to see you on stage today, okay? You will give hope and support to so many. Don't give up. You've worked so hard for this. You'll do great."

And he did. He did amazing. From the moment he stepped on stage it was all muscle memory.

Taehyung couldn't stop staring at his ex-boyfriend on stage. He had seen him dance and sing numerous times when they were growing up. But this? This was breathtaking. Even as he had finished his performance and was talking to the MC, Taehyung couldn't stop his heart from beating this fast.

"I've heard that you yourself wrote some of the songs?"

"Ah, yes," Jeongguk replied with a shy smile on his face. "I helped the songwriters as much as I could."

"So your songs are based on your experiences?"

"Some more than others, yes." Jeongguk nodded. "If I had to choose one, 'Fools' is the one most dear to me."

"Isn't that the one, we'll hear in a few minutes?"

"Exactly."

Taehyung couldn't help but listen to the lyrics more closely as Jeongguk performed again. He couldn't possibly be singing about Taehyung, right? After all, Jeongguk had moved on.

I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes
I see a little house on the hill and children's names
I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray
But everything is shattering and it's my mistake

"Thank you again for doing this," Jeongguk mumbled as they stepped into the café the next morning. Taehyung hummed quietly and put an arm around Jeongguk's waist.

"I'd do a lot of things for you, you know?" Taehyung smiled down at Jeongguk.

"No, but you shouldn't," Jeongguk insisted. "Not after I broke your heart and pushed you away and lied to you and-"

"That's why love is a funny thing, isn't it?" Taehyung laughed and tucked Jeongguk towards the cashier. "Come on, now smile, this is supposed to look like a date. Here, I'll order for you."

"How-"

"I'd like a green tea and he'll want a hot chocolate with hazelnut syrup." The younger chuckled at the order since Taehyung had ordered him what he used to drink when he was younger. When they were sitting down in a booth, Taehyung took both of his hands in his. "Is this romantic enough?"

Jeongguk nodded. "They'll be able to take good pictures."

"I miss you, you know?"

"You miss me breaking your heart?"

"Jeongguk." Taehyung sighed. "Don't act as if that was all you ever did. You were my best friend, my soulmate. Yes, it hurts to think about how it all ended, but I do understand why you made that decision. In my opinion, it wasn't the right decision, but I really understand why you think you had to do it. And I mean it, when I say, I miss you. I miss my best friend."

"I-I could always use a friend." Jeongguk looked at their joint hands. "Especially now."

"Let's be friends," Taehyung smiled brightly at the younger. "Let's start over again."

The next time Taehyung came home was for Christmas. Well, technically he wasn't able to pay his plane tickets but Jeongguk begged his management to buy the tickets - since they only could go on another public date if Taehyung was actually home.

The fans had absolutely loved the pictures of their date that had gotten ‚leaked‘ or well most of them did. Since then Jeongguk had seen a lot of fan accounts dedicated to their relationship but also fan accounts for only Taehyung. Since these mostly posed positive messages towards his ex-boyfriend, Jeongguk didn’t mind much and he knew for a fact Taehyung didn’t either.

Speaking of fans – Jeongguk had gained a lot since his debut. Only a few weeks had gone by but for some reason, the music videos for his songs Youth and Fools had blown up and reached even America. Taehyung always joked it was because he had shown Jeongguk’s music videos to his roommates back at college but the younger knew his best friend was just as surprised about his fame as he himself was. So yeah, Golden Rain was on his best way to become an international star – although right now he was simply an international phenomenon.

Christmas was spent just like when they were younger, with Jeongguk’s and Taehyung’s family together. Jeongguk had to admit he had missed seeing Taehyung and Namjoon fighting about books they read. He had forgotten that both of them had been quite close as well. And Taehyung? Well, let’s just say he enjoyed watching Jeongguk wrestle with his little sister Byul who was now ten years old. Finally, the families were reunited.

It was on Taehyung’s birthday that they went out ice skating on their second fake date. Taehyung had picked up the younger at noon before they made their way to the closest skating rink. They had gone ice skating a few times when they dated but Jeongguk still couldn’t hold in his laughter when he watched Taehyung trying not to fall on the slippery ice. After a lot of complaining on Taehyung’s side, Jeongguk took him by the hands and gently pulled him along. At some point, he started to forget that this wasn’t a real date and that there were actually quite a few photographers hidden on the bleachers surrounding the rink. But Taehyung was smiling at him like he did when they were a couple and Jeongguk couldn’t help but fall a little bit in love.

When Taehyung dropped the younger back home later that day, they stood in front of Jeongguk’s house just staring at each other. The elder’s hands were placed on Jeongguk’s waist and it felt just like it did when he was 16 but now he was just as tall as Taehyung and wouldn’t need to stand on his tippy toes to press his lips onto Taehyung’s. The singer let his eyes travel across Taehyung’s face, trying to memorise the shape of his eyes, the mole on the tip of his nose and the curve of his jawline.

The elder smiled gently. “I am leaving in a few days,” he whispered, his breath a white cloud in the cold December air.

Jeongguk nodded almost unnoticeable. “I know.”

“I’m just saying. The last time I was leaving and holding you like this…”

“I know,” Jeongguk repeated quietly, looking down at his feet while flashes of the day he broke up with Taehyung were running through his brain. “I-I’m being stupid, I’m sorry.”

Taehyung pulled him into a hug and softly kissed the back of his neck. “I’ll graduate in February.”

“Okay?” Jeongguk frowned when Taehyung let out a quiet laugh.

“You know, I’ll move back home, yeah? I love New York, but I can’t stand living so far away from the people I love.” His family, Jeongguk reminded himself, he’s talking about his family.

“Alright.” The younger nodded. “I’ll be here.”

Jeongguk was 20; Taehyung was 22.

When February finally came around, Jeongguk was sure that he was completely in love with Taehyung (again). They had spent weeks talking to each other on the phone and even though they had flirted a few times, Jeongguk wasn’t so sure if Taehyung felt the same. But he knew the man by heart, he could feel that his love was mutual – that didn’t stop his brain from panicking and doubting everything though.

It was close to the end of February (Taehyung’s graduation ceremony had been the day before but Jeongguk figured, he’d probably need a few days to organise some stuff before coming home) and Namjoon had convinced his younger brother to take a walk with him. They were strolling through one of Seoul’s many parks, one they had played at a lot of times when they were little, and Jeongguk couldn’t help but feel a bit nostalgic. Though it felt like, he wasn’t the only one.

“You know,” Namjoon said when they arrived at a small playground. “This is where we met Taehyung and Seokjin all those years ago.”

“Yeah, I remember us playing here a few times.”

His older brother chuckled. “God, it seemed like you hated him. You wouldn’t stop running away from him and all he wanted to do was give you hugs and kisses.” Namjoon shook his head. “Who would’ve thought that we’d end up here?”

Jeongguk smiled to himself while watching the children on the swings. “I’m glad I stopped running.”

“You love him, huh?” Namjoon softly nudged his little brother. “And I don’t mean as in that he was your best friend and boyfriend. You’re in love with him, right?”

“How could I not be?” The younger bit down on his lip with his eyes still trained on the playing children. “He’s all I ever wanted. Nothing could replace him. I learned that the hard way. I let him go once. I won’t do the same mistake twice.”

“I won’t let you, baby.” Surprised Jeongguk turned around, noticing that Namjoon was no longer standing next to him but a few metres away. Right in front of him, though, was Taehyung smiling brightly.

“Tae,” Jeongguk gasped, before taking the few steps that were separating them and pressing his lips onto Taehyung’s. The elder let out a quiet hum and pulled him incredibly closer, while he cradled Taehyung’s face in his hands. “Tae.”

“Less talking, more kissing,” Taehyung giggled against the younger’s lips, before gently biting down on them.

Jeongguk could feel his heart beating fast and his whole body was tingling. He couldn’t believe that Taehyung was finally in his arms again.

“I love you. I love you so much, Tae. I love-“ Still giggling Taehyung interrupted Jeongguk’s rambling with another kiss.

“I love you too, baby, don’t forget to breathe.” Jeongguk chuckled as well and leaned his forehead against Taehyung’s.

“Why are you here already? I thought-”

“Did you really think I’d wait another extra second to see you?” Taehyung pecked the younger on the nose. “I got onto the next plane, as soon as the graduation ceremony ended.”

Jeongguk stared at the elder in awe. “Did I tell you I love you yet?”

After Taehyung gets his stuff from New York, he and Jeongguk move into a little apartment together. It’s a win-win, really. Taehyung needed a place to stay and Jeongguk wanted out of the dorm anyway. So yeah, it’s convenient.

Also, they both are so in love with each other that they feel the need to make up for all the years they lost.

And if they don’t leave the bed in their first days at their apartment, no one needs to know that.

Jeongguk is 21; Taehyung is 23.

In spring, the law legalising same-sex marriage was finally adopted in South Korea.

(Jeongguk and Taehyung posted the mushiest posts about each other and the world just ate them up.)

In summer, Jeongguk’s fathers announced that they’re gonna get married in early winter.

(Jeongguk actually cried when they tell him because he’s that happy for them.)

The wedding itself was perfect. Jimin and Yoongi don’t invite a lot of people, so it’s just their families. Even though everyone had already considered the couple married, it’ beautiful to actually be with them on the big day. Jeongguk was Jimin’s best man and Namjoon was Yoongi’s – the sons honestly felt more nervous about everything than the couple. Taehyung couldn’t stop smiling at his boyfriend standing next to the aisle, trying to wipe his sweaty hands on his dress pants. And yes, maybe he shed a single tear when his little sister Byul, the flower girl, sprinkles flowers all over the aisle and then goes to hug Jeongguk. And yes, he definitely shed a lot of tears at Jimin and Yoongi’s vows because they had always been role models for him and also he couldn’t stop imagining his own wedding with Jeongguk.

As best men, it was Jeongguk and Namjoon’s obligation to make a speech but for some reason, Taehyung had volunteered to make one as well. Jeongguk was already standing on the dance floor in front of the table his parents were seated at, ready to deliver the best speech he had ever written (okay, yes, he hadn’t written it yet but he was good at making stuff up as he went and if necessary he’d just start serenading them), when Taehyug stood up as well.

Grinning, his boyfriend grabbed the microphone from his hands. “Hi, everyone. I’m Taehyung, I’m Jeongguk’s boyfriend and I got allowed to make the first speech tonight, ‘cause well- It’s easy, really. I’m a sucker for romance so I’m pretty sure I’ll cry during Jeongguk’s speech and I’d rather do mine before his.”

“Oh, then I’ll just-” Jeongguk went to sit down again, but Taehyung quickly put an arm around his waist.

“No, it’s okay, it won’t be long, you can stay here.” Taehyung kissed Jeongguk’s cheek, before turning to the newly-wed couple. “Jimin, Yoongi, you’ve always been like a … well, second and third father to me. I knew I could always come to you when I had problems and your home was always a home to me. You’re both perfect for each other and honestly, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you fight. You’ve raised two really great men, one who I always saw as my older brother and one … one who I love unconditionally.” Taehyung smiled brightly at Jeongguk, before turning to the newly-weds again. “Since I was little we said that we’re one big family. Even though we’re officially not, obviously. So-“ Taehyung turned towards Jeongguk and sank down on one knee. “I’d like to make it official.”

“What?” Jeongguk choked.

“Baby, I love you so much,” Taehyung began. “And I’ve loved you since forever. I wanna grow old with you and I wanna hold your hand on the way there. Park Jeongguk, would you please do me the honour of marrying me? Very legally?”

“I-“ Tears welling up in his eyes, the younger choked again as Taehyung pulled a little satin box out of his pocket. “Yes, of course, hyung.” Immediately he sunk to his knees as well.

“Thank god,” Taehyung laughed nervously, before pushing the ring on Jeongguk’s finger with shaking hands. “Would’ve been very embarrassing otherwise.”

Jeongguk giggled and reached out to cup the elder’s face, the ring cold against his cheek. “I love you so much. Can’t wait to marry your ass.”

Jeongguk is 22; Taehyung is 24.

“Oh gosh, I think I’m gonna shit my pants,” Jeongguk mumbled, pacing around the room. Namjoon, who was standing in front of the mirror and fixing his hair, shot him a concerned look.

“Please don’t,” he said. “You’re wearing a really expensive white suit. Please don’t shit on the suit.”

Jeongguk huffed and sat down on the little sofa, but couldn’t stop his leg from bouncing up and down. Smiling his brother sat down next to him and laid a hand onto the moving leg.

“I can sing in front of thousands of people at a concert, why is this making me so nervous?” the younger whined and buried his face in his hands.

“Because it’s your wedding. And because it’s Taehyung,” Namjoon replied. “You value his opinion more than anyone else’s. You’re scared he won’t like the wedding or your vows. Of course, you’re nervous.”

Jeongguk rolled his eyes. “Thanks, hyung. That helped a lot.”

Namjoon laughed. “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine once you have Tae by your side.”

“You’re talking as if you already went through the same. Who would’ve thought I’m getting married before you?”

“Actually, I knew when you and Taehyung first got together. I’ve been planning my best man speech ever since.”

Jeongguk snorted.

But Namjoon, as always, was right.

The second he took Taehyung’s hand at the altar, everything felt fine. He was still awfully nervous about his vows but he could see that his fiancé wasn’t feeling any better and that eased his mind. When the time came to say their vows, he even felt a bit relaxed, squeezing Taehyung’s hands tightly before starting to speak.

“I love you.” He grinned brightly at Taehyung. “I love you and I know you know that and I know you love me too. I loved you when I was two and was overwhelmed by your affectionate self. I loved you when I was seven and you were my bestest friend in the whole galaxy. I loved you when I was nine and Byul was born and I swore to myself that I would never let anything bad happen to either her or you because you are both so precious to my heart. I loved you when I was ten and you told me you liked kissing boys, which honestly just made me more curious than anything. I loved you when I was thirteen and I was so so confused because I knew I wanted to kiss you but that would mean that the kids in school were right for throwing food at me. I loved you when I was fourteen and finally found out that you loved me just the same. And I didn’t care that my classmates didn’t stop shoving me. I didn’t care that the called me names and said that I had a disease. I didn’t care because I knew I wouldn’t have to spend the rest of my life with them, but I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I loved you when I was sixteen and we spent my birthday in a hotel room in Seoul. And I loved you when I was seventeen and let you go.

I regret some things in my life. I regret not auditioning earlier, I regret believing appa that cauliflower tastes good, I regret that one night I drank so much vodka that I vomited onto my carpet but I never, never regretted sending you to America. It hurt a lot and I know you suffered too, but … I don’t think I’d appreciate you being my side as much as if we didn’t spend those years apart. But believe me. You’ll never have to be alone again. I'm here by your side. Forever.”

Taehyung sniffled quietly, wiping the back of his hand over his face, knowing that he had to say his vows next. “D-do you remember when my parents were getting married?”

Jeongguk nodded. “Yeah,” he breathed.

“Well, you know I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. It was the very first wedding I ever attended and I was just so blown away. I loved everything. I loved the flowers and the food and everyone celebrating love. So naturally, I began wondering about my own wedding. I made a list then and there and it’s honestly a bit embarrassing that I still remember what I put on there. I wanted a big wedding, really big, so big I’d need to rent the biggest room I knew. And I wanted the prettiest flowers in the entire world. I wanted them everywhere. I wanted to wear a really pretty suit and I wanted to wear petals in my hair. And I wanted there to be lamb skewers because I knew how much you loved them. And I wondered about who I would marry. Actually, I talked to eomma about that. We were dancing and I remember me asking her who I would marry.” Taehyung let his eyes wander to where his parents were sitting. Yujin was already quietly sniffling into a tissue. They both exchanged a small smile before Taehyung looked back at Jeongguk. “And she told me that I would love that person very much before saying ‘maybe Jeongguk?’ and I know now that at that point it was meant to be a joke, but … I was looking at you in your pretty suit and knew deep in my heart that I’d love that. I’d love marrying you, I’d love being yours. And it took us a few years. But here we are. I’m marrying you, I’m yours and you're mine. Forever.”

“I'm so sorry, Taehyung. I know you pictured this differently,” Jeongguk mumbled, the sun setting beautifully behind his back. “I know you can’t wait to have kids and believe me, I want them too but … my career as a singer just started two years ago and I'm getting more and more famous every day. I want to write a few more albums and I want to have a world tour and I want so much more … and I feel like there would be no time for a baby. I don’t want to leave you alone with him or her and I want to see them grow up too. I don’t- I don’t want to miss their first steps or first words just because I'm away on tour. I just-”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Smiling Taehyung cupped Jeongguk’s face and kissed him softly. “You’re right, I’d love to have a baby right this second but do you think I never thought about your career either? I know how much you love what you do. And god, we’re so young, we don’t need to have a child immediately right? I’d love to go on tour with you if you wouldn’t mind? Let’s travel the world, before we settle down, yeah?”

Jeongguk nodded, leaning his forehead against Taehyung’s. “Yeah. My contract ends in five years. Let’s think about children then.”

The elder pecked Jeongguk’s nose softly. “Yeah, let’s.”

Jeongguk is 27; Taehyung is 29.

Nervously Jeongguk chewed on his lip, watching the woman look through the documents on her desk. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that it was finally happening. That they were sitting here at the adoption centre.

Taehyung, on the other hand, wasn’t much nervous, no, he was thrilled. He was squeezing Jeongguk’s hand so tightly, it probably hurt the younger. But he just couldn’t hold in his excitement. He knew that they wouldn’t walk out of here with a baby, but it couldn’t take too long till they would have a little one just for themselves.

So yes, his heart almost stopped when the social worker in front of them told them it would probably take a few years until they could adopt.

“B-but,” he protested quietly. “Is there something wrong with our documents? Are we not qualified enough?”

“Oh, no, dear,” the woman replied quickly. “Everything is fine, but you gotta know that the waiting list is very long.”

“Oh.” Taehyung looked down at his lap. It was now Jeongguk’s turn to squeeze the elder’s hand reassuringly. The woman sighed quietly, obviously trying to figure something out. Jeongguk watched her curiously. She seemed to be not much older than them. Did she have children on her own already?

“Okay, so,” she finally spoke after a few minutes. “I could get fired for even talking to you about this in our first meeting, but it seriously breaks my heart that you are more than qualified for this and still won’t have the chance to adopt soon. There’s a second waiting list, we call it the ‘emergency list’. You see, sometimes even couples who want to adopt get cold feet. Sometimes they get the call that their baby is born but they find themselves not ready or something changed and they can’t take the baby anymore. So, before calling foster parents, we call someone on that emergency list. On that list are couples, who are willing to take the place of the parents who can’t take the baby for whatever reason. It’s a bit like a random baby generator. When you’re on that list, you don’t know what kind of baby you’ll get. But judging from your documents, you don’t have any high expectations. Unlike some couples, you don’t care if there’s a chance that the baby grows up super intelligent or talented in certain areas.”

“No, we really don’t have expectations like that,” Taehyung interrupted. “We just want to give a home to someone who needs it.”

“I hope you know, that if I put you on that list it will still take a few months since the list isn’t short either and fortunately not that many couples get cold feet.” The woman gently smiled at the couple. “But I think, that’s okay, right?”

“Yes, yes, of course!” Taehyung exclaimed. “Oh god, that would mean so much to us.”

Jeongguk nodded in agreeance. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome, darlings.”

It’s five months later that Jeongguk gets a call in the middle of the night.

Grumbling he picks up the phone. “Hello?”

“Hi, it’s me.” It’s Sora. The social worker who had accepted their application all these months ago and who had stayed in contact with them since then.

“Oh, hi,” Jeongguk mumbled, his mind still muddled with sleep. Taehyung who had woken up as well looked at him questioningly. The younger mouthed the woman’s name at his husband. “What’s up?” Immediately Taehyung was sitting up.

“Is it happening? Is it happening?” He scrambled to get his ear on the phone as well.

“I’m sorry, it’s really early right now, but I just got a call that a couple opted out and now I’m on my way to the hospital and-“

“Oh my god, it’s happening!” Taehyung exclaimed. Quickly he got out of bed, trying to take off his pyjamas at the same time as pulling on a sweater. “It’s happening!”

“Should we come to the hospital too?” Jeongguk asked, still sitting in bed.

“Yes, of course, it’s just- well-“

“Is something wrong with the baby?” Jeongguk asked alerted. Taehyung abruptly halted in his movements staring with wide eyes at Jeongguk from the other side of the room. “Are they sick? I’m sure we could pay the medical bills. We don’t- We would manage.” Taehyung nodded quickly in agreeance, still standing frozen with one leg in his pyjama pants and one in his jeans.

“No, no everything is fine,” Sora laughed. “It’s just that they are twins and we never talked about that possibility.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk breathed before looking at his husband. “Hyung? You up to raising twins with me?”

“Oh my god!” Taehyung let out a relieved laugh. “Of fucking course.”

“That’s a yes, Sora-ssi. Just send us a text with which hospital and which room and we’ll be there.”

“No problem.”

One hour later Jeongguk and Taehyung were standing in front of the hospital room in which the mother of their children was supposed to be. They had just had a talk with Sora on how they would handle everything. The twins were to get out of the hospital in a few days and in that time the couple would do all the paperwork needed for the adoption and get a second set of baby equipment – since they were only prepared for one little human after all. But first, they needed to meet the mother and the babies.

Gently Jeongguk knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Taehyung and Jeongguk were a little surprised to see a very young woman lying in the hospital bed. “Are you the couple who will adopt the twins?” The woman’s eyes lingered a bit longer on Jeongguk, probably trying to remember where she had seen him before.

“Yes, indeed.” Taehyung being the social butterfly he was, immediately got himself a chair and sat down next to the bed. “My name is Taehyung and this is Jeongguk.”

“My name’s Jieun.” She was still staring at Jeongguk. “You’re a singer, right?”

Jeongguk nodded. “I am.”

“So … you’re rich?”

Taehyung laughed quietly, finding the woman’s bluntness adorable. “Yes, we are.”

The woman paused a second before speaking. “Thank god.” Now Jeongguk had to laugh as well. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be materialistic, it’s just- One of the main reasons why I can’t raise the boys myself is that I just don’t have the money to give them a happy life and now I can be sure that they will be spoiled.”

“The boys?” Only now they realised that the babies weren’t with their mother. “Where are they?”

“They’re being checked by the doctors. But they seemed to be healthy, no worries. I took good care of them."

“Of course you did, Jieun-ssi,” Taehyung reassured the young woman. “You did a great job. It takes a lot of courage to give them up for adoption, too.”

“I don’t have any choice, really,” Jieun mumbled. “I still haven’t graduated, my family isn’t very wealthy or supportive and their father just left me in the dust. He doesn’t even care about their sons. I wish I could give them what they need, but all I have is my love and I know that it can’t pay the bills.”

“Oh, darling-” Before Taehyung could finish his sentence, the door opened and two nurses pushed two beds into the room.

“Here we go, two healthy little boys,” one of them smiled. “We’re gonna leave you to it. If you need us, just push the button, yeah?”

“Do you wanna hold them?” Taehyung asked Jieun but she shook her head quickly.

“No, but you can. They’re yours after all.” Taehyung looked questioningly at his husband, but Jeongguk seemed to have a little panic attack seeing how tiny the two boys really were. Gently Taehyung picked up one of the babies and cradled him in his arms.

“Hey, there,” he whispered, watching the little boy blinking at him slowly. Big brown eyes stared up at him and Taehyung could feel himself tearing up. Jeongguk stood behind him, looking over his shoulder at their son.

“Look,” he said quietly. “He’s got a mole on his nose. Just like you.”

Taehyung let out a choked sob. “What a coincidence.” Jeongguk noticed Jieun watching them fondly.

“You know, Jieun-ssi,” he started softly. “If you would like to … we wouldn’t mind staying in contact with you. We could send you pictures or videos. And if you would feel ready, you could visit them. We don’t mind having you in their lives. You’re their mother. Of course, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. You could also just be their godmother or an old friend of us who visits them from time to time. We don’t want to cut them out of your life completely if that’s okay with you.”

“Aren’t you scared, I’ll want to take them from you?”

“We trust you,” Taehyung replied. “I can’t imagine the pain of having to give your children away. But I know you’re smart enough, to not try anything stupid.”

“I-I’d love to be part of their lives in some way,” Jieun said quietly.

“Did you give them names?” Taehyung asked a few minutes later when he had convinced Jeongguk to hold the other twin as well when he started squirming in his bed.

“I … I did, but I wanted to let you name them, so I didn’t tell the nurses anything.”

“What did you call them? Maybe we like the names too,” Taehyung assured Jieun smilingly.

Jieun fiddled nervously with her blanket. “I thought of Minjun and Minhyuk, but-”

“I love them,” Taehyung interrupted her immediately. “You, Gukkie?”

Jeongguk nodded. “Weren’t those on our list as well? I love them. They fit them well.”

Taehyung smiled gently at his husband. “They do.”

Jeongguk was 34; Taehyung was 36.

You see, after seven years of parenting, Jeongguk was used to being woken up by a child. He was used to the little hands patting his cheeks and shoving his arms. But what he wasn’t quite used to was four children jumping on him, when all he wanted was to just sleep.

“Wake up, wake up!” Grumbling Jeongguk blinked his eyes open, finding the face of his son only a few inches away from his. He leaned up to peck Minhyuk on the mole on his nose.

“’m up, hyuk.” Jeongguk tried to sit up slowly, but that turned out not that easy since he still had four children on top of him. “Guys, I’m up.” It was times like these when everyone was trying to wake him that Jeongguk wondered why in hell he agreed to adopt twin girls only 3 years after Minhyuk and Minjun were born.

“Good morning!” Soojin singsonged and wrapped her arms around Jeongguk’s body. Okay, scratch that. Jeongguk knew exactly why they had adopted Soojin and Yeojin.

“Appa said to wake you up,” Yeojin added from where she was sitting on Jeongguk’s thighs. “Breakfast time.”

“Alright,” Jeongguk sighed amused. “I’ll get up, but you need to get off me, okay? How about you go tell appa I’m up?” Enthusiastically Minjun, Soojin and Yeojin scrambled up, running out of the bedroom – hopefully not falling down the stairs. Only Minhyuk stayed, his arms wrapped tightly around Jeongguk’s neck. The man laughed silently while trying to stand up without letting Minhyuk fall. He couldn’t expect anything else from their little koala. Even though he was one of the oldest, he just loved cuddling too much and loved being carried even more. It reminded Jeongguk a lot of Taehyung when he was younger.

“Hyuk-ah, you're getting heavy,” he laughed and gave his son a kiss on the cheek, as he walked down the stairs.

“Sorry, papa,” Minhyuk giggled and buried his face in his father’s neck.

“Oh, look who’s finally up,” Taehyung greeted his husband when he lastly arrived in the kitchen. “Did you get enough of your beauty sleep?”

“Good morning to you too.” Smiling Jeongguk put Minhyuk down, before walking around the kitchen island to kiss Taehyung and Hwayoung who was sitting on the elder’s hips. Younghwa was their latest addition to their family only being half a year old. “Did you wait with breakfast for me?”

“As if,” Taehyung laughed. “I made the kids cereal, which is also exactly what you can make yourself too. Only Hwayoung didn’t have breakfast yet, but I’ll give her a bottle in a second.”

“Well, I’m sorry for making you wait anyway,” Jeongguk sighed while getting himself a bowl for his cereal. Often times they were both too lazy to cook in the morning, so cereal was a common breakfast in their family. Especially the kids didn’t mind. “Did the girl twins wake you up at 6 am again?”

“Oh no, they slept in for once. But Minhyuk had a nightmare so he crawled in our bed at that time. The rest was up at like 8 am, so we had breakfast and read a few books together.”

“You could’ve woken me up, you know?” Jeongguk protested around a spoonful of cocoa puffs.

“I’m pretty sure you were up till 2 am writing songs.” Taehyung caressed Jeongguk’s cheeks fondly, before putting Hwayoung down in her high chair. “It’s okay, I know you’re busy at the moment.”

Smiling Jeongguk grabbed his husband by his waist and pulled him towards him. Giggling Taehyung put his arms around the younger’s neck. “Gosh, I love you.”

“You gotta give him a kiss, appa,” Yeojin intervened excitedly. Taehyung giggled again, before pecking Jeongguk on the lips.

“No, a big one, appa. Do the big one!” Minjun almost fell from his chair, trying to cheer his parents on.

“Well, if you say so.” Cheekily Taehyung cupped Jeongguk’s face in his hand and pressed his lips on the younger’s, kissing him for a few seconds. Jeongguk laughed against his lips. “Ugh, I love the big kisses.”

“Mhm, me too.”

Jeongguk took a few seconds to just look at Taehyung, who had turned to make a face at the kids who had been watching them both intently. He loved Taehyung. He loved him so much. And he was so glad he had somehow ended up here. He couldn’t remember meeting Taehyung when he was two years old. But he remembered everything his family had told him about that day he just wouldn’t stop running away from Taehyung.

And gosh, was he glad he stopped running.

And I'll be eighty-seven, you'll be eighty-nine
I'll still look at you like the stars that shine in the sky
Oh, my, my, my